Because people speak mandarin and I speak mandarin, and they don’t stare at you for such a long inappropriate length of time, as the Thais and Vietnamese guys do. So uncomfortable. 

And I think I’m the only woman in this guesthouse. 

And I found Indian things everywhere, there are not many women out on the streets…more men work than women it seems. Men cook whereas in Vietnam most of the food vendors are women.

I love Malaysia because things have prices on them. 

I also am starting to love my tiny room because I’ve placed all my knick knacks on the shelf and I have the lounge room to myself. I watched fast and the furious 7 today. 

Tomorrow I am going to sell my tablet to see if I’ll get some good $ for it. 

My ebook- Www.rebekkalien.com/lovemoneywork 

   

 

Ok so I’m going to speak around the world with many best sellers.

But now I’m lying in a box with laundry all over the room, trying to dry them. 

How does that even relate? 

All I know is this blog will be a book. But for now, noodles. And I’m not going to be overwhelmed. 

Kuala Lumpur – Malaysia    
   

Malaysians seem less hostile. In Thailand and Vietnam I encountered some bad attitudes and nonchalance, so far, people are friendly. 

I’ve seen a few rats but overall I believe it’s a civilized place. There are tons of homeless people outside the hotel, though I’ve opted for private room since the dorm rooms cost even more for some reason. 

To me civilization is – and please don’t laugh or you can….

1. A place that has free wifi everywhere 

2. Takes credit cards at most places 

3. Can be kind and friendly/ say thank you and you welcome 

4. Has McDonald’s- okay but seriously am I not the only one that feels at home when I see Mickey D’s? 

5. Has set prices at shops- because I get tired of negotiating 

6. Relatively clean and has side walks/ please lord I am so done ducking mopeds. 

 
My box   

Belican fried rice for 5 riggits 

 
   

Yep I saw 3 rats 

 

What if God is and was…what if God was and is more than what they sold to you in Sunday school, temple, church, schools, society? 

What if God loves you radically and formed you before you were born? 

What if God saw you as a powerful manifesto of greatness and splendor of love and beauty? What if God wants you to prosper, to win in life, to fall in love over and over again, and to surprise you with gifts and beauty? 

What if God is more than a judgemental father…what if God is a loving, gentle, generous compassionate father and mother? More than a male figure, a spirit of breakthrough, who loves honesty and emotions, who loves your heart- not for its perfection for for its weakness? 

What if God supports and encourages you, and wish you would hear how proud he is of you, how he has planned amazing unimaginable surprises for your life? 

What if God is more than and totally not what they preached….and if God is a mad man in heaven, then I for sure know that’s not my God. 

My God is an all supporting, compassionate father, a mother of all within me and a genius who inspires me to write and tell the world, God is for you, not against you. 

And if God is all the things that are good – why do we let those ancient sayings prevent us from receiving the goodness that wants to support our dreams? 

Hoa kiem lake – Hanoi   

Will you let me love you? 

Will you let the sands tickle your feet and indulge your tired hands? 

Will you let the sun blind your feverish striving? 

Will you be and let go? 

Will you treat me like the beauty I am and not use me or see me like a fast food joint? 

Will you make love to me and not treat me like a whorish vacation? 

I am a beauty and I am God

Cat ba Island – Vietnam 

– I feel that most people rush their way through lands and oceans as if they are trying to prove they’ve seen it all. Few take time to meditate and reflect. Travel is more about becoming yourself than looking outside of yourself.

   

    
 

yes I get hit on a lot, even when I’m seriously happy to be alone. 

For example when I’m eating alone, people will come up to me and invite me to eat with them. 

Today I got hit on by a pack of grown males, yes I did join them. Why not? What’s traveling about. All of them kept saying “this is divine encounter” and I agree, but as much as they said don’t worry we are all friends, one of the guy kept trying to touch my arm.

Shit gets real. 

I moved my chair so he couldn’t touch my arm. Around 9pm the guys asked me to pick one guy to take a walk with. I thought “none”.

I ended up talking with this married men who told me he was pressured with family. Raising a family; having to support not only his wife but his family, his wife’s family, etc. 

I told him that I didn’t see my dad for 10 years because pressure got real but I suggested he seriously express his emotions with his wife. In his drunken state he asked me to join him in his room. I said “you can escape a relationship, but you can’t escape yourself”. 

So yes these are circumstances I encounter on my journeys. What is being a wise woman? 

So yah, traveling is mostly about helping people…

And shit really gets real.

