I am feeling lost 

In a sea of faces, staring at me, why don’t you speak Malaysian? Because I’m not. I spilled all my hot sauce today. It was brilliant, why so clumsy. I don’t know, spilt my drink. 

Too much matrix? 

I can walk with swagger too, don’t think you own the place men. 

Anything you can do I can do. 

But all I want is a small house in the countryside where I don’t have to face any strangers. 

Where no one will tell me what I look like – even if it’s your beautiful. 

Let me crawl into a safe space where I don’t have to answer to anyone questioning my origins, who I am, what languages I speak.

Where I don’t have to answer for myself. 

It’s exhausting, just leave me be. Please.

I want to stop striving altogether. I don’t want to see any strange men staring at me, I want anonymity, I want to live in a cabin in the woods and write. 

Stop harassing me. 

Yep! 

I have this extravagant goal! 

By the way if you are part of the travel bureau or own a hotel, work for the marketing and pr department of any hospitality company- email me at rebekkalien@gmail.com 

I would love to write about your services, company, city, country, food!! 

Batu caves – Kuala Lumpur    
 

I hate it when tourists come and stay at my guesthouse. Go away. Be quiet. I’m a local resident. 

Because people speak mandarin and I speak mandarin, and they don’t stare at you for such a long inappropriate length of time, as the Thais and Vietnamese guys do. So uncomfortable. 

And I think I’m the only woman in this guesthouse. 

And I found Indian things everywhere, there are not many women out on the streets…more men work than women it seems. Men cook whereas in Vietnam most of the food vendors are women.

I love Malaysia because things have prices on them. 

I also am starting to love my tiny room because I’ve placed all my knick knacks on the shelf and I have the lounge room to myself. I watched fast and the furious 7 today. 

Tomorrow I am going to sell my tablet to see if I’ll get some good $ for it. 

My ebook- Www.rebekkalien.com/lovemoneywork 

Ok so I’m going to speak around the world with many best sellers.

But now I’m lying in a box with laundry all over the room, trying to dry them. 

How does that even relate? 

All I know is this blog will be a book. But for now, noodles. And I’m not going to be overwhelmed. 

Kuala Lumpur – Malaysia    
   

Malaysians seem less hostile. In Thailand and Vietnam I encountered some bad attitudes and nonchalance, so far, people are friendly. 

I’ve seen a few rats but overall I believe it’s a civilized place. There are tons of homeless people outside the hotel, though I’ve opted for private room since the dorm rooms cost even more for some reason. 

To me civilization is – and please don’t laugh or you can….

1. A place that has free wifi everywhere 

2. Takes credit cards at most places 

3. Can be kind and friendly/ say thank you and you welcome 

4. Has McDonald’s- okay but seriously am I not the only one that feels at home when I see Mickey D’s? 

5. Has set prices at shops- because I get tired of negotiating 

6. Relatively clean and has side walks/ please lord I am so done ducking mopeds. 

 
My box   

Belican fried rice for 5 riggits 

 
   

Yep I saw 3 rats 

What if God is and was…what if God was and is more than what they sold to you in Sunday school, temple, church, schools, society? 

What if God loves you radically and formed you before you were born? 

What if God saw you as a powerful manifesto of greatness and splendor of love and beauty? What if God wants you to prosper, to win in life, to fall in love over and over again, and to surprise you with gifts and beauty? 

What if God is more than a judgemental father…what if God is a loving, gentle, generous compassionate father and mother? More than a male figure, a spirit of breakthrough, who loves honesty and emotions, who loves your heart- not for its perfection for for its weakness? 

What if God supports and encourages you, and wish you would hear how proud he is of you, how he has planned amazing unimaginable surprises for your life? 

What if God is more than and totally not what they preached….and if God is a mad man in heaven, then I for sure know that’s not my God. 

My God is an all supporting, compassionate father, a mother of all within me and a genius who inspires me to write and tell the world, God is for you, not against you. 

And if God is all the things that are good – why do we let those ancient sayings prevent us from receiving the goodness that wants to support our dreams? 

Hoa kiem lake – Hanoi   

Will you let me love you? 

Will you let the sands tickle your feet and indulge your tired hands? 

Will you let the sun blind your feverish striving? 

Will you be and let go? 

Will you treat me like the beauty I am and not use me or see me like a fast food joint? 

Will you make love to me and not treat me like a whorish vacation? 

I am a beauty and I am God

Cat ba Island – Vietnam 

– I feel that most people rush their way through lands and oceans as if they are trying to prove they’ve seen it all. Few take time to meditate and reflect. Travel is more about becoming yourself than looking outside of yourself.

yes I get hit on a lot, even when I’m seriously happy to be alone. 

For example when I’m eating alone, people will come up to me and invite me to eat with them. 

Today I got hit on by a pack of grown males, yes I did join them. Why not? What’s traveling about. All of them kept saying “this is divine encounter” and I agree, but as much as they said don’t worry we are all friends, one of the guy kept trying to touch my arm.

Shit gets real. 

I moved my chair so he couldn’t touch my arm. Around 9pm the guys asked me to pick one guy to take a walk with. I thought “none”.

I ended up talking with this married men who told me he was pressured with family. Raising a family; having to support not only his wife but his family, his wife’s family, etc. 

I told him that I didn’t see my dad for 10 years because pressure got real but I suggested he seriously express his emotions with his wife. In his drunken state he asked me to join him in his room. I said “you can escape a relationship, but you can’t escape yourself”. 

So yes these are circumstances I encounter on my journeys. What is being a wise woman? 

So yah, traveling is mostly about helping people…

And shit really gets real.

So I left and walked up a mountain, staring at the abyss, I said God I’m fed up, I love you, but I’m tired. 

I’ve cried a lot today. 

Then I walked up this hill full of brothels. I knew because there were lots of Vietnamese women sitting inside with neon pink lights. 

And still I felt love for the prostitute, the johns and even pimps.