I had a dream where I was following a guy to go eat but he was leading me to this dark shack and I decided to turn back as I didn’t feel safe. Later on I was flushing down a water bucket that had tiny cockroaches in it.

Then I asked this guy where I should wash my clothes and he gave me a key. He said laundry was free and he gave me the keys. But someone was yelling at me, my heart was alive for some reason. I was close to the guy I liked.

When I woke up I had a sense that my heart felt so full.

Living the life you want comes from a deep rooted belief that you are worthy.

When you don’t feel worthy of love, you sabotage any chance at happiness.

For example, you want to buy something you like but you don’t because you think it’s a waste of money.

You want to go to an event but instead of going you say “it’s too far”.

I realized before if I was with my mom and I wanted to buy something she’d say “no it cost too much” and I’d explain to myself “it’s okay you don’t need it”.

It’s not that we need to get everything we want to be happy- but when we do the act of self love to say “yes” to ourselves- we are saying to ourselves “I deserve to have what I want”.

When I was overseas, I had so much hardship I could barely buy a meal at times and I’d ask God why I had to be the one to find lost sheep and minister to people I’d probably never see. I was like Elijah, God would often pin point who I had to ask for a meal and it would be someone I needed to prophesy to.

The truth is God was building strength, courage, tenacity, boldness, love, patience, anointing in me.

But it was so hard I often felt that God was trying to deprive me of what I wanted.

Yet in this season God is flushing out the old season and saying “you’ve gone through it….now you’ll be strengthened in love, in desire”.

Every time I say yes to myself- go see the movie I actually want to see, eat what I want, do what I want, I’m closer to my heart.

I’m not going to deny you of your desires, say yes to yourself this season says the Lord because saying yes will lead you to the man/woman after your heart.

You will not meet your husband/wife being miserable. It’s usually when you don’t care to even meet them that you’ll meet him/her.

Follow the desires of your heart and don’t let anyone tell you you can’t or shouldn’t.

Maybe you want to exercise- that’s leading you to your life partner. Maybe you want to go to the beach, maybe your man is at the beach.

Don’t make finding your spouse a goal- enjoy your life and he/she will meet you at the intersection of heart and desire for he/she is after your heart. And is one of your desires.

God is bringing us back to our hearts- not what is logical.

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Setting boundaries is very important in life. When you don’t set boundaries you have codependent relationships. So I’m back In LA and it’s been a year and a half since I really lived with my mom.

I am so much more sensitive to control and fear than before. I used to hang out with my mom and start to feel weighed down or oppressed from her words of accusations, but now I have so much more discernment to walk away when it’s hurting my spirit.

I’m in a tight place right now where I know I’m transitioning into the next season and know God is aligning me with where I need to be.

Marriage is one thing God is preparing me for. Friendships is another He has been building in my life.

But the tight place of learning to love my mother but still protect my heart and spirit is vital.

Today we were spending time together and I started to feel weighed down. We wanted to do different things but she was accusing me a lot.

I told her to go home or do what she wanted as I wanted to be alone. I could feel the spirit of lack and control weigh down on me and started to pray in tongues. I try to tell her what God is saying but she thinks I’m crazy, she doesn’t believe it’s God speaking to me.

Sometimes in order to protect your heart you need to set boundaries with people who constantly thwart it. You need to learn to step away.

I headed back on a bus and felt lack so strongly I fell asleep and suddenly was jolted awake at my stop. Thank you Jesus for waking me up. I ran out the bus like whew!

Sometimes people try to control you out of fear. They feel like by controlling you they can control their own lives but it’s important to let them know that you cannot be controlled.

Don’t submit to other people, learn to wield your own power. Speak your mind and set boundaries.

Today I pray you will find your voice and speak up for yourself. I pray you find the power in God to set healthy boundaries.

It doesn’t mean you have to be isolated, it just means you can be in healthy relationships that don’t jeopardize your well being.

You need to learn to say “yes” to yourself. And sometimes no to others. You need to learn how to live your own happy life without needing peoples’ approval.

