I am feeling lost 

In a sea of faces, staring at me, why don’t you speak Malaysian? Because I’m not. I spilled all my hot sauce today. It was brilliant, why so clumsy. I don’t know, spilt my drink. 

Too much matrix? 

I can walk with swagger too, don’t think you own the place men. 

Anything you can do I can do. 

But all I want is a small house in the countryside where I don’t have to face any strangers. 

Where no one will tell me what I look like – even if it’s your beautiful. 

Let me crawl into a safe space where I don’t have to answer to anyone questioning my origins, who I am, what languages I speak.

Where I don’t have to answer for myself. 

It’s exhausting, just leave me be. Please.

I want to stop striving altogether. I don’t want to see any strange men staring at me, I want anonymity, I want to live in a cabin in the woods and write. 

Stop harassing me.