Tag: love

Freeing Christians From The Religious Spirit

On By Rebekka LienIn christianity, dating, dream, entrepreneur, faith, forgiveness, God, healing, jesus, lifecoach, lifehack, love, meditation, prophetic word, relationship, self-help, solo travel, travel, writer

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You are doing enough. You are enough. 

When Adam and Eve sinned, God said “where are you?” They were hiding because they realized they were naked. God wants us to be honest. 

I told my friend “it’s better that you are out there getting drunk, partying,”sinning” and doing what you want” then to be pretending and suppressing your desires like the religious pharisees. It’s one thing to do something or not do something out of conviction from the holy spirit (AND THAT IS BETWEEN YOU AND GOD!), but it’s another when you’re suppressing what you want to say or do because you feel that you’ll be punished. 

That is GOING to spark some offense in Christians.

That is what Jesus was talking about – He said “you guys are white and clean on the outside but inside you are vermin” (something like that). 

It is the Spirit of God that causes us to will and to do. (Philippians 2:3) Which means God gives us the desire and the action to do. You don’t have to monitor people and tell them what to do. That is control and control comes from fear. 

God has brought me to a level in my faith where I’ve experienced freedom from religion.

Religion- Feeling guilty if you don’t read your bible, if you don’t go to church, if you don’t pray….etc….that is religion. You feel condemned if you don’t or do something. You feel like there is no freedom to be yourself, you are always monitoring what you say or do. You feel like you have to be nice to people to “win them to Christ”. You feel like you can’t just have fun. You’re scared to be in certain environments because you fear that “you will stumble”. You’re scared to speak your TRUTH and be honest because you feel like it’s not Christ -Like.

Relationship- knowing that you are loved by God and that you are unpunishable because Jesus was punished on the cross for you. You live in freedom and you’re not scared of “other people’s sin” touching you because you are covered by the blood of Christ. You have freedom to dance, religious people don’t just “dance” because they don’t feel the freedom to. Again, religious people are always monitoring their actions to make sure they are doing the “right thing”. This is legalism. You are free to speak your mind without fear. Remember God sees no sin in you, He only sees Jesus. 

I had a dream last night I was in the same room with a girl. I noticed needles in my heart and as I took them out one by one, I felt pangs in my body. The needles represented accusation and were connected to pains in my body recently. When I got a massage yesterday the lady kept yelling relax relax, I noticed that I was clenching parts of my body like my butt and I couldn’t relax because the accusations were causing muscle tension. Accusation causes your body to clench up because it’s “getting ready to be spanked or punished”  for doing “bad”.

I had read and accepted her messages thinking that “I should” try to get along with other Christians and “be receptive” to correction or opinion, but after that dream I realize that God was asking me to guard my heart. Another girl was also telling me “you need fellowship or accountability”.

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But I’ve never shied away from God’s correction, He speaks to me directly about it. I’ve also always had Christian friends in my life to pray for me. 

But their words made me think I wasn’t enough and that I wasn’t doing enough. 

I realize that is why I hated those “religious” words. Because they are religion. I’ve always had a close relationship with God and kept my heart pure. And even if I don’t, forcing fellowship with believers is religion. 

If you feel like you have to listen to someone, it’s religion.

If you feel like you have to be somewhere to be more “holy”, it’s religion.

You are already whole and righteous in God’s eyes because of Jesus’ sacrifice. You are not trying to be more, you are not trying to better yourself, you are already whole.

You don’t need more people around you to “edify” you, you are whole as you are, alone, standing there. 

I really hate those religious words.

YOU ARE WHOLE ALL BY YOURSELF! 

The other accusations that came – “I wish someone went with you to follow Jesus”- soon I heard them as “you are not enough”. 

But that was a lie. God had called me to go with Him, not with anyone else. 

YOU ARE WHOLE ALL BY YOURSELF.

There is this one woman, also well-intentioned, she’d say something EVERY TIME I was going to the airport or going to a new city. Even though we’d talk it out, I realize I felt accused because there was accusation and control in her tone. Even though she may not have realized it. There was a religions spirit influencing her.

God trained me to go by myself so that I wouldn’t be influenced by different spirits like the spirit of witchcraft, which is control and comes from fear. 

If you believe I’m just a normal believer, then so be it. But if you believe that I’ve been highly trained by God and that I am a prophet that hears God, then you’ll perceive what I’m saying.

Romans 8:1-2 

“Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of Spirit of Life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death”.

On my journey in the last year and a half, I got so focused on trying to help people understand why I’m free and why they’re free that I stopped having fun. Instead of just enjoying life, I started sitting by the side of the road explaining to those who were sitting by the side. Instead of living my life. 

As I explained to my friend, if someone keeps eating their own shit you can tell them “dude, you’re eating poop” but if they say “that’s fine, I don’t care I want to”, there’s nothing you can do but to move on.

Don’t sit there and watch them eat their poop, move on. 

My job is to prophesy and speak the truth and move on.

On a Korean tv show, this celebrity adopted a dog and he said that he has a disease where he thinks his poop is a toy since he was locked up in a cage all his life. He started to eat his poop because that’s all he saw.

Many believers go to church every sunday and have been taught “this is all there is”. You have to do this, you can’t wear a bikini, you have to wake up early to read the bible or else God will punish you. 

They are lies. 

God only sees Jesus in you. Go live life. 

