How To Heal From A Broken Heart

woman-sitting-on-rock-doing-heart-hand-gesture-1399034.jpg

You can get a broken heart from many things, failed friendships, relationships, being hurt by words people speak towards you, etc…ministry, etc.

We may try to but…

  1. Don’t avoid the feelings, go through the pain of healing.

Now it’s very easy to shut down your heart completely so here are ways I’ve found helps me.

a. Watch movies that are emotional or funny or just watch movies you feel led to watch.

b. Go do something fun to alleviate the pain in your heart

c. Talk about it with someone

d. Do things you like.

e. Rest

When we have a broken heart we feel like God is depriving us from what we want, so it’s easy to start having a really skewed mindset of your life. You feel like you’ll never get what you want or the pain is separating you from everything you want in life.

You start thinking with your head and not your heart. You start trying to figure your life out and you think of the best way to avoid any type of pain. You will think of the fastest way to get home and you’ll want to stay home.

And it’s OKAY!

Do what your heart is leading you to do.

I realize there were times I tried to force myself to be outgoing or I’d force myself to do hard things.

However, there were also times that my heart actually wanted to meet new people, go out, follow God but I was afraid of taking risks and chances. I was afraid that if I asked someone to pray for them, they’d snap and yell at me (again). I was afraid that if I continued fundraising, that people would say no or judge me (again). I was afraid that my mother would yell at me if I told her the truth (again).

I’ve seen that when my heart is healing from rejection or judgement, God will somehow send the right people on my path to heal my heart. He will send kind people who respond to my kindness, He’ll send a little surprise to say “hey I’m here”.

I felt my heart shut down when I had to cut some guy out of my life. I knew he wasn’t my future husband and I knew he wasn’t exactly what I wanted anyway, but it still hurt to cut him off. It’s like you are talking to someone and suddenly you can’t relay your heart to that person anymore, you can’t give or receive love from that person. Communication is completely dropped.

Then when I left Taiwan a few months ago, communication completely stopped with my dad too. He basically stopped talking to me. This happened many times in my life. Whenever I’d connect with him emotionally in Taiwan, I’d leave, and then it’s like I suddenly don’t exist anymore.

When people stop talking to you, you feel like your heart is undernourished but I am grateful God sent friends to speak to my heart.

Yesterday I felt like dancing and left the house at midnight.

I met a bunch of people this time. There was a small short guy, he had a baby face and I thought he was so cute. He told me he was bi. I was dancing with him and his friends and suddenly he backed off. He said that he had a boyfriend. I said that I wasn’t trying to hit on him, I just thought he was cute as I repeatedly said to him. I was showing admiration.

But he got scared, he said he felt awkward about it.

Maybe it triggered something in him.

I asked “then can I pretend you’re gay?” and dance with you? Sounds strange right? But he was basically scared that he would start liking me and have a change of affection.

But I was thinking about last night and I thought to myself “why am I attracted to a 23 year old guy who is bi?”

He had the same name as my dad. Weird.

I thought about it. I am often attracted to man who have baby faces, who are younger, and who are not “manly”. 

I thought about it. I think it’s because I don’t feel intimidated by them. I feel safer with them and I feel like they won’t try to control me. 

Perhaps it’s also because I feel like it won’t last.

Now, perhaps that’s just my state of mind right now. I know younger men aren’t ready to settle and my sub conscious mind still has a fear of settling down, finding my life partner.

It sounds weird but I’m scared to meet a man who actually wants to get married. I’m still scared of a man who knows how to take responsibility and treat me right.

I think maybe because I don’t know if I can handle it. Because I’ve never encountered it, not in my life anyway.

Most of the men I met were irresponsible or thought mostly of themselves. They had a lot of issues, were addicts to something, or had a victim mindset. 

I’m not sure if I’m ready to take care of anyone else.

In a strange way I think of bisexuals are non-commitals. They’re scared to commit to anything, that’s not a judgement but maybe a prophetic way of saying I’m not truly ready for marriage. I’m still learning to love me.

I’m still working out what I want in a man and I actually am starting to enjoy being single again. 

