Most of us only feel secure or happy when life is going right, when our bills are paid, our kids are happy, our friends are supportive, our parents are saying “I’m proud of you”, when we are healthy, when we have ample income.

But this is what the Lord said to me “most Christians don’t know their identity, they don’t know who they are and are easily shaken by circumstances”.

He said this to me when I asked Him why it had to be so hard and why I had to go through these trials of trusting Him in the areas of finance while I am doing His work of delivering people out of bondage.

“I want you to be unshakeable”.

I want you to know who you are in the worst of circumstances, to know that you are a daughter of God, not an orphan, that with God all things are possible and that you are not DEFINED by what is going on around you.

I was asking God about well, black and white Africans. There are many affluent white Africans, they are primarily the ones that sit at nice restaurants in South Africa. I also met black Africans that have complained to me about snobby white Africans.

But you know what the Lord told me? When anyone defines their WORTH by how much money they have, they are already under the spirit of lack. 

Yesterday I got to pray for a woman in the bathroom. I was just asking the Lord to provide for me and there I was giving her most of what I had left. But when I prayed over her, I actually felt the spirit of fear leave me, I suddenly did not fear lack anymore because in giving, I was saying to God “you are more than enough”. 

But as I prayed and prophesied over her, I suddenly spoke identity into her and myself included.

Stand up, rise, you are not defined by anything going on around you, you are defined by the blood of Jesus, paid for by God. You are a son and daughter of God no matter what is happening in your life. 

That is your true and unshakeable identity.

So God is NOT more with you when He gives you a mercedez or a big house. He is not LESS with you when you live on the streets and have no money. 

He is with you wherever you are and He wants us to be unshaken by the circumstances in our lives.

You might think “well, that’s not fair, I’m living for the Lord and I’m advancing His kingdom, but those who have settled and denied you are living the life with their big mansions and big new cars, how is that fair?”

I hear the Lord say “because I am the life, the truth, I am everything you need, you can only find true satisfaction in me….they might have everything in the world, but without me, their hearts are empty and still searching”.

My food is to do the Father’s will.

That is what feeds me, I feed on the spirit of the Lord and I’m satisfied. 

That is spiritual maturity friends. 

You are enough.

You are whole and not lacking, the Lord is your shepherd and you lack nothing. You are righteous through the blood of Jesus and it is paid for by His blood, not your works.

Most of the people I pray for to break off the spirit of lack have stable jobs with weekly income, they have a home, they are supposedly secure but there is a spirit of fear on them…the fear is that they are not enough and that they don’t have enough. They are afraid to move forward, to break out of their rut, to venture forward into the unknown. They are not sure that God will catch them, that they are enough.

So why did He send someone who doesn’t have a “job” but a calling, someone who doesn’t know where the money will come from, who doesn’t know where God will be calling her next, who doesn’t know the specifics of the future but the ONE who holds the future?

Because in all these trials, God has given me authority and stability in My identity in Christ Jesus. My worth isn’t in whether I know what tomorrow holds, where the money will come from, whether my bills are paid, whether I have a phone (because my phone broke a week ago and yet God led me to where I needed to be).

In these trials, I’ve learned this “I am enough in Christ Jesus”. 

So I keep going forward because somehow God has cast out all fears and put a fiery fearlessness in my heart. Because with God all things are possible and I am a daughter of Christ Jesus, beloved, unmovable, gaining all authority with all things under my feet.

I’ve left everything I’ve known to follow a God I know.

 

 

 

How is it possible to be praying and prophesying over someone and then moments later, you’re on your bed sobbing to God.

Well that was me a minute ago.

I went from telling someone “it’s not on you to make it happen, God hasn’t forgotten you” to asking God “I feel like you’ve abandoned me” in my journal.

This journey looks like brokenness and tears.

This is my journey. I don’t know what yours look like but as a pastor/prophet some of the hardest moments are in your bedroom.

I’m feeling sick, want to go home but I don’t know where home is, I’m fighting emotions and lies, I’m wondering where the finances will come from, I’m tired, on a never ending jet lag schedule, but yet God still tells me to pray for people.