“I need to be alone right now”.

“I need space”.

Or “I want to spend time with you”.

Or “I don’t feel like talking right now”.

You have a right and agency to choose.

Some people are not safe to be around and it’s important to set even more boundaries with them. If it’s your own family, it’s important to voice your emotions to them and see if they’re willing to change to honor your heart.

I would have never moved back home if God didn’t ask me to.

I know I’ll be going places again. But for now I’m praying for the strength to stand firm and set boundaries when I need to.

Who do you need to set boundaries with in your life? If you’re interested in coaching, link is below. Cheers!

Jesus paid the price for our abundance, we are worthy of it.

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Prophetic dream- Transition is coming to a close. I had a dream I rented a house that was in a building that was set for demolition. I was mad that the landlord didn’t tell me that the building was going to be destroyed. I said “but I already paid the rent until September 27. That means I won’t live here for that long. The landlord knew but didn’t tell me!”
I moved early in the month to another house and was trying to draw the curtains close. There were two straw curtains and I didn’t want it to be too bright. Someone kept knocking on the door and I was putting my pants on.

Yes, I am a self-employed entrepreneur and have been since 2011. I have been hustling in various ways. You might be wondering how I have managed to stay alive in these difficult economic times. I’m here to share my NON-BS, STRAIGHT TO THE POINT, easy to read MANUAL on HOW TO START YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

I quit my job 3 years ago (I wrote this in 2014) and have never gone back to 9 to 5. I share all of my hidden secrets about how I monetized and profit from my talents, skills, and hobbies. You might have fears about starting your own business or of becoming an entrepreneur, but here, for the price of a meal (in LA), get to read and learn everything I did to survive and thrive in difficult economic times, without an employer. Buying this manual will be your stepping stone to living the life you want, while making money doing it!

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I wrote this in 2014 and felt the Lord say it will still help people get out of decision paralysis -if you don’t know where to start this is a good way to start. Get the book first. It’s pdf format, straight to the point and includes worksheets to help you define what you want in life. https://payhip.com/b/6zoT #coach #lifecoach #entrepreneur #holyspiritadventures #jesus #abundance #money #love #passion #college #dosomething

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God is breaking off decision paralysis today!

This season God is asking us to think bigger. With that you are required to break off the fear that has been hindering you.

It was easy to live small.

You see because I didn’t need as much faith to believe God to provide more. If God had called me to just a few countries and then sent me home to live a simple life, then maybe have me work a normal job again then I’d really didn’t need faith.

But then He sent me home to set someone free, to train her, to open my heart to friendship and trust….

Then He said- go again.

First He told me to book a flight to New York, then to Korea. Then yesterday He said I’ll go to Europe.

I thought “God I thought I was going to live in a small town and settle down?”

God is like “you’ve just begun”.

You’re going to take spiritual territory, set more captives free. And it scares the shit out of me, to be honest.

Because I’ve done that for the last year and a half and the things I’ve gone through makes me cry at an instant.

“God I can’t and I don’t want to”.

I’m crying as I write that. I realize this season a lot of the old supporters stopped giving.

It’s because God is saying “there’s more people to be delivered, there’s more territory to be taken. Don’t look back!”

“God but I don’t have the strength”.

In your weakness my strength is made perfect.

So I admit. I’m scared I don’t have enough energy, I feel tired. On the plane I had a dream I was living in a small town and wanted to go grocery shopping. You know the simple things.

I’m reminded of Spider Man in Europe. Remember, he just wanted to go on a vacation with his crush but then he was summoned to kill and destroy an enemy.

He was the only one who could save his friends or the city. If he didn’t step up all his friends and the city would have been killed.

That’s how I feel sometimes. Why do I got to be the one to deliver people? God I don’t want to. I want to hide sometimes.

But when you just do it and you see someone’s face change, it is so fulfilling. You see someone set free from fear, you feel that it’s worth it.

So there’s that tension. I know God wants to give every desire of my heart but I’m also called to set people free.