Do you ever get scared when someone treats you right?

Why?

Sow a Seed (make a donation)- thank you and blessings towards you. 

https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

 

The Year of Manbattical & Cutting The Umbilical Cord

10401947_10155388886755603_259028974568751490_n

Dear Readers,

Recently I have decided to be authentic. Totally authentic to myself and to my readers.

How have I been? Amazing.

My life is simple now. I attended boxing class today. A few days ago I complained to the manager that there was a lack of sanitary disposal boxes in the ladies’ room. I then went to the handsome trainer and noted the same. He said “wow, I never thought about it”. I asked him, “do you have sisters?”, he said “no”. I asked “you have a mom”. “Yah, but she’s never talked about it”. I said “do you have a girlfriend?” He said “a fiancee”, I said, “and you’ve never seen sanitary items in the trash…”

These are HONEST conversations I have with people to get them thinking about….well what women struggle with. Our menstrual cycles are not something to be ashamed of. In fact, without it, males wouldn’t exist…babies wouldn’t exist. Women struggle with leakages and monthly cramps to make human kind possible.

Besides having conversations about womens’ lives…here are some progressions in my life:

1. I’ve finally decided to focus on 5 important things in my life: love God, love myself, love others, enjoy the moment, and have fun/be creative.

2. I am no longer hung up on dating, it is my manbattical year and I’d like to EMPOWER myself. When my trainer asked me if I had a boyfriend, I said “I’m dating myself right now. That is why I’m taking boxing classes so that I can empower myself”.

3. I started taking boxing classes and have been GROWING MAD BICEPS. MAD I MEAN REALLY MAD.

4. I’m happily living my life now, apart from blood family. You know, when you’re 27, it’s important to cut the emotional umbilical cord so that you can build your own identity.

5. I’ve been writing a LOT more if you noticed. My friend Sher has graciously allowed me to use her laptop since mine has been broken for 4 months…I’d like to wait for the BEST laptop.

6. I’m eating healthier, getting my proteins and veggies on.

7. I stopped worshipping money and started worshipping the only kind God who gives me joy and allows me to live A BIGGER life. I realized I was chasing after worldly success, and my inner life was cringing, cussing me out for depending on fame, reputation and status.

8. I’m writing a book about love and healing the father wound….for all those that think they’re without issues…think again.

9. Had a realization that I’d like to start a comedy show. Feel totally alive when I’m in the comedy world.

Well, that’s it for now. Thank you for reading.

Check out The Bex List! 

1012439_10155311687215603_5215330570181145929_n

30 Rock

life-quotes-sayings-happy-love-yourself

This blog post is titled 30 Rock, because I have been watching episodes of 30rock almost every single night.

I know, it sounds a little depressing, but it really isn’t. While I watch awesome episodes of 30 Rock, I write holiday cards, put jewelry together, print fliers, I multi-task.

Recently I have been thinking about the condition of America, mostly people like Liz Lemon (fictionally but also literally, or physically). Women who achieve academically and in their career, but are unable to find the love of their lives. At the same time, I think about those that are truly happy about their career, but also deep down want to be loved.

Then I think about men in our society, and what that even means for men to be men. WE have many expectations to fill, yet- few of us actually FOLLOW our hearts’ desire. The other question is, what is our hearts’ desire?

My heart’s desire, as mushy as this is going to sound, is to know that I am loved and lovable. This probably won’t come from fame, or even a nice husband. I have to ultimately KNOW that I am loved, to love myself.

To love myself…is to WASH my dishes after 3 days.

To love myself….is to drink enough water so I am not having heat flashes from dehydration.

To love myself….means to go to the bathroom instead of holding my pee when I need to pee and I’m watching 30rock.

To love myself….is to stop touching the pimples on my face.

To love myself….is to write and be happy with my voice.

To love myself….is to promise that ONE DAY I will meet Oprah.

To love myself….is to follow my heart’s desires, instead of suppressing them.

It is to trust that the universe has ME in mind and that My dreams…are aligned with many peoples’ desires.

What does it mean to YOU to love yourself?