Testimony told at an open mic
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A Homeless Prophet Finding Home
I told my friend that I didn’t feel welcomed anywhere. I was overseas ministering all over the world, impacting lives, praying over thousands of people and telling them about Jesus but when I come home all I get is yelling and accusation from my mother. I wanted to rest but I started to find myself trying to prove myself, trying to do more because her constant nagging made me feel insufficient.
I felt homeless. Like I wasn’t welcomed anywhere.
So I felt like running again when I got home (LA). I didn’t have a home. I felt like a homeless prophet.
That has been the hardest thing for me. I wanted to go home but it didn’t feel like home.
So I started to see how God would bring me to people who were homeless or felt like orphans. My friend said she saw me teaching the gospel to orphans and I started crying.
Bring the lost sheep home, I’ve been doing that for 2 years and the aching in my heart 💜 is when I literally can now sit next to someone and feel what they are feeling.
I was on the plane and asked this Korean man if he was okay. He said “why? do you feel something?”
“Yes, you seem very sad”.
He said “well I am 49 and when you are 50 in Korea, everything goes down hill”. Even though he was also a Christian, his mindset was culturally Korean.
I said that is not true and I said that God was his provider and that He would take care of him. He told me that he is trying to be a good Christian and I told him that in God’s eyes He is perfect because of Jesus’ sacrifice. He had tears in his eyes.
My heart is for those who feel rejected and burnt out. I met a woman in Seoul who told me that she wishes she could go home to a normal family. She feels accused of when she is home so she decided to go to Korea for one year. She was cleaning the beds in the hostel. I could feel the pain in her heart because I felt like that.
I told her the next day that she actually wanted to go home. She said “of course but I cannot, I don’t feel safe at home”.
There are so many young people who don’t feel loved and accepted by their family. Another woman on the train told me she only sees her mom twice a year because they don’t get along. She said she doesn’t want to get married and she is okay living alone. She says she never goes out. I told her how I started to tell my mother how I feel and that it’s brought release and healing to my heart.
She became quiet, she looked at me. It’s like looking into a mirror. She nodded.
I can tell when I meet a wounded person, I can feel what they are feeling. And what will happen is that I will cry for them and with them. I know when I see a lost sheep, I know when I see someone who has been rejected. Because I am looking into a mirror.
I have a heart for the orphans, those who feel outcasted by their own family.
I know how it feels to feel unwelcomed in your own home.
I’m learning to be open and just tell my mother how I feel.
To the lost sheep-
I have not forgotten you. I am here. I am with you. You don’t have to do anymore. You don’t have to strive. You can rest with me. You don’t have to run, you are home with me. I love you very much, you are enough. While everyone will tell you you’re not enough, I will tell you, you are enough. Come home with me. You are home, you can rest now.
Jesus.
https://anchor.fm/rebekka-lien
Consider giving a donation to bring lost sheep home- thank you! The money goes toward transportation (as I do uber ministry), food and sometimes accomodation, sometimes God also tells me to give the money to those in need. In God’s timing I am looking for a house to have house church meetings and to live in. In this church we will welcome the spiritually weary, who are tired of trying and tired of being told what to do. In this church, people can cry and sleep, they won’t have to strive, they know they are enough and accepted in God’s eyes. Here their hearts will find rest and they will be home. I won’t talk about theology or tell people what to do, they can rest and they can find solace in God’s love. They will be welcomed by a spiritual mother, and one day a spiritual father and we will just sit and be with them. They won’t have to please us, they will find identity in Christ Jesus.
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Breaking Off Every Fear – Body Image & Fear Of Lack
God has been breaking off every fear in my heart. I didn’t know there was so much lack (fear of not being enough) and poverty mindset in my heart.
My mom taught me to eat the lobsters at buffets and to eat until I’m full. Growing up I was often hungry because I didn’t like to eat a lot at one sitting. I wanted to enjoy what I was eating; not force myself to eat.
However because of it she would yell at me every time I got hungry and so she’d say “just eat more so you’re not hungry later”. I think it’s because she felt like she wasn’t in control whenever I complained that I was hungry.
