Grace of God in West Hollywood

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“Whoever blesses you will be blessed” I woke up to God saying that to me. He showed me that there is a blessing for blessing the fatherless.

I have this heart heat rash.

He says “don’t be afraid of love”.

I met a Christian, I meet a lot of Christians who tell me they don’t go to church, they believe in God, they are spiritual.

Yesterday a new friend I met was defending me. “She’s a virgin, she’s not like that”. A man approached me and was trying really hard.

He goes “I want some pussy”.

My heart was grieved.

I was already disappointed.

Our society has come to this.

I’ve grown a lot. Obviously it hasn’t always been easy to know what I deserve. But I know now. As I know my promise of marriage is coming, I sense the momentum and climax of promise. People are attracted to Jesus in me and I am a witness for Him.

I had three guys hit on me yesterday. One, a guy slipped me a note and said I was pretty. Two, a friend’s friend. Three, a guy I had met before on the streets of West Hollywood.

I am reminded all of them are God’s children and there is a reason they are attracted to me. I am learning to treat them with grace, and not the harshness of the world.

Whenever I am disappointed in men, I am learning to keep my heart open and pray for them even more. We live in the wild wild west of LA and there are a lot of spirits out here, but to have a friend defend me means the world to me.

I have made pretty incredible friends out here in West Hollywood. Remember I told you God said “this land is yours?” I went from not knowing anyone to gathering the Lost Sheep. I’d be alone and I would wait in line and God would arrange for me to meet someone. Sometimes I’d break the rules and invite people to eat with me or ask people who were alone to eat with them. I’ve gotten yelled at so many times for breaking the rules.

The truth is- love doesn’t have rules. Love breaks the rules.

People are not evil. People have wounds and baggage and they just want love. I’ve learned to see past the evil. 

Give to this ministry- Thank you! God bless! 

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Letting Go Of Toxic Relationships

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Photo by Simon Migaj on Pexels.com

I feel like I’m suffocating

Like I’m drowning

I care for you and I can’t breathe

But I feel like you are a speck in the ocean slowly moving away

Walking away

I cry in silence

Sometimes loudly

Bawling

Yet you seem to feel nothing

And so I fade into the distance, I allow my heart to suffocate into the background

This is a familiar feeling

When I knew it was ending but I didn’t want to let go

I silently screamed into my pillow

I had given my all

And yet it was not enough

I’ve paid my dues, this time I’ll learn to let go faster than before

I feel like I’m drowning

But I can’t hear myself speak

I try to speak but words won’t come out because I still want your security even when it is false

I almost cried hearing his story

He walked away, angry, never crying

He said.

If I said how I felt, it wouldn’t be enough, what is the point, his pride would get in the way

This time, I’ll let go faster than I did before

So my heart does not suffocate from lack of air.

This time I’ll let myself be happy instead of pay a fine

This time I’ll walk out scotch free, this time I’ll choose myself, instead of pleasing him.

This time I’ll better myself by freeing myself

This time, this time.

And you’ll call me crazy, ridiculous, any words, any words.

But I hope you look in your heart and see that your refusal to be in touch with your heart is only a curse on your own soul.

Whoever he was, he is, they are all the same, the same lessons. They keep coming, they come in the form of tall and short, green or blue eyes, brown, they are all the same person walking in the same lesson.

Will you listen to your heart this time?

Or will you scream into the void?

Will you empty yourself until you have nothing left?

Will you try to break down a brick wall with your bare hands? Bloody and torn, those hands made to hold you, now depleted, destroyed.

He didn’t know it was coming last time, but it came like a storm and broke his cold stone heart, he wept for the first time. I broke his heart and it took years.

I didn’t know I had to let him go to open his heart, that was the only way to go, not to hold onto him, but to let him go.

I used to give all of myself to love someone, even if I only got 10% back.

I used to think it was my fault that someone wasn’t able to love me back, but I realize that some people have a small cup that cannot contain my bucket loads of love. 

My job is to find someone who can pour back into my buckets, instead of feeling depleted giving constantly.

I made the first move to reconcile with my dad after 10 years of not seeing him. I flew thousands of miles and hours to see him. Slowly we reconciled. I would fly back again after 2 years, more and more but every time I would be sad to leave, sometimes I was disappointed. Last time he couldn’t take me to the airport because he had a migraine.

No matter what, nothing seemed to be enough. Nothing I did could open up his heart to me.

So I would give all of myself to love someone, and most people only give back 10%.

What I learned is, find those who are willing to give love to you. 