When I left my baptist church, I went church hopping but on Sundays God started telling me just to rest. He said “just rest”. So I said okay God. I started to do things I wanted to do. I mean I’ve always been very free as I was left home alone at 5-6 years old and had no adult supervision. I snuck outside my house to buy toys at the store.

When I see people with controlling parents, even though they may seem close, they have no freedom. I had to learn my mom loves me in another way. 

I’m grateful I am experiencing the freedom of being a child of God and be secure in that truth while I’m living…not being afraid of punishment, but living in freedom. 

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Prophetic Word- DON’T LIMIT GOD! Think Outside The Box!

On By Rebekka LienIn business, christianity, coach, dance, dating, dream, entrepreneur, faith, forgiveness, God, healing, health, Hollywood, jesus, lifecoach, lifehack, love, prophetic word, psychology, Relationships, self- reflection, September 2019, solo travel, spirituality, travel, writer

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Today was quite crazy as usual. Another day where I thought maybe I’ll lay in bed and actually rest. But I kept thinking of the korean spa I wanted to go to yesterday. I’ve been a bit jet lag, but anyhow the Lord woke me up at 4am and He said to start my coaching business again.

The Lord has been breaking me free from thinking point A to point B. Like in Taiwan when I was taking the train back to Shuangxi and suddenly He told me to get off the train and go back to Taipei. After getting off a few buses, simply following my gut on where to go (not searching for hotels or hostels), I got off across a train station and saw a lady making dessert. Well, I asked her if she knew anyone who was renting a room and she did! Anyways, that night the Lord had me meet two strangers who I then shared an uber with, then ended up at a nightclub, met a guy in line and then went with him to meet his friends, two of which were Jewish. God’s ways are not man’s ways. 

When God speaks, you move.

Don’t use your logic. Your logic will slow you down and it will make you REALLY tired and lethargic (because it’s rooted in fear).

THIS MONTH! DON’T LIMIT GOD! He is taking the caps off! If you haven’t read the last blog post please do! 

I realize that in coming back to LA for 2 weeks, I felt a bit disjointed. I felt like I was a bit tired of ministering on the road and doing things I didn’t like….like I had given up a lot of passions and interests such as music, drawing, teaching, fashion, dancing. 

But the Lord has been showing me He has always given me those interests and desires as a way to connect with people, that I didn’t have to give them up. He will use those for His glory.

Because when He told me to sell everything and follow Him, He had closed all the doors to my career and I felt that He was saying I couldn’t pursue them.

Which was kind of true for the last year and a half because He had me going to YMCA’s and hostels and places I WOULD NEVER WANT TO SLEEP in to reach those who needed Jesus. In New Zealand I stayed at a YWCA where I had to tell the guy next door to quiet down his tv like everyday. But I got to pray over him and tell him that God was telling him to go to Germany to see his daughter. Things like that would happen all the time. Then I walked downstairs that night and ended up meeting a fellow Kiwi native that had to be delivered of evil spirits. Things like that.

But I didn’t GO where I would normally WANT TO STAY. You know? One hostel had club music until 4 am in the morning. Another in Australia had club music until 2am just below the hostel. But I went there to find lost sheep and go to the people God wanted me to reach. Everything was pre-appointed. 

This month I hear the Lord say-

“Don’t limit me. Don’t limit me to just one career, one city, one place, one house, one friend. I can tell you to do anything and if you’re willing, you’d live a beautiful artful life full of possibilities”.

One day you may have the desire to go to a korean spa, another day He may lead you to an unknown area you’ve never been to. You’ll discover places and people.

Maybe one day you’ll be working on a cruise, another day working at Starbucks, another day simply getting fed by the Lord, another day going to Walmart. Maybe He will tell you to book a flight to Mexico one day and you’ll backpack down South America. Maybe one day you’re sipping coffee in Israel or you’re prophesying over a stranger on the bus. I’ve done most of that, anything is possible.

So don’t limit Him.

If He calls you to do something you don’t normally like, He has a purpose for it. Maybe it’s to meet that father who will speak healing into your soul. Maybe it’s to meet a mother figure that will affirm you and hug you causing you to cry. His ways are not our ways. He will show you a dress you like and show you what kind of style you like again.  He will lead you to a deal you couldn’t have found yourself.

And Yes in following your desires….you will meet the man/woman of your dreams. 

Sometimes we try so hard to find that soul mate when God is telling you- just follow your heart and in doing so, you are following the “string” God has laid out to lead both of you to each other. 

Maybe the reason you haven’t met him/her is because you’ve been searching for him/her and not following your heart in your life”.

BAM!

You’ve been searching for the man/woman and not enjoying your life the way GOD intended you to enjoy it.

No one is attracted to someone who is desperate to find someone! People are attracted to partners who are enjoying their life and totally in love with the life they’re living. 

You know those movies where this girl goes traveling solo and she meets a handsome man at a club or while sitting there sipping wine? Exactly. 

She’s not desperate, she’s content being alone. She is enjoying her life. That’s when you usually find your life partner. 

When I first quit my full time job I didn’t know I’d one day do ministry. I never thought I’d end up in a reality show, I never thought I’d do the many things I’ve done but I was always led to it. But the biggest thing is I wasn’t afraid to fail. Because I didn’t have much to begin with so what is there to lose. God wants us to live in freedom and not be afraid to try. I’ve done a lot of things I never thought I’d do -like dance at Moulin Rouge. What?
 