So I left and walked up a mountain, staring at the abyss, I said God I’m fed up, I love you, but I’m tired. 

I’ve cried a lot today. 

Then I walked up this hill full of brothels. I knew because there were lots of Vietnamese women sitting inside with neon pink lights. 

And still I felt love for the prostitute, the johns and even pimps. 

  

I feel like it is time to share my story with the world. I feel like I have been two persons for a long time and yes have had to dissect my life into two parts. 

I grew up as a loner, but always felt the spirit of God with me. I grew up going to church and was indoctrinated to believe in rules and regulations. At the age of 12 I came alive and felt the true unconditional, unbounded love of God.

I felt Gods presence and love so strongly, the type of love that forgives and accepts all of who you are, even the things you think are shameful. 

At a very young age I also decided to wait for marriage to have sex because I decided that God was worth trusting and my body more than a physical being. Now, in our society we are taught that if you wait you must be really ugly or unwanted, that you’re an outcast or weird. 

We are also taught that the more the better for everything. 

We indulge and consume everything to social media, drugs, sex- but most of us numb inside. 

Even as I write I wonder if I’m sharing too much, but I’m tired of being ashamed of who I am. 

Now does that mean I don’t interact with boys I like or date? No, I do, but I have limits. 

Also I am a highly sexual person. But the spirit inside of me controls the physical part of me. I am more than a physical being. 

It makes life easier for me too. No need for birth control, messing up my hormones. No need for intense heartbreaks because it is easier to part with people without intense emotional attachments. 

I don’t judge people for their decisions and I also expect people not to judge me, but often times when I tell people they think I’m lying, they say I’m too attractive to wait, they think I must be lesbian, they think I’m weird, etc.

But I like to break stereotypes.

And I also like to break the stereotype of Americans, we are not all loud and obnoxious.

I like to break the stereotype of people who have faith in a God, not all believe that God is a man upstairs judging us, in fact I believe god is in and through everything, I talk and commune with God everyday- in my dreams, awake, spirit helps me process my feelings, emotions, and being. 

I respect people for who they are and what they believe and if they have questions about my way of life, they ask me. 

I’m not ashamed of my sexual desires nor am I ashamed of the fact that I’m waiting for the love of my life. 

I am both physical and spiritual. 

And I’m not ashamed that I’m a dichotomy, but I’m both spirit and human. And that’s the beauty of life. 

  
I’m also tired of people thinking that if you believe in God then you must be stupid. 

Look at the birds, the ocean, the animals, the beauty- how can you not believe there is a great beautiful spirit surrounding us?   

I woke up with this epiphany, true success is loving and accepting yourself wherever you are in life. 

Most people already do a really good job of condemning themselves. Last night I went out to dance with my Dutch friends. We went to this street restaurant and this lady, in an effort to tell me that I’m sitting on the wrong chair, tapped my shoulders and straight up pull the chair from under me so I fell on the floor.

I was pissed. 

There’s no boundaries in Southeast Asia, a sense of personal space…I don’t like it. But as we started dancing I felt everything fall off.

I’ve been fighting, struggling, crying, feeling confused, waiting. 

I should be excited everyday because I’m traveling right? No, I’m going through a fair amount of heart stuff. 

But I feel a part of me finally embrace myself “it’s ok to not know, to not have things figured out, to be confused, to fall apart” but to walk forward bravely. 

Even scared. 

To dance, to cry, to be in pain, those are necessary for me to process life. 

Even though I don’t give a shit what people think, I finally don’t care what I think. 

We are usually our toughest critic, and I choose to say goodbye to the critic in me. Bye!!! Controlling spirit, parent, I’ve grown up. 

I’ll be my best supporter.

 
I caught this moment when the kid in the hostel poked my friend in the neck. Vietnam. 

Sometimes I feel forgotten, many times in my life I felt disappointed with empty promises and I felt that I needed to trust myself alone…yesterday I had a dream that I was my birthday and there were no gifts. I felt devastated. Then these two best guy friends asked me to prom.

I’m in a season of waiting for my long awaited promises and my heart is running dry. 

I ask God – what would you do? Since I know 5 years of the year that the bamboo grows to infinite levels…he said “love yourself so deeply that none can invade your being”. 

Like that German girl downstairs who is frantically looking for a place to go next. And here I am lying in bed resting.

God hasn’t forgotten you or me; but sometimes it feels that way doesn’t it? 

Be patient, the best will come.