I Left Everything To Follow Jesus Part 2

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I don’t want to overwhelm my readers so I don’t tell the truth. But the truth is it’s been very hard. I’ve cried everyday.

Imagine doing good, following Jesus and then being misunderstood. I don’t want to dwell on it, I want to let it go but I can’t seem to. The flashbacks, the people, the words just come at me.

I sold everything to follow Jesus in 2015 and started going where Jesus led me to. I first went to Hawaii for 2 weeks and stayed with a sister there, then I came back and had no place to stay and ended up staying with another sister for 5 months. I started unofficially training people in the prophetic as I stayed with them.

In 2018, after 2 years of resting and preparing spiritually for the journey ahead (which I had no idea would look like this), I left Los Angeles and went to Taiwan. In Taiwan I thought I would stay for a year (to get to know my dad) or so but God said “keep going, now you will gather the lost sheep”. I went to Korea first and found myself waking up at 5 am to pray for backpackers that were checking out. The prophesies came in visions and words. Many were not Christian and were amazed by the words and confirmations.

I met a Muslim girl at a restaurant and I could always sense it, God would tell me “go speak to her”. Sometimes I’d be scared but eventually she crossed over to my table to get napkins. We started talking. As we were hanging out she said she had a stomachache and I asked to pray over it.

“Is it okay for a Muslim to get prayed over by a Christian?” 

I said yes of course. After laying hands on her stomach and praying for her, she noticed the pain went away, it was immediate. This opened the door for me to share my testimony.

One time I needed money to stay at the hostel for the next day and contacted a good friend of mine but she said that she was learning to be financially responsible and couldn’t help. In that moment I felt really abandoned and questioned God’s goodness. I also felt like she was blaming me for “not being financially responsible” when in fact I was simply following God’s instructions and directions. Things like this would happen on the road where I really questioned God’s direction and goodness when I felt misunderstood or rejected. 

I told her that honestly I felt like a martyr sometimes.

I compared myself to her. I said that I felt like a martyr because I was out here with a suitcase not knowing where I was going to stay tomorrow (and not having the finances to stay anywhere yet) while she was married and had just bought a house. I could imagine people back home enjoying their couch and watching netflix while I was in a hostel room with 10 other people. Why did I have to be the one to be out here reaching the lost when others were back home living their comfortable lives? It did not seem fair to me.

Yes, I admit it, I felt like a martyr. But that was also Satan using everything he could to accuse and attack me with the spirit of lack so that I felt I was lacking in some way. 

I woke up this morning thinking of all the negative things that happened and God was like “you need to write it down”. I realize I don’t talk about my experiences enough and I need to…not because I’m reciting “woe is me” stories but because somehow I find my strength in these stories. I’m not just a normal person, I’m a woman who went through hardships to follow Jesus.

Sometimes when I talk to people, I find myself unable and unwilling to talk about my experiences on the road. I feel like it will overwhelm them too much or make them feel bad for me. And I don’t want pity, I want them to know they are enough in Christ Jesus and anything is possible if they’re willing to follow Jesus.

My job is to set people free from fear, from the fear of rejection, lack and judgement, from the fear of the unknown. Because I’ve gone there and back, hell and high waters. 

When I tell them I went to South Africa with $20 in my pocket, their jaws drop. When I tell them I was on the road with my suitcase following God with $5 left and asking strangers for help while prophesying over them, they say “I would never be able to do that”.

I had to confront fear in the face. And sure it was scary. But what people fear I don’t fear much. Why? Because I’ve been through the fire. 

  1. An hour before my flight departure I was going from Bali to Perth, well apparently I didn’t have a visa. I also did not have a working phone so in that moment I had to borrow a French couples’ phone to register for an Australian e-visa. Miraculously the e-visa went through in 10 minutes.
  2. I landed in New Zealand, hoping to safely arrive at my hostel but then they said I booked the wrong dates. It’s 3 am in the morning and I’m walking around the streets with no where to stay. I visit every hotel and they are fully booked due to a festival. I end up praying for drunk teenagers. Finally I visit a hotel where the Nepalese man told me he reads the Bible and a miracle happened….he let me book a room they usually reserve for emergencies. 
  3. One night at a hostel I was hearing my roommates have nightmares. The next day 2 of the bunkmates accepted Jesus into their hearts. This was in Hong Kong. I was really pissed that I didn’t get good sleep but was praying in tongues at night. Who knew that it was because there was spiritual warfare happening because two of the girls would accept Jesus into their hearts. 

More stories to come……..

What you can do for me.

  1. Pray – pray for my heart and pray for my body to be healed of any and all traumas. Pray for the seed of the word of God to be sown deep into fertile hearts.
  2. Give- Give to the continuing work of sharing the gospel with those God calls me to reach. Funds goes towards finances that are needed for transportation, such as uber rides and food, where I usually have divine appointments. God always gives me a divine appointment on an uber ride. It has been very fruitful. Thank you for your partnership-

https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

zelle-rebekkalien@gmail.com

 

Prophetic Word- Come Out Of Hiding

I want to hide under a rock but I look over at the turtles, they are standing bold on a rock, exposed. They are not hiding. This time they are not.

I just had a moment of tears.

It’s coming face to face to a grown man who has tears in his eyes.

“I don’t want to feel like a useless person, sitting there getting fat while his kids think he is useless”.

“Do you feel ashamed to go home?”

“Yes”.

“But you know what your kids need is your presence, not necessarily your money”.

It’s speaking right into someone’s heart that you know exactly how that person feels. You are not a robot, you are human too. You know how it feels to feel ashamed, to feel useless, to be accused of. I have been there.

Then earlier in the morning, I met a man on the bus. While talking to my friend on the phone I noticed his book said “enemy”. I knew he was a Christian so I asked him if he was Christian, he said yes. That morning I was at the Laundry Mat with my mom and I heard “go to Pasadena”. I was roaming around but saw a bus going there and heard God say “run”.

This man was from Ethiopia. I prophesied to him that he is enough in Christ Jesus, He is not lacking. He told me how he felt like he lost everything. I said that “God is waiting for you to step out in faith and do one thing at a time He leads you to”. People always think that they are waiting for God but often times God is waiting for you. 

