I’m holding your hand, your shirt brushing against my arms. The smell of fresh laundry.
Love is, patient. Really, really, really patient. It is waiting when your body and heart feels dry, unloved, unarmed, like your body wants to run but it cannot, it does not know what the expression of the heart looks like. It does not know how to sing when the soul is dying or when to dance when I can only hear you whispering.
Whispering you are. You whisper with your glance, your gaze, your silence, your space and time. My seasons of growth, despair, joy and change have led me to pathways of seeing you for who you are. You, my friend, you my lover, you my family.
It is funny how we forget how human we are, how two people can be in love and know the secrets of God. Love, where no success or money can replace. Love, which is long-suffering, grueling, tiring at times, full of despair and desperation. Sometimes, love is full of moments, risk. Lots of risk is love, any moment your heart is pricked, any moment you feel you might fall into a deep cave of pain.
Though, I’ve found that life is short. We are not put on this earth to know the full extent of love, for we can only comprehend a tiny fraction of what it is. It is better to love and lost then to never have loved. Our human heart longs to defend, protect. Fear is the enemy of love. Fearing that you will lose someone you love is not love based on courage. Courage we must have in order to risk all we have for the ones that we love. A lonely life of protection will one day become a life of regrets.
For when we have loved, we have no regrets, because we know that we were capable of this divine thing called love. We experienced a spiritual awakening, we allowed our souls to dance and whisper secrets of the divine.
Perhaps you think that love is everlasting. Truly, love is everlasting. Love is not always felt, it can be a strong wave from the ocean and other times like a calm and peaceful stream. Love is like the tornado washing the debris of the past, fallen expectations and false understanding of who we are. It is a full force that shakes your heart, literally so that your whole being is being affected.
I feel deeply all emotions. I let pain go to the darkest places in my heart, I let joy seep through each molecules of my brain, I let love pull me in the direction I should go. Sometimes after the silent storm is over, the tears fall while I sit in my room, watering the crops of emotions and love. How can love even be described with words? Words will not suffice, for though you may have been hurt, over and over again, believe in the moments that you knew love existed. Believe in the moments where magic was in the air, where poetry was not enough to describe the existential trust and feelings you felt, where after your overthinking turned into nothing because trust was rebuilt.
I don’t claim to know the deep secrets of love, but I know how to express it. I know how to express through words, right now in time, how I feel and what I have experienced. It’s none of the easy bullshit the media shows us, love doesn’t form in 1.5 hours of movie time or simple romantic phrases and hymns, love is the decades our earth has been through, it is the art, the poems, the songs inspired by heartbreaks, joys of love, letting go, and realizing that wow, life is short, and all we can do is love even when we know it might hurt.
My love, love will hurt because it wouldn’t be love if there wasn’t risk involved. Love is a risky game. Love is what life is about, if you don’t master anything in life, master your heart to love unconditionally, even when it hurts. You’ll find that there is a greater being holding your heart.
No matter what your issues are, the issues stem from love, a lack of love and worth. Choose to believe in the moments that you were affirmed, you were loved. Don’t let the bad experiences taint your future. Believe in the moments that you knew love existed.