Prophetic Word- New Garments of Praise

1. PROPHETIC WORD AND PRAYER – TRUST YOUR HEART.
DON’T SETTLE FOR LESS! It may mean you have no one to hold when you feel alone but GO TO GOD. Don’t have a backup plan for your life. Don’t have plan B or a side chick/some dude who is NOT YOUR LIFE PARTNER! BLOCK, DELETE!

JUST BECAUSE IT’S AN OPTION OR AVAILABLE TO USE DOES NOT MEAN YOU NEED TO USE IT!

“Even if you washed the car and gas-ed up the car” it’s still an OLD CAR. Maybe you have been trying to HELP your second best be his/her best but it’s STILL not YOUR best, it’s still the OLD.

Don’t SETTLE FOR LESS, it may mean you have to WAIT for the best!
Don’t SETTLE! It may mean you won’t have a car to drive, but go with your heart’s desires, not what’s AVAILABLE! OMG.

Just because a man/woman is available to you and single, does not MEAN YOU NEED TO SPEND TIME WITH THEM AND BE DRAINED OF YOUR ENERGY!

YOU KNOW YOUR HEART, you don’t need someone to validate you. Another prophet may even speak over you but you need to discern whether that is actually for you.

 

2. Prophetic word- it’s time to trade your garment of mourning for the garment of praise! Don’t pick up old clothes anymore.

To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He might be glorified.

Isaiah 61:3

After I wrote the last post I had several dreams. I had one dream where I held a cute baby and then it turned to a man. However I found out the baby was being operated by a woman.

When I was holding the baby I saw people dancing but I felt comfortable sitting and holding the baby so I did not get up.

In another dream I was going to a thrift shop and I picked up a shirt I donated and asked if I could borrow it and return it.

It’s been a transitional season and I’ve gotten prophetic words from people but sometimes it can differ a little bit from what I’m feeling or hearing. It may bring confusion to my heart but when I really sit down and ask God I sense this.

It’s time to trade your season of mourning to praise.

 

To pick up and get off your feet.

 

To strike the ground and not sit in fear anymore.

 

To work the ground because the harvest is coming.

 

Do not lament anymore, it’s time to be excited for what’s to come.

 

God gave me those dreams after I wrote the previous one. He told me to go back to sleep as there were more dreams.

 

Don’t pick up old mentalities and ideas anymore.

Don’t pick up the past anymore.

 

Move forward.

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Sacred Marriage with Jesus

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I woke up from a dream where a man was painting sunrises from dark until light. I was sleeping and saw holes in the wall and thought isn’t it a bit cold to have a hole in the wall? The light woke me up. In the dream I saw this man was Christian. My aunt was in the dream, she was single and thought I should get a job but I decided to paint. There were jars of Pablo Picasso’s paintings, like the painting was on the jar. And if you poured water on it, a cow would appear.

In 2018 I started having dreams of being married and I was about to embark on a journey to follow Jesus. I didn’t have money saved up and I didn’t know how I was going to survive but I said yes to Jesus. He told me to sell everything and follow Him and I got rid of my apartment, car and most of my possessions. 

A lot of people think they are ready for marriage but until they’ve been married to Jesus they don’t know what it really means.

Until you’ve said yes to Jesus, in the face of being rejected and persecuted by all of your family members, criticized by your relatives for being crazy, and “abandoned” by your best friends. Are you willing to forsake all for one?

I had dreams that I told my mother I was getting married. I dreamed that I was wearing a wedding dress on the airplane. I had another dream where God showed me pictures of men swiping left and then the words “get ready”.

What ensued was nothing I could ever imagine. What ensued was a year of boldness, betrayal, hardship, sometimes almost starvation. I left Los Angeles with a couple hundred from my mother, spent most of it in Taiwan, was helped by my dad, but then had to go to Korea and that’s when the fire of God fell on me and I started prophesying non stop. I maxed out a credit card to start my ministry and eventually had to come out of hiding and actually tell people what I was doing. 

I knew the judgements would come, and at first they didn’t but they did.

I left all for the one.

“Until death do us part”

“through good and bad”

In the name of God, I, (groom/bride’s name), take you, (groom/bride’s name), to be my (husband/wife), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.

Jesus and I were there, together. I said yes to Him. For better, for worse. When I was on my mountaintop and when I was at my worse. When I was staying at a hostel with 10 other people, with music pounding and bouncing off the walls underneath or when I was staying at a resort.

I said yes.

I said yes to being persecuted and being called a false prophet. I said yes to being rejected by others, but being approved by God. 

Choose this day whom you will serve. Choose this day whom you will be married to. 

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To be married to what others think or to Jesus.

To be married to your friends or to Jesus.

To be married to peoples’ agenda or to Jesus.

To be married to your parents’ opinions or to Jesus.

To be married to some guy/girl or to Jesus.

What does that mean? That you are willing to forsake everything else and anything else for Jesus. 

There is a process to come to this stage. You first say yes to receiving Jesus into your heart, then you date Jesus, but you aren’t willing to surrender everything to Jesus.

Maybe He has called you to quit a job, to sell everything you have, to give up a man/woman. Maybe He has called you to follow Him into the scariest situations, to ask strangers for help, to land somewhere and not yet know where you will stay, but then you trust your husband to lead you. 

Until you’ve become married to Jesus, you trust Him completely, no husband/wife on earth will ever suffice. 

Marriage to Jesus is sacred, it’s total trust.

Though I had to process feelings of being betrayed by my husband, as I went through a lot of suffering, I know that He hasn’t abandoned me. He never will.

