The Point of No Return

I come back from Australia, go to San Francisco, meet tons of cool people and visit cool places…then I start getting these itchy annoying spots on my ankle and a bit on my stomach. To add to the mess, my car almost got towed yesterday at Jack in the Box and we had to pay $100 for the mess. Even after much persuasion, the towing people looked at me with weary eyes, “no, no discount”.

After mailing shoes I sold on Ebay, I started wanting to cry again.

“What am I going to do with my life now that I’m back?”- It’s one of those familiar moments that I feel like every artist go through, or every post-grad.

I started to feel those negative thoughts flood back and all I could do was push them out. I really don’t want to settle again, I don’t want to settle for another 9 to 5 job that pays the bills but kills my soul. I’d rather be struggling, a starving artist, than someone who settles for a slow killing cancerous job that presses down on the soul and body, aiming to “conform all to the brain numbing institutions that kills personality and personhood” (I’m not saying every company does that….but a lot).

I’m going to trust God, keep strong, keep going, even if I have to go to bartending school to become a bartender to pay the bills, or to work at a coffee shop. At this point, I need to hustle for one week to pay rent.

The 9 to What?

The 9 to What?

Hi Folks!

I’m officially back in Los Angeles, hopefully won’t be going too far for now. I went to Oakland, San Francisco, Santa Cruz, San Jose, Mountain View all in 4-5 days. It was a weekend of catching up with close friends and family, and thinking about “what’s next”.

Of course, many of you ask “are you going to find a job?”

No, I’m not going to find a job, but I am going to continue working with people that are like- minded, on projects that will provide financially so I can pay the rent. Asides from that, my work will always be my hobby. Tomorrow I will be meeting with a fellow musician who is coming out with her album and touring soon- maybe we’ll end up collaborating. The opportunities are endless!!

How about you? (yes, I’m asking you!)- what are your goals for the future? Working the 9 to 5 job, or becoming your own boss?

Times will get tough when you decide to quit your job and be your own boss, but like I said to my cousin today “to me, work is never work, it’s basically what I was born to love, I never think of improving my ebay store or ways of marketing myself as a ‘job’, my brain just functions smoothly like that, without motivation, it’s innate”.

Work= Doing what I love.

Look forward to more of my adventures!

Check out my Ebay Store- http://myworld.ebay.com/gugibabu

Don’t forget to subscribe to my blog- https://rebekkalien.wordpress.com

Follow me on Twitter- http://twitter.com/rebekka_lien

Just came back and going out again- SF

So the last two days, I felt like I slept for most of the days.

I would wake up at 3 pm and sleep at 3 am or stay up until 6am because of jet lag.

I’m drinking Argentina Yerba Mate and eating beef and tendon balls with brown rice. The caffeine withdrawals have been kicking in at about 3 am each night. This time I only pack for friday, saturday, sunday, monday and tuesday. I have an actual carry on suitcase and am trying my best not to squish my “wedding dress”, or my cello dress. It’s exquisite!!! I love the dress so much! It’s been a peaceful 2 days, recovering.

I’m not too worried about making money, even though I have 1/3 of my rent for next month. I trust God will provide. I did apply for this casting company. It would be great to be an extra and meet people.

Missing the Melbourne Coffee, expresso machines are the ish!

By the way, I’m selling clothes on EBAY for cheap- help me pay rent this month as well as sustain an artist life!

http://myworld.ebay.com/gugibabu

Leaving Cairns

I’ve stayed at Cairns for almost 10 days.

It’s been fully packed with nature, friendship, as well as life drama.

Yesterday I went on a boat, expecting to have a smooth sail- but ended up, falling asleep after my breakfast and feeling super ill.

I tried to tell myself, "no no no I’m not sick, I’m not".

Then suddenly I felt something well up in my throat, I ran to the toilet and THREW UP ALL MY ORANGE!

It was beyond gross. I thought it would stop there, but it didn’t, I ended up throwing up 3 more times, including my lunch.

What a waste of money, haha.

The first time I snorkeled, I scraped my leg on the reefs, and in an attempt to get all the sights in, I swam too fast and swallowed lots of salt water.

Of course, I threw up again. The second time, I decided to take my time and really take the ocean in by myself. This time, I saw purple fishes with scribbly lines, almost like graphic designs you have people design at work.

The way back was smooth sailing. I was sitting on the deck, being grateful that I was no longer sick, when a boat worker who was 18 kept trying to hit on me. He started quoting romantic phrases from romantic books he often reads. He had these braces that made him look like a tween. I tried to be nice, but when he tried to grab chips from a chip bag, which was lying on my crotch…my inner bitch started coming out. But I was still nice 🙂 Hopefully.

I met a really cool friend, we’ve been talking a lot about our learnings and about the implication of leaving home means for each one of us. We ended up at the Attic dancing to Dubstep, it was so bomb. I danced for 3 hours straight. The only thing that really annoys me is sketchy guys who don’t really appreciate music for what it is, and is only there to pick up girls. Anyways, I’m really glad I met a friend who understands life in a deeper way than just getting drunk and getting laid.