I told him that God has called you travel to the nations. I told him to take off his sunglasses and his hat and stop hiding. He spoke encouraging words to me too. I feel honored and loved by these fathers, their presence. I never got that from my father.

It’s easier to hide, because you’re not seen and you can’t be criticized or rejected but when you come out of hiding you are seen and that means people respect and honor you but they can also hurt you. Right?

And that’s my heart, my pain. God I don’t want people to hurt me anymore as I’ve been too wounded in the last year.

God’s like “open your heart, I’ll protect you”.

Are you sure God?

Yes.

Trust me.

So go and don’t be afraid to share your heart with people. I will bless you and surround you with my angels. Don’t be afraid to go. I’m with you. I’m covering you.

Would you consider partnering with me financially to bring the gospel of grace to those who feel condemned? I’ll be going to Korea tomorrow. I’m a little bit scared but please pray for me. 

https://www.gofundme.com/korea-grace-mission-trip

Give a donation- thank you!

https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

Cash app- gugibabu

Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Become a monthly partner-

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I Try To Be Enough, But I Forget I’m Already Enough In God’s Eyes

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I tried to be enough. I tried to please my mother. I tried to be a good daughter. I tried to be a good friend. I tried all my life but I learned from God that I am enough. That when God sees me He only sees Jesus.

But it’s easy to forget and it’s easy for that voice of condemnation to say “you should feel bad because they are mad at you”, “you should feel guilty because you’re not doing enough”.

Their (whoever they are) happiness does not depend on you and other people are not your responsibility.

It’s hard when you are in ministry though, you start to feel their problems weigh down on you. And then multiply that with your own family. 

And then you just need to crawl into a safe space with Jesus and pile the non-responsibilities to one side and say “God it’s yours, not mine”. 

I am not responsible for my mother’s abandonment issues. I am not responsible for taking care of anyone. I am a prophet so I relay the message, but I am not a therapist. My job is to point people to Jesus. I am not anyone’s savior. 

Lord today take our burdens, show us how to rest in your grace. Your rest is perfect God, we are the ones who don’t know how to cast our burdens to you.

We think we are god and we try to figure everything out. Sometimes I try to be in control and I don’t even know it. I try to figure things out by asking God “what should I do now” instead of going with the flow….as if I’m not doing enough or I’m always on assignment. But what about me? What do I want. I forget that I have desires and that God works with my desires.

Your desires matter.

Period. 

Not for function or form, but just because you are meant to be happy. 

I’ve met so many women on the road and in LA that subjugate themselves to unhealthy marriages. They suppress their own desires to please their husband or stay in a marriage/ relationship that is abusive or void of any emotional connection. 

They’re shocked when I say “I heard ‘get a divorce'”.

But isn’t divorce a sin? They ask?

Isn’t being unloved in a unhealthy marriage a sin? It’s a sin to be unloved.

Okay, I just put it this way. No, Jesus died on the cross for your sins so that when God sees you, He only sees Jesus. So He does not see SIN in you anymore. HE WANTS YOU TO BE HAPPY AND DO NOT PUNISH YOURSELF FOR CHOOSING THE WRONG GUY. Sure they may change, but if they choose not to that’s another story. If he is abusing you, run. 

There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.

For some reason Christians think that it is okay to suffer for a long time when God actually wants you to be happy. We forget that. God actually is a good father who wants a good life for you. WHOA.

“I just have to pray more right?” One woman asked me.

“No, God said he is a rock weighing your ankles down”.

“Well I did not expect to hear that”.

A few months later one woman told me she found out her boyfriend was cheating on her.

Love is longsuffering, but don’t suffer for the wrong guy my friends. God does not call us to submit to people who are pigs. It says “don’t throw your pearl to pigs”.

Choose a man who will honor you and respect you.

Would you consider partnering with me financially to bring the gospel of grace to those who feel condemned? 

https://www.gofundme.com/korea-grace-mission-trip

Give a donation- thank you!

https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

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Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

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A Prophet’s Job

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Jesus drew near and said to them, “I have been given all authority in heaven and on earth. Go, then, to all peoples everywhere and make them my disciples: baptize them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and teach them to obey everything I have commanded you. And I will be with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:18-20)

When they finished praying, the place where they were meeting was shaken. They were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to proclaim God’s message with boldness. (Acts 4:31) It didn’t say they went to seminary and then proclaim God’s message! It said they were FILLED with the Holy Spirit! WOOHOOO!!!!

Do not restrain the Holy Spirit; (1 Thessalonians 5:19)

God poured out the Holy Spirit abundantly on us through Jesus Christ our Savior (Titus 3:6)

“Ask her for a donation”- God

ugh, God serious? I know she’s going to yell.

After 30 minutes, “mom would you like to make a donation?”

“Again!?”- mom.

“When will you get a real job”, says mom.

“Mom, it’s not because I really need it, but God told me to ask. He knows you’ve been worrying about money and He wants to let you know He is your father and He will provide”.

He is breaking off the fear of lack.

“If you really want to be a missionary, you should go to seminary!”

“mom, the Holy Spirit speaks through me”.

“Lots of people have accepted Jesus or been changed by my ministry”.

“still you need proper training” – Says mom

This is the same round about argument I have with her. I know that she might never get it but I believe small seeds are being planted. I’m not as scared anymore about what she thinks, I know the same arguments come about from this discussion.

“You know God blesses those who give to the carriers of grace?” 

Here’s a question and accusation I hear from people (or that my friend said a lot of hurt christians say)- “I hate televangelist who try to take money from people”, “they must be a false prophet if they ask for money”.

Whenever accusation comes in that form it’s usually because there is a stronghold of poverty spirit or a spirit of lack in that person. 

I am so grateful for God blessings lately; to be honest I don’t know how to explain it but just to say God provides for His children. I wanted a laptop for 5 years, I went without one for 5 years, using my phone to type blog posts and I was recently blessed with one. It is all by God’s grace.

The biggest blessing recently is another woman I met who has the same heart for lost sheep and we’ve been going out and have ministered to people. I’m SO HAPPY TO SEE HER FLOWING WITH THE Holy Spirit like I am and loving the people GOD HAS called us to love. Many are wounded sheep that have left the church.

