Dream Again!

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I woke up from a dream this morning with a sense of wonder.

In this dream, my mom was chasing after a little boy and the little boy and his brother grew up. I then played with the older brother. He had little shower curtains and cute little towel (like for dolls). People around me said I was in love with him but I said I was just playing.

Then I went into a glass room where I was playing cello with two other musicians. I started playing intricately. There was no teacher, just mentors. The mentors said I was actually in tune even though the other two musicians was criticizing me.

When I woke up, I heard “Dream Again”.

The Lord said “dream and play like a child. The reason many have lost their ability to dream is because they attached their dreams to their identity, needing to prove themselves, needing to make a living….they stopped dreaming and playing with me.

They started worrying about how they will make money instead of trusting me to provide for them. In their search for worldly meaning and purpose, they stopped creating with me just for the joy of it.

They traded joy for WORLDLY SECURITY. 

They traded identity as a child of God for WORLDLY IMAGE. 

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What do you think it would LOOK like for children of God to TRUST GOD completely and WALK out their life with pure joy and childlike play? 

It would revolutionize the world. 

It would be fearless. It would be wild. It would be amazing. It would be FREEING. It would be joyful. It would be bliss.

We would share and give generously.

We would also receive abundantly.

God wants you to be so SECURE IN YOUR IDENTITY that you have no fear OF what others think about you- this is including those around you (like friends, family and coworkers…maybe even pastors or mentors).

What is it that you have been too scared to do?

God wants to dream and create with you. 

He will provide everything you need.

A DREAM is not something you chase, but it is purely creating with the creator of the world and finding joy in the process of creating with God. A dream is a relational process that draws you close to the Maker. 

A DREAM is also not about being first at anything, winning awards or getting applause from people. A dream is more about coming alive in your identity as sons and daughters of God.

Many of you may be wondering why God doesn’t just give things to you…He is actually removing the things that hinder you from dreaming and living freely (for example: the fear of men – what people think of you, the fear of lack, etc). Until these fears are removed, you cannot live freely the way God intended you to live.

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It’s Meant To Be Impossible For You, it’s ONLY POSSIBLE WITH GOD.

Hey everyone,

This season has been super heavy with expectation and birthing.

I woke up from a dream where I moved to a new house, but it was in New York, it was cold….I took a picture and when I did I noticed a man dressed like Santa Clause who was sitting camouflaged to the environment. He was just chilling. In the dream, I walked into the new house that had nothing in it and I wondered how my mom bought it with no money.

When I woke up, I felt the Lord speaking to me:

“It’s MEANT TO BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU but POSSIBLE FOR GOD”.

THERE ARE MAJOR DECISIONS, PROMISES BEING MANIFESTED IN THIS HOUR that HAS GOTTEN YOU FEELING WEARY AND TIRED….but it’s BECAUSE many of us are trying to make it happen with our own human strivings, flesh, strategies. 

“So he said to me, ‘This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: ‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the LORD Almighty.” Zechariah 4:6 

“I NEED YOU TO COME TO THE END OF YOURSELF SO THAT YOU WOULD RELY ON ME ALONE FOR THE finances, the resources, the people, the way, the strategy. STOP LOOKING AT WHAT YOU DON’T HAVE (the talent, the skill, the opportunities, the money, the friends)- LOOK AT WHO I AM, someone who gives freely and can DO ALL THINGS FOR YOU”. 

I will be glorified through your testimony of HOW I’ll part the seas for you. 

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It’s Time To Move Forward

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Tell my people “It’s time to move forward”.

Many people have been in a season of battle and tribulation. The enemy has attacked you with depression, frustration and weariness.

The Lord is saying “Take heart, I have overcome the world. This too shall pass”.

I prophesy that this month and onward, you are going to advance into your territory. 

I pray that all weariness will fall off of you and you will enter into a new season of rest with God. I pray that all distraction will be removed so that you can focus on what God has for you in the secret place.

It’s time to move forward. Yes, this word was spoken in the beginning of the year, but prophesies take time to walk out.

Whatever God has been speaking to you about, take it by faith and choose to trust God.

Doubts will come – “I’m not enough, I don’t have enough, I can’t”.

But God says “I am enough, I have everything and you can because I am in you”. 

Get ready, get ready, get ready.

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Breaking Off The Spirit of Mammon- The World’s System That Enslaves Our Souls

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I thought I was going to write about this later but this morning I felt such a clear word from God to write this revelation.

Last night I had a dream that clarified somethings.

He is breaking off the spirit of mammon. 