He says “not by your strength, but by my spirit”.

I want to give up.

I really do, but something in me says “don’t”.

And so I cry and weep, and sob.

I let it all out until I’ve got nothing left.

“That’s exactly where I want you- at the end of yourself”.

It might seem cruel of God, but it’s the beginning of miracles.

But that’s me, real, raw, vulnerable. 

I’ve got nothing left. It’s just you and me Jesus.

 

When you follow Jesus, He will order your steps.

Before I went on the airplane to head to Taiwan, I started having dreams about getting married. In this one dream, I dreamed that I was wearing a wedding dress on the airplane.

On another day, I dreamed that I was getting married and that my mom had already ordered flowers.

SO let me just tell you, I had one dream where God said “get ready, and there were pictures of different guys and I was swiping”….and it has come true, God has led me to meet so many great men of God…I’m actually in total awe because I had a misconception that there were “no more good men around”.

But the truth is there is tons, but you will only meet them when you are following Jesus.

HAHAHA.

Which leads me to many testimonies of this trip.

I posted this on my facebook wall:

TESTIMONY and Prophetic Word for New Life City Church Cape Town 
This morning I felt led to go to church and before I even looked up a church I noticed a sign “New Life City Church” across the street. I said GOD you are making this easy for you. Praise God.

The message was about allowing holy spirit to move in the church and not being hindered by positional hierarchy (allowing church to minister to church), I start laughing.

 

 

I have many feels.

I am a woman of tears.

This season I find myself consecrated to God in pools and floods of tears.

He calls me to walk on water and at times I stare at the water, how deep is it? What would it feel like to fall? What would it feel like to drown?

I have these questions and doubts and my heart can’t comprehend the extent of His love…

I often say yes but there are times when He tells me to pray for someone and I say “God not this time, I can’t”.

And He says “my grace is sufficient for you”.

I know that someone’s miracle may be in my words and prayer. But the fears creep in. It’s a total stranger, it’s a group of people. They can reject me, they have a right to.

That fear sometimes grips my heart and I’m unable to say yes.

Because it’s too quick God! I just prayed for someone in front of Starbucks, you want me to walk up to someone who doesn’t speak any English and try to explain that I want to pray for him?

Yes. Because I love this man.

So I am sending you.

Reckless love, a love that knows no fear. This is what I am discovering about God. He wants His children to have no fear.

I thought I knew anything about love but when I’m confronted with my own fears I realize God is breaking off any measure of fear.

His love is so big He desires for me to love in a big way, without fear.

I am completely wrecked.

What kind of crazy love is this? This love that has no fear of rejection, a love that Is perfect.

A love that says I’ll put my heart out there regardless of how you will respond. God is not afraid of rejection, He will keep knocking until you open the door.

God will love in face of persecution and hate.

I will love even if I face rejection and persecution because this is my purpose. Love.

Come to me says the Lord, I will make your heart brave.

– I am holding a stranger’s baby. You see how open people are to love?

Comfort is actually saying you have no more capacity to love or be loved.

This trip has been more about me opening my heart than anything else. Though I am called to meet people and prophesy over them, if has challenged my heart more than anything.

After each encounter I find my heart tense, and I cry to Jesus. In those moments my heart is expanded. God how you love, and how my heart is being stretched to love.
In the wilderness, I was comfortable, safe, wrapped up by God’s wings. He kept me there so I could rest from the abuse, the accusations, the torment of wounds. Though I was still accused by people around me, I didn’t have to face the normal amount of human interaction.

Before I left to go to Taiwan in July, I started having dreams about weddings. I dreamed that I was getting ready for my wedding on the airplane.

God called me at each city and place to go out of my comfort zone, sometimes He told me to pray for people at 5am, sometimes He asked me to tell my testimony to strangers, sometimes He told me to move beds so I could be closer to someone that needed a word…each time I thought, I can’t do this anymore, it’s too hard.

Perfect love casts out fear. He was showing me what it looks like to have the essence of Jesus- His love knows no bounds and is not afraid to show His heart at the risk of being wounded. Real love requires a risk of being hurt and wounded.