I used to think it was my fault that people didn’t open up to me, that people didn’t love me, that my dad didn’t show love to me.

But I realize no, it’s not my fault. I tried my best and now I have to teach my heart to move on. I moved on from my dad, my mom, from my brother, from exes, from past friendships and I still learn to move on as I speak up and keep honoring my heart.

I kept trying to get love from people who didn’t have any to give.

And I realize very little people have that emotional capacity to express love.

God send me people that know how to express and give love without fear. I don’t have fear for fear has to do with punishment. Guide us into the right direction, to people who have love to give.

I stood up for myself this time. I spent 2.5 years allowing my heart to die to be with someone 6 years ago. I then encountered a man that reminded me of my ex. I had to learn to let go faster than I did last time. Because the same red flags came up. God will send the same type of person so you’d learn to stand up for yourself this time around.

The same situations will come up until you learn to overcome them and confront your worse fears.

Give to this ministry- Thank you! God bless! 

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I’m scared that if I get close to someone they will leave me. 

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This was a super impromptu “photo shoot” that I had in the moment at Pacific Palisades.

How deep do you want to fall?

We all try to protect our hearts. We call it “being wise”. We disappear. We ghost, we don’t communicate how much we care, we act like we can be disconnected from our hearts.

“I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want to get hurt”.

That’s our excuse. Sky high walls around our hearts. It’s better to not be happy, then be happy for a minute or a moment. 

We try to cut things short because maybe we won’t feel it, any kind of pain.

But it’s inevitable.

I remember the pain of leaving my 10 year old students in China or each mission trip I took. I built deep friendships with the people I hung out with. Everyday I felt my heart being broken. But does that mean I shouldn’t have gone? No. That’s what made the moments beautiful. 

You love them more in each moment.

The moments are sparkly. Vulnerability beautiful.

Hearts shining.

But we seem to pull back as humans.

It’s better to be defensive and cold than to show that we care.

I don’t want to live with a closed heart. I want to live with my heart wide open.

I went from having to turn down a guy, to kind of being turned down (even as a friend), to a guy trying to “protect my heart from getting hurt” to meeting a guy who wanted to treat me right but didn’t want me to “fall in love with him”.

These are all innuendos of “let’s not feel”.

The truth is relationships are complex and it’s hard to be cold-hearted. 

But we have all kinds of excuse. 

I don’t want to hurt you.

I don’t want you to hurt me. “I’m scared to get hurt”.

I had a really clean cut idea of marriage and dating. I didn’t understand why I had to date. “What’s the point God? Especially if he’s not my husband?” 

2 years ago God showed me a tinder account swiping left, and I heard “get ready”.

I never really understood why I had to go through so much dating wise, even before. Other people seemed to have it easy. They just met their husband and that’s it. But no, me???? I’ve had plenty of boyfriends, I’ve had summer/winter/fall flings, I was definitely not the typical church-goer.

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I’m a romantic. I used to draw comics and write love stories. Each boyfriend was a potential husband. I wrote impossible scenarios of grand romantic gestures. 

But those were not always the type of men I met. Some were just lewd, sketchy, perverts. The only way I found that I could protect my heart was to not sleep with them (so I have managed to save myself for marriage). But do not get me wrong, I’ve had my share of physical experiences.

I didn’t grow up with my dad, I shut down my heart whenever I would leave Taiwan (after a visit).

“It’s better to not feel, then to feel any love for someone who will leave me”.

That is how I protected myself. But that’s how I became disassociated and disconnected emotionally. 

Through this dating process recently, the Lord showed me how I would disconnect to protect myself. A part of my personality would shut down because my heart was bracing for the heartbreak, the separation. I would sense how I became distant, indifferent. I would stop laughing, I would stop being entertaining or happy. I would become quieter, pensive. I wouldn’t say what is on my mind.

“It’s going to end anyway” my heart would say.

“Why bother? Why try?”

I couldn’t allow myself just to be happy, because there was some pending “doom”. 

People think that if they just disconnect or not feel, then they’d protect themselves from pain. 

But I realize that pain is powerful, it allows our hearts to know that it matters. 

That person or moment or season of my life was beautiful, powerful, lovely.

Why can’t we be okay with that?

We avoid pain at all costs but we also miss the beauty of it all. 

The life, the riches, the moments.

After spending time with someone the Lord led me to yesterday, I felt this strange ache in my neck. My heart felt numb and unfeeling. I didn’t know why. I woke up in the middle of the night and started crying. My heart was scared to feel.