The other day God told me to go to a church in Koreatown, I took an uberpool and the guy was a Christian man from China. However, he said he became christian when it was illegal in China. He often went to church secretly at night. I told him how I followed Jesus and often not knowing how I would survive. He gave me a look like “dang I am convicted”, but when I said I was a prophet he said he didn’t agree with this thinking.

Then after 5 minutes in Church, I felt the Lord say “go”. I went out and saw a bus. It was waiting for me! I jumped on and then heard God say to get off. I saw another bus and thought I would go to Hollywood. Now there was a lady with an Equinox bag and I was seriously intrigued. Who is this lady? I asked if she went to Equinox and she said yes. I had been thinking about Equinox all week but didn’t know if it was worth getting a membership.

Turns out she was going to a class so I went with her. She told me she was divorced and living alone. She asked if I had a job and I said I did Christian ministry. She said “I used to go to catholic school growing up!”

Anyhow, I took a barre class for 30 minutes and left as I felt my assignment was finished. I walked out and noticed a farmer’s market. After coming to the end of the street I saw a woman at a vendor stall, she said “omg I know you!” It turns out we met a few years back at someone’s wedding and she grew up as a missionary kid.

I took my miso soup to eat near an urban outfitters and felt led to talk to a man. I prayed over him and saw him preaching! He said he never thought about doing that.

Later on I took another bus and God said to get off. I took an uberpool and met another Christian girl, giving some advice about being confident. Later I was talking to the driver and turns out he grew up christian but then became an urban Shaman.

Wow.

A prophet- 

  1. Cannot be afraid of what people think.
  2. Job is to bring down demonic strongholds that bind people in fear (fear of lack, judgement, rejection, death, etc)
  3. Is not in allegiance with men, but always listens to God’s voice.
  4. Should not give in to spirit of intimidation (which comes in form of people- sometimes relatives or family that accuse or condemn you)
  5. Will often encounter a spirit of lack that tells them “you’re not enough”, “you don’t have the words to say”, “you don’t have enough money”, “you can’t do this” – you have authority and anointing to cast out that spirit, but you will grow in discernment when this spirit tries to come against you.
  6. IS A MOUTHPIECE FOR GOD so cannot “doubt”, but must speak loudly what God is saying without fear.
  7. Breaks off fear by doing or speaking.
  8. Is often asked to do strange things that people may judge or reject but again your sole allegiance is to Jesus, no one else.

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Prophetic Word- Giving Up Your Isaac, Trusting God And Not The Outcome

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Yesterday was a whirlwind for me. The night before I woke up and felt God say that I needed to cancel my flight, and that I should drive to New York with my friend. I saw us visiting different people throughout the states. I texted her that and then deleted it in the morning as I was having doubts. She told me God also told her the same.

She had tried to convince her dad but he was not budging. He was withholding the keys from her and maybe even mentioned that I may be a false prophet. I’m not bothered by it because I know it’s not true.

I was tired all day trying to figure things out. The truth is God had showed me signs of New York everywhere, through t-shirts, signs. He told me to book a flight to New York, then He told me to book a flight to Korea, then another. Whenever the finances came in for it, I obeyed and booked the one way flights (the flights almost add up to $1000). But I was also asking God “but what if you change plans on me?”

This has happened before. One time I had a flight booked to Paris and I woke up from a dream where He told me to go to China. Turns out I ended up meeting a girl in Beijing who had the same story. She was redirected to go to China when she was going somewhere else, she had to change several flights to do it.

But most flights I book are non-refundable. So of course I had doubts.

Yesterday I felt a well of energy and thought “why do I have to wait for other people, just go!”

So I went. At first I thought I would sleep at the korean spa but when the uberpool driver stopped to pick someone up at Union Station, I suddenly felt God say to go to the airport. So I asked to get off and paid for a flyaway ticket to LAX. I started having anxiety in the bus. When my friend texted me “even if you make the wrong decisions, God is still in it”. Somehow I felt set free of trying to make the “right decisions”.

Well, I even paid for a carry on (something I didn’t want to do before but somehow 2 of my friends sowed $31 and $23 that very day to cover the bag which was $49). I check in. I’m at the airport, it’s 10pm-11pm…I find a nook to sleep on the floor and suddenly I’m very tired.

“Why am I sleeping on the floor at an airport?” As I thought about the 15 hour trip that I’d have to take, well, 3 layovers…one in Denver, one in Vegas, one in Chicago. I was laying there and suddenly heard God say “go home”. I heard it a few times on the bus too but thought well, now I’m confused.

I call my friend in Europe. She tells me “it’s very normal to have confusion when you’re working with other people since you are experiencing their junk and vice versa”.

I’m like omg you’re right. So we pray and somehow I hear again “go home”.

But I don’t want to, my body is tired, I feel dead inside. God why? Why have me book flights and then tell me to cancel them. What a waste.

But I remember what He said to me “whatever done in faith is never a waste, and will be rewarded”. 

It’s not about the final result, or the success rate of things happening, it’s trusting God no matter how crazy it looks. 

So it’s 1 am and I walk out of the airport, having checked in, and I’m probably still checked in to the 3 flights I was going to go on. 

I take an uber home from the airport. In my mind I just wasted $100 going back and forth from the airport and paying for the bag. I know, I can’t get over why God would have me do that.

It doesn’t make sense right?

But God’s ways are not man’s ways. 

I had a few people tell me that they encountered redirection from God yesterday and it really confused them. They really started to question if they were even hearing God right.

Well here’s what I’m hearing-

“baby boy, baby girl,

Don’t look back. My ways are not your ways. My thoughts are not your thoughts. Don’t be afraid of failure. Don’t be afraid of closed doors. I want you TO TRY with all your might. I don’t want you to live life afraid. And sometimes I may ask you to wait and be patient. Sometimes I may ask you to step out in faith and maybe you won’t see a successful “ending” to the thing I’ve asked you to step out in faith on, but that’s all a part of trusting me and trusting that I am enough for you.

It’s not about getting there, it’s about walking with me through it all.