I realize it’s a picture of marriage.

Marriage in general but also the laying down of one’s life for another, the stretching of your heart, the capacity to give and receive love.

This is a prophetic word- some of you are still in hiding. You are hiding because of old emotional wounds and hurts. You don’t want to come out and be seen. When you are seen, you lay down your heart and say look at me, I’m vulnerable, I need love and I want to love.

We often don’t take time to process things with God because we are afraid of what our hearts show us.

God has stretched me so much, I had to continually examine my heart and allow His love to pour into my heart.

Where there was fear, love.
Where there was tension, ease.
Where there was bitterness, forgiveness.
Where there was hate, love.

How willing are you to be stretched by God so that you understand what love really is?

Will you come out of hiding now?
It’s a big love this love.

Osaka, Japan

Papa your love is louder than the noise of fear!

God we decree that you are protecting your children! We are not orphans that have to fend for ourselves! We do not live in fear of the future or famine! God we are protected by your mighty hand. God we cry out when the storm rages! You are our strong defender and if you have to use my Voice to speak up for the oppressed, I will speak in the face of demons.

Tonight, the night before I move onto another city to seek God’s lost sheep- I have yet another moment of fear.

The lady 8 doors down my room start blasting music or the tv. Of course no one will complain. Most people are too passive, but I go downstairs immediately and tell the manager. I encountered this 2 times already, each time I had to just confront the person. Of course I got mad stares. But my peace and my rest or live in fear?

Two managers had to knock on her door.

Sometimes when instances like this happens I feel helpless- because the first time this happened in Korea I had to confront her twice, the three times – that’s when she started screaming at me in Korean. I knew one word- crazy. I watch enough Korean dramas to know.

But in the spiritual warfare, the distractions and noise of the enemy I’ve learned to fight in prayer and worship.

I feel the fear creeping in but I say God I’m not an orphan! I’m a child of God and you are defending me.

Papa I will not fear. I will face the fears!

We are expanding God’s kingdom. Everywhere I go I meet His beloveds, I relay God’s message to them.

Spiritual warfare comes with expansion, yes sometimes its difficult and many times I weep and cry as I release fear or anxiety- but in those moments I get closer to God.

The enemy meant you harm but it only drove you closer to God.

A lot of us and all of us grew up with imperfect fathers.

Some had absent fathers, some abusive fathers, some wounded fathers. Some of our fathers died early on in our lives, some just weren’t present.

As a child of God, we have to learn who God our Father is.

Many of us grew up to rely on ourselves, to rely on anything that seemed secure. For some, you chose a marriage partner to replace your absent father. For some, you chose money as a source of security. For some, fame and reputation and what others thought of you….

“Do not call anyone on earth your Father; for One is your Father, He who is in heaven” – Matthew 23:9

Essentially what God is saying is – don’t make anyone your true source, don’t make your best friend your source, don’t make your parents your source, don’t make your job and career your source, don’t make what you do your source- let me be your source.

I know your friends may have failed you, your ex failed you, your parents failed to love you, but I the Lord am your sustenance and I will always be your Father.

I am your true source says the Lord.

I am your papa, your lover, our husband.

I will not abandon you like your previous lovers, like your friends, like your parents.

I am not like anyone you know says the Lord.

I will never leave nor forsake you. I knew your needs before you asked, I am preparing it in my perfect timing.

Don’t try to make it happen in your limited ways. The world makes things happen like orphans- I make things happen for my children. There is no strife, only rest.

Rest in my love for you.

They will see my faithfulness in your life. Don’t give up, stay in rest.

Just had a revelation- people also make a specific church or organization as their source, they also make ministry their source. As I follow Jesus to speak life into people some people are amazed that I was not sent out by a church or organization.

It’s almost like christians seek legitimacy for their worth from a certain organization versus from God the Father.
So we have a bunch of orphan minded ministers looking for worth in being approved by a “covering” when in actuality they just don’t know who they are in christ.

God wants to break the boxes that keep love in. He says stop looking for legitimacy from another Christian. You are my child. Follow me where I lead you even though it looks wild and free.