I’m scared that if I get close to someone they will leave me. 

Like the other friends who disappeared from my life, will this one leave too? That’s what pushed me away from forming deep friendships for awhile. And even if I did, I couldn’t communicate through the pain of certain conflicts. It hurt too much. I had people betray me, but I also cut people off.

When people are good to you, you doubt it. This is too good to be true. Am I really safe? Or are they judgemental? Will they snap at any minute?

I’ve met nice people recently, and I think they’ll stay that way, but one comment triggers them to react and my heart will fear. 

“I’m not safe” my heart will say. “Go home” I’ll think.

God has been leading me to people who are lonely, rejected, wounded, I mean that is my ministry. At the same time, I find myself trying to guard myself from feeling for them.

“Get down and dirty, feel each moment, feel each feeling, no matter how uncomfortable it feels. Cry and laugh. Don’t be afraid of love”.

Love is not just happiness and roses, love is also the pain of separation. I talk to many singles about dating and they often use the excuse of “I’m just loving myself”. This may be true for a season but the prophesy that the Lord has been telling me is “tell people to open their heart and come out of hiding”.

Tell people to be vulnerable, to tell their truth. 

It’s human nature to hide out of shame, unworthiness, guilt. But when we expose our truths, we know that we can truly be loved for who we are, not what we do. 

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Some people may find me too careless to open my heart but that’s just how God has made me. I have to have an open heart everyday. Sometimes I’ll have fear in my heart and I won’t want to take chances or step out in faith but God will lead me to be courageous.

Yesterday He said “ask for a ride” and just as I was about to get the bus I saw a car pull up. The car had a baby in it. The driver was Catholic. She sped up and dropped me off where the bus was. My heart was still hesitant right? Immediately I met a guy with tattoos who was quiet. I started talking to him. I know most people find talking to strangers intimidating but when people open up to me, I feel encouraged.

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Eventually I got to Pasadena and I saw this woman walking around with her suitcase. I asked if she needed help and she said “no”. God said “follow her, ask her if she needs help”. Eventually I realized that God was trying to tell me not to be afraid of rejection.

Because I needed to tell a guy my truth. The truth was “I am not physically attracted to you”. I tried to explain it a few ways but I realize that I couldn’t. I had to be honest. I was emotionally attracted but not physically attracted so I used “you’re not usually my type” as a way to avoid the truth. But he thought that I would eventually realize he was the better option, opposed to the other guys that I was seeing (whom he considered bad boys).

The truth is hard to hear sometimes, but it does set us free. We want to take care of peoples’ hearts but we really can’t. Only God can, God has peoples’ hearts in His hands.

I felt guilty and bad for having to be honest. I hate hurting people, but closing a door allows them to move on. 

Maybe I’m too honest, or maybe I overshare. But I live in freedom. I’m an artist, I’ve been created to express myself.

I’m not a saint, I’ve been saved by grace. I’m not perfect, only perfect by the blood of Jesus.

Would you consider giving a contribution or donating to this ministry? God leads me to divine appointments everyday, I pastor people who are unconventional, who have been rejected by the church or by their parents, some are drug addicts living on the streets, some are just really isolated people who have no friends, some just have high walls up in their hearts. Many of them I prophesy for them to go home because they have a fear of being rejected by their parents….most likely they have already experienced lots of rejection from their family. I was like that myself. But God taught me to speak up to my mom and tell her how I feel, without a fear of rejection. It’s never really become easy though. I’ve just grown in my capacity to have patience and love for her.

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Let’s Talk About Dating!!!!!

When I was young, I was taught that God will just bring your husband.

You just had to sit there and wait.

LOL.

But what God has taught me in the last few years is that when you have triggers and issues related to men (for me) since I did not grow up with my dad and had many fears about marriage— God will graciously bring what you need to heal those wounds.

God has brought me many divine appointments to show me that there are good men out there. He has taught me how to communicate and relate to a male. He has shown me why some males have trouble communicating their emotions and what they struggle with.

Here were my fears –

  1. That someone will disappear and walk away (a fear of loss).
  2. I felt that people didn’t care about me, and instead of conveying how they felt….they disappeared (again).
  3. That if I got emotionally close to someone and it was a male, they had to be my future husband….because if I got close to someone who wasn’t my husband then well, they’d end up liking me or vice versa…and that was ultimately bad…since you would have to separate from each other. So better not to take the chance. And also because I had a close guy friend that I thought liked me, but ultimately got a girlfriend (so I read the cues wrong but God protected me).

