God Wants To Break Down Your Walls

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I turn 33 on February 11! In just two days!

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The biggest breakthrough I HAD THIS WEEK was I reached my dad after 2 years of him not responding to my calls on Facebook messenger. He said some hurtful things but I decided to reach out and keep talking to him and expressed how I was hurt. Of course his response was not what I wanted to hear, but my mother WAS THE SAME WAY!

So don’t give up on communication, keep going.

I’m really making progress and I realized why I had to go on many dates….it’s because I didn’t really know how to express my feelings to men. I knew how to express myself to my brother, but growing up I didn’t feel an emotional connection with my dad.

You may feel like that too….some people have their dads but never express how they actually feel to them.

I encourage you to be courageous and breakthrough!! Your feelings are valid!

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Moving Forward

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La Jolla

“You’re going to forget me in like 2 weeks”

I’m like no. I kind of ended things with someone I was seeing and we agreed that there are several factors that weren’t aligned.

One was the fact that I was waiting until marriage to have sex and he wasn’t in a position to get married anytime soon.

Strangely someone from more than a year ago gave me a call on snapchat. I don’t usually have the app open. I picked up. I had blocked him on all social media because I needed to move on. I could not move on if I kept talking to him. It’s like codependency right?

I grew up with this concept that I needed to stop talking to exes completely.

And it is true, your heart needs to start over. 

As much as we want to keep friends with people we were romantic with, sometimes we just need to start over and “WEAN” off people.

Like I’m weaning off people in my life, to start over and meet new people. 

Don’t look back. Move forward.
It hurts, it hurts but when you talk things out in closure, you realize that it is true, things aren’t aligned and you need to meet someone who has the same values. 

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Prophetic -Wedding Dream

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The last couple of days I’ve had several prophetic confirmation of marriage.

Last night I had a dream about two friends that are married. I had a dream I had to get to a wedding, an appointment and it was almost 8pm, but I wasn’t sure what time my appointment was. I also had another dream about my friend who is engaged. I asked what time my appointment was. I then took down a book I never read and it was a book I gave my brother Isaak about marriage engagement. I opened it.

Yesterday the Lord impressed on my heart to rent a mustang convertible (as you know recently I was verbally attacked by a company and was rewarded some rentals, but I asked to get the mustang for an additional fee). I had my hair dyed too.

The top was not completely down (and the car started warning me by blinking lights) so I exited the freeway near Beverly Hills. 

I saw a Jewish owned cafe and saw a man inside. I was about to leave but I heard God say “eat here”. I said okay God. I parked and went inside and heard “he’s a lost sheep”. I asked if he was Christian and he said he grew up mormon. I was feeling really numb because I felt really disappointed by the dating process. I’d meet a guy and I’d know he is not the one. I told him how I felt and started crying.

He said “that’s so weird because I got married in a mustang convertible and my wife had blue hair like yours”.

I was in shock.

Before that I heard the Lord say “go to San Diego”. I called a friend trying to see if we could meet but he was a bit wishy washy and suddenly I really needed to use the restroom. I exited and found an outlet. It was 7:30pm. One store was closing at 8pm. I talked to the girl and it turned out she was Christian. She said she had been married for 5 years. She encouraged me and said that I was going to meet my husband. I tried on a few dresses and the Lord say to get them. The brand was called “final touch”, which reminded me of the dream the night before where I was preparing to go to my friend’s joy’s wedding.

I got in the car and felt led to call my friend Anna. I was on a date the night before when I saw her walk by with her husband. She looked at me but didn’t recognize me because I had dyed hair, it was blonde and the base for my hair dye. I wasn’t sure if it was her. However when I asked the waitress what her name was she said “Anna”. Anna is my birth name, it’s actually my middle name on my birth certificate. My aunt decided that didn’t suit me and asked my parents to name me Rebekka.

I messaged her that night and it was HER.

When we talked she told me she had been married for almost 5 years, the same number of years the clothing store staff was married. 

That night the Lord told me to go to the Abbey and I saw a girl sitting by herself. I went to join her and she was also Christian, of course. I proceeded to talk to the bartender and he was Christian, then I talked to two girls and they were Italian and Christian too.

I said the bartender was cute, and she said “yah I know and he is Christian too, he’s my ex from 2003”.

As a prophet I see signs in everything. I felt the Lord saying “it’s all coming back”. It is coming, your promises, don’t be disappointed or discouraged. It’s coming SO MUCH faster than you think.

Yesterday in my dream I was way closer to my appointment than the dream from the night before, but I felt this frenzy of “what’s the exact time of my appointment”. But my friend who is getting engaged held my hand and said “it’s going to be okay”.