As I set people free I myself come against the evil spirits and bondages others are fighting.

I feel oppressed and feel like I can’t go on. I feel intimidated and feel like I can’t go on. But God fights my battles.

But God wins the day.

God I can’t but you can. You can do everything through me. I won’t allow my fears and insecurities stop me.

Jesus is like

Look at me. Look at me. Look at what I’ve accomplished on the cross. You are enough, you are not lacking. Stop looking at yourself, what you can or can’t do in your own ability. Look at me. When you have nothing I am your everything! Look what I can do! Part the oceans! When you’re at a wall I’ll knock it down for you.

Nehemiah 8:10 Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Exodus 15:2 The Lord is my strength and my song; he has given me victory.

This week God sent my new friend and I on a whirlwind. He told us to pack our bags and we didn’t know where we were staying. Oftentimes we had to move and God challenged her to drive because she had a fear of driving in cities. She always thought “I could never drive from LA to Vegas. I never thought I could go to LA just to pick someone up”. Things that seemed impossible for her became reality.

It was also a relationship boot camp where every trigger came out. Following God with someone else is definitely different. I’ve learned that we need to honor each other’s differences. Just because their desires are different doesn’t mean they are wrong.

Often we would go somewhere for the purpose of say “sleeping” or “eating” but there was another assignment and after we were done we’d move on.

I’ve never gone on spirit led trips with other people so it was new to me. When we went to Vegas God said “casino royale”. I googled it as I didn’t know it even existed. Sure enough it was a best western. When I got there I thought “I don’t like this place, I wouldn’t want to stay here”.

God said “trust me”.

We went to the reception and booked a room. I still remember it clearly said “norefundable”.

The lady at the desk seemed perturbed because I had so many questions. I asked to see all 3 of the available rooms.

I kept hearing the room in the back.

Finally I asked my friend to come with me. The Lord said to pray for the staff and she told me her friend just passed away so it’s been a hard week.

Then when I was about to decide on the room, God said “don’t stay here”.

I told the manager that Holy Spirit told me not to stay here as I’m spirit led. It turned out she was Christian and said no problem! Funds returned.

It’s been really intense and my head is still recovering with how God did everything.

When my friend came to pick me up it was actually my first time meeting her in person. God just told her to go so she did. I was unprepared as I just woke up from a nap but was able to shower, pack and clean within an hour. It was two days after I came back from Taiwan.

We often want to be prepared for what God is telling us to do.

But then we are relying on our flesh.

God wants us to rely on His strength, not ours. How did my friend drive 5-6 hours with no sleep? Or how did I manage to go on consecutive trips while still jet lagged? God told me jet lag is actually witchcraft. He said I needed to let go of control of time.

God was challenging me in a bigger way because when I’m alone, it’s easier to have more control even following Jesus but when you’re with someone else you really can’t be in control. Your heart has to be open and you can’t protect your heart.

That’s why I know God’s been preparing me for marriage. What does a partnership actually look like?

Sow big this time. The harvest of souls is at hand. Join me in rounding up the last harvest before Jesus comes. The world is not forever, our home is heaven! The people who come with me are those who are willing to leave everything behind to follow Jesus. They will walk on water and set the sick free! They will resurrect the dead!

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Whenever I meet a baby and am able to hold them I know God is giving me that nation. God is giving me America!

Wow just had a dream – I dreamed that I was asking people for donations, they were not Christians. There was one lady and behind her was a wallet, with different bills but for some reason it was stuck behind her head. Like her mind was always on it. I was scared but I asked and a guy threw some coins and it landed in my soup. Then he tried to give me a metal toy thing and I said no.

A spirit of mammon has us when we start relying on it and not God. God is setting people free from it.

When God told me to sell everything and follow Him I went all in. I gave every dollar I had and ended up not being able to pay rent for two months. Was it hard? Yes. I returned my car. My credit score went down but He asked me whose house are you building – yours or mine?

He broke off the fear of lack in a big way and now I walk by faith and not sight.