Solomon 5

I slept but my heart was awake.
    Listen! My beloved is knocking:
“Open to me, my sister, my darling,
    my dove, my flawless one.
My head is drenched with dew,
    my hair with the dampness of the night.”
I have taken off my robe—
    must I put it on again?
I have washed my feet—
    must I soil them again?
My beloved thrust his hand through the latch-opening;
    my heart began to pound for him.
I arose to open for my beloved,
    and my hands dripped with myrrh,
my fingers with flowing myrrh,
    on the handles of the bolt.
6 I opened for my beloved,
    but my beloved had left; he was gone.
    My heart sank at his departure.[a]
I looked for him but did not find him.
    I called him but he did not answer.
The watchmen found me
    as they made their rounds in the city.
They beat me, they bruised me;
    they took away my cloak,
    those watchmen of the walls!
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you—
    if you find my beloved,
what will you tell him?
    Tell him I am faint with love.

This couple of days I’ve had to confess to God how I felt betrayed by Him. Metaphorically I felt beaten, bruised and exposed by people. I had to cry and cry. Recognize that my father would never love me the way I want to be loved, that the betrayal of silence had to be lifted. I had to tell God how I hated Him. I had to tell Him that I felt forgotten.

But when all that was done and then God had me tell a man that I still had feelings for him and it was reciprocated, I felt a light in my heart.

And even though he is not my husband, it was prophetic of what was to come. God was telling me that He’s never left me and He apologized for allowing me to go through the beating. He showed me that He never left me and that He never abandoned me. He was the only one that shadowed me and held me on my worse nights. He made the warfare easier, I cried to him when Satan tried to attack me.

I was willing to forsake all for the one. Are you?

To trust Him, your husband, your provider, your father?

You say, well I’m not willing to go through what you did.

But isn’t it worth it to feel that sacred love with the one who created you, to know you lack nothing and no one because you have a relationship so deep no one can tear you away or apart from Him? Until you’ve encountered sacred love and become united with Christ, sanctified for Him alone, you cannot truly know that you are not lacking. 

When you know you lack nothing and no one because you have Christ alone, any relationship in your life is a product of codependency and comes from a feeling that you are lacking. But when you know you are enough because of your sacred relationship with God, everything and everyone else is just an addition. 

That is marriage.

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Stop Faking Fine- How To Be Yourself And Be Emotionally Vulnerable

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Adam and Eve were not ashamed. And they were naked. They were vulnerable, they did not know sin, they did not know shame.

But then sin came, oh no we’ve done something wrong, we have a fear of being judged. 

Today I realized that I was numb in my heart because I was suppressing feelings of pain. I felt pain because everytime I go to Taiwan I try to connect with my dad but then when I come back to America it’s a disconnect, it’s like I don’t even exist. Before I didn’t talk to or see my dad for 10 years. 

Brene Brown talks about how the most evasive betrayal is not cheating, but neglect. Neglect and the silence.

That disconnect created a pain in my heart that increased by the day, but I didn’t realize I was feeling this. So God brought father figure divine appointments into my life, some were in Mexico, some that I met in LA, some on the airplane. They were all male figures comforting my heart. God brought father figures throughout my whole life.

I felt more and more depressed as I lay there after watching a show’s live taping today.

The issues:

  1. A family that was searching for the grandma who abandoned her son. The son had depression and killed himself.

As I watched my heart started to feel immense pain and I started crying. 

Growing up I tried to be perfect in my mother’s eye, I didn’t want to be a burden as she was already stressed out as a single mother.

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So I became the model citizen. I got good grades, excelled in school, won awards, I was a first chair cellist, I was a youth leader, I was esteemed but deep down no one noticed I was actually depressed. I had a sorrow in my heart I could not express and no one asked.

I took care of my own emotional needs through achievement, busy-ness, and when I was tired of striving, masturbation.

Since I could not feel anything emotionally, and I did not want to feel pain I learned how to feel emotions through physical gratification. I was very young and often neglected by my mother, left alone at the age of 5 inside a house by myself. I found that I could grind on my pelvis and I would feel good.

Later my mother told me that she had to put me in a worker’s storage room so she could work and that from 0-1 years old I was raised by my nanny. I started to feel like a ghost, a living body with no soul. No one to connect to.

But when I was 12 years old I felt God’s love and accepted Jesus into my heart. I started to be guided by Him and I felt His love when I could feel nothing else. And yet….church was another thing, they encouraged PERFORMANCE over CONNECTION.

They encouraged us to perform, thinking that if we performed well people would see Jesus in us. They used theology, they used books, but what people really needed was to feel love. They used rules and regulations. There was no grace.

I felt unloved and more over, I was encouraged to PERFORM.

And so PERFORM I did. I performed and achieved in church.

And I was exhausted.

So striving became my default because when you’re busy there is no time to feel. And when you have no time to feel, you don’t have to feel the pain in your heart.  The world is that way, full of busy noises, always being entertained, always going somewhere, always achieving, full of noise. 

No one wants to feel pain.

Very few people are honest about what they’re feeling and more people are ashamed to be who they are fully. Maybe they’ll sit behind a screen and criticize other people online or they’d rather gossip than confront that person.

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And that’s the worse thing about some churches is that they shame people for being imperfect. 

A lot of churches don’t talk about issues like sex, masturbation, pornography, addictions, drugs, depression, sexuality in general. When I asked two female leaders at my church what sex felt like they said “we will tell you when you’re about to get married”.

One of my best girl friend found her dad’s sex tape one time and became a porn addict. She watched porn for 8 hours a day. She became self conscious and insecure about her looks.

Why should I be ashamed to be honest?

I have nothing to hide. I’ll say the words penis and vagina out loud, I will talk about whatever I want.

If you are fake your whole life you’ll never meet people who will love you for who you are.

I see tons of prophets who show forth an image of perfection like they have no problems, they smile and wear nice dresses. I’m so tired of fake people. 

God didn’t anoint me or choose me because I’m perfect. God chose me because I trust in His grace alone that made me whole.

The other day someone asked me “how do you know you are anointed”. I started to explain and stopped. “Why do I have to explain myself to you?”

I’m a recovering emotional detached person. I had shingles when I was 14 because I was stuffing all the stress inside my heart. I didn’t tell people about my single mother’s anger issue, my mother told me not to tell people my parents are divorced.

