I’m so freaken psyched to go to Hong Kong. I’m assisting this shop lady to pick out merchandise. She’s the owner and the buyer of the shop. The last few days in Kaoshiung was pretty awesome. I suppose, I have no idea where God is leading me.

Well, who would’ve known. The St. Thomas book I was reading is actually a seminary book. Hm, maybe I wouldn’t mind going to seminary.

1. Love is a gift?

2. Once we are born, an angel watches over us?

3. Only we ourselves can will ourselves to do something, only God and ourselves. Everyone else only persuades from the periphery.

Some quotes I love

“Among ourselves, until a man has learned to listen he has no business teaching; until he realizes that every man has something of truth and wisdom to offer he does not begin to learn; it is only when he sees how each of his fellows surpass him that a man begins to be wise, to himself and his fellowman”

“The least are led to God by the greatest; talent is not a mere personal favor but a social responsibility”

“We do not destroy God by denying Him, we destroy only ourselves”

“In this life, it is quite true that it is both better and worse to love than to know; for love can be either disastrously degrading or breathlessly ennobling. Our happiness or misery now is a matter of the objects of our loves.”

picture i took at Alishan, just got off the mountain today. watched the sunrise.

I fear that I have suddenly realized

Boys and girls do not think the same as each other

They are completely different

I think with intense emotions

Guys, well, they don’t think 3D, they think wooden panels

One thought does not correlate with any other, for me one thought leads and expands to thousands of thoughts

that guys may think have no correlation

You might think they’re inconsiderate,  but they just don’t think that far

or correlate action with thoughts or heart sometimes.

Oh Lord, I give up trying to understand

Boys and girls are just completely different creatures!

1. Learn German

2. Take acting and/or dance class-hip hop

3. While looking for a job, work at Starbucks cuz i think ill be good at talking to people. who doesn’t want to work at starbucks?

4. Learn German

5. oh i already said that

6. going to watch Rabbit Without Ears 2. yeppie.

玉山 Hostel in Chiayi

So, like I had a freak out session about not having enough money. Well, once I got picked up to go to the hostel, I found an atm and was able to retrieve money, praise the Lord! And thank God for all those friends that prayed for me in my melodramatic moments. So finally, I arrived at the hostel in Chiayi. It is very old and old- fashioned. It’s been there for 60 years, but 1.5 as a youth hostel. Seriously, I love the interior, the old-fashioned designs. Later, I learned that the building was a “black” building before. When we refer to black in Chinese, it means sketchy and underground. I was disturbed when I heard that it used to be a sort of prostitute place, not because I’m grossed out, but because of the sad existence of such a “job”. I can’t imagine becoming an object without a soul, for someone else’ pleasure.

At the same time, I saw the hope of design, art, and transformation. If such a place could be transformed to give the community hope, travelers a safe haven, renewal of tradition and culture- then anything is possible. I saw it as a message from God. I rode my bike around the city, remembering 2 years ago. I know that me coming to this hostel is for a God-sent purpose. I love meeting random strangers and seeing a glimpse of their family life, values, and life.

I told the hostel owners that I was a fashion designer, and they got super excited. I showed them my sketches and they started asking me if I could design shirts for them in exchange for the cheap price of 300nt that they were offering for the hostel stay per night. Of course, I don’t know how much I can do in 3 days, but I might draw a quick sketch for them to frame.

I’m suddenly loving this life. More than I thought I would.

Like some sunny days, cloudy days, you still have travel defects. For example, today I could not access my money from my atm card/atm machine. I find this weird because I already called Chase to tell them I’m traveling. I have  800NT and I have to pay 300NT for one night, so technically, it could be worse. And tomorrow isn’t Saturday or Sunday, so actually, if I went to every bank tomorrow and just figured things out and called Chase and gave them a verbal beating, then it should be okay.

It could really be worst, like missing my flight last time and sleeping at the train station and airport by myself. That was definitely worst. Plus, I know people in Taiwan, but the last thing I want to do is to ask people for money help.

Good thing I have music to calm down my nerves. I find Misty Edwards to be very calming.

Taichung was pretty amazing. This summer is definitely coming of age. A lot of people tell me that if it wasn’t for work, they would be able to travel like I am. But I think that it’s not really about travel, but about reaching into my history, past and culture. It’s living with the people and experiencing life with them.

I speak less, listen more.

I have lost all pretense, all will to fight

Because working hard towards the wrong goal may

lead to destruction rather than life.

I wander place to place

In and out of peoples’ lives, like a friend but soon a stranger

So I lie quietly on the grass and wait for the wind.

I AM YOURS- Misty Edwards
Though I sleep, my heart is awake
Though It’s night, on You I wait

(repeat)

It’s been a long night, and I am weary
It’s been a long time, and I am hungry
So I’ll wait in the stillness again
I’ll wait in the quiet again
For when I heard Your voice
When You said my name
When I heard Your voice
My heart it yearned

(repeat)

In the middle of the night
In the middle of the night
In the middle of the night
My heart it yearns

(repeat)

Though You’re far away, still I’m here to say
I am Yours, I am Yours
And when You feel so far away, still I am here to say
I am Yours, I am Yours

(repeat)

And I pay my vows, no turning around
I burn the bridges that can’t be found

(repeat)

For when I heard Your voice
And You said my name
When I heard Your voice
My heart it yearned
For You.

Danshui- Taipei

4 years ago I sat here and listened to a stranger and her friend talk about her broken heart.

