Will You Support This Ministry?

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Okay, here’s the honest truth. A big part of me really hates asking for help. I like being self-sufficient, I like appearing like I have no problems (I grew up making my own money since I was 8) but I had a dream…here’s the dream. My friend Joy came to my house and I asked if she wanted a drink. I looked through my mom’s fridge and noticed all these energy drinks, pepsi, boba, aloe vera. I was wondering WHY there was so much stuff in the fridge. Then she went into the bathroom and I was trying to clean the hallways, and it was just a mess. I wanted it to be clean but it wasn’t. 

Then she said “you need to update me on what’s going on, are you able to do your own makeup or you want a makeup artist?” I said, isn’t there makeup artist? Then I wanted to ask her for $300 then I was afraid to.

Last month, fundraising was a bit slow, to be honest, I kind of give up. There is a $300 deficit from last year (month) that I need to pay off. Well, technically I started my ministry maxing out a $5000 credit card.

As you know I went to 14 countries to minister. I didn’t have the courage in the beginning to ask for help. But God eventually put that courage in me. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without peoples’ help.

My blog has more than 700 followers, and I have over 2000 ish facebook friends, but a part of me still wants to hide. I’ll message people individually and after like 10 I’m like that’s a lot already. Some people ignore my message, some people give it a thumbs up, but I’m like, “what’s the answer?”

Meaning, I don’t send my testimony to all 2000 friends because a part of me is afraid of judgement or rejection. And I feel like I can’t really deal with it, I mean seriously my mother’s rejection and yelling is already hard enough. 

Then the people who have judgement about fundraising.

But I know, that I am more than a conqueror and my job is to set people from the fear of lack, fear of rejection and judgement and so in that way, I can’t be afraid of it either. So I have to continue facing it. 

So while I’m asking God, what do you want me to do this year? 

He’s like “keep facing the fears and keep expanding your reach”. I’m not going to stop sending my testimony to people. 

I already know my message and I already know the gospel of grace. I’ve already mastered fighting demons and casting out demons, but of course the fear still tries to stop me. The judgements don’t seem to stop either. People want me to write a certain way, people want to control me, it’s all people really.

But yet, I keep listening to Jesus despite the noise.

Fear is our biggest enemy.

Today, I need your help. Are you able to sow $300, or any amount to help cover expenses from last year? And to give an overflow for this year’s work. I am not a big ministry like T.D. Jakes….yet. I’m a one person self-starter supported by pioneers, people who get what I’m trying to say. 

I’m not going to give up.

And I don’t believe you will either. Partner with me today. Consider sowing $50, $100, $200, $500 or more today, thank you!

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Monthly Partnership-

https://rebekkalien.blogspot.com/

Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ!MY TESTIMONY- https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my-testimony/

Another way to support is to purchase a shirt. I think I’ve launched this 4 times already. It failed like 4 times. But again, perseverance. Click here to purchase shirts, sweatshirts, t-shirts, tanks in different sizes.

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Love Letter From God- You Are A Child

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Dear Child,

You know how kids run around? They throw tantrums, they draw on the wall, they fall and run, they spill juice? I want you to be like that. I want you to freely talk to strangers and not be afraid of judgement or rejection. You are free. You are wild. Be that. Now I am setting you free from many fears that you’ve accrued in your life.

You got rejected by a class mate, you tried to be friendly to someone on the street, they yelled at you. You became afraid, you tried to hide. 

You were betrayed by friends, you failed math or chemistry, you started to feel like a failure. You could never meet your parents’ expectations, life wore you down and you kind of just gave up. 

Well, I want you to know that you are perfect in my eyes, run around again- Like that free kid. 

And maybe you never got that kind of childhood, but I’m teaching you now. Hey you have freedom to be a child. I will never yell at you. I will never criticize you. I will only pick you up when you fall. I will give you a hug and say “I love you, I’m so proud of you for trying, I love those drawings on the wall.