What I have learned to do in the last years-

  1. Tell a guy if I liked him or was attracted to him. Be vulnerable and tell him how I felt even if he did not like me back. This has helped me to overcome any fear of rejection. 
  2. Tell a guy if he was not my future husband and brace the reactions, even if it was bad.
  3. Tell the truth at all times. 

So I think churches don’t teach that stuff at all. 

Churches teach “avoid” at all costs. They don’t teach honesty. They don’t teach people how to confront issues and bring up the issue. What I learned from church was “just avoid dating. Only date the guy if he’s going to be your husband”.

Dating is really about getting to know a person. If after a date, or a coffee date….he is not what you’re looking for, it’s okay to tell the truth and move on! Perhaps a lot of people are scared to date because they’re scared of rejection or getting their heart broken.

Dating isn’t about avoiding the truth, it’s about telling the truth! Some people are scared to date because they’re scared to hurt someone….so they just disappear or ghost and there are a lot of unresolved issues because of that. 

I’ve seen that the more honest and direct you are, the better.

Some people settle because they think “this is good enough”.

But you deserve the BEST! 

So why not put yourself out there. It’s not about getting it right. It’s about living in freedom and expressing love.

I have told plenty of people that they are attractive or that they are kind and loving. I have told people that they are amazing. Why not? And I’ve been vulnerable too, and I’ve been hurt. But why live with fear?

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Grace For Straight Men

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I realize I have more grace for gay men than straight men. Oh, they’re fun, they’re relatable, they don’t hurt me.

There you go, they don’t hurt me.

Straight men do. 

They follow me while I’m walking on the street, slowly creeping up in their car.

Gay men hug me and tell me that they love me. They celebrate me, they freely give me compliments. They don’t try to sleep with me. There you go, it’s safe.

Straight men don’t give compliments that freely. They don’t tell you how they feel, they suppress their emotions. Then 2 weeks later they text you after you told them “you’re not my husband, I’m sorry, but I have to move on” and tell you “I want you”.

I felt like a piece of meat, a commodity.

I felt dirty.

Ew. Is that what I am?

It feels gross. Some people might like it, but I don’t. I want a guy to tell me how he feels. I want a guy to say “I really appreciate that you care for people, I appreciate how you persevere in spite of challenges, I admire your boldness, I admire how fearless you are, I love the way you follow God without hesitation, I love your personality, I love how you’re not afraid to be vulnerable”. 

I don’t want him coming at me 2 weeks after I already told him goodbye – “I’m physically attracted to you”.

You can be attracted to anyone! How am I different then? 

I have told people that I am waiting until marriage to have sex, yet they still come at me like that. I AM NOT GOING TO CHANGE MY MIND! 

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!

So I realize that a lot of the men I meet remind me of my dad, something, a little thing, it could be so little, but sometimes so big….like drinking, and then calling me while drunk, to me it’s disrespectful. There’s a lack of respect there. Or even needing to drink to relax or to say what’s on their mind. I mean I used to drink a lot more in my twenties but God has healed my heart so that I don’t need alcohol to cope.

I KNOW IT WAS GOD! GOD SET ME FREE!

But what I want for my husband, that’s a different story.

Because that’s who I am going to be with for the rest of my life. They have to come as is.  Not an addict, only an addict to Jesus, vulnerable, says what’s on his mind, a great communicator, gentle, patient.

Of course he’s not going to be perfect, but I want him to treat me like a gay man would. He would hug me and says he loves me, and he wouldn’t just want me for my body, but for my soul and spirit. He could have 5 hour conversations with me.

Here’s the test, how emotionally and spiritually are you actually connected with the guy you are with? Can you talk hours on end about similar hobbies, about how you feel, about God, about cultures? Or is it simply about sex?

Because I see too many people connecting on a physical level really have no spiritual or emotional connection.

God designed us to be loved for who we are, not what we can give of ourselves physically. WE ARE NOT TOOLS OR COMMODITIES, we are valuable sons and daughters of God. We are kings and queens and we deserve to be treated like it!

We live in a “get off” society that has no patience to talk through the hard conflicts and difference. We are easily offended, we block and unfriend. Trust me I have been there. 

Now, don’t get me wrong. There are probably a lot of people on your facebook friend list that don’t need to be your friend.

Your inner circle should be people who are on the SAME LEVEL or who is going the same way. Have grace for people of course but stick with people who are headed the same path.