I became two-faced. I became the overachiever who took care of her own emotional needs. I read erotica to ease the pain in my heart or I gossiped about other people. Everyone came to me for help and I liked it. But I wasn’t loving myself, and I didn’t know how to ask for help.

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I dated a guy who was emotionally absent. He would disappear for days and I found myself having emotional affairs with other people. He didn’t want to get close to me emotionally so I found other avenues.

But I was also emotionally detached, because it was safe to be with another emotionally absent person. That way I wouldn’t get hurt right?

No, I did get hurt. Love is love, you’ll experience pain no matter what. Stop trying to be perfect. Open your heart and just TELL IT LIKE IT IS. You are sad, say it. You are angry, say it. You feel like someone is being fake, tell them. It’s blunt but it’s the truth and the truth will set you free, even if it’s harsh.

So how do I overcome emotional detachment in this season:

  1. Opening my heart and talking through the issues with my friend.
  2. Creating videos and talking about how I feel
  3. Writing
  4. Telling God how I feel.

And most of it is a lot of anger.

God why did you abandon me?

God why did you allow this to happen to me?

God why do I always become friends or chase people who don’t give back to me?

God help me break this negative cycle.

God help me to open my heart.

God help me to forgive.

God I can’t do this anymore. This heart thing.

What’s appropriate? What’s taboo? Why don’t you lift off the veil of pretend and try being honest? 

Are you tired of BS? Why don’t you be honest for twice in your life? 

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Thank you for your contribution. May the Lord bless you abundantly! My vision is to see people be who they truly are, with no shame or guilt, knowing that they are enough in God’s eyes. 

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How To Set Boundaries In Friendships

You have to learn to protect what God has ordained in your life. Not everyone is sent by God and not everyone is supposed to be in your life long term.

I am learning how to set boundaries in my life and writing down what is important to me.

1. I need to honor myself first and foremost. Am I honoring my time, my energy, my being? Am I wasting time on those who simply give me attention, but suck me of my energy? What is the opportunity cost of being friends with this person?

2. Do the friends around me have my best interest in mind? Do they understand my destiny, calling and purpose in life and are they supportive of it? And am I supportive of their dreams? Is the friendship ordained by God?

3. Friends and someone you minister to is different. A friend is on your level. Someone you minister to is someone you help but may not necessarily receive the same level of help.

4. Friendship is a two way street.

One party needs to be open and so does another. It’s an exchange of energy, time, love. If one party has no interest in having an open heart, it’s hard for the other to continue.

5. Vulnerability is most important. It’s important to speak your mind and be honest.

Why do we feed people who don’t feed us back and neglect those who can actually love us.

Many people chase after people who treat them like crap, because they like the attention.

If there is a part of our soul that still desires unhealthy fruit, we will chase after that which is not healthy for us. So God heals the part of us that are broken.

6. Understand and give grace, but remember where you stand.

Some people are for a lifetime but some are for moments. Ask God to show you if that friend is temporary. And some come and go depending on the season, and it’s ok to let go.

7. Recognize codependency– codependency is when there is no boundaries and I often found myself in codependent relationships and God had to show me, it’s okay to pull back and not over give of yourself when that person isn’t reciprocating.

You cannot force someone to give of themselves when it’s not out of desire.

I realize that recently I was becoming codependent with a friend and it was hurting me because I was getting involved unnecessarily in her life and friendships. And it was not my job to help her or fix her friends.

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I Try To Be Enough, But I Forget I’m Already Enough In God’s Eyes

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I tried to be enough. I tried to please my mother. I tried to be a good daughter. I tried to be a good friend. I tried all my life but I learned from God that I am enough. That when God sees me He only sees Jesus.

But it’s easy to forget and it’s easy for that voice of condemnation to say “you should feel bad because they are mad at you”, “you should feel guilty because you’re not doing enough”.

Their (whoever they are) happiness does not depend on you and other people are not your responsibility.

It’s hard when you are in ministry though, you start to feel their problems weigh down on you. And then multiply that with your own family. 

And then you just need to crawl into a safe space with Jesus and pile the non-responsibilities to one side and say “God it’s yours, not mine”. 

I am not responsible for my mother’s abandonment issues. I am not responsible for taking care of anyone. I am a prophet so I relay the message, but I am not a therapist. My job is to point people to Jesus. I am not anyone’s savior. 

Lord today take our burdens, show us how to rest in your grace. Your rest is perfect God, we are the ones who don’t know how to cast our burdens to you.

We think we are god and we try to figure everything out. Sometimes I try to be in control and I don’t even know it. I try to figure things out by asking God “what should I do now” instead of going with the flow….as if I’m not doing enough or I’m always on assignment. But what about me? What do I want. I forget that I have desires and that God works with my desires.

Your desires matter.

Period. 

Not for function or form, but just because you are meant to be happy. 

I’ve met so many women on the road and in LA that subjugate themselves to unhealthy marriages. They suppress their own desires to please their husband or stay in a marriage/ relationship that is abusive or void of any emotional connection. 

They’re shocked when I say “I heard ‘get a divorce'”.

But isn’t divorce a sin? They ask?

Isn’t being unloved in a unhealthy marriage a sin? It’s a sin to be unloved.

Okay, I just put it this way. No, Jesus died on the cross for your sins so that when God sees you, He only sees Jesus. So He does not see SIN in you anymore. HE WANTS YOU TO BE HAPPY AND DO NOT PUNISH YOURSELF FOR CHOOSING THE WRONG GUY. Sure they may change, but if they choose not to that’s another story. If he is abusing you, run. 

There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.

For some reason Christians think that it is okay to suffer for a long time when God actually wants you to be happy. We forget that. God actually is a good father who wants a good life for you. WHOA.

“I just have to pray more right?” One woman asked me.

“No, God said he is a rock weighing your ankles down”.

“Well I did not expect to hear that”.

A few months later one woman told me she found out her boyfriend was cheating on her.

Love is longsuffering, but don’t suffer for the wrong guy my friends. God does not call us to submit to people who are pigs. It says “don’t throw your pearl to pigs”.