Do you trust me? Let go and surrender. It’s not on your shoulders to make the right decisions. I want you to be a child and never be afraid to fail, never be afraid to try. I’m a good father, I won’t fail you. See some of you try to put your hope in a person or a trip, or ministry, or a career, or a job….but put your trust in me. 

It’s not about the success rate my friend, it’s about knowing you are enough no matter what happens. Even if you will no longer be the “supposed love of your life”. Even if you lose money from flights canceled. Even if God has you quit a job you thought you liked“.

I had a dream that I was sitting at a table and I moved farther to see the board clearer (but I stepped in between two people talking). And someone from Kim Kardashian’s family said “why did you interrupt the man to sit here”. Say “sorry”. So I said “sorry” but continued sitting there.

Sometimes you have to move away from the “goal” to see clearer. God is giving you 20/20 vision right now. The funny thing is when I was on the bus, I remembered I left my contact lens at home. This has happened a few times recently. I left my contact lens at my friend’s house.

The truth is……God has me in a season where I am training up leaders, pioneers. But their problems sometimes overwhelm me. I feel like a free bird but sometimes when I train others up, I feel the weight of their burdens or the weight of their chains. I want to set them free immediately but I know it’s a process too on their end. And so perhaps the truth is – I wanted to run, run ahead, run away and not have to feel responsible for them. It’s easier to be alone I think. Sometimes I don’t feel capable. I want to live a normal life where I don’t have to help anyone. 

“Why do you think I set you free?” God says to me.

“It’s to set others free”.

Okay well maybe sometimes I don’t feel up to the task and maybe I don’t want to set boundaries, and maybe I don’t know how. That’s why I say “I want to be alone” because when you’re alone you don’t have to tell anyone anything. You don’t have to speak your mind, you can sit comfortably and mind your own business. 

But when you have other people involved, you have to learn to set boundaries, you have to learn to speak up, you have to be honest, you have to say sorry sometimes, you have to be considerate of others.

When you’re alone, it’s too easy. You have no one else to consider and it’s awesome. But you also don’t have anyone to love or to be supported by. And I feel maybe I’m scared I’ll be bogged down by their problems, and not know how to say no or to say “hey I need time for myself” because that has been the case in the past growing up with a single mom. 

I was sitting there at the airport and suddenly the intercom said “if you need help ask Matt Damon, cuz he has no friends”.

It pierced me. Okay God. What the heck.

Many of us have been longing for friends but when we get them we are overwhelmed that we don’t know how to be ourselves and speak our truth in that relationship. So we hide, we run. The same cycle of broken relationships.  

God wants us healed.

I was telling my friend that when God told me to go to Taiwan God told me to book a flight ticket on my credit card in faith, He said someone would pay for it. 

I sat my mom down and told her I was going as I already booked a ticket, I didn’t know how long I was going to be gone for. That’s it. It wasn’t even an option that I stayed. If God told me to go, I was going even if it meant I had to just trust Him for the finances (since I didn’t have anything saved up lest $20).

She ended up paying for my flight and even though she didn’t talk to me for 2 days, a wall was broken.

I’ve done many things like that. Going to South Africa with $20 in my pocket and that’s where God had me start my ministry, on facebook.

One time I had a layover in LA, and I had another flight continuing. I probably had a few bucks in my wallet, but I would’ve still gone if my mom said no. I knew God would provide either way.

This is a season where God is redirecting us into community. SO it may be scary and daunting.

This is a season of big faith….and this faith may be letting go of a plan or vision God gave you, you know giving up your Isaac. 

Do you trust God for the best?

He has your best interest in mind.

What is your Isaac? What do you need to let go? Is it control? Is it the outcome?

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Let’s Talk About Love & My Heart

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Write your heart out- I hear the Lord saying.

So I went to get a manicure as it’s been something I’ve been wanting to do. I take a long time to pick the colors I like. Today I took out blue, purple, pink, she started to put purple on and I flinched. I didn’t like the color. I said, can I try blue? After 4 different colors I said I wanted bright pink. She became impatient.

I felt bad for making her mad (even though I waited an extra 30 minutes for my appointment).

Then I had a book of nails and suddenly it fell to the ground, and a bunch of the samples fell out. One of the manicurist had to match the samples one by one back into the book.

Again, I felt bad but kept thinking “I am righteous in Christ Jesus”. I apologized.

Then all of a sudden, I realized I was a perfectionist. Like, I wanted to choose the perfect color but for some reason, I couldn’t find the one I wanted and I try really hard to find the “perfect color” or perfect decisions. 

Then a realization hit me. I had stopped trusting my heart. I totally forgot that I went through a heart break this year. I’m going to be super honest from now on. 

I met a guy in Fiji and really liked him. But it was short lived because we lived in different places (well I live all over the world). In an instant, I thought “f it, I’m just going to love someone and not be afraid to get hurt”.

But of course, like one of those sad romances, there was always an ending. I thought he was going to visit me before he left but then after rushing to his hotel to say goodbye, I learned he had already left because he realized his flight was 5 am in the morning. I was disappointed and thought, well, I actually rushed over like in the movies but in reality, life is not like the movies. 

I also knew that he wouldn’t be my husband because he didn’t believe in Jesus and we were just in very different phases of our lives too, so I knew in my heart that it was not going to last.

Then when I went to India, I met another guy I liked. I said again, I just want to make new friends and we liked each other. Again, I knew I had to go, it was an experience for God to open my heart because I had stopped dating shortly after I broke up with my ex in 2014. In fact, there was a season I didn’t talk to any potential partners, I told God I was going to focus on Him (all my previous attempts to date revealed to me that until I knew my worth, I’d never meet the one who could love me the way God sees me).

I told God “heal me so I can understand what I’m worth and who I am”.

I didn’t want to go searching for love in the wrong places when I was still broken inside. I knew I’d just keep meeting guys who were also broken and searching for love in the wrong places (me, and not God). 

About a year ago, before I started doing ministry God gave me a dream where He was showing me different pictures of men and swiping (like on Tinder)- then I heard Him say “get ready”. I also had dreams where I was wearing a wedding dress on an airplane and God was preparing me for marriage.