It’s COMING – I PRAY THE LORD PUT SO MUCH JOY IN YOUR HEART AS YOU GO THROUGH THE PROCESS. I PRAY to cast out any discouragement in Jesus name!!!

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The man who married in a convertible and his ex-wife had blue hair.IMG_2306

Dance instructors and singers at the AbbeyIMG_2285

Woman I drove 60 miles to meet, married for 5 years from UkraineIMG_2310

God’s “final touch”. Are you ready??? IMG_2293

The girl who was sitting by herself

Proverbs 13:12

12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
    but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

Prophetic Word-

I feel like the Lord wants to encourage you. It’s time to come out of hiding and come back to vulnerability. There are people who are ready to talk to you when you’re ready. They are on the health route, it may not be easy and you may need to be vulnerable but don’t be scared. As someone who had been wounded by Christians, the Lord sent me to lost sheep to aid and help them. But God is bringing me back to people who are not “lost”. They need a prophetic word too, they need help too but they are able to offer Godly advice. As I’m getting closer to marriage, God keeps bringing married people into my life. I’m ready God, are you?

 

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I’m scared that if I get close to someone they will leave me. 

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This was a super impromptu “photo shoot” that I had in the moment at Pacific Palisades.

How deep do you want to fall?

We all try to protect our hearts. We call it “being wise”. We disappear. We ghost, we don’t communicate how much we care, we act like we can be disconnected from our hearts.

“I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want to get hurt”.

That’s our excuse. Sky high walls around our hearts. It’s better to not be happy, then be happy for a minute or a moment. 

We try to cut things short because maybe we won’t feel it, any kind of pain.

But it’s inevitable.

I remember the pain of leaving my 10 year old students in China or each mission trip I took. I built deep friendships with the people I hung out with. Everyday I felt my heart being broken. But does that mean I shouldn’t have gone? No. That’s what made the moments beautiful. 

You love them more in each moment.

The moments are sparkly. Vulnerability beautiful.

Hearts shining.

But we seem to pull back as humans.

It’s better to be defensive and cold than to show that we care.

I don’t want to live with a closed heart. I want to live with my heart wide open.

I went from having to turn down a guy, to kind of being turned down (even as a friend), to a guy trying to “protect my heart from getting hurt” to meeting a guy who wanted to treat me right but didn’t want me to “fall in love with him”.

These are all innuendos of “let’s not feel”.

The truth is relationships are complex and it’s hard to be cold-hearted. 

But we have all kinds of excuse. 

I don’t want to hurt you.

I don’t want you to hurt me. “I’m scared to get hurt”.

I had a really clean cut idea of marriage and dating. I didn’t understand why I had to date. “What’s the point God? Especially if he’s not my husband?” 

2 years ago God showed me a tinder account swiping left, and I heard “get ready”.

I never really understood why I had to go through so much dating wise, even before. Other people seemed to have it easy. They just met their husband and that’s it. But no, me???? I’ve had plenty of boyfriends, I’ve had summer/winter/fall flings, I was definitely not the typical church-goer.

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I’m a romantic. I used to draw comics and write love stories. Each boyfriend was a potential husband. I wrote impossible scenarios of grand romantic gestures. 

But those were not always the type of men I met. Some were just lewd, sketchy, perverts. The only way I found that I could protect my heart was to not sleep with them (so I have managed to save myself for marriage). But do not get me wrong, I’ve had my share of physical experiences.

I didn’t grow up with my dad, I shut down my heart whenever I would leave Taiwan (after a visit).

“It’s better to not feel, then to feel any love for someone who will leave me”.

That is how I protected myself. But that’s how I became disassociated and disconnected emotionally. 

Through this dating process recently, the Lord showed me how I would disconnect to protect myself. A part of my personality would shut down because my heart was bracing for the heartbreak, the separation. I would sense how I became distant, indifferent. I would stop laughing, I would stop being entertaining or happy. I would become quieter, pensive. I wouldn’t say what is on my mind.

“It’s going to end anyway” my heart would say.

“Why bother? Why try?”

I couldn’t allow myself just to be happy, because there was some pending “doom”. 

People think that if they just disconnect or not feel, then they’d protect themselves from pain. 

But I realize that pain is powerful, it allows our hearts to know that it matters. 

That person or moment or season of my life was beautiful, powerful, lovely.

Why can’t we be okay with that?

We avoid pain at all costs but we also miss the beauty of it all. 

The life, the riches, the moments.