 

I really like this-

Recently I have been discovering what perfect love is.

When someone doesn’t trust you even though your love is perfect for them, it feels like betrayal.

When Adam and Eve sinned, they hid. They realized they were naked, that they were vulnerable. They felt in that moment that something was missing. They feared judgement because they had stopped trusting God’s intention towards them and wanted to know good and evil, as the Devil promised them. 

They stopped trusting that God actually loved them.

I think that’s where we often resort to the safety and false stability of this world instead of living in openness and vulnerability.

Shame came upon them when they disobeyed God.

God didn’t give them this “rule” to be mean, He only gave them this guide to say “LOOK I’ve given you the whole garden, everything you could ever want, but just not this fruit”. What God was saying was that MY HEART TOWARDS YOU IS GOOD! YOU CAN TRUST THAT! It’s not that I’m depriving you, it’s that I am protecting you because when you know that you are actually NAKED, you will experience shame….when in actuality EVERY PART OF YOU is perfect. 

BECAUSE when you are vulnerable, it’s actually perfection. But when you eat this fruit, you’ll think vulnerability and nakedness is shameful.

Sin is separation from God. At the heart of sin, it’s not that you are doing something wrong, it’s that you’ve stopped trusting God’s heart for you. The tendency in that action is that “God I don’t believe your intentions toward me is good, I don’t believe you are a good father so I’d rather walk a path that hurts me than believe that I am made righteous by your blood and walk with you”.

But God says EVEN then, my grace is sufficient for you. 

When we are sin conscious, we keep living a sin filled life, but when we realize Jesus died on the cross for ALL of my sins, we are transformed by the renewing of our minds and we now walk with clarity that GOD says I’m righteous and I no longer need to hide.

I no longer need to hide when I know I am pure in God’s eyes.

I no longer need to feel ashamed when my vulnerability and nakedness is perfect to God.

I no longer need to hide how I feel, even if it sounds negative because GOD loves the REAL ME!

I can COME out of hiding.

This is what LOVE is. There is no FEAR in love because perfect LOVE casts out fear. On this trip I have been STRETCHED in my love for people. I realize that I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT love because the more GOD stretches me, the more I see God’s HEART for people.

His LOVE really has no bounds. He is not offended, He is not mad, He is not mean. He only loves. He loves vulnerability though. Vulnerability is the heart of connection and relationship. When there is no vulnerability there is no possibility for love. 

When there is no trust, there is no possibility for growth in a relationship. When someone doesn’t trust you it means that they’d rather fear that you’ll judge them than trust that you actually love them….and that really hurts. Because it shows they really don’t know you.

But all the more it challenges me to forgive and continue pressing forward.

There is a time and season for everything. Sometimes you need to let go and sometimes you need to hold on. It’s important to know when you need to release someone to God and just allow God to do His work in them.

 

Farewell to the lovely and beautiful people I met in Korea. I pray each one of you would experience the everlasting touch of God on your hearts and lives.

I felt like I needed to write, as you know I often write in the middle of the night. Sometimes God wakes me up in the middle of the night after a dream and sometimes I just can’t sleep to begin with…but it’s in the silence of the night that I can do my best writing. AND there’s actually a computer where I am staying.

The last week have been FULL of divine encounters with people that God told me to pray for. Sometimes I DID not want to do it because it was 5:30am in the morning. Like seriously? But then I obeyed because I don’t know, Jesus loves me and He loves people.

Sometimes I was just met with pleasantly open people who actually appreciated that I prayed for them. And when I pray for people I know demons will no longer torment them and they’ll suddenly have the hand of God on them (even if they are not christians). I got to pray for one girl and I actually put my hand on her stomach to heal her stomachache.

But then after 8 days of sleeping in a small hostel bed, that basically was a little bigger than a coffin, I started to get exhausted.

My vision started blurring and in the midst of loving people, I suddenly forgot to be loved by God. I started to feel like the older son in the Bible. Where is my reward? But then after getting to Daegu, God reminded me “you need to take care of your heart”. No one else will take care of it, you must first and foremost take care of  your heart….to process every and all emotions. 

