You Have The Right To Follow Your Heart

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One of the things I find very disturbing about what some Christians teach is that they hide under the guise or the “covering” of the church and do not have opinions or trust that God is speaking to them.

So they move only in the direction of what they’re told by leaders in the church and no longer have a mind of their own.

As someone who hears God and follows His voice I often meet Christians who say “wouldn’t it be better if you went with someone else” or a group?

As though Jesus in me is not enough and if the signs and miracles that God has worked through me isn’t evident of His presence in me and in my life. 

I am often reminded of the pharisees who saw the miracles and signs yet still doubted that God could really work through one person.

They are essentially saying “you can’t trust that God can speak to one individual or work miracles through one person”.

In fact this thinking is ancient.

It’s like having a catholic priest to “confess” your sins to and atone for your sins.

But Jesus’ BLOOD IS enough.

So many Christians are taught not to trust their heart and because of this, we do not see manifestations of God as much as God intended.

The reason I see God working through me is because I trust that IT IS God speaking to me and I act upon it. 

God puts every desire in your heart and ONLY BY listening to it will you essentially be listening to the spirit.

Leaders in the church have systematically taken “power” away from people by teaching this lie- that God only works through groups, not individuals and that their hearts are not to be trusted.

You see ONE head of that group who controls them and “corrects” them when they’ve gone astray.

This IS THE RELIGIOUS SPIRIT, a demonic spirit that entraps people and gets them forever stuck, to not have any voice or thought of their own but to be a mere robot that merely listens to a person or group herd mentality.

It says in the BIBLE that you have the mind of Christ when you receive Him into your heart.

GOD IS NOT AGAINST OUR DESIRES, HE PUTS DESIRES IN OUR HEARTS AND IT IS HIS LEADING. 

If a man was to follow the Spirit people probably wouldn’t QUESTION that GOD is working through him, but for some reason as a woman, I have tons of people asking me that maybe I should find a person to go with, that God should send my husband so I’m not alone out here on the field (in whatever country I am in).

HEY GUYS! 

I’M NOT ALONE! I WAS NEVER ALONE. JESUS IS MORE PRESENT THAN ANY HUMAN BEING ON THIS EARTH.

AND HE IS WORKING POWERFULLY THROUGH ME. AND I DO NOT FEEL ALONE, though I may feel misunderstood, I SAY I AM THE RIGHTEOUSNESS of CHRIST JESUS, I AM ENOUGH IN CHRIST JESUS.

After I struggled with thoughts of lack because someone asked if I should maybe go with someone- I suddenly had all these revelations about being enough. Even in this way. Following your heart and trusting that GOD is the one in you leading you, I decided to get a henna tattoo as a reminder.

And yes that is a mosquito bite. LOL.

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YOU ARE FREE, not a slave.

You are free, you are enough because of what Jesus did on the cross for you.

I had a remembrance of when I left a certain church because of legalism that someone said “I wish you came and prayed with us”.

What she really meant was “I wish I had the chance to change your mind, control you because I want you to stay and take over the worship team because I am the one leaving”.

God had already spoken to me “you’ve reach your limit here, it’s time to move on”.

Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom.

Even if someone doesn’t agree with you, it’s important to listen to what your heart is telling you.

The traditional and ancient church have suppressed women by telling them that they cannot have their own thoughts or even preach. They are much mistaken and it is the PURE work of the Devil, not God. In fact there were many prophetesses in the Bible. Jesus always came to liberate women, not to judge or condemn them.

When everyone tried to condemn a prostitute, He forgave and freed them. He protected them. 

I pray that this post will set you free to know that your heart is worth listening to and it is God speaking.

Sow a seed to this ministry and the work I am doing overseas to share the grace of God and bring healing to people. Your help is much appreciated and God sees your generosity! 

https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien
https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

Do You Like Yourself? My Journey Of Finding Wholeness

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Happy Valentine’s day.