After spending time with someone the Lord led me to yesterday, I felt this strange ache in my neck. My heart felt numb and unfeeling. I didn’t know why. I woke up in the middle of the night and started crying. My heart was scared to feel.

I’m scared that if I get close to someone they will leave me. 

Like the other friends who disappeared from my life, will this one leave too? That’s what pushed me away from forming deep friendships for awhile. And even if I did, I couldn’t communicate through the pain of certain conflicts. It hurt too much. I had people betray me, but I also cut people off.

When people are good to you, you doubt it. This is too good to be true. Am I really safe? Or are they judgemental? Will they snap at any minute?

I’ve met nice people recently, and I think they’ll stay that way, but one comment triggers them to react and my heart will fear. 

“I’m not safe” my heart will say. “Go home” I’ll think.

God has been leading me to people who are lonely, rejected, wounded, I mean that is my ministry. At the same time, I find myself trying to guard myself from feeling for them.

“Get down and dirty, feel each moment, feel each feeling, no matter how uncomfortable it feels. Cry and laugh. Don’t be afraid of love”.

Love is not just happiness and roses, love is also the pain of separation. I talk to many singles about dating and they often use the excuse of “I’m just loving myself”. This may be true for a season but the prophesy that the Lord has been telling me is “tell people to open their heart and come out of hiding”.

Tell people to be vulnerable, to tell their truth. 

It’s human nature to hide out of shame, unworthiness, guilt. But when we expose our truths, we know that we can truly be loved for who we are, not what we do. 

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Some people may find me too careless to open my heart but that’s just how God has made me. I have to have an open heart everyday. Sometimes I’ll have fear in my heart and I won’t want to take chances or step out in faith but God will lead me to be courageous.

Yesterday He said “ask for a ride” and just as I was about to get the bus I saw a car pull up. The car had a baby in it. The driver was Catholic. She sped up and dropped me off where the bus was. My heart was still hesitant right? Immediately I met a guy with tattoos who was quiet. I started talking to him. I know most people find talking to strangers intimidating but when people open up to me, I feel encouraged.

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Eventually I got to Pasadena and I saw this woman walking around with her suitcase. I asked if she needed help and she said “no”. God said “follow her, ask her if she needs help”. Eventually I realized that God was trying to tell me not to be afraid of rejection.

Because I needed to tell a guy my truth. The truth was “I am not physically attracted to you”. I tried to explain it a few ways but I realize that I couldn’t. I had to be honest. I was emotionally attracted but not physically attracted so I used “you’re not usually my type” as a way to avoid the truth. But he thought that I would eventually realize he was the better option, opposed to the other guys that I was seeing (whom he considered bad boys).

The truth is hard to hear sometimes, but it does set us free. We want to take care of peoples’ hearts but we really can’t. Only God can, God has peoples’ hearts in His hands.

I felt guilty and bad for having to be honest. I hate hurting people, but closing a door allows them to move on. 

Maybe I’m too honest, or maybe I overshare. But I live in freedom. I’m an artist, I’ve been created to express myself.

I’m not a saint, I’ve been saved by grace. I’m not perfect, only perfect by the blood of Jesus.

Would you consider giving a contribution or donating to this ministry? God leads me to divine appointments everyday, I pastor people who are unconventional, who have been rejected by the church or by their parents, some are drug addicts living on the streets, some are just really isolated people who have no friends, some just have high walls up in their hearts. Many of them I prophesy for them to go home because they have a fear of being rejected by their parents….most likely they have already experienced lots of rejection from their family. I was like that myself. But God taught me to speak up to my mom and tell her how I feel, without a fear of rejection. It’s never really become easy though. I’ve just grown in my capacity to have patience and love for her.

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Prophetic Word- Heart Breakthrough

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Why do we love who we love?

Why do we feel used?

Why do we love those who cannot love us back and why don’t we love those who can?

Why do we fear intimacy and why does love hurt?

Why do we hide and think that is love and care?

Why do we fear vulnerability?

God- I am here for you. If you will have me. If you come to me and drink of this never ending fountain. I am here for you, I will never leave nor forsake you.

Me- People scare me. They are one way one moment, the next they are monsters. They are unpredictable. They are scare me.

God- Don’t be afraid to love for out of love comes life.

Me- I feel that I will never find love that I deserve, for I’ve chased the type of love that is sick and twisted, the type of love that I have to fight for, that isn’t freely given.

God- you will find it, for you are love, you have found me. You have found love, you are love, as I am within you.

Me- I am love.