What God was doing was breaking off the spirit of mammon that had me bound. I still struggle with it sometimes but He keeps teaching me, hey I am the provider, not the money itself.

August 27, 2019

“Go for broke – use everything I’ve given you and will you not see oceans part mightily for you”.

This month use everything God gave you. Don’t think “let me save for the future”. He is calling you to step out in faith as the biggest harvest of souls is coming and finances are needed to accomplish this, so what does it look like? Sow big. God is asking believers to think higher and bigger. He is asking us to trust Him on a level that we can’t even imagine.

A principal church never teach.

They teach tithing but tithing is a law.

We are under grace.

So people who live by grace go for broke- they don’t believe in limitation, they believe in mountain moving abundance that never ceases. So they play every card, every hand. They don’t live in fear or reserve for “rainy days”.

They use everything. And then God moves. So that there is always rain.

He has been asking me to not save up for the future or to save for upcoming trips, He is saying “use it now”.

Every time we use it in faith, we give in faith – it’s a seed of belief.

When finances come in -my fleshly tendency is try to prepare for the future and think okay this must be for New York or Korea. But then He’ll say, no use it now. So I use every inch of faith and sow, I sow, give, or book the flights He wants me to book, or I use it! So I don’t try to calculate how much I’ll need for the next, I just spend for what He has for now.

God is saying “ask them to sow big as the rewards are big this time”. We are entering into an unprecedented time where we will see the different between children of God who move by faith versus religious people who just go to church every Sunday.

Because those who live by their flesh will not see the miracles I will do.

But those who live by faith will manifest mightily by grace the life I have for them.

Sow big this time. The harvest of souls is at hand. Join me in rounding up the last harvest before Jesus comes. The world is not forever, our home is heaven! The people who come with me are those who are willing to leave everything behind to follow Jesus. They will walk on water and set the sick free! They will resurrect the dead!

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This happened a few minutes after I wrote this blog post. The Lord told me to give $20 to my friend and then a few minutes after my friend sent me a donation. God wants you to trust Him with your money. Trust God, not the money.

Bumped into a Filipino actor named Sam milby

Met a chinese girl as God appointed, Buddhist and got to share with her my story.

God has me moving at the speed of light and the divine appointments are far and wide.

At the airport I felt led to sit next to a man and asked if he was Indian and he said he was Jewish actually. I paused for awhile as I asked God for courage. I asked to pray for him and he said he’s actually given up on believing in God. I said I saw a vision of him at a computer and he said he was an IT computer guy! I shared my story of finding my identity in Jesus.

On the plane I felt claustrophobic as I got a seat in the middle and walked around to find where I was actually supposed to sit according to the Holy Spirit.

I saw an aisle seat and asked to sit there. I met a Mexican girl. God told me to pray for her and I said that I saw her heart was sad, she said yes she is sad to go home after traveling and back to real life where in Brazil the amazons are on fire and no one is doing anything about it. I got to pray for her and just tell her God is with her.

I was trying to find a seat on the bus and heard a chinese man try to find someone to help him with a ticket and I said I could help him as he didn’t have any sort of card.

Upon walking out of union station I learned that he only believed in facts but that he thought I was courageous to do what I’m doing, going alone (with God) and talking to strangers.

When I walked out I met a Taiwanese guy who was trying to book a greyhound to San Diego and I said thank God as he shared his WiFi with me. I shared my journey with him and he was skeptical even though he was Christian. He wondered what Christian sect I was in and I said I follow Jesus.

When I got on my Uber I met a dad and the driver and got to share with them about Jesus and what I’m doing.

So that’s pretty much what happens in my everyday life.

Sometimes I honestly get a bit overwhelmed because the fear does hit at times where I feel like I can’t open my mouth.

But I will continue to testify and not be afraid whether it’s to free Christians from limiting beliefs about grace or to share Jesus with the lost.

I’ll be heading to New York next and Korea. But God may always switch up the places according to his divine appointments.