More stories to come! By the way, I look like a Filipino, I’m so tan!

Loving People – Living Life in Love

Hi Folks,

I’m in Cairns now. So much has happened I can’t believe it.

Yesterday I ended my night by talking to 3 aboriginal 15 year old girls in the center of Cairns. It was very sad to see that they were drunk, partly because before the english came into Australia, the aboriginals had no alcohol. They were happy, but when the english came, they indulged and couldn’t handle alchy. A lot of them then became alcoholics. It was really upsetting and heart wrenching to see the racism in the country.

I was hanging out with a south african friend that I met at the hostel, we were talking about money and issues of the world. He then left and I decided to go dance at a gay club. The club had no one dancing, so I talked to these aboriginal girls, you can see this sadness in their eyes. you know that look you see in someones’ eyes, when they won’t look you in the eye? That was the look. I asked them where there were good dance clubs, they suggested another one.

When I went there, I was more upset because I saw there was actually another line of just aboriginals. There was a separate line. YAH, can you believe it? This is modern day Australia!!

My heart churned and I was so angry, I wanted to kick a wall or punch something out.

I decided instead to hang out with the girls sitting on the side of the street. I couldn’t hold myself back from crying, my heart grieved. Suddenly I was able to see the looks that "white people" gave them, they were totally looked down upon. It grieved my heart and I just kept talking to them about their lives. I was very concerned for their safety.

Moreover, I learned from the tour guide before that aboriginal mixed kids were sent to "missionary schools" where they were taught to be WESTERN. I can see why Australia is so secular, because the "religious people" schooled and dominated the country, "trying to change the aboriginal ways".

I was even more grieved.

But I got to know these girls and decided to go back today. As I sat there at midnight with them, I saw around me lots of drunk girls and boys, waiting to get laid. I saw the disparity not only within the aboriginals but within mankind. That in a way it all seems so hopeless. This endless seeking for love, for young people- I’ve met SO MANY young people around the world, from Africa, Europe, England, etc- the same search for love.

We are not hopeless though.

Laid Back Ness

Australia is definitely more laid back than America. People are less on edge, compared to Los Angeles. In Los Angeles I feel like people are high on something, always nervous…or maybe that’s just how I was. Especially when I was working. My back doesn’t even hurt anymore!

 

 

 

Super cute kids – Sydney Opera House

 

 

The Simplicity of Being, When Not With A Companion

They are all, representative of the longing in humans’ hearts.

The brown skinned curly hair.

The white skinned shaggy hair.

The long legs, strong arms, big hands.

The nape of his neck, like olive melted into human flesh.

Eyebrows soft to the touch.

Inner arms like butter on skin.

Hug like a comforting spa, touching to the human core, heart ablaze illuminating, usually resulting in some type of tear drop formed in the need for love.

Have we forgot the humanness of our longing? The description of what we feel when we see sunburned cheeks and bearded kisses.

The formation of soft earlobes, holding hands on a sunny day. Those things that I took for granted when I did have a companion to give me a tissue when I cried over spilt milk.

Hm, sigh, I guess we all sometimes long for that which we have not in the moment.

But I know, while I wonder the streets observing life and people, I’ll not forget the simplicity of just being. Being myself and observing those that are not, and loving them nevertheless.

Preparing For My Trip

The past month has been weeks of walking in faith. As an voluntarily unemployed woman, I plunged and bought a ticket to Australia. The past month I’ve been meeting up with lots of people, old and new friends, reconnecting and being inspired by their lives and their livelihood. I am proud to say that I’ll never go back to my old life, that I’ll never settle for the status quo. I’ll not be socialized by a society that likes to do what people tell them to. Today I went to my friends’ friend’s house and we did prophetic art, listening to God and drawing what we see in our mind’s eye. It was really encouraging because this guy drew me as the sun and these plants growing because of me. I was radiating music notes and the plants were dancing and growing. I was really encouraged by the image and thought that my path of music and dance will heal people!

I’m still deciding whether to travel without plans or to at least book some hostels and flights. Traveling is the best because you’re letting go of extraneous goods and meeting the essentials in life – eating, meeting friends, and simply loving each moment, whatever surprises come your way. I can’t wait to get on an airplane. The very thought excites me!

CUTE GIVEAWAY! My First Freebie Giveaway!!

WIN FREE STATIONARY/STICKERS/BOOKMARKS FROM JAPAN/TAIWAN! 

Vintage Uniqlo Shirts straight from Tokyo, Japan.

You have 6 days to bid! Or get it now! Help fight human trafficking and also help me survive and eat!

http://myworld.ebay.com/gugibabu

Contest Details!!! WOOT!

REBLOG this post to WIN a set of CUTE MINI ASIAN STATIONARY and other cute stickers/bookmarks from Japan/Taiwan!

(For non- tumblr users, please email me @ rebekkalien@gmail.com with a link of where you reposted this! Tumblr users, simply click REBLOG!)

I will randomly select a winner on August 16, 2011. 

Contest is sponsored by Rebekka Lien. No legal liability for anything. Just giving out free things to promote my store! : ) LOVERS YOU!