Food became an issue for me. One time I got hit with really bad vertigo and when we went to the eastern doctor she said I needed to eat when I’m hungry as my blood sugar was low and my immune system goes down.
After that I became afraid of not eating when I’m hungry. In a sense I became afraid of hunger- which is a fear of lack.
I rested for many days but felt totally out of control. I’d go somewhere and suddenly felt dizzy. It was the worse feeling ever. I read somewhere that vertigo is the fear of falling but the desire to fall and let go.
So there are times I get hungry and I haven’t eaten for awhile but God will say it’s okay, you don’t need food.
I had hyperthyroid for a minute and I started gaining weight without eating much. I felt defeated as I couldn’t control my body no image. I felt fat and unattractive. My mother would tell me “you’re getting fat, exercise, don’t eat so much”.
God healed me when I learned that I needed to rest in his finished work, but I was still traumatized.
I found myself eating sweets growing up – I loved it but I ate it whenever I felt pain or sadness. Instead of crying, I went to boba, cake or anything sweet. It was my refuge in a sense.
I remember when I was a small child ripping through boxes of chocolate in the middle of the night at my German nanny’s house. She found me on the floor fast asleep with chocolate all over my face and mouth.
I accrued many cavities growing up.
Sometimes I ate even when I wasn’t hungry because I felt that I may get vertigo again. I was traumatized by that experience. I ate in fear to stop the past from repeating itself.
I know my mother criticizes herself too. She doesn’t like the double chin, she criticizes me. I’m writing this and crying on the taxi as I go to the airport.
I am enough. I am worthy. I am not a burden. I am enough.
I have more issues than I expected. And I hope by sharing with you you know that you’re not alone. May the Lord continue to heal you. From an unloved place to being loved.
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Will You Love Me?
Will you love me if I don’t fulfill your expectations of me?
So if I get a normal job and live a normal life then you will love me?
Or you will find something else wrong with me?
These questions popped into my mind after I called my mom and told her a dream I had. I had a dream that I told my friend I wanted to go home and she said she could help me get home financially. But then I said I don’t want to be a burden.
I had a realization that part of why I wanted to leave was because I felt like a burden to my mother. I didn’t really want to move out yet and didn’t know where I wanted to live. I had been overseas ministering for a year and a half and felt pressured to make up my mind about something.
Everyday God was bringing me to people, bringing me out of my cave. I felt forced out of my emotional cave and felt so uncomfortable.
One night I heard go to Korea.
Even now I’m wondering if it was God or me. Or whether it even matters. God is still with me and He’s been bringing divine appointments everyday.
The point is I realize it’s okay to not know what you want.
I’m okay living in between. I’m okay being enough just as I am, whatever that looks like. I shouldn’t have to settle down to be enough. I am enough now. Whether I am married now or not, whether I am doing ministry or working a normal job.
My mother makes it seem like if I live a normal life then I’d have security or peace but my security is in knowing I am a child of God.
God is my solid rock.
It shouldn’t be in our circumstances or even in moving into our promises.
The discomfort of not knowing and of the unknown forces us to look at who we are in God’s eyes versus our circumstances.
I shouldn’t have more peace when I’m in LA or another country, I am enough now and peace is within me.
I am not lacking a house, a ministry, a job, friends or family- I am enough now.
Whether people are around me to cheer me on or if they are overseas.
Whether people accept or reject me, I am enough.
My mom thinks she hurt or enabled me by allowing me to live with her when I come back to LA, but that’s not the case.
Why can’t we just be okay with the unknown? Why do we always have to figure out the next thing? What’s wrong with not knowing, not wanting, but simply being.
What’s wrong with sitting still?
What’s wrong with being?
And what’s wrong with going somewhere and realizing that I don’t really want to be here, but it’s okay.
I don’t always have to get what I want. Because I am what I want. I have what I want, it’s Jesus. It’s peace. It’s being enough.