Or be on an arranged marriage show?
 
What?
But see, those were probably the coolest experiences of my life. Or meeting the thousands of people I have all over the world. Sure, the following Jesus part on the road has had a LOT of hardships and challenges but it’s taught me to surrender in a way I’ve known how.
 
Don’t be afraid of failure, think of every experience as you being led to the next, think of your life as a very rich and fulfilling life (movie). Life is about trusting God, not about perfection. Life is about knowing who you are in Christ, a son and daughter of God that CANNOT be punished for doing wrong. That no matter what you do, you are a delight to Jesus. It makes life fun doesn’t it?
TODAY GOD IS BREAKING OFF FEAR IN A BIG WAY.
 
1. Life is not about making perfect decisions but knowing who you are in Christ no matter what life looks like, that you cannot be punished for doing wrong because Jesus was already punished on the cross for you. No matter what you decide, God only sees perfection in you.
2. That means you are free to choose and explore life. And if you don’t like what you’re doing, change course at any minute. You don’t have to be stuck with the decisions you made.

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I met this group of youth because I followed my desire to drink boba.

42580267_10160951970995603_7565485175648288768_nTwo of the first people I ever prayed and prophesied over was in Korea at a hostel in Busan. They are Indians from Delhi. It was a year later that I went to India. God’s ways are not our ways 🙂

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The verse God gave me today-

Psalm 65[a]

For the director of music. A psalm of David. A song.

1 Praise awaits[b] you, our God, in Zion;
    to you our vows will be fulfilled.
2 You who answer prayer,
    to you all people will come.
3 When we were overwhelmed by sins,
    you forgave[c] our transgressions.
4 Blessed are those you choose
    and bring near to live in your courts!
We are filled with the good things of your house,
    of your holy temple.

5 You answer us with awesome and righteous deeds,
    God our Savior,
the hope of all the ends of the earth
    and of the farthest seas,
6 who formed the mountains by your power,
    having armed yourself with strength,
7 who stilled the roaring of the seas,
    the roaring of their waves,
    and the turmoil of the nations.
8 The whole earth is filled with awe at your wonders;
    where morning dawns, where evening fades,
    you call forth songs of joy.

9 You care for the land and water it;
    you enrich it abundantly.
The streams of God are filled with water
    to provide the people with grain,
    for so you have ordained it.[d]
10 You drench its furrows and level its ridges;
    you soften it with showers and bless its crops.
11 You crown the year with your bounty,
    and your carts overflow with abundance.
12 The grasslands of the wilderness overflow;
    the hills are clothed with gladness.
13 The meadows are covered with flocks
    and the valleys are mantled with grain;
    they shout for joy and sing.

True Freedom Is Knowing You Can’t Be Punished For Living In Freedom

On By Rebekka LienIn christianity, dating, dream, entrepreneur, faith, forgiveness, God, healing, Hollywood, jesus, lifecoach, lifehack, love, meditation, philosophy, psychology, Relationships, spirituality, therapy, travel, writer

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IF YOU READ ANY POSTS< READ THIS ONE! Because it will set you free from decision paralysis and fear of living and making mistakes!!!! GOD WANTS YOU TO BE FREE!

I had a deep revelation today.

So with my mom whenever I talk to her she questions  me. “Why are you going to Korea?” I said, “mom, I do ministry, I follow Jesus and I pastor and prophesy”.

“Whose going to believe you are a pastor, you need schooling”.

……….

That’s where I usually stop but yesterday I say “okay forget about what I do, I’m just following Jesus”.

I’m not sure if she’ll ever believe me. 

Like James in the bible, who said “hey that’s my brother, he is not the Messiah, how can he be? I’ve seen his diapers and I’ve seen him poo in it! He can’t be chosen! He’s human like me, he grew up in an ordinary home, how can he have any special powers to heal?” 

I’ve often lost my voice in my relationship with my mom. My train of thought was always “okay she won’t believe me so what is the point of saying anything”. Then I just listened, and kept silent. Even when I tried to say anything or prove myself, it was a dead end and made me feel exhausted. It came from a spirit of lack (feeling like I wasn’t enough). 

So I realized yesterday after hanging out with a new friend that I felt exhausted and strained.

I felt strained and strife because I felt like I was mostly listening to things I didn’t care for. I don’t know how to describe it, but are there things you just don’t care about it? It’s not that you hate that person or you don’t care for them, but take for example “video games”….if someone keeps talking about it and you don’t like video games isn’t it boring for you? 

It’s not because you are an apathetic or mean person, but there are just topics that turn you off and make you totally shut down because you don’t function that way.

I’m a heart person and I like to hear about “how people feel” not what they know.

So in my head I thought “I’m bored”.

But I didn’t know why, I think I was forcing myself to be interested. 

So this is a HUGE revelation.

Because with my mom I used to listen to her rant about her friends or people that have hurt her and I’d just totally shut off. I didn’t talk back before but in recent years I’ve learned to say “hey I don’t want to hear about it”. I’m not a trash can that you can dump on. At first she got offended but then she learned to turn it off.

So I often felt drained in relationships because I didn’t know how to set boundaries.

I felt that I should “love” people by listening to them so I was totally neglected while I continued listening and never voicing my own opinions and problems. I felt sidelined and stepped on. I didn’t know how to voice my needs.