Choose a man who will honor you and respect you.

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Caring For Your Soul- How To Release False Responsibility

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(Some Divine encounters from the week. God told me to go to SD and I got on a train 15 minutes before the train left, these two guys sat across me and turned out they were Christian. We prayed together and I got to prophesy over them. On top- I met the owner of a cafe while sitting there and got to share about Jesus and my testimony. She was shocked by the accuracy of the prophesy. Right- I met on the street the founder of Black Lives Matter Pasadena. I said to her “you give so much to everyone, you deserve to receive too.” It was super epic. These are only a few of the many encounters I had this week as the holy spirit led me).

Recently I’ve been processing somethings in my life. I didn’t realize it but I was blaming myself for something and because of that false guilt and false responsibility, I started to feel paranoid about being completely obedient to God, because if I wasn’t and if they didn’t get the message, what if someone dies? 

My friend had a motorcycle accident with her boyfriend and her boyfriend passed away. It was a shock to me. But suddenly I felt guilt creep in. Why? Because I had told her a few times that God was telling her to go to another state and city. I told her over a span of a few months. I felt guilty that I wasn’t about to get the point across, and then I was mad that she didn’t listen (if you are reading this know that it is not your fault).

God started to show me this week I started to get paranoid about being perfect in following Holy Spirit. I became paranoid and like a perfectionist.

I was thinking about how that pastor killed himself. I bet he had a lot of self-hate and blame. Some people say “pastors or televangelists just want peoples’ money” but not enough money in this world (even if they offered someone billions of dollar) can compensate for the amount of stress you go through. 

So no one could ask me to be Joel Osteen, I don’t want to be in his spot. I can’t imagine what he goes through. I used to criticize pastors and I never wanted to be one, but then God called me to be a pastor to lost sheep so I ended up starting my own ministry.

To be in the limelight, to be exposed to critical people? That’s another level and it takes guts to be there, you have to be so firm in the righteousness of God. 

Ministers take on emotional and spiritual loads and they have to find a way to give it to God. The mistake I make is that I think it’s my responsibility and my burden and sometimes I put all the burden on myself….and I forget, no, it’s not my load. I’ve got to surrender peoples’ problems to God.

Pastors need more help than anyone else because they are constantly hearing about peoples’ problems and often are not compensated for it. In fact, some of the pastors I know have debt and do not make a good living. I know how that feels to over give of my energy and time.

I also need to learn when to stop and minister to my own soul. 

Throughout this week, I hear about peoples’ daughters, I hear about peoples’ financial stress, I hear about abusive fathers, I hear about deaths, I hear about things I really wish I didn’t know about. So I have to be careful what I absorb. I have to ask God “is this person my assignment?” and “am I over helping?”

Sometimes we over help to compensate for the past or a past regret of not being able to change someone’s past. 

I can’t change the past for my friend. I wrote “take risks and take chances” on my facebook wall and she replied “we did! And he died!” Well what am I supposed to respond to that. Is my advice the reason he died? No. Absolutely not. And is her not listening to me the reason he died? No. Is it my fault he died? No.

At the end of the day, we don’t know the end from the beginning. But we can’t live life in fear.

I am not responsible for anyone. I can do my best to prophesy, but it’s peoples’ job to listen. If they don’t listen, it’s also not God’s fault that something bad happens, it’s the devil’s fault. Jesus’ blood has ultimately covered us so it’s not our obedience that gains the blessing, but Jesus’ perfect obedience to the cross. 

If God is telling us to do something, it’s to give us freedom and set us free from whatever fear is holding us back. He never tells us something to control or punish us. And He will never punish you for not listening…however the enemy does have an open door if we are not aligned with His purposes. For example, if we are doing drugs when we know better, we are allowing the influence of certain spirits to attack us. If we are living in active disobedience to God, it is preventing us from living in the freedom God paid for us to have. But it is only GRACE that compels us to follow God, not condemnation. 

I told my friend, the purpose of prophesy is not so we can ask God to shield us from “pain”, it’s so we can learn to walk with God and trust God through the pain, joys and unknown. He does not PROMISE us a painless life, we are not robots! But He promises to be there to mend our wounds.

I’m not superwoman, I’m just a human and I need to learn to take care of my needs and desires. It’s so easy to take on more than God has intended for us.

If you are a minister, pastor, prophet, missionary, therapist….

  1. Take time to be by yourself and separate your junk from other peoples’ problems.
  2. Pray “dear God I’ve heard all these problems from people, please I now cast it to you and let me not hold onto them as if they are my own”.
  3. Pray in tongues if you know how, if not ask God for the gift of tongues.
  4. Do whatever you need to to decompress and release…watch comedy, go for a run, get a massage, read the bible, hang out with friends.
  5. You need to know you are worthy of rest, care and love. You need it as much as other people. You are worthy to receive.

I pray that today God will lift off any false guilt or responsibility to take care of others and I pray that you will learn to separate your soul from others’ so you are not burdened by their problems. I pray and lift up all those I’ve helped in the past years that they would go to you for help God. 

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Prophetic vision- don’t look back!!! Run as if your life depended on it!

I saw myself start a race and I’m sprinting and receiving batons from each person as I run. However my mother is behind me asking me “where are you going?” “What are you doing?” And for some of you it’s false responsibility and false guilt, it’s your exes, it’s old mindsets like fear that is preventing you from moving forward.
Each time false guilt tries to whisper in my ears it’s like a rubber band snapping me back and I’m back to where I started. It’s the fear of missing out, it’s “accusation” and condemnation!

Guys and girls!!!! This is not from God!
It’s the devil trying to stop you from moving into your promised land. If it feels like guilt it ain’t God. God is the one leading you, do not let other peoples’ expectations or accusations lead your life! Who are you look at? God or people? What is your focus on? What people are saying or what God is saying?