I’m not concerned about the dirt on your pants or the dirt in your hair, keep climbing trees freely. I’m not concerned about the couch, it’s just a couch. Jump freely on it.

I know they told you you had to sit still in church, but you can dance if you want.

I know there are times for discipline as a good father disciplines his children, but not in the way of judgement or condemnation, I will love you to me.

You are not all knowing, and that’s okay. You didn’t know that you would get hurt or that you would get into an accident, that’s okay. Keep living in freedom, don’t be afraid to try again. Your parents said “you should’ve known” but you didn’t. You were just living in freedom.

My children know their identity and they are free. Maybe you don’t feel like a child sometimes, maybe you are afraid to fail, maybe you are afraid of rejection, but do you know that I love you so much? 

It doesn’t matter that they reject you, you are so loved by me. I have so much love for you.

Come to me and come walk with me. I’m always by your side, I have never left you. Why do you think that I left you when all this time I was by your side? I am not people that I should leave you. There are times and seasons and not everyone is supposed to be there at all times, life is complex and there are seasons people need to move on and you need to move on from them too.

And that’s okay, because you will make new friends.

Children do whatever they feel like, they don’t sit there waiting for their dads to tell them what to do, they live in freedom. 

Of course I will guide you through your desire, I will give you directions to lead you to great things because I can see things ahead of you. But these are not instructions to limit you but to surprise you, to bless you. 

These are instructions to guide you so we keep walking with each other as you learn to trust me continually, you learn my character, you learn that I am reliable, that I am trustworthy.

I will never force you to do something you don’t want to. But as you trust and walk with me, you’ll see my heart of love for you. 

You are walking in your true identity as a child of God. You need nothing else. It’s so much fun, let’s also have fun together. Let’s break barriers and let’s go on adventures. 

You are enough, you’ve done enough, you are perfect in my eyes because of Jesus sacrifice. You don’t have to do things you don’t like anymore.

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To partner and give- thank you for your love and support. I could not have done it without your support this year. Thank you to the friends that I call family now. I love you all, Rebekka.

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Monthly Partnership-

https://rebekkalien.blogspot.com/

Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ!MY TESTIMONY- https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my-testimony/

Love Letter From God

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Here’s a letter from God….to me, but It’s also a LETTER TO YOU.

Dear Rebekka, or (Dear YOU),

You are so strong. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for trusting me. And even when you didn’t, thank you for being my daughter.

Thank you for your honesty, thank you for sharing your heart with me.

You are the best gift anyone can offer me. I own the world, but I covet peoples’ hearts. I covet your whole heart. That’s all I want. Your heart. Thank you for entrusting your heart to me.

Thank you for persevering even when the fire got hot, even when the battle seemed like it would never stop. Thank you for clinging onto me, and trusting me. You know the battle never lasts right? You have come out golden. 

I’m removing the dust, and the scars, pretty soon you will be brand new. You’ll hope again, dream again, don’t give up. You’re my biggest joy, when I see you smile, I smile too. You are the love of my life, you know?

I just want to bless you continuously. That’s my heart for you. I’ll never take from you, even if I take from you, I’m meaning to bless you more, in multitudes.

You know I will NEVER judge you right? Because Jesus was already judged and punished for your sins. I will never get mad at you, yell at you or condemn you.

I don’t see fault or sin in you.

My dreams are to flourish and prosper you. It’s already there, you are already enough. You are golden my dear, you are so precious to me. You are everything that I hoped you would be. I am so proud of you.

You know you are the whole package right? Right now, you lack nothing, you are shiny, golden, enough, whole, pure, bright, radiant, beautiful. You never lacked anything or anyone. You became whole when you said yes to me, so that I only see Jesus in you, you are the perfect image of God.

You know I would never criticize you or yell at you?

I would only encourage you. Because you are perfect in my eyes.

