Healing The Brokenness In Our Hearts

Ugly crying.

Heartache and heartbreak. We try to avoid it but it comes after us. It makes for the best writing and the best songs, the best art, it’s what makes us human. Without it we wouldn’t know vulnerability, we wouldn’t love well.

We don’t love people well when we have closed hearts. Open hearts feel with others. Open hearts allow the risk of being hurt to be present. Closed hearts says “I don’t want to listen to your story because I don’t want to feel what you feel”.

It’s easy to be logical and tell someone to leave their abusive or unloving husband or boyfriend, but to go through it yourself, or to follow your gut and not your heart which often times is tied to brokenness in your soul, that’s another story.

As I’m talking to my friend about heartache I remember this one time years ago where my ex roommate tucked me into my bed. He was my first guy roommate.

I thought it was fine because I had a boyfriend. I was safe because I was taken, I wouldn’t have some type of love affair with a guy I lived with in the same house.

Because I was so broken and didn’t know what love was supposed to be like, I was attracted to men who were emotionally absent. And even physically absent, like my father.

My ex would disappear for days, sometimes not answering my texts or calls. I’ve never been obsessive, I’d send one text and wait patiently for a reply. I’d give up. I’d think “he must be busy”. But my mind would run wild. Where is he? What is he doing? I made excuses for his behavior. I thought it was normal because the fact that anyone was around was enough for me.

3 days would pass.

And the one who was present? My guy roommate. He had his own room FYI. I cried and told him my boyfriend had been ghosting me. I didn’t understand why there was a wall I couldn’t break down. Even when he was present, I couldn’t read his thoughts and he didn’t share his emotions with me. He was just a very practical guy. He could fix cars and lights. He could pay for dinner.

He understood instructions, and completed tasks, but when it came to his heart, he was completely illiterate.

My roommate played with bunnies on the grass. I thought he was a bit feminine. He wrote poetry and we would read our writing to each other.

I realized that I often went for guys who were emotionally unavailable because it was safer. I know it’s sound strange. Because emotional openness means telling your truth, and risking having to feel what you don’t want to feel.

It’s easier to shut your heart down completely than to speak your truth and feel those emotions.

My ex would tell me he needed space. “Why can’t you just tell me you need space?” I would say.

My roommate tucked me into my bed as I cried over my boyfriend at the time. Why am I with a ghost when there is flesh and blood here? He told me to breathe as he said breathing brings you back to yourself.

I didn’t understand it. I’d be attracted to a non-present man, while next to me was someone available, someone emotionally open, someone loving.

And my broken soul had to go for the broken man.

Someone I couldn’t attain, someone whose heart was locked with a dead bolt, tripled locked. No amount of prying, questioning, asking, praying seemed to do the job.

The only thing that pried my ex open was me mentioning breaking up.

It was the first time I saw him cry in the 2.5 years we were together. He begged and cried. What can I do to change, he asked. I said I needed to be with someone who believes in Jesus and I want to marry one day.

He said he would go to church with me. Let’s get married now!!

I said, no.

Because those weren’t the factors that prevented us from moving forward- I knew for ages that he wasn’t it, he wasn’t exactly what I wanted as a life partner.

So my heart didn’t want to break up, but my spirit knew – he’s not it. He’s not your life partner.

It’s easy to avoid talking about your emotions, it’s easy to shut down your heart.

What’s difficult is saying how you feel. And finding closure and agreement.

If you’re going through heartache I pray God would give you comfort in this hour. I pray you would know that God is with you.

He loves you dearly.

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Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

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Walk In The Unknown

I moved a lot growing up so I was constantly walking into the unknown. Not by choice though. Me in Germany.

Most of our society walks in the known. The known is comfortable, safe, without unknowns but God constantly pushes us to trust Him to walk with Him in the unknowns.

So that’s where though we think we are “resting” often we are submitting to fear. It’s sounds strange because of course some people seriously need to rest but most people sit in front of the television as the world passes by.

Watching tv is not resting. Yes, there are seasons of that but even in this season I feel wary thinking about the future.

I’m back in LA but heading out June 24.

I’m not sure what to expect and to be honest I’m a little traumatized by everything I went through this year ministering on the road. I’m not sure if I ever want to experience it again yet I know God is calling me to a higher level of faith.

I kind of hate that He has called me to this life.

I keep telling Him “I can’t do it”.

I can’t go on anymore.

I feel numb.

And that’s my heart wanting to be comfortable, to succumb to fear.

Jesus- You can do anything you set your mind to.

Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to live a boring life?