I used to have boy crushes growing up. I had these unhealthy obsessions of male celebrities and I had quick soul ties with men. I was just boy obsessed. I didn’t grow up with my dad. My parents divorced when I was 8 and we moved to Los Angeles from Taiwan. From then on I didn’t see my dad until I was 18 years old when I went to Taiwan. He looked like a stranger, an old man. But he was related to me, but a pure stranger. 

It took several visits for me to finally forgive him and let go of my “ideal childhood”. I grew up with severe depression because I just felt sad that I didn’t grow up with my dad. This cloud over my mind and being affected every area of my life.

But I didn’t know it stemmed from hopelessness….that hopelessness of feeling unwanted, abandoned, rejected, uncherished.

I grew close to God. I would journal and talk to God, but I felt far away from Him too. Sometimes I felt like I had to achieve and perform to please Him.

It took years and years for me to see that God is pleased with me, He doesn’t need me to please Him, that’s why Jesus died on the cross for me. His love is constant and unchanging, totally unconditional and totally overflowing. 

I tried to find love in a potential boyfriend. I fell into relationships out of convenience or for the pure desire for companionship. Though our desire for companionship is God-willed…our neediness isn’t. 

Our neediness is a reflection of the God-void in our hearts.

We all desire God, but we just don’t know it.

Fast forward from my teens to now (I just turned 30 years old, the age where everyone expects that you should have everything together)….I don’t need a man.

I really don’t. I do desire marriage and a life partner but I have never felt more complete than now. 

Because throughout the last 3 years, God would whisper “you are enough”. Every time I felt like I was not enough, I was lacking, I didn’t have this or that….every time I felt inadequate or unable, every time I felt like I was gaining weight or accused….whatever it was, it would come down to “you are enough”. 

That’s why I am enough and I don’t have a need for anything or anyone else but God.

God totally and completely completes me. 

In Him I am enough. 

I am so blessed to have come to this revelation in my life. I hope that this fact of “you are enough” will open your heart to the Only One who can give you love, unconditional and everlasting.

PS- is it easy? No. It’s not always easy to stay in that knowledge when everyone around you tells you you are not enough, but that is why I have found “alone time” to be most vital. Alone time helps me recuperate from the words of family members, it gives me time to receive from God and to be loved by God even when the world around me attacks me.

The best gift I received today, from myself….is alone time. I feel like I can breathe again. Though it is nice to spend time with loved ones, alone time helps me find my heart again especially when others have their own issues to deal with.

With love, Rebekka – Hugs!

When you are enough, you can rest and be loved.

When you are enough, you don’t feel rushed to be more.

When you are enough, you grow in beauty and wisdom.

The Truth of Your Heart & How To Live From A Place of Authenticity

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The truth of your emotions, if not dealt with resurrect in other areas of your life, creating discrepancies between who you are and what you do because your heart is desiring to tell the truth (even if you do not want to feel them). The adult self will reprimand the little one, when in fact the adult self should have allowed the little one to be honest at all cost….the cost of facing the pain, anger, the cost of not being liked or understood, the cost of rejection.

Love for self will eventually say “I am worth the cost”.

Though the process of moving past “people pleasing” (because perhaps you have not spoke the truth in fear that you will be rejected) will be difficult, you will reach a part of you heart that is authentic and you will be able to live out of authenticity versus people pleasing.

I am realizing that any form of addiction, “bad behavior” comes and swells from areas of your heart that you have shut down, unwilling to feel emotions, that is why you need a certain release because the truth of your emotions were not expressed. That is why people turn to self hating addictions or behaviors.

I have experienced this myself. The self willed discipline to be a certain way to society, to look a certain way. It came mostly from legalistic religious upbringing from institutions that loved the behaviors and not the person.

It taught people to not feel, to pretend to be positive and pretend to forgive yet with bitterness buried alive.

Self-will is useless. Only Spirit can enable you to be transformed. It is an inner transformation, not performance.
God sees the heart while people see outward appearance.