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How the Holy Spirit led me here is a story I have to type out on my blog. Hmm so I was going back to shuangxi on the train and I suddenly heard God say go back to Taipei. To be honest I don’t really like staying in shuangxi because it is the country side. I’m a city girl. But sometimes I feel like I should go back because it’s easy, it’s a free place to stay and maybe my dad would have some soul deep conversation with me and I don’t want to miss out on that.

But the truth is I’m not here only for my dad. I’m here on God’s mission, to Do His will. There are assignments on my life and it’s by following my heart that I am able to meet these people. I am not responsible for my family. They have issues they can only allow God to work in them. I am not responsible for changing them.

By sticking around when they don’t want to change, I’m actually hurting myself and preventing my own happiness. It’s like you stop feeling the joy and excitement of life because you are burdened and taking on false responsibility. When you’re happy, those around you can be happy too. You shouldn’t have to suffer to make others happy, in fact you’re not responsible for their happiness. God is, not you. Don’t God block!

But the Lord showed me in that moment I actually didn’t want to go back and that it’s okay to follow my heart and desires because that’s actually saying yes to the Holy Spirit.

I’m like oh I stood up and took another train back to Taipei. This Buddhist reading her book was puzzled. I said God just told me I have to go back to Taipei, smile.

I didn’t know where I was staying yet. It was 6pm and I had a napsack with me.

I took a bus and just with where I felt like God was saying took it to Songshan from nangang. Several people directed me and helped me with buses. I had tried to look up Airbnb’s but suddenly heard God say “I will show you”. Okay God.

Then I got off the bus and saw a dessert stand.

I bought one and suddenly asked if she knew of a hostel – she told me a grandma rents rooms upstairs. I went to see it and God said “stay here”.

At midnight I was trying to sleep and suddenly heard God say to dance. I am not making this up as Paul says. I went to the mrt but it all stopped and met two Singaporean girls. They were trying to go back home. I said they should take uber. God said “go with them”. I’m like okay so being not creepy, I chased after them.

I said maybe we can split a cab. They said they wanted to try walking to the bus. But the bus all stopped. They were trying to save money.

So I tried to get money from an atm in case I needed it for a club, but for some reason couldn’t. The transaction failed. They walked in and asked if I could share an Uber with them. They had WiFi and I ha the Uber app!

I got to share a bit of my story as a minister with them. They were both agnostic. It worked out that they were able to give me cash for their share of the ride as I had 100nt on me and had my card connected to uber.

Okay so I heard God say go to 101 Taipei. Honestly I didn’t even think they’d let me in with flip flops but they said it’s okay for ladies. I literally had one dress and just gotten one shirt and shorts in my bag, I’ve been traveling really light and hand washing my underwear. Paul was right when He said “don’t take too much”. Before I’d put on makeup or wear a nice dress but now I just go with the Holy Spirit.

I saw a guy behind me standing by himself. We started talking and he said he was going to visit his friend. He was very against Christianity but I told him how I even got to the club. He said that he actually showed up with no money and that he was going to take the youbike home.

I gave him a hi-five and was like “dude! I went to South Africa with $20 in my pocket!”

He was a bit annoyed but I didn’t care. I know some people are turned off from Christianity but it doesn’t mean they can’t know the real Jesus. Religion is different from knowing the real person of Jesus. And I guess God sends me to show people what Jesus is like, not stuffy and not religious.

When we got to his friend’s bar I noticed two Americans and was shocked, actually they were Jewish, I was like omg God’s chosen people. I was so happy. I’m always happy to see Jesus’ people.

It was the strangest thing because I actually thought about my Jewish friend before I left the house, after trying to sleep for an hour. God always has an assignment when I can’t sleep. It can be annoying but I had a lot of fun.

And yah that’s basically. Holy Spirit story. And yes I did prophesy over them and also because I don’t have WiFi I often ask people to share theirs with me. What a great way to bless others with Jesus!

It was such a miraculous day that I had a dream I found a stash of money and treasures and I split it with two people. I think it meant “spoils”. We are taking spiritual territory! Souls and the rewards that come with that!