You need to fight the voice by saying “I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, I deserve happiness, I am not responsible for them” then run and do not look back!” You are righteous in God’s eyes.
#bexprophetic

A Prophet’s Job

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Jesus drew near and said to them, “I have been given all authority in heaven and on earth. Go, then, to all peoples everywhere and make them my disciples: baptize them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and teach them to obey everything I have commanded you. And I will be with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:18-20)

When they finished praying, the place where they were meeting was shaken. They were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to proclaim God’s message with boldness. (Acts 4:31) It didn’t say they went to seminary and then proclaim God’s message! It said they were FILLED with the Holy Spirit! WOOHOOO!!!!

Do not restrain the Holy Spirit; (1 Thessalonians 5:19)

God poured out the Holy Spirit abundantly on us through Jesus Christ our Savior (Titus 3:6)

“Ask her for a donation”- God

ugh, God serious? I know she’s going to yell.

After 30 minutes, “mom would you like to make a donation?”

“Again!?”- mom.

“When will you get a real job”, says mom.

“Mom, it’s not because I really need it, but God told me to ask. He knows you’ve been worrying about money and He wants to let you know He is your father and He will provide”.

He is breaking off the fear of lack.

“If you really want to be a missionary, you should go to seminary!”

“mom, the Holy Spirit speaks through me”.

“Lots of people have accepted Jesus or been changed by my ministry”.

“still you need proper training” – Says mom

This is the same round about argument I have with her. I know that she might never get it but I believe small seeds are being planted. I’m not as scared anymore about what she thinks, I know the same arguments come about from this discussion.

“You know God blesses those who give to the carriers of grace?” 

Here’s a question and accusation I hear from people (or that my friend said a lot of hurt christians say)- “I hate televangelist who try to take money from people”, “they must be a false prophet if they ask for money”.

Whenever accusation comes in that form it’s usually because there is a stronghold of poverty spirit or a spirit of lack in that person. 

I am so grateful for God blessings lately; to be honest I don’t know how to explain it but just to say God provides for His children. I wanted a laptop for 5 years, I went without one for 5 years, using my phone to type blog posts and I was recently blessed with one. It is all by God’s grace.

The biggest blessing recently is another woman I met who has the same heart for lost sheep and we’ve been going out and have ministered to people. I’m SO HAPPY TO SEE HER FLOWING WITH THE Holy Spirit like I am and loving the people GOD HAS called us to love. Many are wounded sheep that have left the church.

The other day God told me to go to a church in Koreatown, I took an uberpool and the guy was a Christian man from China. However, he said he became christian when it was illegal in China. He often went to church secretly at night. I told him how I followed Jesus and often not knowing how I would survive. He gave me a look like “dang I am convicted”, but when I said I was a prophet he said he didn’t agree with this thinking.

Then after 5 minutes in Church, I felt the Lord say “go”. I went out and saw a bus. It was waiting for me! I jumped on and then heard God say to get off. I saw another bus and thought I would go to Hollywood. Now there was a lady with an Equinox bag and I was seriously intrigued. Who is this lady? I asked if she went to Equinox and she said yes. I had been thinking about Equinox all week but didn’t know if it was worth getting a membership.

Turns out she was going to a class so I went with her. She told me she was divorced and living alone. She asked if I had a job and I said I did Christian ministry. She said “I used to go to catholic school growing up!”

Anyhow, I took a barre class for 30 minutes and left as I felt my assignment was finished. I walked out and noticed a farmer’s market. After coming to the end of the street I saw a woman at a vendor stall, she said “omg I know you!” It turns out we met a few years back at someone’s wedding and she grew up as a missionary kid.

I took my miso soup to eat near an urban outfitters and felt led to talk to a man. I prayed over him and saw him preaching! He said he never thought about doing that.

Later on I took another bus and God said to get off. I took an uberpool and met another Christian girl, giving some advice about being confident. Later I was talking to the driver and turns out he grew up christian but then became an urban Shaman.

Wow.

A prophet- 

  1. Cannot be afraid of what people think.
  2. Job is to bring down demonic strongholds that bind people in fear (fear of lack, judgement, rejection, death, etc)
  3. Is not in allegiance with men, but always listens to God’s voice.
  4. Should not give in to spirit of intimidation (which comes in form of people- sometimes relatives or family that accuse or condemn you)
  5. Will often encounter a spirit of lack that tells them “you’re not enough”, “you don’t have the words to say”, “you don’t have enough money”, “you can’t do this” – you have authority and anointing to cast out that spirit, but you will grow in discernment when this spirit tries to come against you.
  6. IS A MOUTHPIECE FOR GOD so cannot “doubt”, but must speak loudly what God is saying without fear.
  7. Breaks off fear by doing or speaking.
  8. Is often asked to do strange things that people may judge or reject but again your sole allegiance is to Jesus, no one else.

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Let’s Talk About Love & My Heart

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Write your heart out- I hear the Lord saying.

So I went to get a manicure as it’s been something I’ve been wanting to do. I take a long time to pick the colors I like. Today I took out blue, purple, pink, she started to put purple on and I flinched. I didn’t like the color. I said, can I try blue? After 4 different colors I said I wanted bright pink. She became impatient.

I felt bad for making her mad (even though I waited an extra 30 minutes for my appointment).

Then I had a book of nails and suddenly it fell to the ground, and a bunch of the samples fell out. One of the manicurist had to match the samples one by one back into the book.

Again, I felt bad but kept thinking “I am righteous in Christ Jesus”. I apologized.

Then all of a sudden, I realized I was a perfectionist. Like, I wanted to choose the perfect color but for some reason, I couldn’t find the one I wanted and I try really hard to find the “perfect color” or perfect decisions. 

Then a realization hit me. I had stopped trusting my heart. I totally forgot that I went through a heart break this year. I’m going to be super honest from now on. 

I met a guy in Fiji and really liked him. But it was short lived because we lived in different places (well I live all over the world). In an instant, I thought “f it, I’m just going to love someone and not be afraid to get hurt”.