But I kind of thought, God wouldn’t it be so much easier if you just bring that ONE MAN, so I don’t have to get hurt?

God – there is risk in love, no love is without pain. Otherwise it wouldn’t be love. I wanted you to open your heart up to love, love is messy and risky. Love is not a final destination but a journey. Just because you meet that one person doesn’t mean you’ll not have pain in your life. 

No matter what life brings you will need to have an open heart so you can experience both the pain and joys of life. A closed heart does not experience love or pain, it is numb. A closed heart sits at home and never battles disappointment, sadness, anger nor pain…

A hero, a warrior encounters every emotion. She/he doesn’t shy away from the battle called love and life.

You will get angry, you will get sad, you will be disappointed in life.

You will experience all kinds of hardship but all kinds of joys too.

If you are willing to trust God with your heart, He will tend to and care for your heart. He is in charge of taking care of your heart. He never abandons His children. 

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God- Hello Heart,

Heart- Hi.

God- Don’t be afraid of love. I know you’ve encountered heart break.

Heart- I’m tired of being disappointed.

God- Will you let me hold you?

Heart- okay.

God – Don’t be afraid, I’m right here. I won’t hurt you. I’m here always taking care of you. You can cry, let it out.

Heart- I’ve been abused and misunderstood, spat at. People misunderstand me and hurt me.

Jesus- I understand. I’ve been there. I came to save the ones that hurt me. It hurt my heart too. There are people that will hurt and judge you when you’re trying to set them free. They will misunderstand and reject you and in that moment you must remember, you are just like me. In fact I am there with you, hearing the words you are hearing. 

But then you must come to me and let me speak to your heart. Because I will tell you that you are loved and accepted by me, that there is nothing you can do that will make me love you less. 

My love is perfect. I don’t condemn or guilt trip you, I will never turn away from you. I always draw close to you, I will never run away from you. My love is perfect and complete. I will never scorn you for being imperfect. When I see you I only see Jesus, perfection and completion.

My experiences in friendships have often come with “trying to be perfect” for that person. I’d try really hard to always be there for them. I’d initiate and take time to be there for them, but was often taken for granted. I’d withstand being taken for granted and then suddenly have a moment of “THAT’S IT, I’M TIRED OF BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF” and suddenly disappear (ghost). I’d unfriend them or block them. That was my habit.

I felt that it was hard to meet people who actually cared for me. I felt that they were often dumping on me emotionally or only coming to me for emotional and spiritual help. Or they would want to “pick my brain”.

I kind of felt like a monkey, you know when a scientist would pick a monkey’s brain?

Later on, I learned to set boundaries and slowly learned to voice my needs and concerns in relationships. First, God would challenge me to ask people for donations. This sparked support and outrage. I had friends that were extremely offended and told me that they were offended. I felt extremely hurt. I said that when they needed help, they often came to me, but when I needed help, it seemed that I didn’t deserve it. 

It outraged me. 

Do you have friends like that? Where it’s constantly one-sided?

Fortunately, God has been mending those relationships lately. He has been showing me that I didn’t do anything wrong, I was simply listening to His instructions. 

I love Jesus because He often tells me to do things outside of my comfort zone but causes me to have healthy relationships in my life.

He longs for us to have relationships that are balanced, not just one-sided. I often felt drained and exhausted by relationships because I was giving so much of myself but was receiving very little of what I needed. It would show up in different areas of my life.

If I was giving too much of myself, I’d experience sickness in my body or shortage of finances. I’d be hosting networking events and be putting my drink on a credit card because I had no more cash. 

The wisdom and knowledge I give to people is worth so much more than money. Freedom cannot be bought by money. Freedom is experienced, often through the hardships we go through.

I am so grateful that God gave me the courage to ask people to sow, whether it’s emotionally, spiritually or financially.

It’s been a long journey. I think if I didn’t know God, I’d never understand my worth. Because there is no fear in love, perfect love casts out fear. 

If you’d like to show your appreciation, make a donation below- thank you! (Even a small amount (like $1) means something to me, to me it shows that my writing is making a difference so don’t despise the fact that you can only give a little). God sees your heart and I see it to. Thank you!

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Want to get coaching?

Freeing Christians From The Religious Spirit

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You are doing enough. You are enough. 

When Adam and Eve sinned, God said “where are you?” They were hiding because they realized they were naked. God wants us to be honest. 

I told my friend “it’s better that you are out there getting drunk, partying,”sinning” and doing what you want” then to be pretending and suppressing your desires like the religious pharisees. It’s one thing to do something or not do something out of conviction from the holy spirit (AND THAT IS BETWEEN YOU AND GOD!), but it’s another when you’re suppressing what you want to say or do because you feel that you’ll be punished. 

That is GOING to spark some offense in Christians.

That is what Jesus was talking about – He said “you guys are white and clean on the outside but inside you are vermin” (something like that). 

It is the Spirit of God that causes us to will and to do. (Philippians 2:3) Which means God gives us the desire and the action to do. You don’t have to monitor people and tell them what to do. That is control and control comes from fear. 

God has brought me to a level in my faith where I’ve experienced freedom from religion.

Religion- Feeling guilty if you don’t read your bible, if you don’t go to church, if you don’t pray….etc….that is religion. You feel condemned if you don’t or do something. You feel like there is no freedom to be yourself, you are always monitoring what you say or do. You feel like you have to be nice to people to “win them to Christ”. You feel like you can’t just have fun. You’re scared to be in certain environments because you fear that “you will stumble”. You’re scared to speak your TRUTH and be honest because you feel like it’s not Christ -Like.

Relationship- knowing that you are loved by God and that you are unpunishable because Jesus was punished on the cross for you. You live in freedom and you’re not scared of “other people’s sin” touching you because you are covered by the blood of Christ. You have freedom to dance, religious people don’t just “dance” because they don’t feel the freedom to. Again, religious people are always monitoring their actions to make sure they are doing the “right thing”. This is legalism. You are free to speak your mind without fear. Remember God sees no sin in you, He only sees Jesus. 