Here’s what I wrote before all that happened-

What scares you? Do that.

God impressed on my heart that even though I live my life by faith, there are things I’m timid about, that I’ve still got a self protective layer around me.

What I’m scared of-

1. I’m scared of making the wrong decisions. I don’t realize it sometimes but when I ask holy spirit to lead me, if I don’t hear correctly I am hesitant to make decisions. Obviously I make big decisions when I feel peace but there is an element of risk and faith.

What does that mean- you are free in Christ Jesus. You’re not supposed to be afraid of making mistakes because I’m Christ you are free to live in freedom.

So in this season, you’re supposed to trust you heart and know that hey even when things don’t go completely smoothly God’s got your back no matter what!

He often asks me when I ask Him- what should I do?

He says what do you want to do? Because God is not a slave driver! He is your friend and your opinion matters.

So when we are obsessed about making “right decisions” we are actually living under the law because we are afraid that if we make the wrong decisions we’ll be punished for it.

But Jesus already took the punishment on the cross.

There is no fear in love because fear has to do with punishment. He wants us to live in a way where we are not paranoid about making the wrong decision all the time, like we expect to be punished for being “wrong”.

He’s a good father, not an abusive one.

2. Another fear I had to overcome is the fear of the unknown. Even today I was taking the train to shuangxi when I suddenly heard God say “stay in Taipei, go back to Taipei”. To be honest I did want to stay but I was tired of trying to deal with a new place. A new place entails getting used to possible noise, complaining to the right people, dealing with neighbors, everything. Also for the last few days I’ve been staying in different places every night.

But when I was looking up places after going backwards on the train, the Lord said I will show you where.

I took the train back to nangang, then someone said you should go to Songshan, so I took a bus. Again at this point it’s 6pm and I don’t know where I’m staying yet.

I have a small bag with me.

Someone suggest I get off the bus at the railway station so I do.

I spot a little dessert stand and decide to get one. Then something in me told me to ask about accommodation.

She tells me “the grandma upstairs rents rooms, she might have one!”

She calls her and immediately she comes down to show me. God says “stay here”.

I tell her I’m a Christian minister and she says she knows a relative in America that is one too but she’s Buddhist.

Then I ask someone on the road if there’s a night market and she says “right there”, pointing to in front of me.

I can’t believe how close it is.

I walk forward and notice a rainbow bridge. The Lord had said He was going to surprise me. This was a symbol that His promises are coming to pass. He hasn’t forgotten me. He is working all things together for good.

Then of course after that happened I tried to sleep and then ended up with a wild adventure with Jesus. I’m reminded it’s not about where you go – it’s always about the people you meet along the way.

In one day I probably met 20 people. But it’s not about the numbers, it’s about who they are and how Jesus loves every one of them.

When I was trying to call an Uber I ended up asking a dentist for his WiFi. We talked a bit before I got on my car.

God desires us to be flexible and to move with Him. That means you May not know where you are staying at night, but His leading is always perfect. Will you trust Him completely?

He’s such a good God.

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I hear the Lord say I’m about to blow your mind! You think you have a little, but sow your seeds and see me do a new thing! You think you have no talent but it’s by my spirit. Now is the time to expand your faith and your territory!

You’ve passed the test. I’m testing your heart. When others gave up you kept sowing, you keep investing, you kept giving, you kept sowing into souls, loving and forgiving, praying for others, you didn’t give up.

I saw you! I saw you! I see you!

I’ve not failed you – no – I’ve waited for the great unveiling.

Here’s the thing, it’s about faith.

It’s about how much you believe me.

Others failed to trust me and they put down their plow. They said “this is all I believe God for” but you didn’t give up, you said “God you said so I’m going forward”.

God you told me to do this so I’ll go forward, I’ll give, I’ll be brave and minister, I’ll keep loving, even though I feel like I’ve come to the end of myself.

That is why it’s important to surround yourself with people that have mountain moving faith, not people who give into doubt.