God- I have loved you from the beginning of time. If you are love there is no lack of love and there is an unceasing fountain of love, ready at all times. You are love, you are enough.

Me- How can I continue to love when I feel depleted?

God- Give yourself a break, it’s okay. Give yourself a break. It’s enough. From the beginning of time, I have been enough and I will always overflow in love. You were created to love and without love there is no meaning.

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Prophetic Word For Pioneers & Prayer For Healing

This is an intensive inner healing video to heal your heart. I pray it may heal your heart of all soul wounds.

You have a CROWN, you have a crown!

You stood by me says the Lord. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

It hurts, I know it hurts. I’m bringing revival and birthing through you. Be honest with me. 

I am bringing you up, bring it all, bring it all. 

You are birthing.

Pick up your heart, pick it up, express it all. Sing. Sing. Sing. Let it all out. So much. So much. Pick up the arrows and the swords, pick out, pick out the arrows that have been shot. Some of you have so many arrows in your heart. God is picking them out one by one, but don’t numb it, don’t numb it.

God is healing you now.

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Holy Spirit Confronts ALL Strongholds of Fear

Oh wow, okay. Where do I begin.

This morning I heard go to Downtown, but a part of me was like “should I go buy groceries and go home?” But I was like no just go. “I have not given you a spirit of fear”.

I met some people in the stores and then met a driver who was Catholic. He told me he had a bad marriage and his experience reminded me of my ex. I started to feel weird, it reminded me of what I subjected myself to.

When I got back to Alhambra I heard go to Pasadena. Fine, God. I jumped on the 260 bus.

It was already late…but suddenly there was a homeless man yelling in the bus. I heard “give him $1”. I asked what his name was and where his parents were. He said his name was William and his parents passed away 30 plus years ago. He was 40.

I said “you’re supposed to be an actor”.

“Oh yah, am I going to be on stage?”

I mean, his hands were dirty, he was yelling and cursing. I mean the more I prayed the more he manifested. Then I heard “unforgiveness” and said he needed to forgive those who hurt him.

I felt this warmth go up my lungs and started crying. I never felt such warmth, so visible, so strong. I could feel my flesh want to shrink but my spirit urging me. Pray for him, God said. I mean I am in a bus with other people.

I’m singing “Jesus loves you”.

When I got off the bus, I had to sanitize my hands so I went into a boba shop and told the cashier what I was doing. She told me she was also Christian. We talked a bit and then I went towards home.

I heard mcdonalds, so I went, even though I could have gotten Sprite somewhere else. The Sprite tasted too fruity. I got a refund, but I met a lost sheep. Someone who grew up Catholic. We talked for a bit.

I left, went to get real Sprite.

Now, I start hearing “ask for a ride”. So I’m looking around, where.

I suddenly see this young man playing with a drone. I ask if he is catholic and he says he grew up Christian but does believe in God. We walk, but then I ask for a ride. He drives me…That’s when his stepmom starts calling incessantly.

I told him to not go to the army, that he was called to be an actor. But that God is breaking off people pleasing. I see a vision of him with a dog collar and his stepmom with a leash.

Wow, God. I tell him how when I start to disciple and train people, they are often called to displease their parents to follow Jesus. And sure, it is hard. But they can’t bow down to any men (including their parents), they must stay firm when God beckons. 

Backbone. Or whoever, whoever God calls them to speak up to. 

There are systems, structures, demonic strongholds in place all over the world and these deliverers will stand up to the strongholds and knock down the bondages. 

I think back a year ago I would have been more conscious of people watching me when I pray for people on the bus, but now I’m not scared anymore.

I may have been scared of the demons oppressing a homeless person, but now I know no power is greater than the blood of Jesus.

Before I met the 20 year old, I felt pain in my stomach and had to cast out a spirit of infirmity that was trying to attack me. But suddenly as fast as it came, it went away. Praise God!

Sow a seed to this ministry. You will surely be rewarded! God bless you!

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Prophetic Word- Break Off The Yoke of Slavery

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
    He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
    he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,[a]
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.

THIS MORNING I FELT LED TO MAKE THIS VIDEO around 7am.

Today I met two specific people that I want to talk about. This man’s parents died and left an inheritance, but will not allow him to have it until he gets married. He said that when he was young, he gave $300 to his friend and his parents yelled at him for it, said he was irresponsible. So they passed away and would not give him his inheritance. So he was eating a sandwich out of a plastic bag and had these broken bags.

I PRAYED TO BREAK OFF THE SPIRIT OF LACK AND SAID THAT HE DID NOT NEED HIS PARENTS’ MONEY NOR A WIFE, that he was NOT LACKING in anyway, that when God sees HIM HE ONLY SEES JESUS! 