Jesus- then you’ll be bored.

Okay then.

God I kind of don’t want to trust you.

Jesus- you’re not an orphan, you’re a child of God.

Me- but I went through a lot of things I didn’t really want to go through.

Jesus- but you got through it.

Me- but I have bad memories from it and I’m mentally trying to protect myself from future instances of a) being severely accused of or rejected by people I minister to b) having to be on the streets and having to ask judgmental people for help c) the list goes on.

Jesus- you are enough.

Don’t settle for the past or even think about the past. Move forward.

Me- My body and psyche can’t seem to move forward.

Jesus- let go and focus on me. Let go of every hindering memory and focus on me. Focus on my goodness. The enemy wants you to focus on the bad experiences. I am a good father – do you trust me?

Me- no not right now. But I’m still following you- I just don’t feel the joy.

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

2 Corinthians 4:8

This is my process. I know it’s been a hard week for some of you and in the battle it’s easy to lose joy so I pray right now God will bring back joy into your heart and if you need to cry- cry. I pray encouragement over your hearts.

I will be heading to Taiwan then China. I’m not sure what God has in store but I know most missionaries are getting kicked out of China so it helps that I’m independent in the sense that I’m just going where the spirit leads instead of being stationed like most missionaries.

I am now raising funds for what’s ahead. Flight tickets and living fees. Would you consider partnering with me in bringing Christ to the world?

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Testimony From A Musician I Met In Auckland

Thank you to a beautiful soul for writing this testimony. I am so glad the nightmares stopped for Shayne and I am encouraged to see the fruits of my labor- that it hasn’t been in vain. I also grew up with a highly critical mother so encouraging words are highly prized for me. To be honest, there are very few people that come back to thank me. I know that I have always done it because I love Jesus, I don’t do it for men- but when someone comes back and gives appreciation- my heart is encouraged. Words are more powerful than anything in the world. So I am truly grateful for this testimony to keep encouraging me on this path of following God.

“I met rebekka in a chinese food restaurant across the street from the hotel I was staying at when she came over and introduced herself. she was interested in me and travel buddy because of my t-shirt and our hometown LA in common. as we got to talking I got to hear lots about her situation traveling and listening to god. eventually she asked if she could pray for us.

I’m not religious but I’m always tolerant of people who mean well and I could obviously feel Rebekkas warm intent. When she prayed for me however it was not like any other prayer she read deep with in my travel buddy, Shayne and claimed to see her drawing pretty flowers and calligraphy. my mouth dropped because I knew how fantastic of an artist Shayne was/is. As if I wasn’t already blown away already, it was then my turn.

I was half deflated because I had already told Rebekka i’m a musician and about my band, I thought for sure she would say something about music and it wouldn’t be quite as impressive to me. however of all things she could’ve said she told me she saw a parent figure yelling at me perhaps my dad? I was floored a couple weeks prior to our trip I was explaining to Shayne how I read about the effects on self confidence in a person who’s yelled at growing up. She assured me that god loved me and that I am whole. after that we parted only to find that we were staying at the same hotel. Shayne and I grabbed a bottle of wine and some chocolate to indulge in while playing pool in the lobby late at night. As the wine bottle emptied I had more questions I remember saying I wish Rebekka was here.

Low and behold five minutes later Rebekka was in the lobby claiming that she had heard music and fall asleep, that there was too much uncertainty and that she felt like were staying in that side of the hotel (she pointed) and was correct. I later came to the conclusion that if any two people were to sound of music it would be us. She offered to share with us more of her prophetic gift this time getting even deeper with Shayne who mentioned her nightmares that have tormented her since she was a child. Rebekka prayed that the nightmares would stop and they did. For a couple of months Shaynes dreams were purely light. I encourage anyone who’s curious and a higher power to listen to what Rebekka has to say. And Rebekka I hope you’re doing amazing you’ve had an incredibly positive impact on our lives. thanks again”

Thank you Luke!!!

I also want to share my side of the story. I had just come back from the north side of New Zealand, God told me to go back to Auckland and a receptionist I prayed for in Paiha, offered to book a hostel room for me when I asked for a donation. I was shocked and felt God’s provision because I was literally on my last few dollars.

When we looked online I felt God said “you have to stay at kiwi hotel”.

I took a nap and woke up to eat. I felt I had to go across the street and wanted Chinese food. I was looking at different menus but when I walked past a noodle/dumpling place I kept hearing dumplings, dumplings, dumplings.