And I also attracted friends that didn’t know how to open up so I often had to pursue friendships instead of having a healthy balance of “hey my voice matters and so does yours” friends that reached out to me. 

Here’s another revelation-

You don’t need to listen or help anyone to be valuable or worthy.

You are worthy because Jesus loves you.

I’ve been trying to help my mom my whole life, living under the weight of her problems and her heartache, reacting to her instead of living for what I wanted. That’s why when Jesus told me to leave everything and follow Him, it was a huge shock to my mother. Well I had already moved out when I was 22, but then Jesus told me to move back at 28. So I stayed there for 2 years and restored my relationship with her, semi- restored.

He wanted me to be firm in my righteousness in Christ Jesus. 

But now I’m in a new phase in my life.

“Because you’ve been accused of and yelled at for making mistakes you now rather sit and not make any decisions because at least you won’t get punished for making the wrong decisions”.

WOW- I just told this to my friend in a phone conversation.

A big part of my life was defined by ministry and how much I helped others or my mom, but now God was also asking me “what is it that you want?”

I told my friend “more than ever I just want to have a family”.

I know how to enjoy myself, I know how to get massages and buy clothes, to spend time alone, I’m not afraid to be alone- I quite enjoy it, but I want my heart and soul to be loved by a man who is willing to open his heart up to me. So what I long for with my husband is relational intimacy.

I want to be loved for who I am and not what I can do for someone. 

That’s why recently I find spiritual talks very draining. When people are trying to figure God out or trying to figure out spirits and demons.

Because I want to be known for my simple self, like as a human being, not a prophet or a really wise spiritual person. 

I don’t want someone to ask me what God is saying. Ask God for yourself. Everyone can hear God if they ask. I believe God is asking us to take personal responsibility for our desires.

So instead of asking God “what should I do?” He is saying “what do you want to do?” Some of you will be petrified of the outcome because you fear that if you make a decision and you don’t like it that you’ll be stuck with it, or that you’ll ruin your life. And God’s like “no you won’t ruin your life, just change course if you don’t like the decision you made”.

It’s like DATING. You don’t have to stick with a guy if you don’t like him after one date. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You don’t have to feel responsible for his feelings, God will take care of him. 

You have to do what you want to do. You won’t ruin your life with one decision. Keep making decisions in freedom. Life is an adventure. You can walk away from any decision you don’t like. It’s a play, it’s a video game, it’s a game, not a test! 

An introduction to my simple self-

Hi my name is Rebekka.

I like music. I like Korean music, Korean dramas, I like dancing, but haven’t danced for a long time. I like parties and I like food. I like hot pot, I like Starbucks. I like Boba. I like waking up without an alarm. I like enjoying life but recently I’ve felt like I’m defining myself by how much I can help others and I want to stop thinking that way.

I like to talk about relationships. I like talking about dating because it is heart stuff, not head stuff. I love hearing about dates gone wrong and I like to talk about silly things. Because relationships have to do with heart stuff, not head knowledge. It’s about experience, not just thoughts. 

Sometimes we get so caught up in our thoughts we stop living. 

So for once will you just stop thinking and do it? Not fearing the outcome and not foreboding the results but thinking of life as a really big adventure full of joys and pains? We get disappointed because we put so much expectations on one thing to bring us joy or happiness but God has always wanted you to put joy and expectation on Him, not the “things that we do”.

This life is about trusting Him and jumping time after time after time. And saying “oh cool what’s that, I want to do that. I want to go to Starbucks and get a Frappucino. I feel like watching a movie, I feel like going into that store, I feel like going to Africa, I feel like writing” and then just doing it without thinking “oh there has to be a really intense purpose for why I’m going to Starbucks” or “ok cool I made a new friend online, I’m going to meet her” instead of thinking “oh what if we don’t get along, or what if she doesn’t like me”.

That was me, I felt like God is there a divine appointment here? I felt like there had to be a divine appointment anywhere I went. So imagine my paranoia. But God’s like “no, you can enjoy life without searching for a reason to be wherever you are”.

If you want to paint, paint.

Life is about taking risks everyday and riding the beautiful waves that is life. 

Which reminds me, I want to go to the beach. I totally forgot that I like the beach. And if there are divine appointments, and there probably will be, then so be it. But I’m not defined by whether I help someone or not. Often times these appointments help me understand new things too.

What does it mean to flow with the holy spirit. It’s to not have fear and to just go do what you want, because following what you want is following the holy spirit. 

You’ve got to take personal responsibility for what makes you want. You can’t always expect others to go with you. You need to discover what makes you happy.

Trusting that God is your protector and provider, He will provide the way if you step out in faith. Will you trust Him with your heart and follow your heart?

One of my desires is to date again, but here are all the thoughts I go through. Well, I should just wait for my husband. What if that guy is a jerk and all they want is sex? What if I have a bad experience?

And I think God is just like “if you want to try, try, don’t be afraid”.

Don’t take life so serious. Don’t think it’s about the final destination. Have fun, enjoy life, relax. It’s not about getting somewhere but enjoying the experiences.

I realize I would get backaches or neck aches as I felt the burden of the decision was on me. That is condemnation, that is law. You are not responsible for yourself or your heart or your decisions. I know we’ve been taught that we are to be responsible for our decision but if we have the spirit of the Lord living on the inside of us, we can trust that He is leading us and even if we make mistakes, God actually doesn’t even see it. God only sees Jesus in you.