I didn’t really know where I was supposed to go this morning and heard several things but I felt Busan so I got on the train and met a girl who had super cool ripped jeans.
I doubted myself because I had a dream that I wanted to go home but I wondered if I was simply going home because it was an easy choice but even if it’s an easy choice, isn’t it okay just because I want to?
Your desires change.
It’s ok to not want the things you wanted before.
I wanted to ask my mother those questions above.
So you will love me if I fulfill your expectations? If that’s the case you’ll never be happy.
Your happiness should never depend on other people.
I don’t know what I want completely.
I got what I wanted recently, a new phone and laptop. It made me happy. And I feel grateful for these tools, but what else do I want?
A car, to drive freely wherever I want.
I want to be loved and appreciated by those around me.
I want new clothes. I want to say what I feel at all times. I want to live with no regrets.
To not be afraid to try. I want friendships, people I can do things with and express my emotions with.
I don’t need to see new places anymore, I’ve seen enough and I’ve ministered to enough people overseas. Sure I’m still doing it but I think I’d like some privacy. I’d like a dog and some pets. I’d like a life partner I can spend time with.
I want a husband who cooks and cleans, can love me and respect me. It’s time for me.
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Divine Appointments On the Plane & Korea- Pray For Me!
I just arrived in Korea and the first day I was feeling hesitant about where I was staying. I walked out of the accommodation as I wasn’t feeling peace at first and God told me to go back. My divine appointment was an Algerian. We had similar family background and growth stories. We talked about how “just because you’re born doesn’t mean you owe your parents” which I had no idea was also in Algerian culture. I was explaining grace to her but she said grace is something so difficult to wrap your mind around.
Just now I woke up with a super crazy leg cramp. I was casting out the spirit of infirmity in Jesus name and praying in tongues.
The truth is God has been doing a deep work in my heart and sometimes I’m freaking scared. I’m scared to be vulnerable but I know God means good to me….because only in vulnerability can you grow in intimacy.
I thought I’d be in LA but God sent me out again. I was happy to minister to the people in La, there did not seem to be a lack of people who needed a word from God or needed to hear about grace.
But now, I found myself filled…..
To the brim with anointing.
This time on the airplane God sat me next to a girl who studied abroad in America. I tried to move a few times but every time someone would come to sit where I changed seats to.
Upon sharing what I do i learned she was extremely nervous about an upcoming plastic surgery. She told me how they messed up 2 times and she had an infection. She told me how others care about relationships or career, but all she cares about is getting the nose she wants.
I said that I could understand and I started to share about the grace of Jesus that frees us and shows us we are enough. I prayed that whatever she decided on that God will protect her.
The grace of God shows you that He has already taken on every blemish on the cross and you’re no longer blemished- you are whole in God’s eyes because of Jesus’ sacrifice.
Please pray that the seed would be planted in peoples’ hearts as they listen.
Divine appointments
Sow-
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Prophetic Word- Come Out Of Hiding
I want to hide under a rock but I look over at the turtles, they are standing bold on a rock, exposed. They are not hiding. This time they are not.
I just had a moment of tears.
It’s coming face to face to a grown man who has tears in his eyes.
“I don’t want to feel like a useless person, sitting there getting fat while his kids think he is useless”.
“Do you feel ashamed to go home?”
“Yes”.
“But you know what your kids need is your presence, not necessarily your money”.
It’s speaking right into someone’s heart that you know exactly how that person feels. You are not a robot, you are human too. You know how it feels to feel ashamed, to feel useless, to be accused of. I have been there.
Then earlier in the morning, I met a man on the bus. While talking to my friend on the phone I noticed his book said “enemy”. I knew he was a Christian so I asked him if he was Christian, he said yes. That morning I was at the Laundry Mat with my mom and I heard “go to Pasadena”. I was roaming around but saw a bus going there and heard God say “run”.
This man was from Ethiopia. I prophesied to him that he is enough in Christ Jesus, He is not lacking. He told me how he felt like he lost everything. I said that “God is waiting for you to step out in faith and do one thing at a time He leads you to”. People always think that they are waiting for God but often times God is waiting for you.
