In 11 days I’ll be landing in Los Angeles after 3.75 months. I’ve been broken and grown in ways I couldn’t imagine, I feel like I’m a new person. I went through boot camp! It was intense man. But somehow I feel renewed and energized, I’m willing to live out what’s next and let my heart be set on fire, sensitive to God’s voice, and learning to love and be loved.

As posted on facebook.

My soul has been softened to hear God better. That took lots of turmoil and challenges.

Again I can’t better express but through a poem-

Demons and devils, they hunt me down at night

I see their shades of black roaming about the room

I pray for protection, softly falling into my dreams

The 4 months in Asia, hell and fire broke lose.

My own inhibitions, like fire setting the forest dried and forlorn

The lamps shake in fear, I traveled up to a bus, off a bus, off a mountain, onto a bike

hostels, roads, backpack in hand, luggage in the other

People with advice came and gone

I alone sat in my room, I alone I alone

I cried and laughed, when alone I longed to be with a friend

When too much people surrounded me, I wanted to be alone

It’s a conflicting lifestyle

never ending it seemed, blankets and carpets, laundry unwashed

The tired sojourner got massages, nails done, primp and hair salon

what i thought would relaxe me gave me a headache when curls pulled too tight

strangers gave me the wrong direction, and I alone I alone, lost again

There’s much to do when alone, yet no one to share with

the spirit beckons and holds, His hand always holding me, no one could understand

only He can when my socks lost and shoes hurt my toes.

Just a little while, He said. I am preparing you for great things, things to change you and the world.

A life worth living.

Father

4 years ago, I would’ve cared less, for your death or if you were under a truck, dead

This year, I stare into your life

nothing, empty and wasted

who will love you? you have failed, you have failed everyone around you

who will love you? 4 years ago I would’ve cared less

I know God would, God is your father and you are his son

and I, well your daughter, but also God’s daughter.

But who raised me? God did.

who will love you earthly father? God will.

As for me, I will too. 4 years ago I would’ve shot you down

father father, I suppose I’ve never really meant it when i called you that

maybe you should call out to both of our Father. the real Father.

who will love you? He will.

Taiwan will always be my home, one of my home. I love the food, I love the people, I love the place. This is where I had 4 years of my childhood, my blood is here. Shuangxi is one of my homes too, it’s a little village up in the mountains. There are greens and lakes, fishes and nature to fulfill you. Taiwan holds a special place in my heart because like Los angeles, it’s near a beach, surrounded by waters. I love water and I love the beach.

I HEART TAIWAN. The end. 🙂 I’m leaving you in 11 days and I can’t bear to say goodbye, especially to my friends here. I will miss you all, you have made my life more special, more full, more happy because of you alls.

We have shared tears, laughter, fun together. Thank you for sharing your life with me. I don’t know when I will see you all again, but I know we are fated to be friends. Those moments we traveled our lives together, that was God-given, a gift from heaven. Though we now part, I pray the best for your life, I pray for true joy and peace and hope.

Just wanted to say all that before life takes us full speed and we forget each other once more.

All quotes-

Rather, the results in others are indirect effects from our lives, echoes of our living ring down distant bells, quietly, impartially, implacably reaching out to the most secluded, almost forgotten hamlets of men.

In our teaching of men, we hardly do more than the housemaid’s chore of raising the blinds to let sunlight stream into the house. The teacher’s work is to remove the impediments to a man’s own seeing, to remove the things that would block the light. He cannot reach into another man’s mind to insert knowledge; neither can he furnish the light to to that mind by which it will see the truth. He merely sets nature free to work, as a doctor’s medicine allows nature to throw off a disease; his is the humble work of helping nature, imitating its procedures, but never supplanting it. He  takes another by the hand and leads him from known truths into the unknown gradually, showing the steps to be taken by his contrasts, his examples, his similes, hoping the learning mind will follow the steps and come to truth. He cannot offer the comfort of a superior intellect, as a angel can, for in fact his intellect is not superior; it is of exactly the same kind as that of his student. He brings the material for knowing to the mind of his student, lays that material out in order, removes the impediments to knowing;; and then hopes for the splendid result of knowledge.

loneliness is a universal human condition

it’s not forever, but it’s here now

it creeps up on you, it’s in you, it surrounds you

loneliness is the condition of not being known

a person can only know you to one extent but not the full

i dont even know myself

only God knows us

loneliness is extinguished when we know our creator and the way He’s made us

unique and special

loneliness is life-long until we meet our creator

our hearts will always long for the way relationships were meant to be

unconditional, full, forever

Sometimes I want to do the crazy

Like turning up the volume and killing my ear drums

Baby cakes and cupcakes

I like dancing, it’s like heaven meets earth

when you leave all behind

your worries, your cares, and you just let the music take your senses away

people can’t help wonder why you don’t give a sh##.

I am His and He is mine.

Laugh but you aint having as much as fun as I am.

Crazy, like. well roaming the earth and wondering why people care so much about their reputation, their wealth, their cars.

We’re all gonna die, so why do you care so much about something that can burn in a minute.

I swear these people have shaolin training.

hong kong

display at causebay, downstairs where im staying

I’m so freaken psyched to go to Hong Kong. I’m assisting this shop lady to pick out merchandise. She’s the owner and the buyer of the shop. The last few days in Kaoshiung was pretty awesome. I suppose, I have no idea where God is leading me.