I had a dream last night I was in the same room with a girl. I noticed needles in my heart and as I took them out one by one, I felt pangs in my body. The needles represented accusation and were connected to pains in my body recently. When I got a massage yesterday the lady kept yelling relax relax, I noticed that I was clenching parts of my body like my butt and I couldn’t relax because the accusations were causing muscle tension. Accusation causes your body to clench up because it’s “getting ready to be spanked or punished”  for doing “bad”.

I had read and accepted her messages thinking that “I should” try to get along with other Christians and “be receptive” to correction or opinion, but after that dream I realize that God was asking me to guard my heart. Another girl was also telling me “you need fellowship or accountability”.

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But I’ve never shied away from God’s correction, He speaks to me directly about it. I’ve also always had Christian friends in my life to pray for me. 

But their words made me think I wasn’t enough and that I wasn’t doing enough. 

I realize that is why I hated those “religious” words. Because they are religion. I’ve always had a close relationship with God and kept my heart pure. And even if I don’t, forcing fellowship with believers is religion. 

If you feel like you have to listen to someone, it’s religion.

If you feel like you have to be somewhere to be more “holy”, it’s religion.

You are already whole and righteous in God’s eyes because of Jesus’ sacrifice. You are not trying to be more, you are not trying to better yourself, you are already whole.

You don’t need more people around you to “edify” you, you are whole as you are, alone, standing there. 

I really hate those religious words.

YOU ARE WHOLE ALL BY YOURSELF! 

The other accusations that came – “I wish someone went with you to follow Jesus”- soon I heard them as “you are not enough”. 

But that was a lie. God had called me to go with Him, not with anyone else. 

YOU ARE WHOLE ALL BY YOURSELF.

There is this one woman, also well-intentioned, she’d say something EVERY TIME I was going to the airport or going to a new city. Even though we’d talk it out, I realize I felt accused because there was accusation and control in her tone. Even though she may not have realized it. There was a religions spirit influencing her.

God trained me to go by myself so that I wouldn’t be influenced by different spirits like the spirit of witchcraft, which is control and comes from fear. 

If you believe I’m just a normal believer, then so be it. But if you believe that I’ve been highly trained by God and that I am a prophet that hears God, then you’ll perceive what I’m saying.

Romans 8:1-2 

“Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of Spirit of Life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death”.

On my journey in the last year and a half, I got so focused on trying to help people understand why I’m free and why they’re free that I stopped having fun. Instead of just enjoying life, I started sitting by the side of the road explaining to those who were sitting by the side. Instead of living my life. 

As I explained to my friend, if someone keeps eating their own shit you can tell them “dude, you’re eating poop” but if they say “that’s fine, I don’t care I want to”, there’s nothing you can do but to move on.

Don’t sit there and watch them eat their poop, move on. 

My job is to prophesy and speak the truth and move on.

On a Korean tv show, this celebrity adopted a dog and he said that he has a disease where he thinks his poop is a toy since he was locked up in a cage all his life. He started to eat his poop because that’s all he saw.

Many believers go to church every sunday and have been taught “this is all there is”. You have to do this, you can’t wear a bikini, you have to wake up early to read the bible or else God will punish you. 

They are lies. 

God only sees Jesus in you. Go live life. 

When I left my baptist church, I went church hopping but on Sundays God started telling me just to rest. He said “just rest”. So I said okay God. I started to do things I wanted to do. I mean I’ve always been very free as I was left home alone at 5-6 years old and had no adult supervision. I snuck outside my house to buy toys at the store.

When I see people with controlling parents, even though they may seem close, they have no freedom. I had to learn my mom loves me in another way. 

I’m grateful I am experiencing the freedom of being a child of God and be secure in that truth while I’m living…not being afraid of punishment, but living in freedom. 

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Prophetic Word- DON’T LIMIT GOD! Think Outside The Box!

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Today was quite crazy as usual. Another day where I thought maybe I’ll lay in bed and actually rest. But I kept thinking of the korean spa I wanted to go to yesterday. I’ve been a bit jet lag, but anyhow the Lord woke me up at 4am and He said to start my coaching business again.

The Lord has been breaking me free from thinking point A to point B. Like in Taiwan when I was taking the train back to Shuangxi and suddenly He told me to get off the train and go back to Taipei. After getting off a few buses, simply following my gut on where to go (not searching for hotels or hostels), I got off across a train station and saw a lady making dessert. Well, I asked her if she knew anyone who was renting a room and she did! Anyways, that night the Lord had me meet two strangers who I then shared an uber with, then ended up at a nightclub, met a guy in line and then went with him to meet his friends, two of which were Jewish. God’s ways are not man’s ways. 

When God speaks, you move.

Don’t use your logic. Your logic will slow you down and it will make you REALLY tired and lethargic (because it’s rooted in fear).

THIS MONTH! DON’T LIMIT GOD! He is taking the caps off! If you haven’t read the last blog post please do! 

I realize that in coming back to LA for 2 weeks, I felt a bit disjointed. I felt like I was a bit tired of ministering on the road and doing things I didn’t like….like I had given up a lot of passions and interests such as music, drawing, teaching, fashion, dancing. 

But the Lord has been showing me He has always given me those interests and desires as a way to connect with people, that I didn’t have to give them up. He will use those for His glory.

Because when He told me to sell everything and follow Him, He had closed all the doors to my career and I felt that He was saying I couldn’t pursue them.

Which was kind of true for the last year and a half because He had me going to YMCA’s and hostels and places I WOULD NEVER WANT TO SLEEP in to reach those who needed Jesus. In New Zealand I stayed at a YWCA where I had to tell the guy next door to quiet down his tv like everyday. But I got to pray over him and tell him that God was telling him to go to Germany to see his daughter. Things like that would happen all the time. Then I walked downstairs that night and ended up meeting a fellow Kiwi native that had to be delivered of evil spirits. Things like that.

But I didn’t GO where I would normally WANT TO STAY. You know? One hostel had club music until 4 am in the morning. Another in Australia had club music until 2am just below the hostel. But I went there to find lost sheep and go to the people God wanted me to reach. Everything was pre-appointed. 