I told him that God has called you travel to the nations. I told him to take off his sunglasses and his hat and stop hiding. He spoke encouraging words to me too. I feel honored and loved by these fathers, their presence. I never got that from my father.
It’s easier to hide, because you’re not seen and you can’t be criticized or rejected but when you come out of hiding you are seen and that means people respect and honor you but they can also hurt you. Right?
And that’s my heart, my pain. God I don’t want people to hurt me anymore as I’ve been too wounded in the last year.
God’s like “open your heart, I’ll protect you”.
Are you sure God?
Yes.
Trust me.
So go and don’t be afraid to share your heart with people. I will bless you and surround you with my angels. Don’t be afraid to go. I’m with you. I’m covering you.
Would you consider partnering with me financially to bring the gospel of grace to those who feel condemned? I’ll be going to Korea tomorrow. I’m a little bit scared but please pray for me.
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I Try To Be Enough, But I Forget I’m Already Enough In God’s Eyes
I tried to be enough. I tried to please my mother. I tried to be a good daughter. I tried to be a good friend. I tried all my life but I learned from God that I am enough. That when God sees me He only sees Jesus.
But it’s easy to forget and it’s easy for that voice of condemnation to say “you should feel bad because they are mad at you”, “you should feel guilty because you’re not doing enough”.
Their (whoever they are) happiness does not depend on you and other people are not your responsibility.
It’s hard when you are in ministry though, you start to feel their problems weigh down on you. And then multiply that with your own family.
And then you just need to crawl into a safe space with Jesus and pile the non-responsibilities to one side and say “God it’s yours, not mine”.
I am not responsible for my mother’s abandonment issues. I am not responsible for taking care of anyone. I am a prophet so I relay the message, but I am not a therapist. My job is to point people to Jesus. I am not anyone’s savior.
Lord today take our burdens, show us how to rest in your grace. Your rest is perfect God, we are the ones who don’t know how to cast our burdens to you.
We think we are god and we try to figure everything out. Sometimes I try to be in control and I don’t even know it. I try to figure things out by asking God “what should I do now” instead of going with the flow….as if I’m not doing enough or I’m always on assignment. But what about me? What do I want. I forget that I have desires and that God works with my desires.
Your desires matter.
Period.
Not for function or form, but just because you are meant to be happy.
I’ve met so many women on the road and in LA that subjugate themselves to unhealthy marriages. They suppress their own desires to please their husband or stay in a marriage/ relationship that is abusive or void of any emotional connection.
They’re shocked when I say “I heard ‘get a divorce'”.
But isn’t divorce a sin? They ask?
Isn’t being unloved in a unhealthy marriage a sin? It’s a sin to be unloved.
Okay, I just put it this way. No, Jesus died on the cross for your sins so that when God sees you, He only sees Jesus. So He does not see SIN in you anymore. HE WANTS YOU TO BE HAPPY AND DO NOT PUNISH YOURSELF FOR CHOOSING THE WRONG GUY. Sure they may change, but if they choose not to that’s another story. If he is abusing you, run.
There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.
For some reason Christians think that it is okay to suffer for a long time when God actually wants you to be happy. We forget that. God actually is a good father who wants a good life for you. WHOA.
“I just have to pray more right?” One woman asked me.
“No, God said he is a rock weighing your ankles down”.
“Well I did not expect to hear that”.
A few months later one woman told me she found out her boyfriend was cheating on her.
Love is longsuffering, but don’t suffer for the wrong guy my friends. God does not call us to submit to people who are pigs. It says “don’t throw your pearl to pigs”.
Choose a man who will honor you and respect you.
Would you consider partnering with me financially to bring the gospel of grace to those who feel condemned?
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Everything Not Talked About At Church
Listen to the most recent episode of my podcast: Dating Stories, Masturbation, Sex Talks – Everything Not Talked About At Church https://anchor.fm/rebekka-lien/episodes/Dating-Stories–Masturbation–Sex-Talks—Everything-Not-Talked-About-At-Church-e5gjn8
Wooooo juicy podcast. Today I answer the question “is masturbating a sin?”
