Your Breakthrough Is In Your Presence

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How do you deal with uncertainties? Life is full of unknowns.

God often surprises me by destroying plans I had, even for Christmas. I might have assumed something but then those plans are easily pulled away from me. This week I woke up with horrible vertigo and puking. Yes, it was awful. I thought I was going to die and I prayed really hard. The sickness came and went, tried to come back again, but finally left.

I was grateful. It humbled me as well. Sickness is humbling. It reminds you, you are fragile, weak. 

I felt that the puking was like a cleanse to the negativity in my life. I realized it also stemmed from my not eating when I would get hungry. Deep down, I had some insecurities about my recent inability to exercise and was afraid that I was gaining weight. But I think deep down I felt that I was not good enough. 

During my time in bed, I kept hearing “you are good enough, you are enough” over and over again. In my inability to do anything, I soaked in God’s unconditional love for me. I was reminded that I had been trying to figure my life out again, even by planning my days, I was trying to control my life. I wasn’t handing over the reigns. 

Soon enough God heard my prayers and my mom actually took me to this Chinese medicine woman who gave me a diagnosis and some herbs. Soon enough, I was also alone again. This time a little disappointed that I would probably spend the holidays alone. I didn’t really understand what was happening.

I know that 2017 is a year of alignment, but even in those days where I’m writing, painting, watching Elementary, I’m wondering what my life will even look like soon.

What no eye has seen,
    what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”[
    the things God has prepared for those who love him- 1 Corinthians 2:9 

But today as my flesh and mind finally let go of plans and the need to KNOW, I went to the movies (which always calms me down), cried my eyes out watching Moana and Collateral Beauty (good for emotional cleansing, the movie seriously left the whole movie theater room sniffling), and then in following my desires for some food and boba, was led to divine appointments with strangers. One lady I met when I asked her about this hat I wanted to buy, I said “just to make sure, this is the English flag right?” and then I continued the conversation by asking if she was Irish and she said German. Well, since I was born in Germany, we had no lack of conversation.

Our need to know always ruins the moment doesn’t it? In the story of Adam and Eve, that is what ruined their life at first….the need to know without the relationship with God, which is based on trust. We are unable to live in the moment, to see all the beauty and love around us when we are in our head, figuring every detail of our lives out.

I remember when I was dating an ex, we went to an Italian restaurant in Santa Monica but his mind was absent. The bill was over $100 but I could have stayed at home, watched netflix and ate mcdonalds for $5. It wasn’t about our surroundings, how delicious the food was, or even how romantic the ambiance was. I thought the food was okay, but my ex said it was a waste of money and that the food was horrible. To be honest, if I was eating by myself, I would have enjoyed everything a lot more. His energy totally killed my vibe.

His mind was somewhere else and I was unable to connect with him. 

We can truly enjoy the moment when we choose to be grateful, to notice the miracle around us. Everyday is a gift. When we are present we are able to connect with the people who are around us. That is one of the reasons I love traveling because I am usually present. I see the world with wonder, everything is new to me and I am not thinking about anything else. I don’t plan either, I usually allow spirit to lead me to the right place at the right time. I follow my bliss, I follow the adventure. When I am tired, I sit down at a cafe and observe the beauty around me. By being present I meet the most wonderful people.

When I was in London, I ate at a market in Brixton and met this girl. She asked if she could share the table with me. Turns out she worked at the Globe Theatre and she invited me to watch a play with her. I was truly grateful because she gave me free tickets and I had made a new friend. I was reminded that God was watching over me in every step of my journey backpacking through Europe. I have thousands of stories like this, divine appointments I call them.

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Giving Thanks For the Pain

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Thank you to all my subscribers and readers who have silently read my blog and liked my posts. Although I have disabled comments, I do invite you to contact me in other ways, such as my instagram- rebekkalien.

Yesterday I was just thinking that I am so grateful for all the pain and shit I went through in my life. Though I could not understand it in the moment and often used to blame my parents (one who was absent for 10 years) for my dysfunctional heart, I grew up very fast and learned that forgiveness is everything.