But of course, like one of those sad romances, there was always an ending. I thought he was going to visit me before he left but then after rushing to his hotel to say goodbye, I learned he had already left because he realized his flight was 5 am in the morning. I was disappointed and thought, well, I actually rushed over like in the movies but in reality, life is not like the movies. 

I also knew that he wouldn’t be my husband because he didn’t believe in Jesus and we were just in very different phases of our lives too, so I knew in my heart that it was not going to last.

Then when I went to India, I met another guy I liked. I said again, I just want to make new friends and we liked each other. Again, I knew I had to go, it was an experience for God to open my heart because I had stopped dating shortly after I broke up with my ex in 2014. In fact, there was a season I didn’t talk to any potential partners, I told God I was going to focus on Him (all my previous attempts to date revealed to me that until I knew my worth, I’d never meet the one who could love me the way God sees me).

I told God “heal me so I can understand what I’m worth and who I am”.

I didn’t want to go searching for love in the wrong places when I was still broken inside. I knew I’d just keep meeting guys who were also broken and searching for love in the wrong places (me, and not God). 

About a year ago, before I started doing ministry God gave me a dream where He was showing me different pictures of men and swiping (like on Tinder)- then I heard Him say “get ready”. I also had dreams where I was wearing a wedding dress on an airplane and God was preparing me for marriage.

But I kind of thought, God wouldn’t it be so much easier if you just bring that ONE MAN, so I don’t have to get hurt?

God – there is risk in love, no love is without pain. Otherwise it wouldn’t be love. I wanted you to open your heart up to love, love is messy and risky. Love is not a final destination but a journey. Just because you meet that one person doesn’t mean you’ll not have pain in your life. 

No matter what life brings you will need to have an open heart so you can experience both the pain and joys of life. A closed heart does not experience love or pain, it is numb. A closed heart sits at home and never battles disappointment, sadness, anger nor pain…

A hero, a warrior encounters every emotion. She/he doesn’t shy away from the battle called love and life.

You will get angry, you will get sad, you will be disappointed in life.

You will experience all kinds of hardship but all kinds of joys too.

If you are willing to trust God with your heart, He will tend to and care for your heart. He is in charge of taking care of your heart. He never abandons His children. 

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God- Hello Heart,

Heart- Hi.

God- Don’t be afraid of love. I know you’ve encountered heart break.

Heart- I’m tired of being disappointed.

God- Will you let me hold you?

Heart- okay.

God – Don’t be afraid, I’m right here. I won’t hurt you. I’m here always taking care of you. You can cry, let it out.

Heart- I’ve been abused and misunderstood, spat at. People misunderstand me and hurt me.

Jesus- I understand. I’ve been there. I came to save the ones that hurt me. It hurt my heart too. There are people that will hurt and judge you when you’re trying to set them free. They will misunderstand and reject you and in that moment you must remember, you are just like me. In fact I am there with you, hearing the words you are hearing. 

But then you must come to me and let me speak to your heart. Because I will tell you that you are loved and accepted by me, that there is nothing you can do that will make me love you less. 

My love is perfect. I don’t condemn or guilt trip you, I will never turn away from you. I always draw close to you, I will never run away from you. My love is perfect and complete. I will never scorn you for being imperfect. When I see you I only see Jesus, perfection and completion.

My experiences in friendships have often come with “trying to be perfect” for that person. I’d try really hard to always be there for them. I’d initiate and take time to be there for them, but was often taken for granted. I’d withstand being taken for granted and then suddenly have a moment of “THAT’S IT, I’M TIRED OF BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF” and suddenly disappear (ghost). I’d unfriend them or block them. That was my habit.

I felt that it was hard to meet people who actually cared for me. I felt that they were often dumping on me emotionally or only coming to me for emotional and spiritual help. Or they would want to “pick my brain”.

I kind of felt like a monkey, you know when a scientist would pick a monkey’s brain?

Later on, I learned to set boundaries and slowly learned to voice my needs and concerns in relationships. First, God would challenge me to ask people for donations. This sparked support and outrage. I had friends that were extremely offended and told me that they were offended. I felt extremely hurt. I said that when they needed help, they often came to me, but when I needed help, it seemed that I didn’t deserve it. 

It outraged me. 

Do you have friends like that? Where it’s constantly one-sided?

Fortunately, God has been mending those relationships lately. He has been showing me that I didn’t do anything wrong, I was simply listening to His instructions. 

I love Jesus because He often tells me to do things outside of my comfort zone but causes me to have healthy relationships in my life.

He longs for us to have relationships that are balanced, not just one-sided. I often felt drained and exhausted by relationships because I was giving so much of myself but was receiving very little of what I needed. It would show up in different areas of my life.

If I was giving too much of myself, I’d experience sickness in my body or shortage of finances. I’d be hosting networking events and be putting my drink on a credit card because I had no more cash. 

The wisdom and knowledge I give to people is worth so much more than money. Freedom cannot be bought by money. Freedom is experienced, often through the hardships we go through.

I am so grateful that God gave me the courage to ask people to sow, whether it’s emotionally, spiritually or financially.

It’s been a long journey. I think if I didn’t know God, I’d never understand my worth. Because there is no fear in love, perfect love casts out fear. 

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Freeing Christians From The Religious Spirit

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You are doing enough. You are enough. 

When Adam and Eve sinned, God said “where are you?” They were hiding because they realized they were naked. God wants us to be honest. 

I told my friend “it’s better that you are out there getting drunk, partying,”sinning” and doing what you want” then to be pretending and suppressing your desires like the religious pharisees. It’s one thing to do something or not do something out of conviction from the holy spirit (AND THAT IS BETWEEN YOU AND GOD!), but it’s another when you’re suppressing what you want to say or do because you feel that you’ll be punished. 

That is GOING to spark some offense in Christians.

That is what Jesus was talking about – He said “you guys are white and clean on the outside but inside you are vermin” (something like that). 

It is the Spirit of God that causes us to will and to do. (Philippians 2:3) Which means God gives us the desire and the action to do. You don’t have to monitor people and tell them what to do. That is control and control comes from fear. 