Well, who would’ve known. The St. Thomas book I was reading is actually a seminary book. Hm, maybe I wouldn’t mind going to seminary.

1. Love is a gift?

2. Once we are born, an angel watches over us?

3. Only we ourselves can will ourselves to do something, only God and ourselves. Everyone else only persuades from the periphery.

Some quotes I love

“Among ourselves, until a man has learned to listen he has no business teaching; until he realizes that every man has something of truth and wisdom to offer he does not begin to learn; it is only when he sees how each of his fellows surpass him that a man begins to be wise, to himself and his fellowman”

“The least are led to God by the greatest; talent is not a mere personal favor but a social responsibility”

“We do not destroy God by denying Him, we destroy only ourselves”

“In this life, it is quite true that it is both better and worse to love than to know; for love can be either disastrously degrading or breathlessly ennobling. Our happiness or misery now is a matter of the objects of our loves.”

picture i took at Alishan, just got off the mountain today. watched the sunrise.

I fear that I have suddenly realized

Boys and girls do not think the same as each other

They are completely different

I think with intense emotions

Guys, well, they don’t think 3D, they think wooden panels

One thought does not correlate with any other, for me one thought leads and expands to thousands of thoughts

that guys may think have no correlation

You might think they’re inconsiderate,  but they just don’t think that far

or correlate action with thoughts or heart sometimes.

Oh Lord, I give up trying to understand

Boys and girls are just completely different creatures!

1. Learn German

2. Take acting and/or dance class-hip hop

3. While looking for a job, work at Starbucks cuz i think ill be good at talking to people. who doesn’t want to work at starbucks?

4. Learn German

5. oh i already said that

6. going to watch Rabbit Without Ears 2. yeppie.

玉山 Hostel in Chiayi

So, like I had a freak out session about not having enough money. Well, once I got picked up to go to the hostel, I found an atm and was able to retrieve money, praise the Lord! And thank God for all those friends that prayed for me in my melodramatic moments. So finally, I arrived at the hostel in Chiayi. It is very old and old- fashioned. It’s been there for 60 years, but 1.5 as a youth hostel. Seriously, I love the interior, the old-fashioned designs. Later, I learned that the building was a “black” building before. When we refer to black in Chinese, it means sketchy and underground. I was disturbed when I heard that it used to be a sort of prostitute place, not because I’m grossed out, but because of the sad existence of such a “job”. I can’t imagine becoming an object without a soul, for someone else’ pleasure.

At the same time, I saw the hope of design, art, and transformation. If such a place could be transformed to give the community hope, travelers a safe haven, renewal of tradition and culture- then anything is possible. I saw it as a message from God. I rode my bike around the city, remembering 2 years ago. I know that me coming to this hostel is for a God-sent purpose. I love meeting random strangers and seeing a glimpse of their family life, values, and life.

I told the hostel owners that I was a fashion designer, and they got super excited. I showed them my sketches and they started asking me if I could design shirts for them in exchange for the cheap price of 300nt that they were offering for the hostel stay per night. Of course, I don’t know how much I can do in 3 days, but I might draw a quick sketch for them to frame.

I’m suddenly loving this life. More than I thought I would.

Like some sunny days, cloudy days, you still have travel defects. For example, today I could not access my money from my atm card/atm machine. I find this weird because I already called Chase to tell them I’m traveling. I have  800NT and I have to pay 300NT for one night, so technically, it could be worse. And tomorrow isn’t Saturday or Sunday, so actually, if I went to every bank tomorrow and just figured things out and called Chase and gave them a verbal beating, then it should be okay.

It could really be worst, like missing my flight last time and sleeping at the train station and airport by myself. That was definitely worst. Plus, I know people in Taiwan, but the last thing I want to do is to ask people for money help.

Good thing I have music to calm down my nerves. I find Misty Edwards to be very calming.

Taichung was pretty amazing. This summer is definitely coming of age. A lot of people tell me that if it wasn’t for work, they would be able to travel like I am. But I think that it’s not really about travel, but about reaching into my history, past and culture. It’s living with the people and experiencing life with them.

I speak less, listen more.

I have lost all pretense, all will to fight

Because working hard towards the wrong goal may

lead to destruction rather than life.

I wander place to place

In and out of peoples’ lives, like a friend but soon a stranger

So I lie quietly on the grass and wait for the wind.

I AM YOURS- Misty Edwards
Though I sleep, my heart is awake
Though It’s night, on You I wait

(repeat)

It’s been a long night, and I am weary
It’s been a long time, and I am hungry
So I’ll wait in the stillness again
I’ll wait in the quiet again
For when I heard Your voice
When You said my name
When I heard Your voice
My heart it yearned

(repeat)

In the middle of the night
In the middle of the night
In the middle of the night
My heart it yearns

(repeat)

Though You’re far away, still I’m here to say
I am Yours, I am Yours
And when You feel so far away, still I am here to say
I am Yours, I am Yours

(repeat)

And I pay my vows, no turning around
I burn the bridges that can’t be found

(repeat)

For when I heard Your voice
And You said my name
When I heard Your voice
My heart it yearned
For You.

Danshui- Taipei

4 years ago I sat here and listened to a stranger and her friend talk about her broken heart.

My favorite Blythe doll. I want to design their clothes!

Modeling, or actually glamour shots. I want to be a model..for fun.