  1. If I didn’t move to two different countries after Germany, I would not be the world traveler that I am today. I can adapt anywhere and my mind and heart is open to change.
  2. I didn’t have a fatherly voice in my life, but I grew very close to God, who I could not see but could talk to and feel. I became stable within.
  3. After immigrating, my family experienced financial hardships, but it was in the hardship I learned to find my worth. I didn’t know how to be a child and never got allowance, which I later complained about….my own desire for independence led me to see how hard it is to do it on my own and I reconciled my familial relationships. With a heart to know my earthly father, I reached out to him several times. It took several years of visiting him to forgive and love him, but I needed to do it for myself. I could have complained about it for years, but God moved me to be the initiator. It wasn’t my fault that he wasn’t around, but how could I love myself in this situation, to let go.
  4. I realize that my parents are perfect for me because I don’t know a lot of Asian parents who allowed their daughters to travel solo. Because they could hardly control me, I did what I wanted to. My mom also backpacked Europe when she was young.
  5. I’m thankful for the pain and battles I’ve been through as an entrepreneur. I remember crying on my bath mat because I was barely scraping by. The mat was purple by the way.

I can look back now and say, wow, I was brave, I was a warrior. I’ve learned so much and I am thankful for how far I’ve come as a person.

What pain are you thankful? What do you need to release today? Who do you need to forgive, for you own heart?

Daily Surrender

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The beauty of life actually lies in the act of daily surrender.

As crazy as people say I am, the more I live a life of surrender, the more I realize how limited my thinking is. I cannot begin to comprehend how God works and that is just the beauty of it. I’m dumb as fuck compared to God. 

Life becomes enjoyable when we admit that our wisdom is beyond limited and God’s unimaginably creative and mind blowing.

By letting go of control, we get to partner with God in creating art out of our lives, to feel deeply each emotion, to play, to have fun, to create a rich life of love.

I am lost for words, sometimes unable to even express the plethora of emotions that is in my heart. I will go days feeling the tensions and not knowing how to face my truth.

It is in admitting “I don’t know why that happened, why nothing happened according to my preconceived notion of what should have happened, and why I even had that notion in the first place’ and maybe that I’m disappointed, scared that life is unpredictable, uncontrollable….

That my heart can finally release it’s grip.

It is okay that I don’t know.

It is okay that I may have been disappointed, but I want to continue learning how to surrender to God’s infinite ways of life.

Nowadays, grace is not so popular. Not knowing is so unpopular, there is an answer for everything. But I don’t always know what is going on and I’m okay with it. God’s got it, God has it figured out, He knew me before I was born.

I might not know where I’m going geographically even in the next month, and it upsets people. They want to make plans with me, but I can’t. My loyalty isn’t to them. My loyalty is to God. Make plans with me in the next week, but after that, I don’t know where I’m going. If I feel RIGHT about something, I will commit to doing it, but if I don’t feel RIGHT in my heart about it, I won’t. I have an inner compass. Being loyal to your vision makes you uncontrollable, free. 

So don’t feel bad that life didn’t go the way you predicted, perhaps your get married by 30 plan, career plan, etc. Life is better in a daily act of surrender. Surrender never felt so sweet.

(pic above is in SF, my mom and I went on a last minute trip).

An Afternoon With A Feather Hatted Stranger

The best days of my life is when I take a risk, a chance to talk to a stranger and walk away, an hour, two hours later with awe of how good God is. Today I decided to go to Starbucks and I was truly filled with joy. I got my coffee for free because the barista charged me the wrong amount. I was in glee! Second of all, I saw an old man with a wild hat with feathers and an American flag and he was drawing. 

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I was filled with courage and decided to go talk to him.

A normal person walking by would just look at him and think “what a crazy old man”, but to God, people are beautiful and unique. To me, I know everyone has a story. 

The story that I heard this afternoon touched my heart. A son that passed away, living at YMCA, a man from Chicago, relocated to LA. A professor of writing, published books and have yet received any royalty checks since, this man deserved better.

I got to know a beautiful soul today and even had the opportunity to pray with him as he was having nightmares. The joy I feel when I can help someone with their lives….gosh, I would not trade a zillion dollars for it. Because when two human beings connect on that level, it is simply divine, spiritual, beautiful. 

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It’s like everything fades away and we are in a spiritual realm, becoming who we really are, divine beings.

Thank you God for the opportunity to be a blessing to the outcasts. Your heart is for the poor, broken, the homeless, the hungry, the outcasted. Even when I sat there with him, I could see the stares of strangers…

I used to be like them, too busy to notice anything. To be aware that we are spiritual beings, to be conscious, to WAKE UP. 

But after I dedicated my life to love, community and freedom, I was able to slow down and sense the heart of God again. I’m not a fighter, I’m a lover. And we need more people in this world that will take a risk, take time out of their lives, get out of their head, stop worrying and love someone…just because.

Loving is listening. How can we listen to those that desire to be loved?

XOXO BEX

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Making Life Happen

I wish I can tell you that life is easy, life is simple.
It really isn’t.
Today I feel stuffy, almost sick but not.
I’m drinking tea and I took an allergy pill which made me completely zoned out for 2 hours.