He reminded me that I am saved by grace and not works and that there is a fine line for ministers, prophets, pastors and ministers….to continue to allow God to love them in the midst of loving others. 

EVERYTHING in our life requires a process and that leads me to this prophetic word…

YOU ARE in a process. It’s called sanctification. As wikipedia says “To sanctify is to literally “set apart for particular use in a special purpose or work and to make holy or sacred.” When you are saved by Jesus’ finished work on the cross, you are given a free pass to heaven. You also inherit everything Jesus already paid for- health, prosperity, sanity, peace, joy….etc.

SO you becoming like Christ is a process. You actually aren’t automatically like Christ when you are saved. The holy spirit fills you and then starts doing work in you.

The holy spirit starts tossing out everything that is not of God.

Pride, jealousy, idolatry, small-mindedness, self-hatred, greed, lust….it’s going out.

He starts making your heart whole, He starts digging deep into old forgotten wounds that you don’t even know about. I mean when God healed my heart I was like “wait what I still have THAT WOUND?”

You know what- it’s painful as hell.

That breakup that you didn’t get over? You’ll have to face the pain again.

The way your mother judged you or overlooked you when you were young, it’s coming out.

The feeling of being less than, it’s coming out.

That domestic abuse, that sexual abuse, that harassment, it’s coming out.

Shame is coming out.

To the point that you will no longer feel shame regarding your past.

Holy Spirit has a powerful way of healing your brokenness.

But God is a gentleman, so He will not force you to heal if you don’t want to.

And that’s where it’s painful…

Every time I know change is happening, I have to feel it. I have to feel every inch of that discomfort. Transition is not fun. I hate it, but I know it’s necessary. I’m like okay God here goes, and then I cry….a lot. Sometimes I weep, and then I’m like “God I can’t take this anymore”. But then I suddenly jump to the other side.

And I’m like oh, there’s peace, there’s freedom, there’s room to breathe….

When we are becoming more like Christ, He needs to dig up and toss EVERYTHING that is not of Him. Sometimes because of generations past, we will have attachments to lack, insecurity, unhealed wounds, etc..

Our fears and wounds prevent us from truly wielding the power of the Spirit.

Because God does not have offenses, God does not have fears, God does not fear rejection…

Because of our fear of lack, we will stop ourselves from going forward when the provision is actually a step ahead of you.

Because of our inability to see God as our husband, we will rather settle for a guy that is half the man God has intended for us instead of waiting for the one God has for us.

There are many more examples but the prophetic word is, everything must go.

You cannot afford to be bond anymore. You cannot afford to be a slave to fear. You cannot afford to blame others anymore. We are entering a time and season where the earth and the world is going through a renewal. Heaven on earth for some, but it will be hell on earth for others.

Everything will be shaken, everything that is not built on the stable rock of Christ Jesus will sink into sand. Those 100k followers on social media will disappear and turn against you if your stability is not Jesus. That boyfriend or girlfriend will fade away if not built on Jesus. Your career built on solely attaining money and reputation will sink. Your marriage if not built on Jesus will explode.

Human effort will sink.

Only God and His grace will stand. 

Everything that is not of God must go.

So if you are thinking, oh my God – WHY ARE YOU TAKING THINGS AWAY FROM ME? Why aren’t you giving me what I want?

Then you’re not seeing this right.

Losing that job was a blessing because you did not see yourself as a son and daughter of God….you needed a title to feel worthy but in Christ’s eyes, you are worthy, with or without a job.

Losing that boyfriend was a blessing because first, he was destroying you more than he was helping you and you didn’t base your worth on Christ but how your boyfriend made you feel- which is fleeting at best.

The provision is delayed and that’s a blessing because what God wants to do will not be by your effort but by HIS spirit.

He wants you to have a testimony to tell.

Because I promise you THIS- the world will see when God works in your life, and they will know God exists. 

But first, everything must go. Everything that you tried to build on your own, in your own efforts, in your own insecurity and feelings of lack….it must go…

Because when all is done, you are a walking Jesus on this earth, filled with love and fearlessness. That is when nothing is impossible because you’re filled only with His spirit and nothing else.