My favorite Blythe doll. I want to design their clothes!

Modeling, or actually glamour shots. I want to be a model..for fun.

I love choco kinder-eggs. I ate them when I grew up in Germany. And now, I’m eating it in Taiwan. Love it! Today was the weirdest day. My dad called me at 8:30 am. Of course, I’m still snoozing away the daylight. I was annoyed, but thought he could drive me to the bank. Also we went to Taoyuan to find clothes. The most horrid thing in that store was that there was NO air condition. Thus, I was dying to pieces and I accumulated a headache. Of course, this was not good since I was going to get glam pictures taken.

But alas, thank God. Once I started picking outfits for the shoot, my headache disappeared into thin air. I realize that..

1. I light up when I’m the center of attention.

2. I feel the most myself when I’m in a creative environment.

3. I have stopped praying that things would go smoothly, but that God would be more than enough for me when I do get hurt or life happens. Because realistically, everyone will face pain and suffering. Yet, I have found God to be faithful, patient, loving in the most PAINFUL times in my life. Especially being on this trip. I faced so many times of loneliness and confusion. Living alone in a house isn’t the most exciting thing, but it allows you to reflect without any disturbance.

Great things about living alone:

1. You can do whatever you like, whenever

2. Take baths with your door open

3. Be messy, no one will yell at you

4. Sleep in

5. well I think that’s all…cuz otherwise it’s kind of lonely. haha.

Cute baby in Danshui, Taiwan

What am I going to do with my freaken life?

I don’t really know. Because every time I plan something so wonderous, my plan gets screwed up. Usually its screwed up in a really beautiful and unexpected way. However, it comes with lots of turmoil and sadness. However, I leave that up to God. Right now, I’m okay with just living in the moment. Even though people may be disappointed, I don’t really mind working at Starbucks or something. You can only live part- life for so long right? But I know myself, I probably won’t settle until I get what I at least sort of want.

I want to live in LA. I want to travel some. I want to talk to people. I want to be creative and organizational. I want to make dough to live. I want to dance and listen to music. I want to read and manage people too. I want to make enough to give to mama and to fight human trafficking. And then one day I’ll have some type of company with my products produced by women.

Okay. I guess that wasn’t as hard as I thought.

Cool graffiti in Taipei- Ximending. Cool place for young people to hang out and shop.

And I want to design children’s wear. Like really BADLY. And I want to play with babies and kids and sing songs, watch telletubbies, and eat candy, chocolate and ice cream. The end.

BTW I’m Dante Coffee. Great atmosphere and great internet connection. BTW I’m in Taipei, Taiwan too.

My adorable cousin’s daughter. So cute!

Being in taiwan is pretty much thinking of food and trash everyday.

Food is such a part of life that trash has to be too. Because if there is food, there is trash.

Which leads me to talk about my splendorous day today. I wish I can type out my day everyday.

10:30- woke up and started using the internet

12:30- walked outside to find a good restaurant, ate and was eavesdropping on 4 business people. Sounded like they wanted to make a deal that involved cheating and bad business ethics. Yuck. Me eating.

2:45- dad drove me to dentist. Found out I’ve been brushing my teeth completely WRONG. My teeth feels super clean! I look forward to brushing my teeth for 10 minutes today. Maybe I can watch tv while doing it.

4:30 – found 85 degrees C, a cafe and had the most salty creamy green tea thing. went to the biggest electronic place in Taiwan, not on this earth. Found a USB hub for 200 NT which is like 6 bux.

…..etc.

Being in Taiwan has been really intense, full of memories rescued, tears, thoughts, opinions, dreams, and life in general.

Some thoughts that came to my mind today- I better write it in a poem.

I believe in God.

But sometimes He seems far far away, silence

The silence like that of my own, 10 years. Can you rescue the unsaid, though silent for 10 years?

What can you say? What can you do?

It’s like emotional constipation, it hurts so much, at the end when you can shout, scream, laugh

you can only stare into the rain, the cloudy gloom

and wait for a breakthrough

fear is a funny thing, it crouches at your foot, it snatches the courage you had, in your imagination

all the things you wanted to say, why? and what? and how?

irrelevance

and how, does that translate into my life now?

Whys? Taiwan, a small island of irrelevance.

I AM-

I am but a speck of dust on this big earth

Taiwan, an island floating

I am but a speck floating from place to place

in and out of peoples’ lives, I belong nowhere, I stand nowhere,

I fly and float

Some call it lucky

I call it “the more knowledge the more grief”.

As grief, perspectives combined into persons

Persons, cultures, languages, prejudices

I am, understanding, but hanging outside the periphery

looking in

to the hate, bitterness, that each culture

carries

I can only explain for the other

and love this place

as I wonder, like a wooden nothing

floating into oceans and lands, I am.

We then wonder why there is so much grief, is not each human being marked by the fall, by grief, pain, hurt. Each human, born, soon to be marked by others, as fragile, weak, vulnerable, just a child. We tell others what to do, but our own lives are a mess. We judge and yell. We look down on others, but us, a soiled mess. Is not life fragile, here but gone the next minute? Each second that passes by is a reminder of the brevity of life. Why waste it hating?

People meet me and think I’m stupid and naive. Some think I’m too nice, some too this and that. Maybe I’m too good at acting, or maybe I don’t really care what they think. I am just being me and life is too short to play the people game. Oh, someone please cry me a river, please cry humanity a river. God save the queen.