Today something really significant happened.

I decide to make life happen instead of wait.
I was sitting there waiting for my free haircut at a women’s conference.
Lord knows how long I waited, then something in me clicked.

Despite being zoned out, completely out of it, I felt my body jerk up and my feet started walking. I walked up to the director and told him that I knew someone and worked with some people he knew. Immediately, I was VIP and so was my friend.

The moral of the story, sometimes we wait for things to be given to us, actually all we need to do is think creatively and act upon it.

Being in your mid – twenties, it is pretty interesting. You see life ahead and you see what you passed. Relationships and friendships are interesting. Everything is like a highlighted note in your memo. Relationships can be difficult, not flowery like the disney movies. Friendships can be conditional, based on what you can give, sometimes not what you can take at all. You realize, as you grow up, that kids are a lot funner to hang out with.

Kids tend to laugh and smile to anything they want. They say what’s on their mind without thinking. They are the sole expression of themselves. For us, adults, it gets a bit complicated doesn’t it?

There tends to be some kind of agenda. So my word for today, be a kid. Be genuine and be blunt even when it’s socially awkward. Of course, think creatively and ACT.

Speaking of being a kid- watch me on Let’s Make A Deal. I’m the kimono geisha. 

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The Most Beneficial Painful Experience Ever

So I made a few bucks on Ebay and thought, I have to get this much needed massage before I leave for Australia.
I go right and pray “please Jesus guide me to the BEST masseuse there who can get my knots out”.
The one I usually go to was not there, so this other lady named Linda gave me a massage.
She said there was something very wrong with my spine, I have “career disease” because I sat too long in front of the computer. She continued to push this really PAINFUL place in my neck and I started feeling woozy.
The next hour of massaging was like….giving birth, it was so painful yet for some reason, when I got up, all the colors of the earth seemed clear, brighter!

She was like, you need to stop using the computer for so long! I remember I have a curved spine and was thinking, “I’m 23, and I already have so many problems! I need to start eating right so I can live long!”

A goat I saw in Taiwan. “OUCH that massage hurt like giving birth!!! I’m ready to give birth!”

 

 

 

Fundraising For My Love Journey

Hello Folks!

If you have wandered upon my page, you will know, I am different, unique….interesting maybe? Different.

In less than 3 weeks I will be backpacking in Australia. My goal is to love each person that I am “divinely” appointed to meet. This could be a sales rep, a waitress, a business man, the flight host, a DJ, an artist, an accountant, dancer, volunteer, homeless folk, anyone really. How will I do that? I will be their friend. If this world is lacking something, it’s definitely lacking friends, or people who are willing to STOP their agendas, their work, their goal of making lots of money, to listen to someone that needs to be heard. 

To donate: https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=3S4Y8WMEAVLWC

How Will I Love People- I will first and foremost listen.

I will also be be-friended and inspired by those that I meet. As you know, I am currently writing a memoir that will transform communities. It is a unique story about my life, but also a live journal that I am currently writing – based on the present future. It seeks to touch hearts, change hearts, and bring more beauty and healing into the world.

Here’s where I need your help and your investment. As a hippie who has quit her normal 8 to 5 job, I’ve been living off noodles, 99 cents store cabbages, selling vintage clothes on ebay, and well, the mere necessities. I’m not really living the glamorous life, but I’m so grateful because I have all the LOVE that I need in my friends and family.

That’s all I really need. 

THE CATEGORIES  & THE NEEDS FOR MY JOURNEY OF LOVE:
$10 – can feed me for a day (minimally if I ate bagels and water)- Note US exchange rate sucks. It’s 1.10 US to 1 AUD. $15 is preferred if you would like me to be healthy. 
$21 – can house me for a night @ a hostel- where I usually make friends with
$200- pays for buses/transportations for a whole month (I think….)
$70- pays for a one way flight ticket to Melbourne from Sydney
$100- pays for a one way to West Australia
$560 – houses me in hostels for the whole month
$1258 – pays for my roundtrip flight ticket
I swear if ONE person donates, I will seriously cry because I know that I am NOT a nutcase and really have people behind me!
 
Click DONATE to contribute to My Journey of Love! Whatever you SOW, you will surely REAP. I know this because I’ve seen it in my own life! Going on this trip was a risky decision, but I dare not stop supporting my ecuadorean boy and the orphans in Moldova. I will keep supporting those that need it and have faith that God will provide all that I need! 🙂 

Click here! https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=3S4Y8WMEAVLWC