Everything you don’t talk about at church. But from a Non-judgmental grace filled Christian.
Enjoy my fun dating stories (set up by God)….this guy asked me, if I can’t ask a person who is actively having sex about it, who can I ask? You right? Since I’m trying to wait until marriage too…but haven’t had sex for 2 years. But it’s hard to wait.
So I talk about how God changed me through showing me my true identity.
Enjoy!
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Caring For Your Soul- How To Release False Responsibility
(Some Divine encounters from the week. God told me to go to SD and I got on a train 15 minutes before the train left, these two guys sat across me and turned out they were Christian. We prayed together and I got to prophesy over them. On top- I met the owner of a cafe while sitting there and got to share about Jesus and my testimony. She was shocked by the accuracy of the prophesy. Right- I met on the street the founder of Black Lives Matter Pasadena. I said to her “you give so much to everyone, you deserve to receive too.” It was super epic. These are only a few of the many encounters I had this week as the holy spirit led me).
Recently I’ve been processing somethings in my life. I didn’t realize it but I was blaming myself for something and because of that false guilt and false responsibility, I started to feel paranoid about being completely obedient to God, because if I wasn’t and if they didn’t get the message, what if someone dies?
My friend had a motorcycle accident with her boyfriend and her boyfriend passed away. It was a shock to me. But suddenly I felt guilt creep in. Why? Because I had told her a few times that God was telling her to go to another state and city. I told her over a span of a few months. I felt guilty that I wasn’t about to get the point across, and then I was mad that she didn’t listen (if you are reading this know that it is not your fault).
God started to show me this week I started to get paranoid about being perfect in following Holy Spirit. I became paranoid and like a perfectionist.
I was thinking about how that pastor killed himself. I bet he had a lot of self-hate and blame. Some people say “pastors or televangelists just want peoples’ money” but not enough money in this world (even if they offered someone billions of dollar) can compensate for the amount of stress you go through.
So no one could ask me to be Joel Osteen, I don’t want to be in his spot. I can’t imagine what he goes through. I used to criticize pastors and I never wanted to be one, but then God called me to be a pastor to lost sheep so I ended up starting my own ministry.
To be in the limelight, to be exposed to critical people? That’s another level and it takes guts to be there, you have to be so firm in the righteousness of God.
Ministers take on emotional and spiritual loads and they have to find a way to give it to God. The mistake I make is that I think it’s my responsibility and my burden and sometimes I put all the burden on myself….and I forget, no, it’s not my load. I’ve got to surrender peoples’ problems to God.
Pastors need more help than anyone else because they are constantly hearing about peoples’ problems and often are not compensated for it. In fact, some of the pastors I know have debt and do not make a good living. I know how that feels to over give of my energy and time.
I also need to learn when to stop and minister to my own soul.
Throughout this week, I hear about peoples’ daughters, I hear about peoples’ financial stress, I hear about abusive fathers, I hear about deaths, I hear about things I really wish I didn’t know about. So I have to be careful what I absorb. I have to ask God “is this person my assignment?” and “am I over helping?”
Sometimes we over help to compensate for the past or a past regret of not being able to change someone’s past.
I can’t change the past for my friend. I wrote “take risks and take chances” on my facebook wall and she replied “we did! And he died!” Well what am I supposed to respond to that. Is my advice the reason he died? No. Absolutely not. And is her not listening to me the reason he died? No. Is it my fault he died? No.
At the end of the day, we don’t know the end from the beginning. But we can’t live life in fear.
I am not responsible for anyone. I can do my best to prophesy, but it’s peoples’ job to listen. If they don’t listen, it’s also not God’s fault that something bad happens, it’s the devil’s fault. Jesus’ blood has ultimately covered us so it’s not our obedience that gains the blessing, but Jesus’ perfect obedience to the cross.
