Yesterday was a whirlwind for me. The night before I woke up and felt God say that I needed to cancel my flight, and that I should drive to New York with my friend. I saw us visiting different people throughout the states. I texted her that and then deleted it in the morning as I was having doubts. She told me God also told her the same.
She had tried to convince her dad but he was not budging. He was withholding the keys from her and maybe even mentioned that I may be a false prophet. I’m not bothered by it because I know it’s not true.
I was tired all day trying to figure things out. The truth is God had showed me signs of New York everywhere, through t-shirts, signs. He told me to book a flight to New York, then He told me to book a flight to Korea, then another. Whenever the finances came in for it, I obeyed and booked the one way flights (the flights almost add up to $1000). But I was also asking God “but what if you change plans on me?”
This has happened before. One time I had a flight booked to Paris and I woke up from a dream where He told me to go to China. Turns out I ended up meeting a girl in Beijing who had the same story. She was redirected to go to China when she was going somewhere else, she had to change several flights to do it.
But most flights I book are non-refundable. So of course I had doubts.
Yesterday I felt a well of energy and thought “why do I have to wait for other people, just go!”
So I went. At first I thought I would sleep at the korean spa but when the uberpool driver stopped to pick someone up at Union Station, I suddenly felt God say to go to the airport. So I asked to get off and paid for a flyaway ticket to LAX. I started having anxiety in the bus. When my friend texted me “even if you make the wrong decisions, God is still in it”. Somehow I felt set free of trying to make the “right decisions”.
Well, I even paid for a carry on (something I didn’t want to do before but somehow 2 of my friends sowed $31 and $23 that very day to cover the bag which was $49). I check in. I’m at the airport, it’s 10pm-11pm…I find a nook to sleep on the floor and suddenly I’m very tired.
“Why am I sleeping on the floor at an airport?” As I thought about the 15 hour trip that I’d have to take, well, 3 layovers…one in Denver, one in Vegas, one in Chicago. I was laying there and suddenly heard God say “go home”. I heard it a few times on the bus too but thought well, now I’m confused.
I call my friend in Europe. She tells me “it’s very normal to have confusion when you’re working with other people since you are experiencing their junk and vice versa”.
I’m like omg you’re right. So we pray and somehow I hear again “go home”.
But I don’t want to, my body is tired, I feel dead inside. God why? Why have me book flights and then tell me to cancel them. What a waste.
But I remember what He said to me “whatever done in faith is never a waste, and will be rewarded”.
It’s not about the final result, or the success rate of things happening, it’s trusting God no matter how crazy it looks.
So it’s 1 am and I walk out of the airport, having checked in, and I’m probably still checked in to the 3 flights I was going to go on.
I take an uber home from the airport. In my mind I just wasted $100 going back and forth from the airport and paying for the bag. I know, I can’t get over why God would have me do that.
It doesn’t make sense right?
But God’s ways are not man’s ways.
I had a few people tell me that they encountered redirection from God yesterday and it really confused them. They really started to question if they were even hearing God right.
Well here’s what I’m hearing-
“baby boy, baby girl,
Don’t look back. My ways are not your ways. My thoughts are not your thoughts. Don’t be afraid of failure. Don’t be afraid of closed doors. I want you TO TRY with all your might. I don’t want you to live life afraid. And sometimes I may ask you to wait and be patient. Sometimes I may ask you to step out in faith and maybe you won’t see a successful “ending” to the thing I’ve asked you to step out in faith on, but that’s all a part of trusting me and trusting that I am enough for you.
It’s not about getting there, it’s about walking with me through it all.
Do you trust me? Let go and surrender. It’s not on your shoulders to make the right decisions. I want you to be a child and never be afraid to fail, never be afraid to try. I’m a good father, I won’t fail you. See some of you try to put your hope in a person or a trip, or ministry, or a career, or a job….but put your trust in me.
It’s not about the success rate my friend, it’s about knowing you are enough no matter what happens. Even if you will no longer be the “supposed love of your life”. Even if you lose money from flights canceled. Even if God has you quit a job you thought you liked“.
I had a dream that I was sitting at a table and I moved farther to see the board clearer (but I stepped in between two people talking). And someone from Kim Kardashian’s family said “why did you interrupt the man to sit here”. Say “sorry”. So I said “sorry” but continued sitting there.
Sometimes you have to move away from the “goal” to see clearer. God is giving you 20/20 vision right now. The funny thing is when I was on the bus, I remembered I left my contact lens at home. This has happened a few times recently. I left my contact lens at my friend’s house.
The truth is……God has me in a season where I am training up leaders, pioneers. But their problems sometimes overwhelm me. I feel like a free bird but sometimes when I train others up, I feel the weight of their burdens or the weight of their chains. I want to set them free immediately but I know it’s a process too on their end. And so perhaps the truth is – I wanted to run, run ahead, run away and not have to feel responsible for them. It’s easier to be alone I think. Sometimes I don’t feel capable. I want to live a normal life where I don’t have to help anyone.
“Why do you think I set you free?” God says to me.
“It’s to set others free”.
Okay well maybe sometimes I don’t feel up to the task and maybe I don’t want to set boundaries, and maybe I don’t know how. That’s why I say “I want to be alone” because when you’re alone you don’t have to tell anyone anything. You don’t have to speak your mind, you can sit comfortably and mind your own business.
But when you have other people involved, you have to learn to set boundaries, you have to learn to speak up, you have to be honest, you have to say sorry sometimes, you have to be considerate of others.
When you’re alone, it’s too easy. You have no one else to consider and it’s awesome. But you also don’t have anyone to love or to be supported by. And I feel maybe I’m scared I’ll be bogged down by their problems, and not know how to say no or to say “hey I need time for myself” because that has been the case in the past growing up with a single mom.
I was sitting there at the airport and suddenly the intercom said “if you need help ask Matt Damon, cuz he has no friends”.
It pierced me. Okay God. What the heck.
Many of us have been longing for friends but when we get them we are overwhelmed that we don’t know how to be ourselves and speak our truth in that relationship. So we hide, we run. The same cycle of broken relationships.
God wants us healed.
I was telling my friend that when God told me to go to Taiwan God told me to book a flight ticket on my credit card in faith, He said someone would pay for it.
I sat my mom down and told her I was going as I already booked a ticket, I didn’t know how long I was going to be gone for. That’s it. It wasn’t even an option that I stayed. If God told me to go, I was going even if it meant I had to just trust Him for the finances (since I didn’t have anything saved up lest $20).
She ended up paying for my flight and even though she didn’t talk to me for 2 days, a wall was broken.
I’ve done many things like that. Going to South Africa with $20 in my pocket and that’s where God had me start my ministry, on facebook.
One time I had a layover in LA, and I had another flight continuing. I probably had a few bucks in my wallet, but I would’ve still gone if my mom said no. I knew God would provide either way.
This is a season where God is redirecting us into community. SO it may be scary and daunting.
This is a season of big faith….and this faith may be letting go of a plan or vision God gave you, you know giving up your Isaac.
Do you trust God for the best?
He has your best interest in mind.
What is your Isaac? What do you need to let go? Is it control? Is it the outcome?
Cash app- gugibabu
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