God has brought me to a level in my faith where I’ve experienced freedom from religion.

Religion- Feeling guilty if you don’t read your bible, if you don’t go to church, if you don’t pray….etc….that is religion. You feel condemned if you don’t or do something. You feel like there is no freedom to be yourself, you are always monitoring what you say or do. You feel like you have to be nice to people to “win them to Christ”. You feel like you can’t just have fun. You’re scared to be in certain environments because you fear that “you will stumble”. You’re scared to speak your TRUTH and be honest because you feel like it’s not Christ -Like.

Relationship- knowing that you are loved by God and that you are unpunishable because Jesus was punished on the cross for you. You live in freedom and you’re not scared of “other people’s sin” touching you because you are covered by the blood of Christ. You have freedom to dance, religious people don’t just “dance” because they don’t feel the freedom to. Again, religious people are always monitoring their actions to make sure they are doing the “right thing”. This is legalism. You are free to speak your mind without fear. Remember God sees no sin in you, He only sees Jesus. 

I had a dream last night I was in the same room with a girl. I noticed needles in my heart and as I took them out one by one, I felt pangs in my body. The needles represented accusation and were connected to pains in my body recently. When I got a massage yesterday the lady kept yelling relax relax, I noticed that I was clenching parts of my body like my butt and I couldn’t relax because the accusations were causing muscle tension. Accusation causes your body to clench up because it’s “getting ready to be spanked or punished”  for doing “bad”.

I had read and accepted her messages thinking that “I should” try to get along with other Christians and “be receptive” to correction or opinion, but after that dream I realize that God was asking me to guard my heart. Another girl was also telling me “you need fellowship or accountability”.

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But I’ve never shied away from God’s correction, He speaks to me directly about it. I’ve also always had Christian friends in my life to pray for me. 

But their words made me think I wasn’t enough and that I wasn’t doing enough. 

I realize that is why I hated those “religious” words. Because they are religion. I’ve always had a close relationship with God and kept my heart pure. And even if I don’t, forcing fellowship with believers is religion. 

If you feel like you have to listen to someone, it’s religion.

If you feel like you have to be somewhere to be more “holy”, it’s religion.

You are already whole and righteous in God’s eyes because of Jesus’ sacrifice. You are not trying to be more, you are not trying to better yourself, you are already whole.

You don’t need more people around you to “edify” you, you are whole as you are, alone, standing there. 

I really hate those religious words.

YOU ARE WHOLE ALL BY YOURSELF! 

The other accusations that came – “I wish someone went with you to follow Jesus”- soon I heard them as “you are not enough”. 

But that was a lie. God had called me to go with Him, not with anyone else. 

YOU ARE WHOLE ALL BY YOURSELF.

There is this one woman, also well-intentioned, she’d say something EVERY TIME I was going to the airport or going to a new city. Even though we’d talk it out, I realize I felt accused because there was accusation and control in her tone. Even though she may not have realized it. There was a religions spirit influencing her.

God trained me to go by myself so that I wouldn’t be influenced by different spirits like the spirit of witchcraft, which is control and comes from fear. 

If you believe I’m just a normal believer, then so be it. But if you believe that I’ve been highly trained by God and that I am a prophet that hears God, then you’ll perceive what I’m saying.

Romans 8:1-2 

“Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of Spirit of Life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death”.

On my journey in the last year and a half, I got so focused on trying to help people understand why I’m free and why they’re free that I stopped having fun. Instead of just enjoying life, I started sitting by the side of the road explaining to those who were sitting by the side. Instead of living my life. 

As I explained to my friend, if someone keeps eating their own shit you can tell them “dude, you’re eating poop” but if they say “that’s fine, I don’t care I want to”, there’s nothing you can do but to move on.

Don’t sit there and watch them eat their poop, move on. 

My job is to prophesy and speak the truth and move on.

On a Korean tv show, this celebrity adopted a dog and he said that he has a disease where he thinks his poop is a toy since he was locked up in a cage all his life. He started to eat his poop because that’s all he saw.

Many believers go to church every sunday and have been taught “this is all there is”. You have to do this, you can’t wear a bikini, you have to wake up early to read the bible or else God will punish you. 

They are lies. 

God only sees Jesus in you. Go live life. 

When I left my baptist church, I went church hopping but on Sundays God started telling me just to rest. He said “just rest”. So I said okay God. I started to do things I wanted to do. I mean I’ve always been very free as I was left home alone at 5-6 years old and had no adult supervision. I snuck outside my house to buy toys at the store.

When I see people with controlling parents, even though they may seem close, they have no freedom. I had to learn my mom loves me in another way. 

I’m grateful I am experiencing the freedom of being a child of God and be secure in that truth while I’m living…not being afraid of punishment, but living in freedom. 

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Prophetic Word- DON’T LIMIT GOD! Think Outside The Box!

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Today was quite crazy as usual. Another day where I thought maybe I’ll lay in bed and actually rest. But I kept thinking of the korean spa I wanted to go to yesterday. I’ve been a bit jet lag, but anyhow the Lord woke me up at 4am and He said to start my coaching business again.

The Lord has been breaking me free from thinking point A to point B. Like in Taiwan when I was taking the train back to Shuangxi and suddenly He told me to get off the train and go back to Taipei. After getting off a few buses, simply following my gut on where to go (not searching for hotels or hostels), I got off across a train station and saw a lady making dessert. Well, I asked her if she knew anyone who was renting a room and she did! Anyways, that night the Lord had me meet two strangers who I then shared an uber with, then ended up at a nightclub, met a guy in line and then went with him to meet his friends, two of which were Jewish. God’s ways are not man’s ways. 

When God speaks, you move.

Don’t use your logic. Your logic will slow you down and it will make you REALLY tired and lethargic (because it’s rooted in fear).

THIS MONTH! DON’T LIMIT GOD! He is taking the caps off! If you haven’t read the last blog post please do! 