This month I hear the Lord say-

“Don’t limit me. Don’t limit me to just one career, one city, one place, one house, one friend. I can tell you to do anything and if you’re willing, you’d live a beautiful artful life full of possibilities”.

One day you may have the desire to go to a korean spa, another day He may lead you to an unknown area you’ve never been to. You’ll discover places and people.

Maybe one day you’ll be working on a cruise, another day working at Starbucks, another day simply getting fed by the Lord, another day going to Walmart. Maybe He will tell you to book a flight to Mexico one day and you’ll backpack down South America. Maybe one day you’re sipping coffee in Israel or you’re prophesying over a stranger on the bus. I’ve done most of that, anything is possible.

So don’t limit Him.

If He calls you to do something you don’t normally like, He has a purpose for it. Maybe it’s to meet that father who will speak healing into your soul. Maybe it’s to meet a mother figure that will affirm you and hug you causing you to cry. His ways are not our ways. He will show you a dress you like and show you what kind of style you like again.  He will lead you to a deal you couldn’t have found yourself.

And Yes in following your desires….you will meet the man/woman of your dreams. 

Sometimes we try so hard to find that soul mate when God is telling you- just follow your heart and in doing so, you are following the “string” God has laid out to lead both of you to each other. 

Maybe the reason you haven’t met him/her is because you’ve been searching for him/her and not following your heart in your life”.

BAM!

You’ve been searching for the man/woman and not enjoying your life the way GOD intended you to enjoy it.

No one is attracted to someone who is desperate to find someone! People are attracted to partners who are enjoying their life and totally in love with the life they’re living. 

You know those movies where this girl goes traveling solo and she meets a handsome man at a club or while sitting there sipping wine? Exactly. 

She’s not desperate, she’s content being alone. She is enjoying her life. That’s when you usually find your life partner. 

When I first quit my full time job I didn’t know I’d one day do ministry. I never thought I’d end up in a reality show, I never thought I’d do the many things I’ve done but I was always led to it. But the biggest thing is I wasn’t afraid to fail. Because I didn’t have much to begin with so what is there to lose. God wants us to live in freedom and not be afraid to try. I’ve done a lot of things I never thought I’d do -like dance at Moulin Rouge. What?
 
Or be on an arranged marriage show?
 
What?
But see, those were probably the coolest experiences of my life. Or meeting the thousands of people I have all over the world. Sure, the following Jesus part on the road has had a LOT of hardships and challenges but it’s taught me to surrender in a way I’ve known how.
 
Don’t be afraid of failure, think of every experience as you being led to the next, think of your life as a very rich and fulfilling life (movie). Life is about trusting God, not about perfection. Life is about knowing who you are in Christ, a son and daughter of God that CANNOT be punished for doing wrong. That no matter what you do, you are a delight to Jesus. It makes life fun doesn’t it?
TODAY GOD IS BREAKING OFF FEAR IN A BIG WAY.
 
1. Life is not about making perfect decisions but knowing who you are in Christ no matter what life looks like, that you cannot be punished for doing wrong because Jesus was already punished on the cross for you. No matter what you decide, God only sees perfection in you.
2. That means you are free to choose and explore life. And if you don’t like what you’re doing, change course at any minute. You don’t have to be stuck with the decisions you made.

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I met this group of youth because I followed my desire to drink boba.

42580267_10160951970995603_7565485175648288768_nTwo of the first people I ever prayed and prophesied over was in Korea at a hostel in Busan. They are Indians from Delhi. It was a year later that I went to India. God’s ways are not our ways 🙂

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The verse God gave me today-

Psalm 65[a]

For the director of music. A psalm of David. A song.

Praise awaits[b] you, our God, in Zion;
    to you our vows will be fulfilled.
You who answer prayer,
    to you all people will come.
When we were overwhelmed by sins,
    you forgave[c] our transgressions.
Blessed are those you choose
    and bring near to live in your courts!
We are filled with the good things of your house,
    of your holy temple.

You answer us with awesome and righteous deeds,
    God our Savior,
the hope of all the ends of the earth
    and of the farthest seas,
who formed the mountains by your power,
    having armed yourself with strength,
who stilled the roaring of the seas,
    the roaring of their waves,
    and the turmoil of the nations.
The whole earth is filled with awe at your wonders;
    where morning dawns, where evening fades,
    you call forth songs of joy.

You care for the land and water it;
    you enrich it abundantly.
The streams of God are filled with water
    to provide the people with grain,
    for so you have ordained it.[d]
10 You drench its furrows and level its ridges;
    you soften it with showers and bless its crops.
11 You crown the year with your bounty,
    and your carts overflow with abundance.
12 The grasslands of the wilderness overflow;
    the hills are clothed with gladness.
13 The meadows are covered with flocks
    and the valleys are mantled with grain;
    they shout for joy and sing.

My Calling To Pastor Lost Sheep

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I was just talking to my friend about pastoring lost sheep. A lot of people don’t understand my calling and even the “lost sheep” ask me “so what’s your goal, what’s your vision”. I’m like you are. 

A lot of people also ask me if maybe God will bring someone to go with me.

Well I explained that pastoring lost sheep is a one on one job. God has sent me to 15-16 countries to find lost sheep. I am led by the Holy Spirit so even if I’m on an airplane if God says to move and I sense that I am not where I need to be, I start walking around the airplane looking for the “appointed” seat. It’s inconvenient and yes I get a lot of stares.

Sometimes I have to move rooms when I’m on the road because I don’t feel peace about one room, and it’s the receptionist I’m supposed to reach.

It’s led me to climb hills and valleys like this photo. It’s not a comfortable job or calling. I wasn’t sent out by a church or an organization. People are like “oh so your church must send you to a lot of places”. I’m like “no God sends me”.

Hurt and wounded people do not open to groups of missionaries, they open to one person who speaks into their heart and language. My sheep need special care. They usually feel rejected and have been significantly hurt by people. If the lost sheep is not a believer of Jesus, I usually pray and prophesy into what they’re going through and they are amazed by how I know things about them.

If the lost sheep is a believer who has been wounded by the church, well, sometimes they have a defensive mechanism and yes, I’m the one who feels like I’m getting the beating. But it’s just because people are not used to people who love without agenda.