Okay God. I went in and sat there for almost 2 hours watching Korean drama. I wasn’t in the mood to pray or prophesy over anyone. In fact, I felt a lot of lack and felt that God was pushing me too hard. I had stayed one night in each place He told me to go. In 14 days I’ve probably stayed in 14 different hostels. It was really hard.

I met people on buses, hostels and these were divine and specificities encounters. He had provided the finances for each day as I obeyed and ministered to people, but each day was full of uncertainty and I was tired of stepping out in faith.

The day before I had to ask 10 backpackers for help and ended up prophesying over all of them. The hostel claimed that I didn’t pay when I did on my card. In the north of New Zealand a police man showed up saying a boy accused me of basically being a pedophile after I asked to pray for him. So my share of hardship was piling up. This kind of challenge was normal in my year of following Jesus.

When I was eating I suddenly looked up and saw Luke’s t-shirt. I was tired of being brave. I had been brave everyday and couldn’t be any braver. I was also physically exhausted and discouraged at times. Suddenly the whole restaurant was empty but the two and I.

It prompted me to go ask for a photo of his shirt and our conversation naturally led to me asking to pray for them. Without even asking, Luke said he wanted to contribute and said “here- dinner is on me”.

I got to my room and was going to sleep but suddenly heard music coming from next door. I thought maybe it is them. I went downstairs to ask for another room and that’s when I saw them at the pool table. I was like wow.

And what he said ensued.

God’s ways are beyond what we can imagine.

I hope this shows you the power of prophesy and when we speak into peoples’ hearts what God is saying versus judgement because judgment is pure evil and judgment is of the devil, not God. God’s heart is always to bless and prosper us with words of life, not death.

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Fearless Coaching

God said “it’s time to relaunch your coaching business”.

Are you in need of inner healing? Do you feel stuck? Do you feel like there is cloud over your head. 
Get set free. 

I will help you maneuver through the confusions of life and give you spiritual and emotional insight into what is actually happening.

+overcome fear
+move through debilitating transitions 
+make changes in your life 
+overcome romantic traumas and move forward into healthy relationships 
+get freed from living for others’ approval

+ have feelings of shame? Insecurities that prevent you from going for what you want?

God wants you to live in freedom!!! The good news is I have been through all kinds of oppression and have overcome what I’ve talked about. Regret, fear, shame, guilt? Been there. Failed relationships and friendships? Been there. Divorced parents? Been there.

Never ending feeling of I’m not enough? Been there?

God has stabilized my identity in Him so much that I’ve gotten to the point in life that I know I am enough no matter the circumstances.

I’ve arrived. Not in my circumstances, but in my identity.

I want you to have the same confidence. I want you to live without fear.

I am a Los Angeles based coach who is currently in New Zealand (or some other country). Coaching sessions are conducted via video calls.

All sessions are completed via Skype, FaceTime or fb messenger video! $89 usd for an hour intro coaching session. Get unstuck!

Submit your payment to and send me an email at rebekkalien@gmail.com with the answer to “why you would like to get coaching”.

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The Father’s Love Will End Your Search for “Enough”

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For many of us, we are taught that “one day you will be enough”.

One day when you find your prince charming and get married, then you’ll be enough (because someone wants you and find you valuable).

One day when you establish your career and make a lot of money, then you’ll be enough (because your worth is defined by the commas in your account).

One day when you contribute to the world by doing philanthropic work, then you will be enough (because your worth is defined by how much you give to the world).

One day when you move out and become independent, needing no one, then you’ll be enough (because you are born a burden to your parents and you are NOT enough when you are born).

All of those, a lie.

Because the search for enough is never ending in this world’s system, if you choose to live in that realm of reality. 

The search ends when you accept and believe that God has made you enough, that you are whole because Jesus took the place for your “not enough” and credited to your account who He is- perfect and “enough”. 

You are, perfect and enough in His eyes. 

There is something settling about finding your place in God’s embrace, when He speaks over you “you are enough”.

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Even though your parents, your surroundings, your peers might not find you to be enough, you sink deeper into His unending “enough”. There is an overflowing enough where your burdens are light and your responsibilities little.

All He has called you to is to rest and allow your burdens to become His.

Those burdens seem to vanish quickly, sinking into His love.

Why is it that many of us are cute and unconditionally loved when we are children, but when we grow up it seems that love is limited? 

Because people encounter disappointments after disappointments in their own life…..and they push hopes and dreams on you, hoping that you’ll BE THE ONE to make them happy. 

They hope that MAYBE you’ll give them the hope they need to continue dreaming and living, maybe you’ll be the one to save them.

