The word is: question mark?
From the age of 18-23 I had my fair share of fun. I went to all the cool events with open bar, got drunk, got free food and free swag bags, dressed up, and felt like I was on top of the world. These days, the glamour has faded a little. I still love dressing up, and perhaps a part of me is waiting for the right thing to go to, yet, finding that everyone has their own life.Sometimes I can relate to Liz Lemon from 30Rock, eating my cheetos, drinking wine or choice beer and watching reruns for 5-6 hours. Of course, I’m packaging goods to mail out as I’m relaxing. Your image of businesswoman as a bachelorette.
The life looks like this, getting my eyebrows waxed, remembering to call a potential client, swerving to the curb to not get caught by police (phone and driving). Today, biking to and partly around Rose Bowl, pondering way too deeply about life and the meaning of it all. I can probably philosophize the meaning of life to death. After a regretted downhill, riding back up and shouting to myself “Don’t GIVE UP!” After an hour of biking and really feeling lightheaded, realizing that I really need to drink more water…
I suppose I’m not the only one.
The 20s are the greatest years, some say.
I have seem to already have done my fair share of traveling, I have lived in 3 different countries, traveled to a few continents, and danced at too many to count shows of dubstep, house, jazz, moshpits, 80s, indie, the glitz makes me want to throw up now. The fashion world is all fake teeth and smiles, gets old too quickly too.
I guess you can call it self-discovery.
Though it can get a little stressful, this whole self- discovery thing.
Perhaps I’m done waiting and wanting the next chapter to open up. Like I kind of want to meet more people that are more interesting, willing to take risks, are really against the norm of society…perhaps I’m done talking about the things that normal people can’t stop talking about (and seriously bore me to death). There’s a whole new world I am just anticipating to enter into. Perhaps I’m just too smart and intelligent, yet have not become an addict yet, and am trying to find a healthier alternative to stop my brain from overthinking.
It’s time for some new experiences, besides biking and discovering different bits of the city- I’m looking for some new adventures.
The following is a message I got from my close friend: I think that we all feel this at some point in our lives, whether it’s us not being true to ourselves, us not following our heart, us not listening to our true passion, or us suppressing the life that wants to live and be fully YOU.
“I get the feeling sometimes I’m living a lie. A feeling I’m holding back, suppressing, and knowingly ignoring something. Dis-easing…I am neglecting my divine purpose the way an inadequate mother chooses to abandon her child. My spirit soul is mourning, denouncing further catalytic deferment. Pleading for attention, it beckons my inner artist and creator to proclaim emancipation from any extension of prosaic jaded existence.
Sadness, confusion, estrangement swirl in a muddled slurry of unsolicited discomforting fears. Something is seeking rest; seeking peace of mind, closure having thus been forsaken. I am artistically, creatively, purposefully deprived…constipated from lack of fibrous inspiration…and my entire body/essence knows it. I’m angry at myself yet outwardly annoyed by everything and inconsiderately rude. I get the feeling, often, that I am pathetically concerned with being misunderstood an rightfully anti-social. I get the feeling I couldn’t be anymore overdramatic…and for a split day I feel under the weather..until I remember, I’m not alone in feeling this way. I am not less different or less awesome than any other influential awesome misunderstood artist. I am on the verge of greatness 😛
. I am surrounded by awesome like-hearted, mountain moving friends like you 🙂
I am glad that I am called a mountain moving friend. I am so blessed to be a MOUNTAIN MOVER.
Another news is that, I felt in my spirit that my book needed some rest, that the more I was pushing, the less I was creating GREAT work. Sometimes like people, a book, a project needs space.
Sometimes you need to get lost to find yourself.
I stare at this everyday now. It reminds me of 3 seasons:
1. CAGE STAGE– Being nurtured, structured, programmed, learning, in community and being in the cage to be fed and to rest.
2. BRANCH STAGE– a bird learns to observe her surrounding, starts walking, crawling towards their very fear or biggest challenges, it starts to be okay with itself, learns to accept SELF.
3. FLYING STAGE– a bird flies and soars, feeling utmost freedom, flourishing, creating and discovering.
Our lives are like cycles of returning to the cage, walking on the branch and flying. We need to realize that our lives are not always filled with successes, but sometimes we need to re-evaluate who we are, our goals, and rest when it’s time to nurture our souls.