Under grace, you can live in complete freedom.

YOU ARE FREE! You can do whatever you want without fearing consequences of punishment. It says perfect love casts out fear because fear has to do with punishment. God is saying “you are free to live and try and know that you won’t be punished for your decisions”.

You are also FREE of your past mistakes and decisions.

There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. So I don’t beat myself up for the past, I don’t beat others up for failing me, I don’t beat my mom up for accusing me. I can move on and know that God only sees Jesus in us. 

I can make decisions and live life without the fear of judgement, condemnation or punishment. Because He says “TRY AND LIVE, LIVE IN FREEDOM!”

You lose joy when you feel like you are going to be punished for every wrong decision you make but if you know God only sees perfection in you, you know that you are completely free and unpunishable.

There are times God tells me to ask people for donations and I started to feel condemned because people made me feel bad about it instead simply saying I can’t or I don’t want to right now. So I started to blame myself or not want to try anymore. I know my heart is right and I never had any intentions of guilt tripping anyone, but some people because what they were going through, projected their feelings on me.

I was simply listening to God.

So when I kept listening to God and doing what I heard I started to see open doors again and I realize NO I didn’t do anything wrong and I didn’t have any false intentions. 

When I started to receive confirmation I realize the closed doors weren’t confirmation that I was doing something wrong but that I was on the right track but that new DOORS needed to open…..Breakthrough takes perseverance and it may mean you hear lots of NO’s.

But you will get to the open door, you will hear the Yes. You will find your tribe, you will find people who understand you. So don’t fear rejection. Keep going.

No’s aren’t a sign that you are on the wrong path, it just means God is building your perseverance and resolve. People who give up and just result to being accepted in the safety zone never get to where they want to go. Somehow they compromise a part of themselves to fit in because that crowd is where they hear “yes” the most…but they have to compromise who they are to hear that yes. Maybe they never get rejected but their hearts suffer from denying their own desires. 

Ps- I just wanted to add that even if I didn’t hear God and I asked for a donation or did something, that I still wouldn’t be punished for it. Because there is freedom in Christ Jesus. I think God was teaching people through me that it’s not like He will punish you for saying no. 

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Choose God’s Path

On By Rebekka LienIn dream, faith, forgiveness, God, healing, jesus, love, Relationships, spirituality, travel, writer

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A word on my spirit. Someone out there is choosing the easier and more comfortable route but God is asking you to step out in faith. It’s not an easy word to deliver because no one likes to be uncomfortable but God’s intention is to grow you.

Feel free to message me on Facebook if you have questions or want to tell me your story.

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Healing The Brokenness In Our Hearts

On By Rebekka LienIn christianity, dating, entrepreneur, faith, forgiveness, God, healing, health, jesus, love, relationship, Relationships, spirituality, travel, writer

Ugly crying.

Heartache and heartbreak. We try to avoid it but it comes after us. It makes for the best writing and the best songs, the best art, it’s what makes us human. Without it we wouldn’t know vulnerability, we wouldn’t love well.

We don’t love people well when we have closed hearts. Open hearts feel with others. Open hearts allow the risk of being hurt to be present. Closed hearts says “I don’t want to listen to your story because I don’t want to feel what you feel”.

It’s easy to be logical and tell someone to leave their abusive or unloving husband or boyfriend, but to go through it yourself, or to follow your gut and not your heart which often times is tied to brokenness in your soul, that’s another story.

As I’m talking to my friend about heartache I remember this one time years ago where my ex roommate tucked me into my bed. He was my first guy roommate.

I thought it was fine because I had a boyfriend. I was safe because I was taken, I wouldn’t have some type of love affair with a guy I lived with in the same house.

Because I was so broken and didn’t know what love was supposed to be like, I was attracted to men who were emotionally absent. And even physically absent, like my father.

My ex would disappear for days, sometimes not answering my texts or calls. I’ve never been obsessive, I’d send one text and wait patiently for a reply. I’d give up. I’d think “he must be busy”. But my mind would run wild. Where is he? What is he doing? I made excuses for his behavior. I thought it was normal because the fact that anyone was around was enough for me.

3 days would pass.

And the one who was present? My guy roommate. He had his own room FYI. I cried and told him my boyfriend had been ghosting me. I didn’t understand why there was a wall I couldn’t break down. Even when he was present, I couldn’t read his thoughts and he didn’t share his emotions with me. He was just a very practical guy. He could fix cars and lights. He could pay for dinner.

He understood instructions, and completed tasks, but when it came to his heart, he was completely illiterate.

My roommate played with bunnies on the grass. I thought he was a bit feminine. He wrote poetry and we would read our writing to each other.

I realized that I often went for guys who were emotionally unavailable because it was safer. I know it’s sound strange. Because emotional openness means telling your truth, and risking having to feel what you don’t want to feel.

It’s easier to shut your heart down completely than to speak your truth and feel those emotions.

My ex would tell me he needed space. “Why can’t you just tell me you need space?” I would say.

My roommate tucked me into my bed as I cried over my boyfriend at the time. Why am I with a ghost when there is flesh and blood here? He told me to breathe as he said breathing brings you back to yourself.

I didn’t understand it. I’d be attracted to a non-present man, while next to me was someone available, someone emotionally open, someone loving.