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Thank you for the straight men who have shown me that not all straight men are creepy. Some of you have really shown me that there are good men out there. Thank you for those that sow into this ministry and heal my heart of father wounds. Thank you for those who love me with purity, as a father figure. 

I realize straight men have been taught to be tough, but you don’t have to be…it’s in being vulnerable that you’re able to show the men and women in your life that God’s grace is what upholds you.

You are allowed to cry,

you are allowed to have emotions.

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The Bachelorette

Rebekka5

Hi friends!

First off, if you’ve ever wanted to talk to me, had questions, want advice or coaching on spirituality, romance, love, issues, overcoming anxiety and fears, finding your life direction, career paths, dating, etc or if you just want to chat!….I am doing sessions from 12pm- 2pm pacific time. (TODAY, February 19, 2020)

Book A Session

See you soon! There are 8 sessions available. 

I really hate dating sometimes.

My heart feels tight, I woke up crying. My mom wanted to go to Ikea but I didn’t want to. I just wanted to be alone. I needed to feed my heart and I didn’t want to respond to her nagging.

I went on a date with this guy, he was Christian too. He was a great guy. We talked about God, it was amazing.

But his level of faith wasn’t in par with mine.

That was the dilemma. You need to make sure he is called to the same life purpose. I’m called to deliver people from demons, fears, bondages, I’m called to follow Jesus, and I’m dedicated to Jesus. I’m not a half Christian who just goes to church, I’m listening to His voice on the daily. 

I could lie to myself and lie to him, but I’m too old for that. I’m 32. I’m looking for my husband. 

The truth really does set you free. Sometimes people play around with their truth. They like a person, there is chemistry, but there is no alignment. 

  1. Does he have the same purpose and calling as you?
  2. Does he love Jesus the same as you, or is he just following your faith?
  3. Does he have the same values as you.

I hate having magical moments and suddenly….you’re hit with reality.

OMG he’s not it.

I actually told the guy that he wasn’t it before we went on the date and he said later on that he thought I said that because I felt pressured.

We had some really deep talks.

I was crying at one point because I got really scared of getting hurt…the truth hurts sometimes, but it will definitely set you free.

DATING SUCKS SOMETIMES.

BUT YOU LEARN how to communicate your truth, you learn what it is you want, and you learn not to compromise your energy and your time. You also learn to be vulnerable and to speak your truth at all times. 

BE BRAVE.

Sow a seed, thank you for your partnership in setting people free! 

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If you have any questions, want to chat or need coaching, click below!

I am doing sessions from 12pm- 2pm pacific time. 

Book A Session

See you soon! There are 8 sessions available. If you can’t talk today, please add me on the app anyways as I will be providing more sessions. Love, Rebekka 

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Even If You Are Heart Broken, You Are Whole.

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How about ‘Open Your Heart- Come Out of Hiding’ as a 2020 resolution

Tell someone how you actually feel
Tell them they hurt you
Tell them you love or like them (even if they don’t reciprocate or don’t feel the same way)
Tell them what your heart was too scared to tell them

God will bring people to trigger you. You may want to be in the comfort of a womb, to be in control, protected…but often times we are protecting our hearts from love because we have been wounded.
It may feel annoying, you may not feel like talking to anyone, you may be wondering why a stranger is talking to you, you may start to feel anxious because you are holding the anger in, you may want to stay asleep and someone wakes you up with noise, you may wonder why someone is attacking you verbally, you may want to crawl in a hole….

But this is all good for you…

I don’t want you to be alone,
I wan’t you to be loved.

Leave me alone you may say,
But I will never leave you alone.

I feel utterly out of control but learning to let go of control and let love in. To respond authentically, not how I should, but how I really feel.

Love is scary.

You may tell someone how you feel and they may reject or judge you, they may lash out because they’re hurt. 

In the last few months I have been telling people how I feel. Sometimes people yell, sometimes they’re hurt, sometimes they respond well.

I never know what to expect. I’ve been severely hurt and wounded. But I’m learning to speak my truth.

I’ve told people that I loved them, that I liked them, and it was not reciprocated.

People have told me they want to have a relationship with me, and I’ve told them I don’t see a future.

I told my mother that it hurt that she told me to stop crying instead of comforting me when I broke up with my boyfriend at the age of 15.

I thought it was wrong to be sad. But I’ve learned sadness is part of life, we need to embrace each emotion, not skip it or say next.

Love is not love if you are only accepted at your best emotion, Love is love when you’re allowed to be yourself at each moment- emotional, sad, angry, bitter.

God accepts us whatever state we are in.

Even then we are enough.