And I may say a few things to wake you up, because I know you’re hurting yourself. A father would never allow their kids to get hurt. I give you freedom to run and be free. You are allowed to do what you want and desire. Follow your heart.

Be free, fall, fail (though there is no such thing as failure because you are still perfect and righteous in my eyes), and get up with me. Hold my hand so you don’t get lost. Never stop holding my hand.

I love you so dearly. You are the apple of my eyes. I have many more love letters for you and I hope you read them one by one, I hope you listen.

Humans may never give you the love you need or want, but my love will overwhelm you for good. But never stop listening, never close your heart. Your heart is a muscle that needs practice. Love is not always easy, but you can always fall back into my arms. It’s easy to rest in me. It’s easy to rely on me. 

All you have to do is let go of control, let go of self- condemnation.

You’ve done enough, you’ve loved enough, you’ve been battered but you’re enough.

You don’t have to try so hard. Let me love you. 

You’re enough.

There is no where to go but here, there is nothing to do but be. You are enough.

I long for your intimacy, an open heart. Tell me the desires of your heart, tell me how your heart aches and tell me if you’re mad at me. Tell me everything because I can take it. That’s how I long to know you. I want to walk with you.

I’m so excited to show you the beautiful things I’m going to reveal to you. I’m going to surprise you when you least expect it. Keep your eyes on me. Your dreams are not dead, they are alive and well. 

My timing is perfect, you are not late, you haven’t missed it! I am just on time!

You don’t have to do a thing to make me love you, I loved you since and before you were born. You are enough as my child. No need to perform or to achieve for me, no need to try or do more. I want you to rest knowing I’ve got your back, no need to look for success. You are a success. 

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I am so proud of you dear,

God

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Growing up, I did not feel safe with my mother as she was constantly reprimanding or yelling at me. There were few words of encouragement and I’ve had to confront her about it to get her to be more encouraging. Even saying “I love you” was difficult when I got older.

Then going to church, I was constantly told that I needed to do more, serve more or be more loving. No one actually told me that I was whole in Christ Jesus. No one told me that Jesus’ work was actually complete, it was a complete payment for my iniquities and shortcomings.

When I left that church God started to teach me what grace actually was.

He taught me that I was a child of God and that I only needed to rest to learn what it meant to receive from God. I was constantly working for God but never received from God because I was working for what I had versus freely receiving. 

When I learned to rest in His finished work, I started to learn what it meant to be a child. However, it came with a level of persecution that I did not expect from people. 

You are God’s child, not an orphan, not a slave, not an employee.

To partner and give- thank you for your love and support. I could not have done it without your support this year. Thank you to the friends that I call family now. I love you all, Rebekka.

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Monthly Partnership-

https://rebekkalien.blogspot.com/

Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ!

MY TESTIMONY- https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my-testimony/

Prophetic WORD- THERE IS ACCELERATION IN OBEYING GOD RIGHT NOW!

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Prophetic WORD- URGENT, IT’s NOT TIME TO QUESTION GOD, IT’S TIME TO ACT IN FAITH. THERE IS ACCELERATION FOR THOSE WHO OBEY AND MOVE/OBEY WITHOUT DOUBT.

There is a BREAKTHROUGH for those who are WILLING TO ACT UPON WHAT GOD IS SAYING AT ALL TIMES. Sure God will never condemn you for NOT OBEYING but the reason HE TELLS YOU TO DO SOMETHING is because the enemy has launched an assault of FEAR, FEAR OF LACK, CONDEMNATION AGAINST YOU so that you will stay small, so you would LIVE IN FEAR.

GOD HAS GIVEN YOU INSTRUCTIONS BECAUSE HE WANTS YOU TO BREAK OUT OF FEAR, these ACTIONS will ACTUALLY CATAPULT YOU FORWARD.

Last night I had a dream and I was going somewhere but I kept thinking is this wrong or right? But I finally GOT THERE because I PUSHED THROUGH and OBEYED.

