I made a video on instagram live about some realizations I had about dating.
Here’s what I realized….
- Many guys I’m physically attracted to often lack the emotional or spiritual maturity that I am looking for
- People who make me feel safe emotionally (and are emotionally open and vulnerable) are like father figures to me but aren’t physically attractive to me
Here are ways that I feel loved:
- When someone tells me the truth even if it’s counter what I believe, but can still be kind and loving towards me
- When someone buys me food, clothes, gifts, or gives me money (since these were not things I received from my father but when I did see my father these were things he tried to give me)
- When people hug me
- When people ask me questions about myself and take the time to listen
- When people compliment me and say words of encouragement to me
There were a few men I turned down that could talk to me on an emotional level and were emotionally mature but were not physically attractive to me….I don’t really understand why God did that, I’m sure it’s just because I haven’t met many men that are both physically attractive and emotionally attractive.
One guy told me that I would come around and see that he was the better option, but I told him that was not the case because even though I was emotionally attracted I was not physically attracted to him.
Here’s the test – can you imagine yourself kissing him?
One guy tried to lean in for a kiss and I backed off.
I realize I could not see myself kissing him because he was not physically attractive to me. Even though I felt safe and at peace, I felt no spark.
Talking about dating has helped my mother open up to me. I asked her a few questions and the answers were surprising.
She never saw another penis other than my dad’s. I know. I was shocked but she was back in the days, they were much more conservative. I told her nowadays guys ask to get a room with you when you’ve just met him.
Men are strange but interesting creatures. They are beautiful but also weird. So are women. We are all strange and beautiful creatures.