The Law of attraction is actually not biblical. God told me that He does not measure things by material manifestation or money. He told me that He can anoint a homeless person and give peace to someone who has no car. 

He can give you $30 and you can feel rich. Someone can have billions of dollars and not HAVE ANY presence of Jesus in them. 

God said “it grieves me that people measure their worth by how much they have, what they have, what talents they have, what they can do….my only measure is faith, hope and love”. 

People seek me for material things and they think it will satisfy their hearts but it is never enough.

If you are rich in love, then you are rich. But if you have no love, no Jesus in your life, you are poor. 

People think that if I think about something more luxurious I will get a more luxurious experience or thing. For example, trying to manifest a handbag. They think this will bring them happiness.

People also think that if they side with poverty, or not having anything they are more noble. This is not the case.

He said both is idolatry. Your worth has nothing to do with money. 

He said “when you worry more about money than on receiving love from me, you have allowed the spirit of mammon to take over your life”.

He said “you are worthy, so worthy I died for you on the cross so you can have my presence in you”.

When we attach our lives to what we think we need to live, we try to control what comes in and out, we have actually become enslaved by the Devil who desires to make us slaves to his system, his spiritual bondage. 

We have become our own gods instead of trusting God for provision.

God said IF you put me first in everything in your life, if you seek my presence- you will have everything. Because I am everything. 

When you start to judge by the dollar signs of things, you start to judge people who seem less fortunate, you think they are poor, they are despicable. You start to think that people have lots of money are “blessed”, that is not the case. You will think you are useless if you aren’t productive in society.

You will see things like the world and stop having the heart of God when you judge by the spirit of mammon.

GOD SAID “YOU HAVE AN ANOINTING, YOU CARRY MY PRESENCE, YOU CAN HEAL THE SICK, YOU CAN BREAK EVIL SPIRITS FROM PEOPLE, YOU ARE WORTHY because you carry the weight of my GLORY”.

The spirit of mammon is pervasive.

“”No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” Matthew 6:24

The world thinks that if people are famous, rich, and known they are being esteemed by God, not the case.

Matthew 5:

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
    for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
    for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
    for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
    for they will be called children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

 

I don’t write this carelessly. I have experience growing up in a single parent home where we constantly struggled with finance. I kept hearing “we don’t have enough, we can’t afford this”. But when we could, I wanted and needed things. The spirit of mammon controlled my thinking. 

I thought I needed to be financially independent to be influential. God humbled me. He told me to sell everything and follow Him. You know how He broke off the spirit of mammon and continues to do so? He tells me to give.

There were times I didn’t have enough and He told me to give it all, every last cent. I gave it as a sacrifice but as a way to die to my flesh. 

My prayer is “KILL EVERYTHING IN ME that has nothing to do with love. If I am worshiping anything other than you, destroy it”.

I KNOW it’s an intense way to live, but it’s because I found the one true thing worth living for- God.

Have I been in intense situations because of my desire to live for God? YES. Absolutely.

But it’s so worth it. Because at the end of it, I found that LOVE was the only thing worth living for. If it’s not love, kill it God.

I pray this will bring deliverance for you to be ABSOLUTELY free from WORRY about provision. ABBA FATHER LOVES YOU and HIS PRESENCE CAUSES ALL THINGS TO WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD.

When I first started stepping into my calling, I often ask God how He would provide because I was basically to love people, prophesy over them, encourage and empower them…but I found coaching to be straining (because I was so worried about making a living that everything was strife)…

And God said “feed my sheep, focus on love and I will provide. Love with purity and you will never lack. Have no motive but love. Look to me for provision”.

He is truly faithful.

It has been a wild ride.

Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and ALL THINGS will be added onto you.

“I WILL BE GLORIFIED in IMPOSSIBLE SITUATIONS and I WILL NOT ABANDON YOU when you PUT ME First. LET THE WORLD SEE WHO I AM when I SHOW UP IN A BIG WAY IN YOUR LIFE. YOU WILL NOT BE SHAMED because I AM LOOKING FOR THOSE THAT WILL STEP INTO THE DARKNESS AND BE THE LIGHT”.

Sold Out Lover

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Sold out Lover.
I’m a sold out lover.
I will hold onto the nail pierced hand instead of looking to the applause of men.
I will carry the cross instead of running towards a temporary fix.
I will cry and sob until I feel my being dissolved into love.
I’m a sold out lover.
It hurts and burns in the fire, but I will stay and feel my heart come alive in you.

I will follow you into the dark, where no light has been.