I realize that’s why God had me ask people over and over again to give.

Because they were looking at what they had, not what God could bless them with.

When we look at what we have, it’s limited. When we look at what’s possible with God, it’s unlimited. He gives us seeds to sow- whether it’s in time, energy, money or love.

Many times I didn’t think I could go on. I had no energy or even the finances, but He said “use what you have and more will be given to you”.

I’ve been able to minister in over 14 countries not because I trusted my own abilities but because “God you said so, I’ll go to a foreign country with $20 in my pocket”. And as I went; He provided.

I keep pushing the limit of what’s possible. I’m living life on the edge.

God is saying everything you’ve sacrificed for me- you are getting back a hundred fold. You’re going to see dreams resurrected and a full circle! ⭕️ What you think you lost, you’re getting back!

God’s shown me “if you use plan A, me – you’ll never fail”.

But some people are still holding onto plan b and God is asking you “me or plan b”.

Even now I just checked out of a hostel and the Lord said to go to Taipei. He said take the bus. I’m wearing the same dress from yesterday and all I have is a small bag. I went to the bus station and they asked me where I’m going exactly I said I don’t know. God said Taipei.

God is leading me. That’s how I live everyday. He leads me and I go.

Give and partner with me to bring the grace of God to people around the world and to continue writing these posts! Thank you!

“I don’t say this because I want a gift from you. Rather, I want you to receive a reward for your kindness.“- Philippians 4:17

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Taipei Taiwan

Dad? I stood by the doorway. He was drunk on a bed in the living room. I couldn’t get through to him no matter how hard I tried.

“Ich Liebe dich” it means I love you, I said.

Still not much response.

An unavailable heart is an unavailable person. You can try all you can to knock down that door but it only causes you to be tired.

I’ve tried my best, I’ve knocked down some walls but only God can open hearts.

And that’s why even when someone who doesn’t believe in Jesus (that I met on the bus) asked me “how do you pray?”

I’m touched and I feel there’s a light into someone’s heart. Because much of what I do is putting my heart out to meet a closed door.

It can be tiring and I need to be refueled.

Jesus this is too hard.

G- you’re my shining star. You’ve done your best.

I sense the Lord is opening a new chapter in our lives with new vision. He is removing the boulders and the responsibilities that are too heavy for you. He says it’s time to shine, no longer time to wait.

I’ve seen you serve others, now it’s time for others to serve you, to help you.

To be honest there are moments I’m scared of the future. I’m scared the past will repeat itself, that the bad moments will come to haunt me, but I know that’s a lie.

He has been building you in the fire. It’s been so hot and you thought you were going to be destroyed but you came out stronger.

Don’t give up.

I’ve been following Jesus on a ride that seems so crazy to others and even to myself I feel tired at times. Yes Lord I’ve gathered your lost sheep, I’ve tended to the lost but what am me? You know my own family?

Jesus- will you trust me?

R- yes. But it feels tiring, and my heart feels like it’s semi frozen. When will my dad really open his heart? Maybe never?

Jesus- it doesn’t matter because it’s time for you to live your life, the truth is you may never reach him but I am here for you, I am emotionally available to you.

I think we all desire emotional connection and intimacy with our parents but the truth is, it’s a two way street.

So I find the people I minister to become in a way, therapy for myself. When I tell them my story I find my heart not as disheartened, I find rest knowing someone understands.

Even though I minister to a lot of people, some also minister back to me. When I pray for them I’m praying for myself.

Here’s my heart, it’s raw and vulnerable.

Not everyone can handle a raw heart, their hearts are like stone, hard and unreachable.

But my Chinese name means continuous perseverance, I don’t give up no matter how unreachable someone’s heart is.

Ezekiel 36:26 

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

Affirmations-

1. Every promise from God is yes and amen!

2. God has a great plan for me! Plans to flourish and prosper me and not to harm me!

Give and partner with me to bring the grace of God to people around the world and to continue writing these posts! Thank you!

https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

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Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

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