You are whole. You are not lacking. There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. You are righteous. Even if you are heart broken, you are not lacking, you didn’t lose a piece of your heart to someone, you are intact.

Remember that vision church teachers gave you? When you’re in love a part of you sticks onto that person, well the truth is grace means you are whole however broken your heart feels. You didn’t lose yourself, though it may feel like it. 

You are still whole,

you are still enough

because of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross.

You didn’t waste time, you didn’t lose yourself, you are still whole. You didn’t do anything wrong. You are on the right path, don’t live in regret, forgive yourself.

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Here’s a fun shirt I saw at the mall, it made me laugh.

I love you all.

Podcast: https://anchor.fm/rebekka-lien
Instagram: https://instagram.com/rebekkalien

Give a gift to this ministry, thank you!

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Cashapp-gugibabu

Monthly Partnership- https://rebekkalien.blogspot.com/ Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ!

MY TESTIMONY– https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my

 

Love Is Not Kept, It Is Experienced

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I heard God say “Love is not kept, it is experienced”.

Sometimes when we lose someone that we loved in our life, we feel like something is missing. You were never lacking, you just experienced love through this person.  You loved and you were loved. That’s divine.

Today I was going to uber somewhere and it malfunctioned. It was already noon and I hadn’t eaten breakfast or lunch. I decided to take the bus.

When I walked to the back of the bus I was surprised to see a guy I previously met on the bus and ministered to. We talked and I started to feel anxiety because he kept talking about how everything is lacking. I tried to encourage him and I heard God say “don’t try to change him, just get to know him”. Well, how do I do that God when he is speaking from so much lack. I tried to tell him how I backpacked 30 countries and how there is so much in the world, dreams, visions, I wanted him to see the possibilities and not to just live for his grandparents. He would even say “well I don’t go out because then I have to spend money”.

I tried to tell him how I felt, he was like a brother to me. I realize I have the habit of trying to fix someone and I know it’s not my job to, God wants me to understand relationship, it’s about just being with someone. Love is about understanding and accepting where people are at in that moment. You need to love yourself in that way too, wherever you are, whatever state you are in, accept where you are.

The next bus I transferred to had a mentally unstable man. He had a spiderman web tattoo on his hand and AWOL tattooed to the top of his eyes, under his eyebrow. He was talking to himself.

I heard the Lord say “pray for him”, but I kind of didn’t want to. There were other people on the bus across us. Finally I made some comment. I looked him in the eye and asked what his name was. He became normal all of a sudden, I guess that is what human contact does.

He said he does meth sometimes when he is depressed, it helps him clean out.

I asked if he knew Jesus and he said not really. I prayed to cast out the spirit of suicide. He bowed his hands and put his hands together like a prayer emoji. People were watching us.

I finished praying and then he said “can we make out?”

I said “no”.

He said “I can see Jesus looking at us, smiling, saying ‘I am so proud of you two'”.

Then he started to get off the bus, he said “I love you Rebekka”.

I said “I love you two”.

He’s like “this area is just full of crime and stuff”.

Then he was off.

I felt warm in my heart. God, I know I complained when you told me to pray for him, but I get it now. It’s love. Love is to be experienced.

Sometimes we don’t want to put ourselves out there, because it’s scary, but love is to be experienced.

When you’re hurt by someone, it doesn’t mean they took anything from you. You were never lacking. When you’re hurt, when you lose someone, that’s all that is. Life.

Then more love will come, from God, from people, through people, but they are conduits of love, not someone to be kept (to be locked down, to be controlled). They are children of God, images of God, reflections of yourself.

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So while God has been bringing me to different men, to meet, to talk to, to minister to…there are some I am actually attracted to, and I find myself closing my heart because I don’t want to get attached in anyway knowing they are not my future husband…but I realize, it’s not about that, it’s about simply opening my heart to love.

I’m scared that I’ll lose someone and they’ll just disappear, like my dad.

I’m scared that I’ll get attached and suddenly they are not there anymore, and then I’ll have to feel pain. I hate the feeling of pain, no one likes pain. But that’s the beauty of love.

Experience every emotion, and then move through it. Don’t avoid the feeling. Don’t run from it. Embrace it, and then love again.

Don’t live in regret that you got hurt by someone, or that you chose to love someone….

Everything you experienced was love.

Sure, you may not have married your high school sweetheart but every person you loved was an experience of love.

Love is not kept, love is experienced.

I experience love through every stranger I meet.

