Indonesia isn’t what I expected. I guess I wasn’t expecting Jakarta to be this westernized. Like the Malls are filled with american brands. I mean I understand, but compared to the cost of food and living, to purchase a luxury item is like 10 times more than the comparison in America. 

Then there’s social status. A nice bartender explained how women try to get with foreigners and when they do, they think they’re better than others. 

And then I had this huge epiphany. I’ve been to Thailand, Malaysia, Vietnam, Singapore and now Indonesia on this leg of the trip and I have got to say…I see old foreigners everywhere looking for some sex tourism, or free sex. 

The thing is they eventually look the same at some point- the booze, the women, eventually they start balding and their egos inflate. They gain weight, they think they’re the king but actually the women are probably plotting their deaths and eventual takeover of their money. 

Just my theory, but my Asian Americans have discussed this before. Western guys think local Asians are more submissive and docile, but like the bartender said the women eventually become their maids. 

I have been asked what it’s like to date a white guy from a Chinese woman in china. She said she thinks western guys are more educated and will treat her better. 

I LOLed. 

I replied I honestly can’t say because everyone is different plus I’m Americanized and american. I’m not dating or finding a partner to improve my social status. And there are lots of guys that are uneducated and educated everywhere, you can’t make those assumptions based on race or culture.

But where there is demand there is supply. I’m sure it’s like this everywhere. 

But is it really love? Or a transaction? 

At one point I started to feel sad for these old white man because I knew that deep down they were hurting from rejection from their own family, culture maybe…maybe unable to find partners in their own country, and that’s ok. 

Or maybe not. It’s definitely a phenomenon and I’m not saying it’s all like this but a large majority. 

they’re just critics

If you don’t have Internet all the voices shuts up. 

I have to be honest with you, someone wrote a comment about why don’t you get a real job so you don’t have to ask for help. Life is all about giving and receiving. And what is a real job? 

I’ve been self employed for almost 5 years- it was a process, and I’ve been to hell hole and back, not everyone can say they have the courage to do it. 

Who said that dressing boring and sitting for 8 hours is a real job? The world can blow up right now – who cares? 

But I remembered that I’m amazing and everything I write is doing the world a service. Honesty is key isn’t it? 

I forgive you. I do.

I have to remember that one day I’ll have so many best seller books the critics will scoff and spew blood. 

And when you’re mean, you’re kind of being mean to this sweet little girl. 

So when you’re thinking of saying things think about the little kid you’re saying it to, this applies to every adult. Treat people like you’d treat a kid. 

Oprah loves you. 

   
  
Here are my new friends in Jakarta, Indonesia! 

yes, there are definitely times I get home sick. I miss my friends and family back home, but I am also asked to question where is home? 

Traveling in Southeast Asia has helped me to understand Asian culture more. My Asian American friends and I used to hate on our Asian culture because things like obeying your elders, conformism has not always helped us. 

Now I’m starting to see that people appreciate depth in Asia, they love deeply and sacrifice deeply…maybe not in the way I would, but that is how they know how. 

When I feel down, I remember how lucky I am to have had the opportunity to expand my mind and believe that all things are possible- including travel, living on faith.

These days I’ve been able to get to know the owners and hotel staff of Discovery Cafe and D’Riverside Inn. It’s been a blessing- check out their website! 

Www.d-riversideinn.com 

I was an Airbnb host– And now you can too! My first guest was a philosophy professor, two of my guests were art center students, young people, some animators, and computer nerds. Just my type of people! It was more than hosting- I loved them all like my family. 

They’re letting me refer hosts and give you $50 just for getting your first guests.  

Enjoy- 

https://www.airbnb.com/r/blien1?s=3&i=1 

Here’s the deal- 

I have a don’t fuck with me face when it comes to creepy men when I travel

And then a OMG excitement and happiness face. 

Sometimes I feel like I can’t show my happiness because creepy men seem to feed off of happiness. 

But now I don’t care. 

I will eat food like a savage women, I’ll laugh and be loud, I’ll cry in public. 

Because I don’t want to be a robot.  

I choose to release myself, to let go of how I think I should be.

I choose to cut off all things that no longer serve my highest good and that which is not aligned with my good now. 

I choose to start over everyday. 

I choose to be okay with not knowing, with letting go of striving. 

Happy Indian new year my friend! 

I am feeling lost 

In a sea of faces, staring at me, why don’t you speak Malaysian? Because I’m not. I spilled all my hot sauce today. It was brilliant, why so clumsy. I don’t know, spilt my drink. 

Too much matrix? 

I can walk with swagger too, don’t think you own the place men. 

Anything you can do I can do. 

But all I want is a small house in the countryside where I don’t have to face any strangers. 

Where no one will tell me what I look like – even if it’s your beautiful. 

Let me crawl into a safe space where I don’t have to answer to anyone questioning my origins, who I am, what languages I speak.

Where I don’t have to answer for myself. 

It’s exhausting, just leave me be. Please.

I want to stop striving altogether. I don’t want to see any strange men staring at me, I want anonymity, I want to live in a cabin in the woods and write. 

Stop harassing me.