I realize I have more grace for gay men than straight men. Oh, they’re fun, they’re relatable, they don’t hurt me.
There you go, they don’t hurt me.
Straight men do.
They follow me while I’m walking on the street, slowly creeping up in their car.
Gay men hug me and tell me that they love me. They celebrate me, they freely give me compliments. They don’t try to sleep with me. There you go, it’s safe.
Straight men don’t give compliments that freely. They don’t tell you how they feel, they suppress their emotions. Then 2 weeks later they text you after you told them “you’re not my husband, I’m sorry, but I have to move on” and tell you “I want you”.
I felt like a piece of meat, a commodity.
I felt dirty.
Ew. Is that what I am?
It feels gross. Some people might like it, but I don’t. I want a guy to tell me how he feels. I want a guy to say “I really appreciate that you care for people, I appreciate how you persevere in spite of challenges, I admire your boldness, I admire how fearless you are, I love the way you follow God without hesitation, I love your personality, I love how you’re not afraid to be vulnerable”.
I don’t want him coming at me 2 weeks after I already told him goodbye – “I’m physically attracted to you”.
You can be attracted to anyone! How am I different then?
I have told people that I am waiting until marriage to have sex, yet they still come at me like that. I AM NOT GOING TO CHANGE MY MIND!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!
So I realize that a lot of the men I meet remind me of my dad, something, a little thing, it could be so little, but sometimes so big….like drinking, and then calling me while drunk, to me it’s disrespectful. There’s a lack of respect there. Or even needing to drink to relax or to say what’s on their mind. I mean I used to drink a lot more in my twenties but God has healed my heart so that I don’t need alcohol to cope.
I KNOW IT WAS GOD! GOD SET ME FREE!
But what I want for my husband, that’s a different story.
Because that’s who I am going to be with for the rest of my life. They have to come as is. Not an addict, only an addict to Jesus, vulnerable, says what’s on his mind, a great communicator, gentle, patient.
Of course he’s not going to be perfect, but I want him to treat me like a gay man would. He would hug me and says he loves me, and he wouldn’t just want me for my body, but for my soul and spirit. He could have 5 hour conversations with me.
Here’s the test, how emotionally and spiritually are you actually connected with the guy you are with? Can you talk hours on end about similar hobbies, about how you feel, about God, about cultures? Or is it simply about sex?
Because I see too many people connecting on a physical level really have no spiritual or emotional connection.
God designed us to be loved for who we are, not what we can give of ourselves physically. WE ARE NOT TOOLS OR COMMODITIES, we are valuable sons and daughters of God. We are kings and queens and we deserve to be treated like it!
We live in a “get off” society that has no patience to talk through the hard conflicts and difference. We are easily offended, we block and unfriend. Trust me I have been there.
Now, don’t get me wrong. There are probably a lot of people on your facebook friend list that don’t need to be your friend.
Your inner circle should be people who are on the SAME LEVEL or who is going the same way. Have grace for people of course but stick with people who are headed the same path.
Thank you for the straight men who have shown me that not all straight men are creepy. Some of you have really shown me that there are good men out there. Thank you for those that sow into this ministry and heal my heart of father wounds. Thank you for those who love me with purity, as a father figure.
I realize straight men have been taught to be tough, but you don’t have to be…it’s in being vulnerable that you’re able to show the men and women in your life that God’s grace is what upholds you.
You are allowed to cry,
you are allowed to have emotions.
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