loneliness is a universal human condition

it’s not forever, but it’s here now

it creeps up on you, it’s in you, it surrounds you

loneliness is the condition of not being known

a person can only know you to one extent but not the full

i dont even know myself

only God knows us

loneliness is extinguished when we know our creator and the way He’s made us

unique and special

loneliness is life-long until we meet our creator

our hearts will always long for the way relationships were meant to be

unconditional, full, forever

Sometimes I want to do the crazy

Like turning up the volume and killing my ear drums

Baby cakes and cupcakes

I like dancing, it’s like heaven meets earth

when you leave all behind

your worries, your cares, and you just let the music take your senses away

people can’t help wonder why you don’t give a sh##.

I am His and He is mine.

Laugh but you aint having as much as fun as I am.

Crazy, like. well roaming the earth and wondering why people care so much about their reputation, their wealth, their cars.

We’re all gonna die, so why do you care so much about something that can burn in a minute.

I swear these people have shaolin training.

hong kong

display at causebay, downstairs where im staying

I’m so freaken psyched to go to Hong Kong. I’m assisting this shop lady to pick out merchandise. She’s the owner and the buyer of the shop. The last few days in Kaoshiung was pretty awesome. I suppose, I have no idea where God is leading me.

Well, who would’ve known. The St. Thomas book I was reading is actually a seminary book. Hm, maybe I wouldn’t mind going to seminary.

1. Love is a gift?

2. Once we are born, an angel watches over us?

3. Only we ourselves can will ourselves to do something, only God and ourselves. Everyone else only persuades from the periphery.

Some quotes I love

“Among ourselves, until a man has learned to listen he has no business teaching; until he realizes that every man has something of truth and wisdom to offer he does not begin to learn; it is only when he sees how each of his fellows surpass him that a man begins to be wise, to himself and his fellowman”

“The least are led to God by the greatest; talent is not a mere personal favor but a social responsibility”

“We do not destroy God by denying Him, we destroy only ourselves”

“In this life, it is quite true that it is both better and worse to love than to know; for love can be either disastrously degrading or breathlessly ennobling. Our happiness or misery now is a matter of the objects of our loves.”

picture i took at Alishan, just got off the mountain today. watched the sunrise.

I fear that I have suddenly realized

Boys and girls do not think the same as each other

They are completely different

I think with intense emotions

Guys, well, they don’t think 3D, they think wooden panels

One thought does not correlate with any other, for me one thought leads and expands to thousands of thoughts

that guys may think have no correlation

You might think they’re inconsiderate,  but they just don’t think that far

or correlate action with thoughts or heart sometimes.

Oh Lord, I give up trying to understand

Boys and girls are just completely different creatures!

1. Learn German

2. Take acting and/or dance class-hip hop

3. While looking for a job, work at Starbucks cuz i think ill be good at talking to people. who doesn’t want to work at starbucks?

4. Learn German

5. oh i already said that

6. going to watch Rabbit Without Ears 2. yeppie.

玉山 Hostel in Chiayi

So, like I had a freak out session about not having enough money. Well, once I got picked up to go to the hostel, I found an atm and was able to retrieve money, praise the Lord! And thank God for all those friends that prayed for me in my melodramatic moments. So finally, I arrived at the hostel in Chiayi. It is very old and old- fashioned. It’s been there for 60 years, but 1.5 as a youth hostel. Seriously, I love the interior, the old-fashioned designs. Later, I learned that the building was a “black” building before. When we refer to black in Chinese, it means sketchy and underground. I was disturbed when I heard that it used to be a sort of prostitute place, not because I’m grossed out, but because of the sad existence of such a “job”. I can’t imagine becoming an object without a soul, for someone else’ pleasure.

At the same time, I saw the hope of design, art, and transformation. If such a place could be transformed to give the community hope, travelers a safe haven, renewal of tradition and culture- then anything is possible. I saw it as a message from God. I rode my bike around the city, remembering 2 years ago. I know that me coming to this hostel is for a God-sent purpose. I love meeting random strangers and seeing a glimpse of their family life, values, and life.

I told the hostel owners that I was a fashion designer, and they got super excited. I showed them my sketches and they started asking me if I could design shirts for them in exchange for the cheap price of 300nt that they were offering for the hostel stay per night. Of course, I don’t know how much I can do in 3 days, but I might draw a quick sketch for them to frame.

I’m suddenly loving this life. More than I thought I would.