GRACE will enable him to see his worth.

He asked me “I have to read the bible to stay away from sin right?” I said “God has already cleaned you of all sin, you have no sin in you”.

I heard “rest in me, don’t strive”.

And then He will live out of overflow, not out of a place of feeling like he was not doing right or not doing enough. He was on his way to see a friend who constantly yelled at him, he even drew a card to apologize.

But I heard “YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HER HAPPINESS”.

Then on the way to Glendale (which is what I heard the Lord told me to go to)….I went to eat, then went into the bathroom of Capital One.

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There a woman was listening to Christian music. I yelled from the bathroom stall- “are you Christian?” She said “yes”.

She turned out to be a prophet as well, but was heavily accused and rejected by the church.

I SAID “YOU ARE ENOUGH”. She started crying. She was trying to prove herself, by speaking about prophetic things. But she said she was having a hard day and was praying the Lord would send someone to her, and God told me that morning “go to Glendale”. I’m glad I listened. She also heard the Lord say “you sing, you dance, you draw right? You sing on pitch”…God hears.

But I SAID “YOU don’t need to prove yourself to me, just be yourself”. I held her and we prayed on the street. 

OH happiness. Joy. God. BREAK OFF THE SPIRIT OF LACK accusing your children. Happy day, God. SONSHIP! OH YOU ARE ADOPTED BY GOD! YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD! OH YOU’VE DONE ENOUGH! I felt this Energy COLLIDING when I prayed with her. Powerful. 

I realize SO many Christians have very little idea of how to be loved by God, God is not a mean father judging you from heaven. He is not saying “omg she or he has failed again”.

GRACE means HE DOESN’T EVEN SEE IT. 

That empowers you to FOLLOW JESUS even more, with life, with gratitude. BECAUSE YOU ARE FREE! 

Sow a seed to this ministry. You will surely be rewarded! God bless you!

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YOU ARE FREE UNDER GRACE!

Be a hypocrite.

THANK YOU JESUS FOR FREEING ME!

I didn’t realize that I started to monitor my actions recently based on what people have said to me. People have questioned me and attacked me, it started to make me doubt and speak in a lower register (in terms of boldness).

I realize that I can’t be wrong because in God’s eyes I have been made righteous. So even if I was wrong, I can’t be punished for being wrong. I am free in Christ Jesus.

The result of your life isn’t dependent on your works, and how perfect you are, but by GRACE. Your dreams won’t come true because you’re super hard working or because you did everything right, it will be by GRACE. People aren’t impacted by you because of you, but because of Christ in you.

So if you start to put the burden on yourself to accomplish, achieve, strive, perform- you are starting to live from a place of the law, not grace. 

KEEP PUSHING FORWARD, I don’t CARE IF PEOPLE think you are crude, or unrespectable, or a little bit off, KEEP LIVING IN FREEDOM AND NOT PRETEND TO BE SOMETHING YOU ARE NOT. The religious spirit will tell you you’re doing wrong because you don’t fit into their expectations, but keep dancing!

2 Samuel 6:14-22

And David danced before the Lord with all his might, wearing a priestly garment. So David and all the people of Israel brought up the Ark of the Lord with shouts of joy and the blowing of rams’ horns.

Michal’s Contempt for David

But as the Ark of the Lord entered the City of David, Michal, the daughter of Saul, looked down from her window. When she saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord, she was filled with contempt for him.

They brought the Ark of the Lord and set it in its place inside the special tent David had prepared for it. And David sacrificed burnt offerings and peace offerings to the Lord. When he had finished his sacrifices, David blessed the people in the name of the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. Then he gave to every Israelite man and woman in the crowd a loaf of bread, a cake of dates,[b] and a cake of raisins. Then all the people returned to their homes.

When David returned home to bless his own family, Michal, the daughter of Saul, came out to meet him. She said in disgust, “How distinguished the king of Israel looked today, shamelessly exposing himself to the servant girls like any vulgar person might do!”

David retorted to Michal, “I was dancing before the Lord, who chose me above your father and all his family! He appointed me as the leader of Israel, the people of the Lord, so I celebrate before the Lord. Yes, and I am willing to look even more foolish than this, even to be humiliated in my own eyes! But those servant girls you mentioned will indeed think I am distinguished!”

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Religious spirited people hate it when you dance, because dancing has no rules or laws. It is free. It is an act of freedom. 

Sow a seed to this ministry. You will surely be rewarded! God bless you!

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