Sometimes I am deeply hurt by people I minister to or are friends with. Sometimes their words pierce my heart and I want to cry. I do cry. Sometimes I weep. But all of that is my human experience, love experienced.

I never lacked anything or anyone. I don’t lose anything when I lose someone I love, because they were simply an expression of God’s love to me. 

In that way I don’t have to regret any experiences of hurt or love, I don’t have to regret even hurting myself. I learned from it, I learned to love myself.

You don’t have to be afraid of love my friends, open your heart, you will get hurt but you will be loved too. 

You may not be part of my life forever, but you are here to show me a part of God’s love. I receive that and I can freely give love too. You are not taking away anything from me. You are simply receiving love from God through me. We don’t own anyone, we don’t own our family or our friends.

This way, I can freely release you when it’s time to, if I have to. I can allow you to love whoever you choose to love. And when I lose you, I know God will send others too.

When I meet my husband, I can love from a place of abundance knowing I never lacked anyone or love, that I was always whole in God’s eyes. 

Congrats to those who are getting married soon by the way 🙂 Love you!

Give a gift to this ministry, thank you!

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Cashapp-gugibabu

Monthly Partnership-

https://rebekkalien.blogspot.com/

Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ!

MY TESTIMONY– https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my-testimony/

Love Letter From God

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Here’s a letter from God….to me, but It’s also a LETTER TO YOU.

Dear Rebekka, or (Dear YOU),

You are so strong. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for trusting me. And even when you didn’t, thank you for being my daughter.

Thank you for your honesty, thank you for sharing your heart with me.

You are the best gift anyone can offer me. I own the world, but I covet peoples’ hearts. I covet your whole heart. That’s all I want. Your heart. Thank you for entrusting your heart to me.

Thank you for persevering even when the fire got hot, even when the battle seemed like it would never stop. Thank you for clinging onto me, and trusting me. You know the battle never lasts right? You have come out golden. 

I’m removing the dust, and the scars, pretty soon you will be brand new. You’ll hope again, dream again, don’t give up. You’re my biggest joy, when I see you smile, I smile too. You are the love of my life, you know?

I just want to bless you continuously. That’s my heart for you. I’ll never take from you, even if I take from you, I’m meaning to bless you more, in multitudes.

You know I will NEVER judge you right? Because Jesus was already judged and punished for your sins. I will never get mad at you, yell at you or condemn you.

I don’t see fault or sin in you.

My dreams are to flourish and prosper you. It’s already there, you are already enough. You are golden my dear, you are so precious to me. You are everything that I hoped you would be. I am so proud of you.

You know you are the whole package right? Right now, you lack nothing, you are shiny, golden, enough, whole, pure, bright, radiant, beautiful. You never lacked anything or anyone. You became whole when you said yes to me, so that I only see Jesus in you, you are the perfect image of God.

You know I would never criticize you or yell at you?

I would only encourage you. Because you are perfect in my eyes.

And I may say a few things to wake you up, because I know you’re hurting yourself. A father would never allow their kids to get hurt. I give you freedom to run and be free. You are allowed to do what you want and desire. Follow your heart.

Be free, fall, fail (though there is no such thing as failure because you are still perfect and righteous in my eyes), and get up with me. Hold my hand so you don’t get lost. Never stop holding my hand.

I love you so dearly. You are the apple of my eyes. I have many more love letters for you and I hope you read them one by one, I hope you listen.

Humans may never give you the love you need or want, but my love will overwhelm you for good. But never stop listening, never close your heart. Your heart is a muscle that needs practice. Love is not always easy, but you can always fall back into my arms. It’s easy to rest in me. It’s easy to rely on me. 

All you have to do is let go of control, let go of self- condemnation.

You’ve done enough, you’ve loved enough, you’ve been battered but you’re enough.

You don’t have to try so hard. Let me love you. 

You’re enough.

There is no where to go but here, there is nothing to do but be. You are enough.

I long for your intimacy, an open heart. Tell me the desires of your heart, tell me how your heart aches and tell me if you’re mad at me. Tell me everything because I can take it. That’s how I long to know you. I want to walk with you.

I’m so excited to show you the beautiful things I’m going to reveal to you. I’m going to surprise you when you least expect it. Keep your eyes on me. Your dreams are not dead, they are alive and well. 

My timing is perfect, you are not late, you haven’t missed it! I am just on time!

You don’t have to do a thing to make me love you, I loved you since and before you were born. You are enough as my child. No need to perform or to achieve for me, no need to try or do more. I want you to rest knowing I’ve got your back, no need to look for success. You are a success. 