I will follow you into the dark, where no applause or sounds are.

I will follow you in the silence.

 

The Fire of Refinement

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This morning I confronted someone about the way she was talking to me.

I said it hurts me and makes me feel like she doesn’t love me. Basically when someone is mean to me, I cope by being positive and trying to recite truth and all that.

But I felt like God was saying “I want the real you, I want you to feel the emotions and not ignore them or try to be positive”. Stand up and fight this battle. 

And then I burst out crying.

It was like emotional hell, my heart couldn’t take it anymore. I was being verbally abused but I had just become numb…since it’s my mom, I thought “I just have to deal with it”.

As you know, in many Asian families emotions like sadness are a sign of weakness. We do not talk about vulnerable things like “it hurts me when you say this”.

Instead, anger is okay for some reason. Like you can be sad and just show it by yelling. Like it doesn’t make sense at all.

Then she replied “do you have depression or something?”

I turned my head and rolled my eyes….this is retarded.

At least I did my part. No apologies from her end. But it’s okay, I don’t feel like I’m dying anymore. 

I don’t feel like my heart is swallowing itself anymore. 

It’s easy to exit, escape and walk away. It’s easy to move and just not talk to that person, but I feel like in this season God wants us to face those emotional battles. 

A lot of people end up alone in life because they don’t want to face the hard emotional battles that come with love.

Love is NOT easy. 

Love is well, longsuffering. Love is patient, love is kind, love is….well 1 Corinthians 13:4

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 This season God is refining me…and perhaps you.
  1. the process of removing impurities or unwanted elements from a substance.
    IF God is love then HE IS making me MORE LIKE HIM. God is removing anything in me that is not love. This means, I must also confront the people and things in my life that is NOT treating me with love. And I must Forgive.
    Because Forgiveness will loosen my heart from the grips of the devil. 
    Love and forgiveness are fierce. They are the evidence of Christ in someone’s life. Someone who is able to forgive when they have been fiercely wronged….that is not weakness, that is FIERCE. 

    Jesus loves me with a fierce love and He is teaching me how to be this fierce love. How do I continue to love someone who constantly hurts me?

Forgiveness.

And sometimes space to recuperate and cry. And boundaries.

I pray God will give you the wisdom and strength to love, confront, to overcome hurt in your relationships.

A Queen/King Honors Her Emotions & Boundaries

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One of the worse things I experienced in life was having a trusted person betray me. It wasn’t that she did anything wrong, she said something really wrong. She dishonored my emotions (and me) during a time when I was going through a really hard time which was caused by one of her family members.

I had a dream where God showed me why I was feeling so shut down.

She belittled the hurt.

And I think that’s why it’s so important we allow children to cry and express anger, hurt. EMOTIONS ARE IMPORTANT. They tell us that our boundaries have been crossed. 

I didn’t think it – but subconsciously, I felt helpless. I felt that even my best friend was against me since she of course sided with her family. The people around me felt like I was being melodramatic and I didn’t know how to describe the hurt and the betrayal.

I felt alone and helpless. I felt angry and betrayed.

After that, I subconsciously shut down my emotions because people didn’t understand them anyways, because it didn’t get anything done, because the person closest to me brushed it aside.

It’s okay, I don’t need to be understood.

During that time I found my true friend, someone who really honored my emotions and could also tell me the truth.

But my heart felt cold and frosty for a long time.

That’s why when my heart suddenly started to melt, it was painful. I can feel the pain now, I can feel now.

“I was dishonored, disgraced, humiliated for your sake”- says the Lord. “I know how that feels, betrayal”. 

When I started to shut down my emotions, I started to sometimes under eat or over eat. I didn’t know when I was full or sometimes hungry. I was so detached from my emotions that I couldn’t even understand what my body was telling me.

I learned that I escaped painful emotions by eating sweets. 

I learned that I used logic and my mind to figure out what wasn’t working instead of going through experiencing the emotions. 

Yesterday this mentally unstable lady on the street demanded I give her my water and I did, at first out of good will, but then got angry at her for taking my water because I was really thirsty.

I forgave her in my heart but decided not to randomly give my water away. She could have gone to in and out to get water. I turned around and saw she had dumped the water on a bench. Next time I will speak loudly for myself. No.

I’ve been watching “The Return of Superman”, a Korean show about dads raising their kids and what I started noticing is that kids are raised to share because it’s a “kind thing to do”.

But kids are rarely taught boundaries.