It has taught me to discern. Wisely.

But I have learned to be authentic with my true emotions.

Because emotions are valuable. Even if it is pain.

I have become stronger from within, as more people misunderstood me, the more I was able to face the pain of rejection and the more I became truthful with my heart.

The heart longs to be truthful, it needs to be expressed. Do not pretend, do not suppress them. We often fight our desires because of “shoulds”, no longer listening to the little child within. We try to discipline our hearts thinking we know better. The heart needs to express its true desire.

 

Don’t Let ”What Is” Prevent You From Going After ”What Will be”

dont-let-what-you-fear-losing-prevent-you-from-going-after-what-you-wantI woke up with this phrase in my spirit- “Don’t let what you fear losing prevent you from going after what you want”.

Life is full of change. In fact, life is progress and without it, we are not truly living. We go from being a baby to a kid to being a teenager to an adult. Our teeth grows, our hair grows, etc. But sometimes we need to let go of what is, what was to go after what will be or what we want to be. We need to pull a few wisdom teeth out, we need to cut our hair, get a trim, we need to chop those highlights because they start to fade.

I have been feeling a weirdness in my heart. It’s like my heart wants to progress but there is also a fear that I can’t handle the new season….that I’m not good enough, that I’m not truly ready for it. I am reminded that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

When we reach a new territory, it takes our hearts some time to adjust. WE struggle with letting go of “WHAT WAS” and eventually “what is” so that we can keep moving forward. 

You may be in a “good” relationship, but you are not growing with your boyfriend/girlfriend, in fact, you feel stagnant and most of the time you are pulling him/her up to your level of spirituality or intellect. People are proud of your relationship, but deep down you know there has to be something more but you are afraid of letting go of what is. 

You may have lost everything once, twice, three times and you have finally rebuilt yourself, but you are not doing what you love…you want to go ALL IN on your passions but you are afraid that you will lose everything again. Trust that your heart is worth investing everything for because authenticity and returning to WHO YOU REALLY ARE will bring joy back to your heart, even through pain.

You may have good friends but they are not supportive of your dreams because they don’t have the courage to do what it takes for their dreams. You fear losing them, you remember all the good times you had, but you know you have to choose yourself. New levels of friendship will arrive when you take that first step to go into your next level. 

Today’s post reads like a fortune cookie, but I believe these are prophecies and specific words God has released into my heart.

“Don’t let what you fear losing prevent you from going after what you want”.

What do you want and what are you afraid of losing? You are enough.

If your heart is healing, read this.

Middle of the night, being woken by a dream type of writing is usually my type of writing. The writing is clearer, more concise, less tainted by what I think it should be, like streams of thought writing. I’m less likely to judge and censor. I usually get a download of thoughts when I wake up in the middle in the middle of the night.

I don’t write for my readers, I write what I believe is true in my heart and what I think people really need. And it’s also a direct download from God.

Okay I’m obsessed with Terrace House on netflix. 

I cried and laughed. I truly felt the emotions that every member felt in this Japanese reality show. It’s not like American ones. It’s not sex crazed, hyper sexualized, focused on mere skin. It focuses on the characters’ emotions, intellect, conflict resolution between roommates and lovers. I found it deeply refreshing and different.

Having been on reality TV in America, I know the pressures producers have to “produce good rating”….I’ve heard of my friend, who is also in the entertainment industry, being coerced to do things she didn’t want to do. I call that manipulation.

It is so important to stay loyal to your core, to who you are NO MATTER WHAT. 

Spoiler alert:

Towards the end of season 2 there is a girl I won’t name since you’ll want to watch it after reading this…..she falls for a guy who is thugish and cool, but I think immature, and too young for her. Anyways, he rejects her and claims she is insecure….

She is heart broken.