And I’ve had sheep bite back too. They called me a fraud and that I wasn’t sent by God. When God tells me to ask specific people for donations I’ve gotten judged too. People are confused and don’t understand my calling or purpose. Mostly conservatives or people who don’t understand the holy spirit.

The Holy Spirit is well, FREE, not confined, not restricted, God is completely outside the box and will call you to do outrageous things that don’t make sense at the time.

You don’t get as much recognition and fame as those who pastor a church with a building. Sometimes you don’t receive appreciation either.

But that’s following Jesus, you do it because you love Jesus and you love people. Let’s just say it purifies your heart and I have to continue doing that each day, and not get caught up in unforgiveness or bitterness. Since it’s also a calling that is sometimes unpaid. You don’t get a weekly salary. You have to trust God to open peoples’ hearts to give or God will tell me who to ask.

It’s definitely not a traditional calling and few people do it. 

It requires you to have significant faith in the one who is faithful to provide and to take care of His children.

I told a catholic Polish man that I am a pastor and he said “but can women be pastors?” I said yes. Some men in church don’t allow women to be pastors because they want the recognition, their hearts are defiled by the need for fame. If you are pastoring people, you are a pastor. You don’t have to be ordained or be in a church to do it. 

God knows peoples’ hearts. He knows many people just do it for recognition. He is looking at those who pastor people out of love. 

When I was on a bus in New Zealand the Lord had me sit next to a staunch atheist. He was very defensive and asked me “what is God telling you?” I said “He told me to listen to you”. “Well I’m not sure if He wants you to listen to talks against God”. 

So he just talked about how he was a computer genius growing up and felt misunderstood. He told me how he was badly hurt by a pastor.

Why is it different when you serve out of listening to God?

It’s not a formula. It’s not just sharing tracts or sharing the 4 steps to salvation. God will always tell you what that person actually needs to hear. Loving people is not a formula. And bringing people to Jesus is not like doing sales. It’s about showing them that there is a God who deeply loves and cares for them.

And sure, I have to learn to set boundaries too. My job is to deliver a message, I’m a prophet so I deliver messages from God. My responsibility is not to help better their lives right away, that’s God’s job. I can’t be like a mom constantly by their side telling them what to do. Some people I minister to I never see again, some stay connected to me on social media and I get to see their growth. 

Sometimes I don’t get thanked, and sometimes I feel depleted or empty. And at that time I need to take care of myself. Sometimes I feel lack and I feel like I can’t go on and God says to me “it is in your weakness my strength is made perfect”.

It’s a calling that requires all of my heart.

I can’t put half my heart out there when God asks me to sit next to a stranger, talk to them, pray over them. Sometimes God tells me to ask a stranger for a donation, can you imagine the fear of rejection or judgement? It seems whatever evil can come against me has come against me. The spirit of witchcraft in people? Nightmares, demons? I’ve encountered them all because Satan really hates that someone is willing to risk their life, even if that means never getting an applause or a steady paycheck to rescue those that everyone else has seem to have forgotten.

Because I am one of those lost sheep, not that I ever strayed from God, I always heard His voice….but I was badly wounded by church leaders. They told me I was going down the path of destruction.

Like Joseph, I didn’t understand why people laughed at me when I said I was going to be Asian Oprah. They laughed because I could barely pay my rent and I was struggling to make ends meet. They laughed because they didn’t understand the seed God put in me, the power God put in me. They looked at my circumstances, not the resurrected Christ in me. 

Now I understand why I had to go through the torment of ridicule, shaming and guilt tripping.

So that I can withstand anything that comes against me on the road.

You can read about why I left everything to Follow Jesus.

And you know what’s cool, when there’s those few that honor, respect and love you for who you are. I am grateful for the ones that have stood by me and encouraged me when I was discouraged. It’s not an easy job. I was telling my friend (that I met on instagram) that most nights when I’m staying at a new place I’m praying to God “please let there not be loud noises next door”. You just never know what to expect. I never know what assignments are out there. Most people go back to the same home every night and when I’m able to do that for a few days, I’m really grateful to God. 

Prayer Request and updates:

  1. I’ll be in LA until September 5 and flying to New York. I have 3 layovers in Vegas, Denver and Chicago. I know it’s crazy but God told me this was the one to book and there must be a lot of divine appointments on this journey.
  2. Pray for protection, strength, energy, joy, health. Pray for rest in the few days I’m here.
  3. Pray for the hearts of those I’ve sown seeds into. Pray for the thousands of people I’ve ministered to on the road. Pray for God to protect the seeds of His gospel.
  4. Pray for Christians who are stuck in the religious mindset and need to be set free by the holy spirit. Pray for God to open their hearts and see the new move of God. Pray for them to welcome the fact that God can speak to them. One of my calling is to set Christians free from condemnation. A lot of people don’t understand grace, so I have to explain that at the point of salvation God only sees Jesus in them.
  5. Pray for God’s abundant provision as God is saying to go to Korea soon. I have a one way ticket to New York and may be flying out to Korea after- as the holy spirit leads.
  6. Pray for BOLDNESS to do whatever God asks me to do. Pray against the spirit of fear or intimidation, or any impure spirit that tries to come against me. Pray that I will be so focused on God’s love that nothing shakes me.

If you would like to support me or my ministry- links are below. Thank you so much! $500-$600 is needed for the flight to Korea. My goal is to raise $4000 in the next few days or weeks to cover the flights and expenses needed for August and September. If there are more needs I know God will provide as I continue! 

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One of my favorite pictures where God led me to a hostel in Singapore and there was a roomful of Korean kids on an English field trip with their English teacher.

The Parable of the Lost Sheep

15 Now the tax collectors and sinners were all gathering around to hear Jesus. But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.”

Then Jesus told them this parable: “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ 7 I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

Luke 15:1-7

Choose God’s Path

www.facebook.com/704670602/posts/10162199179340603

A word on my spirit. Someone out there is choosing the easier and more comfortable route but God is asking you to step out in faith. It’s not an easy word to deliver because no one likes to be uncomfortable but God’s intention is to grow you.

Feel free to message me on Facebook if you have questions or want to tell me your story.

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