And my broken soul had to go for the broken man.

Someone I couldn’t attain, someone whose heart was locked with a dead bolt, tripled locked. No amount of prying, questioning, asking, praying seemed to do the job.

The only thing that pried my ex open was me mentioning breaking up.

It was the first time I saw him cry in the 2.5 years we were together. He begged and cried. What can I do to change, he asked. I said I needed to be with someone who believes in Jesus and I want to marry one day.

He said he would go to church with me. Let’s get married now!!

I said, no.

Because those weren’t the factors that prevented us from moving forward- I knew for ages that he wasn’t it, he wasn’t exactly what I wanted as a life partner.

So my heart didn’t want to break up, but my spirit knew – he’s not it. He’s not your life partner.

It’s easy to avoid talking about your emotions, it’s easy to shut down your heart.

What’s difficult is saying how you feel. And finding closure and agreement.

If you’re going through heartache I pray God would give you comfort in this hour. I pray you would know that God is with you.

He loves you dearly.

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1% of People Marry Their First Love

On By Rebekka LienIn christianity, dating, faith, forgiveness, God, healing, love, Relationships, self-help, spirituality, travel, writer

That’s what my friend said, to comfort me in my momentary despair.

I said “why do I have to meet guys who aren’t going to be my husband and then experience the heart break and pain? While I see people who just meet that one right person and seem to live happily ever after, or sure, with some issues in marriage”.

“There’s still some work to be done, deeper wounds that need to be healed” says another friend.

I’m 31. I don’t know how many more need to be healed but seems like an unending drama.

Like one of those dramas that are dragged on so that time can pass for no good reason but they have nothing to show on tv.

How come other people seem to have no issues….or maybe it’s just because they choose to settle for someone who has issues that they also have…and both refuse to heal or grow from it. Instead these couples live in their codependent miseries.

That really makes me feel better.

I am just choosing not to settle.

I could have settled with my ex, who was emotionally absent and had a wall that couldn’t be knocked down.

I could have settled for an alcoholic.

I could have settled for a selfish man.

So sure I see many who married and seem to have beautiful lives but who knows what’s behind the curtain? Most people don’t share their problems with the world. It’s better to smile for the camera and post a picture perfect marriage.

Well, my healing journey has not been easy. Having been single for 5 years the last year God gave me a dream where he showed me pictures of men like on tinder and said “get ready”.

Sure enough, the matches came.

But none were really it.

Something was always missing.

The main ingredient- an unfaltering and unwavering commitment to follow Jesus at any cost.

Sure I met good Christian men too, but they were half committed to Jesus. I would prophesy something over them and many of them are still where they are last year. I’m not saying they’re bad, I’m just saying I need to have the same level of faith with my hubby.

I can’t be dragged down trying to convince someone.

I met non Christian men too. But it was obvious their sole agenda was lust or longed for someone to fill the void that only Jesus could fill.

I healed from my issues and am still discovering if there are any more.

1. I had major trust issues because my dad cheated on my mom- God brought me people that were trustworthy and I realize men can be trusted, just need to be the right person.

2. My dad did not provide growing up and I realize that I want a man that loves to provide.

3. I cannot be with an alcoholic. I need someone who is completely filled with Jesus and His spirit.

4. Emotional vulnerability is key to the man I am supposed to be with. This man doesn’t just talk about work or how his day was but he talks about how he feels.

5. Honesty – I realize is everything and will break the thickest emotional wall.

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Testimony in Pune

On By Rebekka LienIn christianity, dream, faith, God, healing, jesus, Relationships, travel, writer1 Comment

Pune- testimony.

Yesterday God said you have to go to pune. This morning two hours before my train God said I have to catch the 12:10 one. A man gave me directions at the snack counter, in the same car, the man sat next to me. Crazy. On the train I prayed about where I should stay and found a few but one host’s name kept flashing in my mind. And a vision of twin beds that was in the room. Sure enough he accepted.

However he told me he was about to block out the dates because his caregiver had an emergency and had to leave so he wasn’t going to accept anymore guests. Somehow my booking came in and he accepted.

Two college age girls helped me get a cab and made sure I was okay. I told them Jesus loves them.

When I arrived the host said he gave me the room with a private bathroom since I’m a woman but a boy wanted my room. I asked to see his room (examining the soundproofing of the room) then met him.

Later I tried to book food on ubereats but failed and I heard God say “eat out”. At the same time the boy was going out to eat. I asked to come with.

During dinner the young man told me his dad is paralyzed. He told me this happened 5 years ago and that he was shot in the arm 3 years ago and he said that he saw his friend get shot when he was 12.

When I got back to the Airbnb I kept hearing God say “switch rooms with him”. I didn’t understand. But I remember God often spoke in symbolism. Then I knew I wasn’t finished.

I got to share my testimony with him. I shared how I never felt like I was enough for my mother but Jesus set me free to know I’m enough because of His finished work on the cross.

As I prayed over him I saw that he would punch a punching bag and it would hit him back. I also said he needed to forgive his dad. I said that he was enough and he’s done enough. He said karma.

I said Jesus came to give you grace and I explained why he has been forgiven for his sins and that Jesus took on the punishment. I asked if he wanted to have a relationship with Him but he said he had too many trust issues with religion as the hand life dealt him was shitty.

I said God sent me to let him know that He hasn’t forgotten him.