I realize that in coming back to LA for 2 weeks, I felt a bit disjointed. I felt like I was a bit tired of ministering on the road and doing things I didn’t like….like I had given up a lot of passions and interests such as music, drawing, teaching, fashion, dancing. 

But the Lord has been showing me He has always given me those interests and desires as a way to connect with people, that I didn’t have to give them up. He will use those for His glory.

Because when He told me to sell everything and follow Him, He had closed all the doors to my career and I felt that He was saying I couldn’t pursue them.

Which was kind of true for the last year and a half because He had me going to YMCA’s and hostels and places I WOULD NEVER WANT TO SLEEP in to reach those who needed Jesus. In New Zealand I stayed at a YWCA where I had to tell the guy next door to quiet down his tv like everyday. But I got to pray over him and tell him that God was telling him to go to Germany to see his daughter. Things like that would happen all the time. Then I walked downstairs that night and ended up meeting a fellow Kiwi native that had to be delivered of evil spirits. Things like that.

But I didn’t GO where I would normally WANT TO STAY. You know? One hostel had club music until 4 am in the morning. Another in Australia had club music until 2am just below the hostel. But I went there to find lost sheep and go to the people God wanted me to reach. Everything was pre-appointed. 

This month I hear the Lord say-

“Don’t limit me. Don’t limit me to just one career, one city, one place, one house, one friend. I can tell you to do anything and if you’re willing, you’d live a beautiful artful life full of possibilities”.

One day you may have the desire to go to a korean spa, another day He may lead you to an unknown area you’ve never been to. You’ll discover places and people.

Maybe one day you’ll be working on a cruise, another day working at Starbucks, another day simply getting fed by the Lord, another day going to Walmart. Maybe He will tell you to book a flight to Mexico one day and you’ll backpack down South America. Maybe one day you’re sipping coffee in Israel or you’re prophesying over a stranger on the bus. I’ve done most of that, anything is possible.

So don’t limit Him.

If He calls you to do something you don’t normally like, He has a purpose for it. Maybe it’s to meet that father who will speak healing into your soul. Maybe it’s to meet a mother figure that will affirm you and hug you causing you to cry. His ways are not our ways. He will show you a dress you like and show you what kind of style you like again.  He will lead you to a deal you couldn’t have found yourself.

And Yes in following your desires….you will meet the man/woman of your dreams. 

Sometimes we try so hard to find that soul mate when God is telling you- just follow your heart and in doing so, you are following the “string” God has laid out to lead both of you to each other. 

Maybe the reason you haven’t met him/her is because you’ve been searching for him/her and not following your heart in your life”.

BAM!

You’ve been searching for the man/woman and not enjoying your life the way GOD intended you to enjoy it.

No one is attracted to someone who is desperate to find someone! People are attracted to partners who are enjoying their life and totally in love with the life they’re living. 

You know those movies where this girl goes traveling solo and she meets a handsome man at a club or while sitting there sipping wine? Exactly. 

She’s not desperate, she’s content being alone. She is enjoying her life. That’s when you usually find your life partner. 

When I first quit my full time job I didn’t know I’d one day do ministry. I never thought I’d end up in a reality show, I never thought I’d do the many things I’ve done but I was always led to it. But the biggest thing is I wasn’t afraid to fail. Because I didn’t have much to begin with so what is there to lose. God wants us to live in freedom and not be afraid to try. I’ve done a lot of things I never thought I’d do -like dance at Moulin Rouge. What?
 
Or be on an arranged marriage show?
 
What?
But see, those were probably the coolest experiences of my life. Or meeting the thousands of people I have all over the world. Sure, the following Jesus part on the road has had a LOT of hardships and challenges but it’s taught me to surrender in a way I’ve known how.
 
Don’t be afraid of failure, think of every experience as you being led to the next, think of your life as a very rich and fulfilling life (movie). Life is about trusting God, not about perfection. Life is about knowing who you are in Christ, a son and daughter of God that CANNOT be punished for doing wrong. That no matter what you do, you are a delight to Jesus. It makes life fun doesn’t it?
TODAY GOD IS BREAKING OFF FEAR IN A BIG WAY.
 
1. Life is not about making perfect decisions but knowing who you are in Christ no matter what life looks like, that you cannot be punished for doing wrong because Jesus was already punished on the cross for you. No matter what you decide, God only sees perfection in you.
2. That means you are free to choose and explore life. And if you don’t like what you’re doing, change course at any minute. You don’t have to be stuck with the decisions you made.

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I met this group of youth because I followed my desire to drink boba.

42580267_10160951970995603_7565485175648288768_nTwo of the first people I ever prayed and prophesied over was in Korea at a hostel in Busan. They are Indians from Delhi. It was a year later that I went to India. God’s ways are not our ways 🙂

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The verse God gave me today-

Psalm 65[a]

For the director of music. A psalm of David. A song.

Praise awaits[b] you, our God, in Zion;
    to you our vows will be fulfilled.
You who answer prayer,
    to you all people will come.
When we were overwhelmed by sins,
    you forgave[c] our transgressions.
Blessed are those you choose
    and bring near to live in your courts!
We are filled with the good things of your house,
    of your holy temple.

You answer us with awesome and righteous deeds,
    God our Savior,
the hope of all the ends of the earth
    and of the farthest seas,
who formed the mountains by your power,
    having armed yourself with strength,
who stilled the roaring of the seas,
    the roaring of their waves,
    and the turmoil of the nations.
The whole earth is filled with awe at your wonders;
    where morning dawns, where evening fades,
    you call forth songs of joy.

You care for the land and water it;
    you enrich it abundantly.
The streams of God are filled with water
    to provide the people with grain,
    for so you have ordained it.[d]
10 You drench its furrows and level its ridges;
    you soften it with showers and bless its crops.
11 You crown the year with your bounty,
    and your carts overflow with abundance.
12 The grasslands of the wilderness overflow;
    the hills are clothed with gladness.
13 The meadows are covered with flocks
    and the valleys are mantled with grain;
    they shout for joy and sing.