The truth is only God can do that. Yes, you can give people hope, you can encourage them, but the true responsibility falls to the maker. 

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Who is the only one that knows you intimately, the one who formed you in your mother’s womb. We find peace and relaxation in His arms, knowing that He is taking care of us. Like a baby, we can sleep in peace and wake in peace.

We understand that it is His job to feed us, to nurture us, to protect us. 

But many of us did not grow up that way, so we continue to live in fear. We live like orphans without a daddy. We become independent in the physical and material realm but still hoping that someone will tell us “I’m proud of you”, “you’ve made it”, and “you are worthy of my love”. 

The truth is, no amount of verbal encouragement will ease the pain and void of not enough…only the embrace of the Father…can we find true ease. 

 

“So it’s okay to come out of hiding now, I know you have been through hurts and disappointments.

I know people have failed you, but my love will never fail you. I will guide you and protect you. I will not leave you or forsake you. I will not disgrace or humiliate you. You are safe under my wings and protection. Come out my hidden ones. It is your time to shine. Come out my beautiful children. I am your Father. I will never hurt you. Come out beautiful children of mine, kings and queens of this earth and the heavenly realms”.

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Feeling Unqualified and Insecure? It’s Jesus Who Qualifies You.

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Lately the attacks have been so real that a live person came to accuse me. This revelation transformed me, I feel God elevating us to a new level of identity! Praise God!

YOU ARE QUALIFIED BY JESUS HIMSELF! NOT by your own credentials, resume, education, works, looks, genes, DNA or family background. GOD’s POWER SURPASSES ALL THAT! ALLOW HOLY SPIRIT to REIGN and FLOURISH through you!

 

An Afternoon With A Feather Hatted Stranger

The best days of my life is when I take a risk, a chance to talk to a stranger and walk away, an hour, two hours later with awe of how good God is. Today I decided to go to Starbucks and I was truly filled with joy. I got my coffee for free because the barista charged me the wrong amount. I was in glee! Second of all, I saw an old man with a wild hat with feathers and an American flag and he was drawing. 

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I was filled with courage and decided to go talk to him.

A normal person walking by would just look at him and think “what a crazy old man”, but to God, people are beautiful and unique. To me, I know everyone has a story. 

The story that I heard this afternoon touched my heart. A son that passed away, living at YMCA, a man from Chicago, relocated to LA. A professor of writing, published books and have yet received any royalty checks since, this man deserved better.

I got to know a beautiful soul today and even had the opportunity to pray with him as he was having nightmares. The joy I feel when I can help someone with their lives….gosh, I would not trade a zillion dollars for it. Because when two human beings connect on that level, it is simply divine, spiritual, beautiful. 

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It’s like everything fades away and we are in a spiritual realm, becoming who we really are, divine beings.

Thank you God for the opportunity to be a blessing to the outcasts. Your heart is for the poor, broken, the homeless, the hungry, the outcasted. Even when I sat there with him, I could see the stares of strangers…

I used to be like them, too busy to notice anything. To be aware that we are spiritual beings, to be conscious, to WAKE UP. 

But after I dedicated my life to love, community and freedom, I was able to slow down and sense the heart of God again. I’m not a fighter, I’m a lover. And we need more people in this world that will take a risk, take time out of their lives, get out of their head, stop worrying and love someone…just because.

Loving is listening. How can we listen to those that desire to be loved?

XOXO BEX

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You Are The Creator Of Your Life

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Nothing is real save love. Nothing matters but love.

I’ve walked everywhere for one week now, no use of my car. It’s allowed me to reach some spiritual awakenings in my soul.

‘Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.’

Here goes:

There is no lack, but perceived lack. Nothing is real outside of what is within our consciousness. Anything that desires to be manifest will be manifest in its due time. Any areas of strivings are evidence that you do not know you have 100% power within you as long as you know you are complete in God, as God has redeemed you…as long as you have received the free gift of completion.

Since you are 100% complete and whole, and in your inner reality, there are actually no lack, no problems…since these external concerns are simply deviations from self love or the knowledge that you are loved.

What is real is who you are on the inside. Until you come to see that you are creator of your life, you will keep striving for that which you think you lack within. All progress starts from within.

When you receive perfect love from God- in the eyes of God you become pure, perfect; there is no lack. Thus, we are all remembering who we already are in the future. There is no time in the I AM. You are who you are, there is no time, we live forever…our spirits are eternal beings. Our bodies are simply temporary dwellings which our spirits live in.