And I realize it was a spirit of condemnation and FEAR. Yesterday a lady GAVE and she told me the LORD had told her to give several times but she had excuses. THE LORD did not ASK HER TO GIVE TO TORTURE HER, the LORD ACTUALLY HAS A BREAKTHROUGH OUT OF FEAR (FEAR OF LACK) for her.

THE ENEMY HAS LAUNCHED AN ASSAULT TO KILL YOUR BREAKTHROUGH AND DESTINY by SELF- DOUBT, PLAYING SMALL, DOING WHAT FEELS SAFE.

WHY? The Lord KEPT ASKING ME TO ASK PEOPLE FOR DONATIONS AS I KEPT HEARING NO’S or was being ignored. I TOLD GOD I WAS REALLY TIRED of asking and HE SAID DON’T GIVE UP.

He showed me that THERE IS A BONDAGE OF FEAR right now and I am not to give into it. There was also a spirit of condemnation to make me feel like I did something wrong. And I thought, maybe I should just “rest” and let GOD do IT.

But HE SHOWED ME “THAT IS FEAR SPEAKING”.

YOU WILL NEED TO PUSH THROUGH THE FEAR. Whatever fear it is right now, THERE IS AN ACCELERATION RIGHT NOW INTO WHAT GOD HAS CALLED YOU TO if you are WILLING TO ACT ON WHAT HE IS SAYING and to FOLLOW YOUR HEART.

(to not use your head, logic, or “right” or “wrong” which is a spirit of legalism).

YES HE WILL QUADRUPLE your ACTS OF FAITH RIGHT NOW.

BECAUSE WE ARE LAUNCHING INTO 2020 FIERCELY. The enemy has been trying everything TO MAKE ME BACK DOWN.

The LORD TOLD ME TO WRITE MY TESTIMONY and to ASK PEOPLE FOR DONATIONS, but I STARTED TO FEEL FEAR as PEOPLE KEPT SAYING NO and IT WAS going REALLY slow.

THE ENEMY STOLE MY PHONE, it a spirit of lack attacking me.

WHENEVER THERE IS DRYNESS, there is BREAKTHROUGH ON THE OTHER SIDE OF NOT GIVING UP.

So if FEAR KEEPS TELLING YOU not to do something, you feel it in YOUR HEART, it’s PROBABLY GOD SAYING “DO IT!”

The enemy keeps trying to put me in a corner because He knows giving will cause people to have breakthrough in their lives. TODAY IS THE DAY TO GIVE IF YOU FEEL THE LORD SPEAKING. I AM NOT MANIPULATING YOU (some of you have said, I am a prophet and I hear the Lord speaking about PUSHING THROUGH DOUBT).

Many of you have been afraid to let go of the things God has told you to let go of because OF FEAR, that is a spirit of LACK.

Many of you have been doing the “right” thing but it’s NOT THE GOD THING.

THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO SIT BACK and LIVE IN COMFORT, GOD IS CALLING HIS PEOPLE TO PUSH as the baby is CROWNING. THERE IS ACCELERATION HAPPENING IN THE SPIRIT RIGHT NOW.

People have told me they feel like the church is a business, they just ask for money. The enemy wants people to think that they are being robbed but the enemy KNOWS THERE IS BREAKTHROUGH IN GIVING SO HE PUTS LIES IN PEOPLES’ HEADS SO THEY KEEP LIVING IN A MENTALITY AND SPIRIT OF LACK…VERSUS THE SPIRIT OF ABUNDANCE WHICH IS NOT AFRAID OF ANYTHING! 

THIS IS ABUNDANCE- NOT GIVING UP, NOT BACKING DOWN. ABUNDANCE IS YOUR IDENTITY. ABUNDANCE IS BEING A CHILD OF GOD. Abundance is knowing the Lord is your shepherd, not mammon. The enemy keeps you small and in fear when you rely on what you have, versus what God said. Live in FAITH, not by sight. 