When the spirit leads, even if you run you run to your assignment.

Sow a seed- thank you!

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To The LGBT community- A Letter From God

On By Rebekka LienIn christianity, coach, dream, entrepreneur, faith, forgiveness, God, healing, Hollywood, jesus, love, Relationships, spirituality, travel, writer

You are so beautiful, beyond description

I pictured who you would become, who you are. Always so beautiful, your laughter, your smile. I always knew you, even now.

I know your pain, I was there with you. The pain of rejection, I was always there. Even when you felt alone, I was there. I know you push me away, you think I’m judging or condemning you but all I have for you is love.

You stand there, laughing on the outside, but inside crying.

There’s a deep wound of rejection bound so tight by attitude and perceptions of how you should be around certain people, certain groups.

I know you’ve been fighting all your life but if you’ll have me, you’ll be able to rest knowing I’ve already accepted you just as you are.

In my embrace you won’t have to fight anymore, you can rest in my arms.

You are beautiful to me. Whatever you call yourself, you’re my child.

Since you’re my child, I will never leave nor forsake you. Since you’re my child I’ll always fight for you. Since you’re my child I’ll always protect and provide for you.

Since you’re my child I’ve conquered death for you. Since you’re my child, I’ve felt the burn of rejection for you. Since you’re my child, I want you to be vulnerable with me.

It’s time to come out of the cave and show who you really are.

I don’t care what you call yourself, gay trans, fluid, binary, you are human and worthy of my love.

You are my child. Now you are mine and forever loved.

You are not an orphan, a reject or an outcast. You are a child of God.

Your true identity is being my child. You are royalty bought by the blood of Jesus. Show me your wounds, I will heal them.

I love you.

– Jesus

Xoxo

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When Serving Becomes Our Identity, Instead Simply Being a Child Of God

On By Rebekka LienIn christianity, coach, dream, entrepreneur, faith, forgiveness, God, healing, health, jesus, lifecoach, love, prophetic word, relationship, self-help, spirituality, travel, writer

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I feel we are in a season of coming back to Jesus to get our self-worth, versus basing it on how we serve Him.

I just had a dream for my brother in Christ and I told him that he needed to slow down and spend time with Jesus and he said that I was right as he has traveled the last 2 months ministering to people, healing the sick, etc but that he was worn down and tired.

Sometimes in ministry we start to believe a few lies that I want to dismantle today-

Lie 1- Your identity comes from how many people you help.

Truth- Your identity comes from being a child of God, who God so loved that He sent His only child (Jesus) to be sacrificed for you.

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 1 John 3:1-2 

Lie 2- God will only bless you if you obey.

Truth – Jesus paid the price on the cross for your blessings. His work was perfect obedience to the Father and even if you don’t perfectly obey, He does not punish you for it. I want to reiterate that He wants us to live in freedom, not paranoia. Our hearts should only “do things” out of DESIRE, not duty. 

Obedience comes from the overflow of the knowledge that He loves you, not because IF YOU DON’T OBEY that He will take away what He wants to bless you with.

That is living under the law. When we live under the law of condemnation and punishment, working for our blessings, we will not receive it- why? Because it will always be conditioned on how much we serve and do, versus from the perfect knowledge that we are loved by God no matter what.

This reminds of the prodigal son story. The older brother worked in bitterness thinking he had to earn his father’s blessings versus the prodigal son who experienced God’s blessings by doing what he wanted to – then realizing that his ways were not working and ended up running back to his father. 

God wants to have a genuine relationship with you, not one that is forced or led by duty and obligation.

But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

When Jesus said it is finished, it is finished.

Lie 3- You need to sacrifice yourself when you are a Christian

Truth- God wants you to know that you are worthy, you are worthy of love and a good life. 

People who constantly sacrifice themselves for others believe that they are not worthy unless they are bringing something to the table. I’ve met people who say they do a lot for others because they want to show others that they are worthy….but people shouldn’t love or bless you because of what you do for them but who you are.

You don’t owe anything to anyone. You paid by being born. 

You don’t tell a baby that “one day you will pay by buying me a house” (Asian parents). You are a gift from heaven and you are a delight.

You are worthy of love just because you exist. 

God has grand purposes and destinies for you but He wants you to live out of a deep place of intimate love with Him. He wants you to know you are loved beyond comprehension first and foremost. If we serve or help others out of any other agenda (such as to prove that we are worthy to receive His blessings), then we are not living out of true grace. 

I’m not sure at what point I started to believe that I just needed to do more on this journey, but towards the end I was starting to wane in my passion. I was not being fed in my heart. I realize that I need a lot of alone time and I wasn’t getting it. When you are constantly serving others their voices start to muffle your own thoughts and desires. I’m grateful for the revelations God has been giving me in these few days. 

I pray today God would break off the slavery mentality and orphan mentality that ties you to “obligation”. You need to know that He loves you to the moon and back.

And HIS PROMISES FOR YOU ARE YES AND AMEN! AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO SACRIFICE YOURSELF TO HAVE WHAT YOU WANT AS HE ALREADY BECAME THE PERFECT SACRIFICE ON YOUR BEHALF.

May you live completely from a place of knowing you are LOVED by God, and that your life will be driven by LOVE not FEAR. His love for you is not dependent on what you do for Him, His love for you is complete and finished. He does not look at your “disobedience” as He does not see blemish in you- He only sees Jesus in you (who obeyed perfectly onto the cross). 