Any perceived problems, lack, relational conflicts, divorce, breakups, heart breaks are our hearts telling us “things are supposed to be beautiful, eternal, things are supposed to last”.

Our lives are like spirals, there are perceived backwardness, such as losing our careers, relationships, people, but these are necessary seasons just as winter is necessary for summer to come later.

When people accuse you of not giving them love, it is often because they do not acknowledge love is within them and waiting to be received. People also treat you as they treat themselves. If they judge you, they judge themselves harshly. If they demean you, they demean themselves in their own lives. Now you say that people have hurt you, but if we start to see that people act out of their perceived lack (not knowing that love is realized in their consciousness first), you are then not responsible for how they feel. 

Your worth does not come from whether people approve or love you. Love is complete within you, so whether someone likes you or not does not affect how you feel. You are devoid of ego, only spirit.

This is intense stuff but I hope you gained something from this blog post.

XOXO- BEX

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5 Unconventional Steps To Creating Your Business- Don’t Compare Yourself

Hey Friends!

It has been a few days since I last blogged. As you know, I am busy creating new projects and new ventures. In less than 3 weeks, I will be on a plane to Taiwan. I’ll be there to find my half brother who I have never meet as well as grow my clothing business. I am looking for people who believe in my vision and who has a few bucks to spare! Here’s the link: http://www.whenyouwish.com/project/taiwanbrother 

Here is my vision for the future: run for local office, become a public figure, speak internationally, change the world by telling my story! Here’s my timeline of what was, what is and to come:

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Now, on to my 3rd step to creating your business- don’t compare yourself! 

Yes, it’s okay to analyze other peoples’ business, and to even imitate a few aspects of their business, but listen to your own heart…don’t compare! Just because another business is thriving now and yours isn’t doesn’t meant that you should give up. Growing up, I heard a lot of discouragements from my elders.

“Do you want to end up like us?….we followed our dreams and look at us now!”

I always wondered whether they were right. Yet, I realize….they just gave up TOO SOON. If dreams were easily reached, everyone would be living their dreams. I think that anything worth fighting for is going to be difficult at times, but worth it. 

So now that you have a vision, faith, and you are not comparing yourself but believing firmly in your own vision of what you want…you are truly growing your tree.

Mine looks like this, you can create yours by drawing a tree with your growing array of skills, talents and passions.

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13 days of Meditation- Day 1- What Will You Do With The Life You Have Been Given?

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For the rest of September, I will be writing my daily meditations and revelations not just from my yoga practice, but from my daily life. I hope my revelations can bring you courage and inspiration to live a life “FULLY ALIVE”. The blog post will begin with a revelation and some insights to guide you. Answer the 1 main question below! 

Today’s revelation: 

“You are beautiful in who you are, fully alive, beautiful.

You carry the essence of life, expressive, beautiful.

Let go and surrender to the goodness that is everywhere, in you and surrounding you.

Revive your inner child, feed your spirit. 

You only need to focus on your journey with me, not anyone else’ journey.”

It is important to note that we are spiritual beings. Without accepting the spiritual aspect that creates life, our growth as a human being will be stumped. There is no true growth without reflecting on the past and moving forward with healing and forgiveness. 

One day, I decided to take charge of my life and become a physically healthy person. I needed to get fit, to start moving my body, to lift off from the sluggish energy that was effecting all parts of my life. It was affecting my career, my relationships, my mood and I wanted to take charge. I had little energy to maximize.

I started doing yoga and ever since then, I have noted a dramatic increase of energy and spiritual insight. As I lay there on my mat, I would let go of my worries, my anxieties, my comparisons of how well other people were doing versus myself. 

We seldom take time to reflect on how far we have come. Two years ago, I quit my full time job to create the life I truly wanted. Within the two years, I traveled to Brazil, Ecuador and Australia. Sometimes we find ourselves free, but still, often comparing ourselves to others. That is why we need to envision what we want in life. We can work all our lives, seeking for the illusion of happiness, achieving the next goal, next thing, yet feeling empty. We must be content in the now. To breathe fully and feel the life that is within. 

What will you do with the life you have been given?

We often feel entitled, but we need to see that life is a gift. Our job is to seek wholeness, to seek that which we were called to. So what do I envision my life to be?  I want to see that I have influenced others for good, that I have touched lives in a grand scheme, in a global way. Perhaps I can compare myself to others and feel inferior in someway, or I can walk the journey that has been given to me and nurture the dreams within that causes me to wake up each day. That is what I call a human being- fully alive. 

Please comment below! What Will You Do With The Life You Have Been Given?