Many of YOU ARE LOOKING AT THE LITTLE YOU HAVE INSTEAD OF LOOKING FORWARD TO WHAT GOD SAID. The enemy knows that if you just stay in the comfort zone of what you have, and thinking that’s it, you will never walk forward.

BECAUSE TO POSSESS WHAT GOD HAS TOLD YOU, YOU NEED TO WALK IN FAITH.  I did not start a ministry with all the money I needed to accomplish what He told me. I only went one step at a time (sometimes one day at a time). I had no money saved. God gave me the instructions I needed to attain the PROVISION so I could reach the lost sheep and people for Him. Sometimes it did come anonymously but I had to LEARN TO ASK. I also GAVE when I felt led. 

ASKING IS A STEP OF FAITH and the FEAR will HIT YOU. 

People’s judgement DID HIT ME.

BUT it was the enemy trying to make me BACK DOWN. BECAUSE HE KNEW I WAS TAKING TERRITORY, lives were BEING SET FREE AND PEOPLE WERE COMING TO JESUS. If HE COULD ROB ME of the finances I needed to continue, I’d give up or be fearful of continuing. He has tried REALLY HARD. In fact, most of the persecution I’ve received from people were about fundraising. 

God told me it is because HE IS EXPOSING people’s hearts. He is also removing the shame and lies the enemy has spoken to people.

WHAT KIND OF LIFE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE? THE TYPE THAT GIVES INTO FEAR OR THAT SAYS “GOD YOU SAID!” and I BELIEVE.

DOUBT WILL KILL YOUR DREAMS RIGHT NOW. Yesterday I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go dance, I drove and kept getting off the freeway. I was asking “what should I do?” instead of just doing it. I felt doubt because last time my phone got stolen. It was fear speaking. In addition, because of that my mother started worrying that

BUT that’s exactly what the enemy wants, for me to HAVE A FEAR OF LACK, that I will lose something again. THERE IS BREAKTHROUGH RIGHT NOW IN CONTINUOUS ACTS OF FAITH. The enemy is TRYING TO ABORT the baby that is coming out. It’s half way out but YOU HAVE TO PUSH.

Don’t STAY IN THE SLUMBER OF THE ENEMY. Many people are not hoping and trusting in God, but what they have. They are making plans according to their budget. But if you want to launch into God’s plans, YOU HAVE TO LET GO OF CONTROL (finances, plans, people, etc) AND BELIEVE GOD. 

I had another dream where I was changing bathing suits but the suit was confusing so it took me forever. The swimming pool was closing, so I had to hurry. Some guy saved me as the POOL was extremely wavy.

YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD RIGHT NOW. YOU ARE RIGHTEOUS RIGHT NOW. YOU ARE ABUNDANT RIGHT NOW.

Don’t let the fear prevent you from your launching in acceleration.

IF GOD HAS BEEN SPEAKING TO YOU TO GIVE, TO DO SOMETHING, PLEASE DO NOT WAVER RIGHT NOW. HE SAID THAT FEAR OF LACK will ATTRACT LACK, but if you act upon what God is saying, it will BREAK OFF THE FEAR. 

Give – “Not that I desire your gifts; what I desire is that more be credited to your account” Philippians 4:17

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Monthly Partnership-

https://rebekkalien.blogspot.com/

Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ!

MY TESTIMONY- https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my-testimony/

Prophetic Word- Get Back Your Vision in 2020

The Lord is asking me to ask for donations today. I believe He will bless you with a triple return, so if you want a return on investment, give in faith!

Many times we are looking at what we have instead of trusting God as our Jehovah Jireh, we are relying on our jobs more than God, on our savings more than God, on our car or house more than God. God is breaking off this spirit of “prostitution” (trading your time and skills for money) and God is adopting children who will trust the Shepherd for what we have.

The enemy wants to pimp you out. He wants you to spend the rest of your life more concerned about being secure (about the material things) than following Jesus.