I was not taught boundaries. I felt like things were easily taken from me, things I loved. In this way, I did not know how to protect and keep things I loved. I allowed people to step over me and didn’t know how to speak up for myself because this was illustrated to me in my family.

I was even taught this in church. Sacrifice.

But no one taught me that because Jesus already became the sacrifice that I didn’t need to be the sacrifice in my life. I didn’t need to be crucified everyday. 

I don’t think martyrdom is what Jesus wanted.

I think He wanted us to know what He died for us to have, to be, to live. 

I think we are in an age where we need to know who we are and push back the darkness that surrounds us. We can’t just take it. That’s not okay. 

We need to stand up and speak up. We need to rise and protect our boundaries.

People tell me that I’m so bold and self-loving. 

But that wasn’t always the case. I was the quiet, obedient Asian girl that people expected me to be. Now when I shout, the whole building can hear me. 

It’s because I know who I am and what I deserve now.

A queen seated on high.

 

There Is Nothing To Do, Nowhere To Be

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The last week I have been wrestling with a feeling of restlessness. You know when you plan charts and goals in your mind but instead God says “rest”. Most people think resting is easy, but actually it’s really difficult. Sometimes you compare yourself, you see celebrities and insta-famous people “progressing” and you think to yourself “what am I doing?” as if your life is measured by fame and money.

Resting is difficult because society drills “you’re not there yet, you’re not enough” into your mind. It’s everywhere, this message.

This message is the voice of the slave master, the devil himself.

But God says “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28 

The slave master has entered the minds of spiritual people too by telling them to go to yoga everyday, and if not, they can’t enter rest. The slave master has told people of faith to serve like slaves at churches or temples, to the point of exhaustion….I was there once, when I was a teenager. I would go to church at 7am, “do worship practice”, teach sunday school at 9am, lead worship at 11am, then I had youth group leader leadership meeting sometimes until 5pm.

This slave mentality took me through my time in the fashion industry, into entrepreneurship, but finally, God set me free.

He taught me how to be a child again.

Up until then, I defined my worth by how much I could accomplish. Growing up in a single parent home made me want to achieve more, somehow I needed to prove myself and help my family. If I could become someone or something, then I would be worth loving. 

This slave mentally has the whole world bound.

Most Christians don’t even understand the Gospel because it is attached with “and make sure you serve at church”. 

Not everyone is called to serve at church. Not everyone is called to serve yogurt at snack time.

If the Gospel means Jesus has freed you 100% and totally, you are a free person. You don’t need to do anything out of obligation, if it’s not desired in your heart, it’s not from God because God wouldn’t force you to do anything.

“Well, I should want to feed the homeless right?”

No, because God does not give the same desires to everyone. Maybe you are called to write music because it will heal souls. There is no better way or prescribed path for everyone.

I personally love traveling but I realize that traveling is often a way for me to feel like a free person, that anything is possible….that I am not bound by time, money, or location.

But I can feel free now by realizing that “there is nothing to do, nowhere to be”- why?

Because Jesus paid it all.

It is finished.

There is nothing to do because it is finished. I am complete. I am not lacking, I am whole in Christ Jesus. When God sees me, I’m not a work in progress, I’m righteous and whole.

There is nowhere to be because going there wouldn’t make me more whole or complete, I am complete now. 

It has taken me 30 years of my life to truly grasp this.

I received Jesus into my heart when I was 12, but I grew up going to church. Now, I realize most of what I saw was just a bunch of people trying to please God not knowing that God already accepted them via Jesus’ finished work on the cross. 

This slave mentality exists inside and outside the church. It is a prominent culture in America.

This message of “you’re not enough” will lead to death.

The message of “you are enough because Jesus redeemed you” will lead to life. This message of grace will liberate you and break the chains of slavery that torments your mind.

If you don’t live by grace, you will work and create out of lack and lack is just exhausting. Living out of “you’re not enough” will suck you dry.

When you rest in God, you are drawing out of eternal abundance. There is never a lack of supply.

I pray that these words will set your soul free.

 

Love Is What You Are.

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I wasn’t going to write but my back started itching and it started itching behind knees too. My body is very reactive when I try to block emotions or something I really need to or want to do. Sometimes it’s the “I don’t want to deal with it right now” in me that blocks creativity because creativity is, well confronting and emotional. But you never know what will come.

This morning I had a revelation:

“You will not be defined by your career, work, your friends, your parents, your history, your accolades, your accomplishments, your house, your car, your clothes, your makeup, your speech….you will be defined as love“. 

Love is what you are. 

When you are love, you don’t have to force yourself to serve to show love or be loved, you are love.