If God is telling us to do something, it’s to give us freedom and set us free from whatever fear is holding us back. He never tells us something to control or punish us. And He will never punish you for not listening…however the enemy does have an open door if we are not aligned with His purposes. For example, if we are doing drugs when we know better, we are allowing the influence of certain spirits to attack us. If we are living in active disobedience to God, it is preventing us from living in the freedom God paid for us to have. But it is only GRACE that compels us to follow God, not condemnation.
I told my friend, the purpose of prophesy is not so we can ask God to shield us from “pain”, it’s so we can learn to walk with God and trust God through the pain, joys and unknown. He does not PROMISE us a painless life, we are not robots! But He promises to be there to mend our wounds.
I’m not superwoman, I’m just a human and I need to learn to take care of my needs and desires. It’s so easy to take on more than God has intended for us.
If you are a minister, pastor, prophet, missionary, therapist….
- Take time to be by yourself and separate your junk from other peoples’ problems.
- Pray “dear God I’ve heard all these problems from people, please I now cast it to you and let me not hold onto them as if they are my own”.
- Pray in tongues if you know how, if not ask God for the gift of tongues.
- Do whatever you need to to decompress and release…watch comedy, go for a run, get a massage, read the bible, hang out with friends.
- You need to know you are worthy of rest, care and love. You need it as much as other people. You are worthy to receive.
I pray that today God will lift off any false guilt or responsibility to take care of others and I pray that you will learn to separate your soul from others’ so you are not burdened by their problems. I pray and lift up all those I’ve helped in the past years that they would go to you for help God.
If this post has helped you- consider giving a love offering- thank you so much! Your offering says to me that you value and support what I do and it is a mark of thanksgiving.
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Prophetic vision- don’t look back!!! Run as if your life depended on it!
I saw myself start a race and I’m sprinting and receiving batons from each person as I run. However my mother is behind me asking me “where are you going?” “What are you doing?” And for some of you it’s false responsibility and false guilt, it’s your exes, it’s old mindsets like fear that is preventing you from moving forward.
Each time false guilt tries to whisper in my ears it’s like a rubber band snapping me back and I’m back to where I started. It’s the fear of missing out, it’s “accusation” and condemnation!
Guys and girls!!!! This is not from God!
It’s the devil trying to stop you from moving into your promised land. If it feels like guilt it ain’t God. God is the one leading you, do not let other peoples’ expectations or accusations lead your life! Who are you look at? God or people? What is your focus on? What people are saying or what God is saying?
You need to fight the voice by saying “I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, I deserve happiness, I am not responsible for them” then run and do not look back!” You are righteous in God’s eyes.
#bexprophetic
Breaking Off False Responsibility and Guilt
Prophetic word- Into The New – breaking off false responsibility and guilt.
There is false resistance trying to get your attention with what God wants for your life right now, false responsibility. Lately I felt like I “should” spend time with my mom but as soon as I obeyed and went on the Uber ride I realize there was a voice of obligation telling me to stay home. I had a super deep talk with the Uber driver who was also Christian and we prayed for each other.
The voice of obligation sounds like this-
1. Maybe I’ll miss out on something if I don’t spend time with ________.
2. I’m being a bad friend, daughter, mom, father, minister if I don’t do this __________.
3. I’m probably trying to escape responsibility and I “should” do this _____.
4. I’m being unloving if I don’t do this _____.
These are all voices of the spirit of condemnation and guilt. When you live from grace you do things out of desire not guilt.
One reason that I realized I was living in false guilt is I wanted to make a podcast and when I did I felt so happy, but when I went back into the house my mom has this look like “why are you neglecting me?”
I realize I was trying to cater to her needs and other peoples’ needs that I neglected my own desires and needs. I was so distracted from what I actually wanted to do.
Remember what people feel has nothing to do with you.
No one can make you feel a certain way unless you give them permission to do so.
Repeat out loud-
I am not responsible for ___________ (list the names).
I am responsible for my own happiness as I am worthy of happiness. God’s grace is more than enough for me.
I cannot blame anyone for not pursuing what it is I want to do!
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