Because if He calls you to quit your job, and you’re scared of lack and you’re scared that God won’t provide, you’ll never start that ministry which will set thousands free from that spirit of lack.

Because if you stay with your abusive husband, you’ll never feel worthy to be alone with God or know that God is enough and you’ll never step into your calling and purpose.

Because if you work to pay off debt for the rest of your life, you’ll never walk into what God is calling you to. You’ll always think that you are not enough and never have enough, you’ll not understand you are a child of God and God made a complete payment to ALL YOUR BANK ACCOUNTS AND BILLS, even if you don’t see it NOW. HE WILL DO IT BECAUSE HIS BLOOD SPOKE.

IF THE ENEMY CAN KEEP YOU IN THE BONDAGE OF “LACK MENTALITY” you’ll NEVER step out in faith and be the warrior GOD HAS CALLED YOU TO BE.

HE IS SAYING YOU ARE A SON AND DAUGHTER OF GOD, NOT AN ORPHAN. STOP BEING SELF- sufficient and relinquish CONTROL TO ME. There are too many safe Christians who will not jump into God’s net. They need to be set free because their hearts will die in “worldly safety”.

There is REST for those who are willing to TRUST God, but the world lives like they are slaves. Will you trust God?

Give – “Not that I desire your gifts; what I desire is that more be credited to your account” Philippians 4:17 

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Monthly Partnership-

https://rebekkalien.blogspot.com/

Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ!

MY TESTIMONY- https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my-testimony/

www.rebekkalien.com

 

No Condemnation in Christ Jesus

Prophetic Word- IT’s NOT YOUR FAULT, TAKE ON THE BLOOD OF JESUS AND KNOW God DOES NOT SEE SIN IN YOU ANYMORE. THE ENEMY HAS BEEN TRYING HARD TO DISQUALIFY YOU THROUGH YOUR WORKS, but Jesus does not see any sin in you anymore.

WHY? NOW, the ENEMY IS WORKING OVER TIME TO PUSH YOU BACK INTO EGYPT SO YOU WOULD FEEL CONDEMNED AND ASHAMED AND NOT ENOUGH TO GO INTO THE PROMISED LAND.

Would you consider giving $20 or more to my ministry? Somehow God has been telling me to ask for my daily provisions so that I can go where I am led. Its been day by day.

Im going forward into my promised land (my dreams and ministry in hollywood). It is already mine but there was a lot of pushback. Someone hit my mom’s car while i was parked, someone stole my phone a week ago.

These events tried to put guilt and blame in my heart so that id stop going out and live in fear. My mother started guilt tripping me and telling me she couldnt sleep or was worried about me. What if, shed say.

Yesterday i felt the Lord tell me to go out late night but i felt the struggle of guilt and false responsibility for my mom. I didn’t end up going.

I asked God to rid my heart if false guilt. This morning I spoke honestly and asked her to not speak death over my dreams.

I layed down my dreams to pastor lost sheep and God is giving it back to me but it has come with a lot of resistance as i grow the ministry and take more spiritual territory, in reaching lost sheep in hollywood.

Yesterday i met a young chinese woman in the sauna. I asked if she was chinese or korean. She told me everyone she meets is christian for some reason.

She said a lot of the rules in church stop her from wanting to believe in jesus and i explained grace to her.

I said your shoulder hurts? Cuz mine started hurting…..and i just heard the lord say “its not your fault” and i could feel my heart pang.

I said when you believe jesus you believe he took every fault on the cross so you no longer have to bear it. Then i told her how someone stole my phone and i blamed myself while my mother also blamed me.

She said she also broke her laptop a month ago and blamed herself. I said God will replace it..and not to put responsibility on her shoulder but to cast it on God.

She felt that if she knew clearly whose fault it is in different situations in life she wouldnt have to bear the burden and responsibility as she was literally and physically suffering for it.

I told her how when you believe in jesus you know He took on everyone’s fault and deficiency on the cross so you don’t have to bear it or punish yourself for it.