You do things out of love because you are pure and untainted love. Thus, you will also choose not to do things that you don’t love or that causes your heart to weep.

There is no guilt or shame, just love.

So then why do we struggle?

We struggle because we do not accept that God loves us unconditionally – because we have been taught by society and perhaps our parents that “love is earned“.

If you don’t clean your room, you won’t get to eat.

If you are not a good girl, mommy won’t give you stickers or toys.

There always seems to be a condition to love and love seems like a business transaction if you grew up that way. A trade, that is what love seems to be in our world. 

There must be a better way- unconditional love.

That seems impossible, not impossible if you accept unconditional love from God. If you continue to receive this love, your heart will expand and cause you to love in impossible ways. 

I have forgiven myself when all I wanted to do was continue punishing myself.

I have forgiven people that hurt and wounded me in deep ways.

These were impossible things to me, but God opened my heart.

He has continued to show me that His love is unconditional, unending, restful and beautiful. 

If we look at Jesus, He wasn’t defined by people. He wouldn’t even allow people to label Him or force Him to be something He wasn’t because it was not His time yet-  “Then Jesus, realizing that they were about to come and make Him king by force, withdrew again to a mountain by Himself.” John 6:15.

He walked the earth as love. Knowing who He was, He didn’t need people to applaud Him or tell Him who He was, He knew who He was. He didn’t need people to like Him, in fact He was rejected by most and He continued to love even the haters.

That is radical love.

Love is what you are. 

You need not prove yourself, defend yourself, force yourself. You are love, that is what you are. 

In a world of self-promotion, don’t you think living as pure love will naturally attract the right people?

When we serve to be loved or to love, we are acting out of lack and a half empty cup. 

But when we know that we are love, we live out of abundance and an overflowing cup. 

The Father’s Love Will End Your Search for “Enough”

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For many of us, we are taught that “one day you will be enough”.

One day when you find your prince charming and get married, then you’ll be enough (because someone wants you and find you valuable).

One day when you establish your career and make a lot of money, then you’ll be enough (because your worth is defined by the commas in your account).

One day when you contribute to the world by doing philanthropic work, then you will be enough (because your worth is defined by how much you give to the world).

One day when you move out and become independent, needing no one, then you’ll be enough (because you are born a burden to your parents and you are NOT enough when you are born).

All of those, a lie.

Because the search for enough is never ending in this world’s system, if you choose to live in that realm of reality. 

The search ends when you accept and believe that God has made you enough, that you are whole because Jesus took the place for your “not enough” and credited to your account who He is- perfect and “enough”. 

You are, perfect and enough in His eyes. 

There is something settling about finding your place in God’s embrace, when He speaks over you “you are enough”.

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Even though your parents, your surroundings, your peers might not find you to be enough, you sink deeper into His unending “enough”. There is an overflowing enough where your burdens are light and your responsibilities little.

All He has called you to is to rest and allow your burdens to become His.

Those burdens seem to vanish quickly, sinking into His love.

Why is it that many of us are cute and unconditionally loved when we are children, but when we grow up it seems that love is limited? 

Because people encounter disappointments after disappointments in their own life…..and they push hopes and dreams on you, hoping that you’ll BE THE ONE to make them happy. 

They hope that MAYBE you’ll give them the hope they need to continue dreaming and living, maybe you’ll be the one to save them.

The truth is only God can do that. Yes, you can give people hope, you can encourage them, but the true responsibility falls to the maker. 

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Who is the only one that knows you intimately, the one who formed you in your mother’s womb. We find peace and relaxation in His arms, knowing that He is taking care of us. Like a baby, we can sleep in peace and wake in peace.

We understand that it is His job to feed us, to nurture us, to protect us. 

But many of us did not grow up that way, so we continue to live in fear. We live like orphans without a daddy. We become independent in the physical and material realm but still hoping that someone will tell us “I’m proud of you”, “you’ve made it”, and “you are worthy of my love”. 

The truth is, no amount of verbal encouragement will ease the pain and void of not enough…only the embrace of the Father…can we find true ease. 

 

“So it’s okay to come out of hiding now, I know you have been through hurts and disappointments.

I know people have failed you, but my love will never fail you. I will guide you and protect you. I will not leave you or forsake you. I will not disgrace or humiliate you. You are safe under my wings and protection. Come out my hidden ones. It is your time to shine. Come out my beautiful children. I am your Father. I will never hurt you. Come out beautiful children of mine, kings and queens of this earth and the heavenly realms”.

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