I found her emotions refreshing and real. Because how many times do we put our hearts out there, later pretending it never happened. Her emotions were real and raw, that is something to be proud of….IF YOU CAN FEEL AND EXPRESS YOUR EMOTIONS- YOU SHOULD BE PROUD. To have the courage to allow your heart to feel what it wants to feel is brave. 

OKAY- SO SHE MEETS ANOTHER GUY RIGHT AFTER WHO IS MADLY IN LOVE WITH HER. LIKE finds everything the previous guy criticized about her to be a strength.

GUYS AND GIRLS.

THIS is so key.

OMG. Never settle. Your breakthrough, the love of your life, your opportunity is in waiting for the RIGHT ONE! OMG. I can’t say it enough. Over the years, God has taught me so much about valuing my own heart. I’m finally in a season where I am more willing to love again….it also taught me that my ability to be happy in life is in direct proportion to how much I open my heart to life…

So while I healed from previous tragedies (breakup from long-term relationship and lost of best friends)……….there was only so much I could handle in terms of enjoying what God wanted to give me. I barely had energy to truly enjoy life.

As my heart started to heal, I found rest to be most vital. I rested, I let my heart heal, grow, comprehend, feel. I gave my heart the space it needed to flourish again. Sometimes I wanted to rush the process, but eventually I learned that it was causing my wounds to fester again….like when you get hurt and keep playing at the scabs wanting the scabs to go away…but it only opens the wounds up and doesn’t give it time to heal over.

I wanted it to be over, the process. I wanted to move on with life, but somehow God knew I wasn’t ready for it. He wanted to address issues I had, that went all the back to 5 years old, feelings of abandonment and rejection.

I went deep in this journey. Really deep, so deep I could feel pangs in my heart, like little heart surgeries. Digging up stones in my heart was difficult..not going to lie.

I faced my hurts, I forgave people, I came to understand my personality, my hangups, why I did what I did…you know those things that people go to therapy for. These things really determine what flows out of you during the day.

The truth is if you don’t deal with those issues, they will continue to come up in every area of your life….don’t ignore those wounds. Tend to them.

Until I could really see my true worth, it was difficult to overcome the offense, the hurts caused by other people. Because I was valuing their opinion of me over who God said I was. Yes people pleaser.

But now, I feel more free. I value my heart more. I am learning to put my heart and myself before other people. It is important because we determine how others treat us. I was taught to put others first, but I think it’s bad theology. God has shown me that when you can put yourself first, you are more able to love others out of overflow versus obligation. 

2 Years Later

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Almost 2 years after I signed with a commercial acting agent, I find myself in a place I’ve never thought I’d be.

Instead of going and following a traditional path, God led me to places I never thought I’d go. I backpacked in Europe for 2 months, I went to England, Spain, Czech Republic, Italy, Germany, Holland….right after I signed and was supposed to go the traditional path. I had a dream that confirmed my next step, I was to quit my career in real estate.

I auditioned a bunch in the entertainment industry, but something inside of me needed more of life, love and healing. I felt that God had closed all the doors. I wanted to go deeper with God and even though everything around me told me to follow the A, B, C’s, I listened to my heart. 

I had been an entrepreneur for 5 years, but I was still holding onto my dreams, not allowing God to possess all of my heart.

Then I moved, I sold everything.

God was building my insides, my power, my identity.

In September of last year, I left LA with a one way ticket to Thailand. I traversed through Thailand, Vietnam, Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia, then Taiwan.

This year, God opened doors for me to “travel for free”, through and with my passions. I got to do a travel show in Paris, I then went to Morocco on my own. I came back and flew to Philippines for a fashion tv show. Even then I realized that I had held onto personal “hows”- meaning I had a controlled plan for what I thought should happen and what I thought God should do to open doors for me to honor Him.

Now I know God never works in our finite ways. 

He is infinitely creative and we really need to get out of our own ways. 