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I am so proud of you dear,

God

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Growing up, I did not feel safe with my mother as she was constantly reprimanding or yelling at me. There were few words of encouragement and I’ve had to confront her about it to get her to be more encouraging. Even saying “I love you” was difficult when I got older.

Then going to church, I was constantly told that I needed to do more, serve more or be more loving. No one actually told me that I was whole in Christ Jesus. No one told me that Jesus’ work was actually complete, it was a complete payment for my iniquities and shortcomings.

When I left that church God started to teach me what grace actually was.

He taught me that I was a child of God and that I only needed to rest to learn what it meant to receive from God. I was constantly working for God but never received from God because I was working for what I had versus freely receiving. 

When I learned to rest in His finished work, I started to learn what it meant to be a child. However, it came with a level of persecution that I did not expect from people. 

You are God’s child, not an orphan, not a slave, not an employee.

To partner and give- thank you for your love and support. I could not have done it without your support this year. Thank you to the friends that I call family now. I love you all, Rebekka.

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Monthly Partnership-

https://rebekkalien.blogspot.com/

Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ!

MY TESTIMONY- https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my-testimony/

How To Deal With A Guilt-Tripping Mother

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New conversation with God added-

God– she’s not your responsibility

Me– it feels really heartless to leave her when I know she’s in need of care and love

God– only I can give her what she needs

Me– but what if she’s not going to you for it.

God– she will when you get out of the way.

As you know I talk about my mother a lot. She doesn’t like me writing about her but I feel like it helps people. Of course I don’t let her read them. A writer vows to tell the truth at all times, so here’s my truth.

I’ve included a video to help you.

It’s the holidays, how many people are guilt tripped to do what they DON’T WANT.

Questions to ask yourself-

  1. What season am I in? A season of rest, work, or healing? Your priority isn’t to live for someone else but to live for God and what God has told you. So if your priority isn’t to please your mother or family right now, it’s important to set boundaries and not succumb to spending every second with them.
  2. Whenever someone ask you to do something, walk outside and ask yourself if it’s something you want to do or if God has called you to it?

How to Deal with Guilt-tripping mothers or people-

1. Do not submit to what they ask of you out of guilt!

2. Explain why you don’t want to do what they ask of you. Don’t get angry back, just explain.

3. Keep NOT SUBMITTING

4. Be able to have a real talk with them about how it makes you FEEL when they do specific things like give you the SILENT treatment. “It makes me feel guilty when you don’t talk to me, you have to tell me how you’re actually feeling, can you communicate honestly with me?”

5. ASK them what they are feeling. Even if they yell eventually they will break and tell you what they’re ACTUALLY GOING THROUGH. Maybe they are afraid of the unknown, they are unsure about their life right now, maybe they are scared of being unemployed right now, or they have personal fears they are not letting you know about. 

How people act towards you usually has nothing to do with you.

People have issues, people get triggered.

Now say out loud-

I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, there’s no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.

Things you NEED TO KNOW-

  1. It’s NOT YOUR FAULT IF someone is mad at you.
  2. If someone holds a grudge, it’s also not your fault. Because if you apologize, they may still hold that grudge.
  3. You are doing the BEST YOU CAN. Now it’s another issue if you never admit fault.
  4. YOU ARE NOT CREATED TO LIVE FOR or PLEASE YOUR MOTHER, FATHER, FRIEND or EVEN HUSBAND/WIFE! 
  5. There is a responsibility to TAKE CARE OF YOUR EMOTIONS or GO TO GOD for emotional support. Then there is going to people and telling them WHAT YOU NEED from them. 

a. For example I like to be loved this way- touch, texting, calling, gifts, spending time, etc.

b. Express what you need….I need alone time.

c. Ask what they need to feel loved.

6. COMMUNICATION IS EVERYTHING! And finally YOU CANNOT FULFILL EVERY DESIRE AND NEED SOMEONE HAS, only GOD can! Be okay releasing them to God for what only God can do for someone! 

Prayer- God today I release that person into your care and love. I cannot love them the way you can. I release all control of their heart to you. I release my anxieties to you as well. I am not in control. Only you can love them the way they need to be loved. It is NOT my responsibility to take care of them, it is yours God.

It’s important that you don’t become the person someone relies on all the time, because then you take the place of God in their lives.

Consider giving to this ministry this Christmas! That people may be set from from guilt and condemnation through the materials I produce on Spotify, this blog and digital content. Thank you!

https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

https://anchor.fm/rebekka-lien

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