Give –

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Monthly Partnership-

https://rebekkalien.blogspot.com/

Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ!

MY TESTIMONY- https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my-testimony/

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You can also reach me at rebekkalien@gmail.com (please no spam, just send me love letters and words of encouragements, and if you can relate to anything in my posts, I’d love to hear from you).

A Real Conversation with God About Pain

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To Listen to the Blog post 

I hear you talk, and I know your voice but I don’t seem to know what I feel or what I’m thinking.

This needs to be fixed. I felt like a mute kid, that kid playing under the table. I stopped speaking because I lost my heart to betrayals and heartbreaks.

What’s the point of speaking if I’ll be dismissed. 

I saw this in my relationship with my dad, I spoke my mind but he disappeared, for a few days without telling me.

He disappeared for 10 years, then every time I visited another 3 went back.

I saw this pattern in my life, people disappearing. 

But you never did, did you God?

God – no. I never will.

Me- But why does it feel like you are silent when I need you to speak, and why do you speak when I want you to be silent?

God- Because I can’t be controlled and I don’t need to give you directions all the time, you can trust your heart.

Me- I’m not sure if I trust my heart because it obviously gets trampled when I throw my pearls to people. I try to guard my heart the best I can, but I still get ravaged.

God- Your heart is in the palm of my hands and I love you to the earth and back. You are my beloved and I will never let you go, I will never neglect you.

Me- But why does it feel like you are neglecting me right now. Why is everything so hard? Like pins and needles in my heart?

God- Come to me and I will give you rest. You don’t have to be afraid of me.

Me- It’s easier to fix the external things then to just submit myself to the process. The pain is too much to bear. Yesterday I felt like a wrecking ball. Like the song.

God- This pain isn’t forever, this pain is a passing thing. It doesn’t belong to you. Let it out and cry if you have to, cry and let the pain through. Don’t stop the pain. Let it pass through you. 

Me- I want to be in control, to make things happen, but I know that’s not what I need. I need to just let the pain through but pain is uncontrollable, it comes out when you least expect it. Like when I was eating at a restaurant with hundreds of people around me, I can feel their eyes staring. I am embarrassed and horrified. So I let a few trickles out. My mother is accusing me of being useless, she makes me feel like I am a burden.

God- you are a gift from heaven to earth. You are a gift my dear, not a burden. You are my precious queen.

Me- The words sting so much I can’t seem to hear anything else.

God- Then saturate your soul with my words. Any words that align with my heart, listen to that, hear that, speak that.

Me- Why do I have to keep doing damage control? Why can’t I just leave? Move out already? Why don’t you make a way?

God- Because I am doing something new, I need to solidify identity in your soul and spirit. So the battle seems hotter, heated, tougher, but you will get out of it golden. Don’t run from the battle, run straight into my arms. You are safe here, the words are just flies. The words are lies, it hurts but they are lies. They aren’t true.

I will never leave nor forsake you. Lift up your head, your not what those words are dear. I will never drop you, I’m not a deadbeat dad.

Me- Am I really safe with you?

God- yes. Beyond safe. Let the pain through, don’t stop or clog it. Don’t distract yourself with doing. Don’t try to fix the external, don’t try to run away, don’t try to figure out your life.

Sit with me in the fire. Sit and let me extinguish the fire, let the water of the Spirit wash you. Because my love is enough, don’t be afraid. My love is enough for you. Don’t go looking for it anywhere else, my love is enough.

Come to me all who are weary. I know nothing LOOKS right, nothing feels right, but I am here with you in the fire. Look into my eyes, don’t look away. Look into my gaze, because this love is enough. 

Love, Rebekka

Fundraising has been super slow this season, so if YOU’D BE ABLE TO GIVE THIS SEASON, know that God will multiply your seed. Anything helps! I can use all the help I can get. Thank you!

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MY TESTIMONY- https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my-testimony/

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