It has been a few months since I’ve auditioned at all for anything. I’ve just been focusing on my inner strength and strengthening the relationships I have. Today I’ll go in not looking to please, but to go with the power and spirit that God has put inside of me. I’ve grown in many ways, but the most important way- knowing my identity, not in the stamp of approval that society and industries give, but in knowing my daughtership in Christ. 

________________________________________

Simplified Chinese and Jewish grandmas. 

“Look into the camera, think of all the things you’ve been through.”

Yes, I’ve been through hell and back. My eyes sunk, with a depressed voice I started reading the simplified Chinese on the board. If only she knew what I’ve been through. Of course I wouldn’t get this one, I’ve just butchered the whole Chinese language.

I waited for the bus, a 2 hour ride home. 2 grandma- aged ladies start complimenting my outfit. A 1 hour conversation ensues on the bus. I’m reminded that we are always at the right place at the right time, not always to get the goal, but to enjoy the process, and this time with my two Jewish mamas. Hearing their stories remind me how our lives are rich with love and lost, and that is the true beauty of growth.

 

Stop Pimping Yourself Out

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(that’s a really ripe banana)

Wisdom always comes descending into my mind in the most inconvenient times like at 2am, 4 am. But then I am an alien so I have to be mindful of these downloads and know that this is why I’m on earth, to spread the wisdom of light.

This time I am confronted with the fact that I have let things distract me.

Which makes sense because God even spoke to me through a tattoo a few months ago. The tattoo said “focus”. 

Which brings me back to the fact that yes, I can blame people or specifically for my mom for being a distraction, always asking me to go out, go eat, go shopping, go somewhere with her…or I can simple learn to say no….that for once, in this time of INSPIRATION, this season where I don’t need to MIND anything but CREATION, CREATING, WRITING, DRAWING, CREATING as I have set my mind to do for the last year.

Originally my dream was basically to have non-distracted time to focus on my dream, which is the dream to create and do what I was born to do. 

So my logic started to beat myself up “dude, remember you wasted so much time putting others first?” I’m like SHUT UP.

Anyways, grace.

Then it dawned on me, I must VALUE myself and my time first before anyone else can VALUE ME. I must MASSIVELY value my talent and skills so I can massively impact the world for change. Don’t mind the money, don’t mind what’s going on in the world.

OUR JOB as artists, writers, musicians, creators is to create out of that secret place only we can….to bring fresh perspective, to be a vessel for which God creates through and with us. 

We must be creators….not constantly consuming the random streams of entertainment on facebook or social media, we must be INTENTIONAL about how we spend our time….because as creators, WE are the change. 

Living an intentional life seems to be impossible. Everyone is just responding to messages, staring at their phones, glued to present events instead of forecasting the future, dreaming, going about their dreams.

That is why I’m committing myself this day 8/18/2016 to be intentional about putting MYSELF first in this creating process so I can CREATE out of a space of health and freedom, instead of submitting to the urgency of other people around me. 

Sign- me.

Some people are so weirded out about the term “love yourself” but really it is just “valuing yourself”. Value your time, value your time.

Stop pimping yourself out. You don’t need to fix peoples’ lives, focus on creating so that you can have greater impact in this world. Sometimes codependent people are just a distraction so that you won’t write that book, create that podcast, write that article that millions and billions of people can be impact by.

I realize that by putting myself first, choosing my own well-being, health, sanity, I am loving the world at the same time. I am choosing the best for the world and I.

How about you? 

I would like to value myself more by: 

Fill in the blanks. Such as, “by not picking up my phone when I’m creating art” 

“Not taking on opportunities that don’t pay”

“Saying no and I don’t want to”

“Saying yes to my soul and what makes my spirit sing!”

PS- I’d like to add that the term starving artist has a connotation. Only when we are willing to starve as artists for the uncompromising truth of our soul will we then have massive impact. Because it is basically saying “I am SO passionate, I’d do anything for it”. When is the last time you felt that passionate about something? I believe it’s there, you have it within you.