I come back from Australia, go to San Francisco, meet tons of cool people and visit cool places…then I start getting these itchy annoying spots on my ankle and a bit on my stomach. To add to the mess, my car almost got towed yesterday at Jack in the Box and we had to pay $100 for the mess. Even after much persuasion, the towing people looked at me with weary eyes, “no, no discount”.
After mailing shoes I sold on Ebay, I started wanting to cry again.
“What am I going to do with my life now that I’m back?”- It’s one of those familiar moments that I feel like every artist go through, or every post-grad.
I started to feel those negative thoughts flood back and all I could do was push them out. I really don’t want to settle again, I don’t want to settle for another 9 to 5 job that pays the bills but kills my soul. I’d rather be struggling, a starving artist, than someone who settles for a slow killing cancerous job that presses down on the soul and body, aiming to “conform all to the brain numbing institutions that kills personality and personhood” (I’m not saying every company does that….but a lot).
I’m going to trust God, keep strong, keep going, even if I have to go to bartending school to become a bartender to pay the bills, or to work at a coffee shop. At this point, I need to hustle for one week to pay rent.