Like some sunny days, cloudy days, you still have travel defects. For example, today I could not access my money from my atm card/atm machine. I find this weird because I already called Chase to tell them I’m traveling. I have  800NT and I have to pay 300NT for one night, so technically, it could be worse. And tomorrow isn’t Saturday or Sunday, so actually, if I went to every bank tomorrow and just figured things out and called Chase and gave them a verbal beating, then it should be okay.

It could really be worst, like missing my flight last time and sleeping at the train station and airport by myself. That was definitely worst. Plus, I know people in Taiwan, but the last thing I want to do is to ask people for money help.

Good thing I have music to calm down my nerves. I find Misty Edwards to be very calming.

Taichung was pretty amazing. This summer is definitely coming of age. A lot of people tell me that if it wasn’t for work, they would be able to travel like I am. But I think that it’s not really about travel, but about reaching into my history, past and culture. It’s living with the people and experiencing life with them.

I speak less, listen more.

I have lost all pretense, all will to fight

Because working hard towards the wrong goal may

lead to destruction rather than life.

I wander place to place

In and out of peoples’ lives, like a friend but soon a stranger

So I lie quietly on the grass and wait for the wind.

I AM YOURS- Misty Edwards
Though I sleep, my heart is awake
Though It’s night, on You I wait

(repeat)

It’s been a long night, and I am weary
It’s been a long time, and I am hungry
So I’ll wait in the stillness again
I’ll wait in the quiet again
For when I heard Your voice
When You said my name
When I heard Your voice
My heart it yearned

(repeat)

In the middle of the night
In the middle of the night
In the middle of the night
My heart it yearns

(repeat)

Though You’re far away, still I’m here to say
I am Yours, I am Yours
And when You feel so far away, still I am here to say
I am Yours, I am Yours

(repeat)

And I pay my vows, no turning around
I burn the bridges that can’t be found

(repeat)

For when I heard Your voice
And You said my name
When I heard Your voice
My heart it yearned
For You.

Danshui- Taipei

4 years ago I sat here and listened to a stranger and her friend talk about her broken heart.

My favorite Blythe doll. I want to design their clothes!

Modeling, or actually glamour shots. I want to be a model..for fun.

I love choco kinder-eggs. I ate them when I grew up in Germany. And now, I’m eating it in Taiwan. Love it! Today was the weirdest day. My dad called me at 8:30 am. Of course, I’m still snoozing away the daylight. I was annoyed, but thought he could drive me to the bank. Also we went to Taoyuan to find clothes. The most horrid thing in that store was that there was NO air condition. Thus, I was dying to pieces and I accumulated a headache. Of course, this was not good since I was going to get glam pictures taken.

But alas, thank God. Once I started picking outfits for the shoot, my headache disappeared into thin air. I realize that..

1. I light up when I’m the center of attention.

2. I feel the most myself when I’m in a creative environment.

3. I have stopped praying that things would go smoothly, but that God would be more than enough for me when I do get hurt or life happens. Because realistically, everyone will face pain and suffering. Yet, I have found God to be faithful, patient, loving in the most PAINFUL times in my life. Especially being on this trip. I faced so many times of loneliness and confusion. Living alone in a house isn’t the most exciting thing, but it allows you to reflect without any disturbance.

Great things about living alone:

1. You can do whatever you like, whenever

2. Take baths with your door open

3. Be messy, no one will yell at you

4. Sleep in

5. well I think that’s all…cuz otherwise it’s kind of lonely. haha.

Cute baby in Danshui, Taiwan

What am I going to do with my freaken life?

I don’t really know. Because every time I plan something so wonderous, my plan gets screwed up. Usually its screwed up in a really beautiful and unexpected way. However, it comes with lots of turmoil and sadness. However, I leave that up to God. Right now, I’m okay with just living in the moment. Even though people may be disappointed, I don’t really mind working at Starbucks or something. You can only live part- life for so long right? But I know myself, I probably won’t settle until I get what I at least sort of want.

I want to live in LA. I want to travel some. I want to talk to people. I want to be creative and organizational. I want to make dough to live. I want to dance and listen to music. I want to read and manage people too. I want to make enough to give to mama and to fight human trafficking. And then one day I’ll have some type of company with my products produced by women.

Okay. I guess that wasn’t as hard as I thought.

Cool graffiti in Taipei- Ximending. Cool place for young people to hang out and shop.

And I want to design children’s wear. Like really BADLY. And I want to play with babies and kids and sing songs, watch telletubbies, and eat candy, chocolate and ice cream. The end.

BTW I’m Dante Coffee. Great atmosphere and great internet connection. BTW I’m in Taipei, Taiwan too.

My adorable cousin’s daughter. So cute!