I pray for the ministers and servants out there that you will not be confused by the enemy who tries to tell you that your worth comes from how much you help or don’t help others. That is a form of condemnation and accusation! I break off the spirit of python that tries to choke the life out of your heart and dreams in Jesus name! I break off false responsibility in Jesus name!

Our lives should never be driven by “I SHOULD”- your life should be driven by “I WANT”.

Sow-

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Princess “Love” Diaries

On By Rebekka LienIn christianity, coach, dating, dream, entrepreneur, faith, forgiveness, God, healing, jesus, lawofattraction, lifecoach, love, relationship, self-help, spirituality, travel, writer

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I wrote a lot today but after watching “Late Night”, I was even more inspired to write truthfully. Mindy has a way of inspiring me. She is not white, she is in fact ASIAN! It’s good to see a fellow Asian writing movies.

SO I named this blog post Princess Diaries because unlike the princess in many stories, I have been the prince in my own life for my whole life. Jesus was my prince sure, but I was very masculine growing up, I had to be my own bread winner, to support myself since I was very young. Even if I didn’t really want to, something inside of me said that I must “DO DO DO” and I never understood the laid back life. It was only until I understood grace that I learned to rest….but then God took me on a journey last year that seriously wore me out. I LOST all my strength and even my desires.

I AM A PRINCESS and I want to live like one. I don’t think that’s too much to ask for. What I mean is so many women have fought for rights and I get that, but for once I’d like someone to take care of me. I get that I’m a pioneer but I can’t go on any longer forging a new path, for once I like 100 people behind me saying “YOU CAN DO IT!”

I’m tired of praying in tongues trying to encourage myself is what I’m saying. I’m not alone. I have gathered women on my journey who have contended and prayed for me and I AM SO GRATEFUL.

But I’m asking God now “OKAY I’m ready for my prince!” Like the real life one.

I think sometimes singles look at married couple and think “how did he/she get that husband/wife, are they more qualified than I” as if it’s a job that you need to be qualified for…and when you’re following Jesus and you’ve sacrificed

You wonder “why did they find each other” when she didn’t really do anything as if husband/wives are like rewards you get for following Jesus.

And then when the life partner takes a freaken long time to come you think “what did I do wrong?”

Well good news- it’s not something you earn.

Because a life partner is a gift, like anything else good in this life, not something you earn by your works.

And my advice is, just don’t settle. Wait for the right person. Everyone has their own life story and no one has the same timeline. Sometimes when you’ve waited a long time for some of God’s promises to come to pass in your life, you feel forgotten…you think, what the hell God. Serious? 

Where did I get it wrong?

Did I waste too much time with my ex? DO I need to dye my hair? Cut my hair? DO I need to go on tinder like everyone else? Do I need to go on dates with people I’m only 10% interested in?

And my answer is….no.

You are enough.

I know it sounds so simple, but you’re not lacking anything and when you journey through life, YOUR LIFE PARTNER WILL COME. Period. 

Don’t wait for those “things” and “people” to come. LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE NOW.

A year ago when I was in LA, I watched over 70 movies in 7 months by myself (save 2 that I watched with a girl I met at the gym and 1 where I divinely sat next to her the whole movie….and at the end she called my name)- btw I had moviepass. LOL.

I LOVE movies and I want to write and direct them.

Here’s the thing, I didn’t wait for a date to watch these movies, I just followed my heart. Don’t ever wait for others to get it or to come along your adventures, most people are too slow and too scared to do it. 

It is coming- whatever you have dreamed of. Don’t give up hope just because you don’t see it now. I know that waiting seems indefinite but I always tell people, “well you are only single for the first part ish of your life” (for the youngans I’m talking to), then you are married for the rest of your life. So, what do you want to do now?

I want you to start dreaming again. I know many things died in your life- perhaps a dream, a person, a career….but what would it look like if your life was a phoenix rising up to the skies? 

I’ve only started dreaming again. I’ve had so many disappointments that I’ve stopped dreaming and even in the midst of ministry, I felt my heart was neglected somehow. I feel like this is the season to receive everything I’ve sown into others.

May the deaths in your vision resurrect. May your heart pound again and may you have butterflies again. May you laugh with excitement and jump up and down due to glee. May your eyes light up with hope and joy. May the flowers that you pass by in dark seasons become vivid yellows and blues. May your words and colors flow again. May you paint with renewed passion. May you conduct and produce all that the creator put in you. May you receive everything you’ve been yearning for. May you have people that you call home, who support you and create a safe place for your heart.

You won’t have to prove yourself in this season. 

It’s too tiring. No. This season, you won’t have to explain yourself. This season, it will be filled with ease. This season, you will receive an award for being you. This season you won’t pretend to be happy when you’re not and sad when you’re not. This season you will smile with authenticity and you will only allow the genuine ones into your life.

There was too much deception and manipulation in the last season, too many wolves in sheep skin, too many deceptive spirits and too many falls into dark caves.

This season you will soar and it will be easy. 

I declare this over you. It will be an easy season, where you will naturally reap everything Jesus paid for you to have. 

I readily submit myself to this plan. For now I have nothing to lose.

In Jesus name amen.

Journey with me on this path of recovering your heart and dreams friend- sow a seed: thank you!

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