No Condemnation in Christ Jesus

Prophetic Word- IT’s NOT YOUR FAULT, TAKE ON THE BLOOD OF JESUS AND KNOW God DOES NOT SEE SIN IN YOU ANYMORE. THE ENEMY HAS BEEN TRYING HARD TO DISQUALIFY YOU THROUGH YOUR WORKS, but Jesus does not see any sin in you anymore.

WHY? NOW, the ENEMY IS WORKING OVER TIME TO PUSH YOU BACK INTO EGYPT SO YOU WOULD FEEL CONDEMNED AND ASHAMED AND NOT ENOUGH TO GO INTO THE PROMISED LAND.

Would you consider giving $20 or more to my ministry? Somehow God has been telling me to ask for my daily provisions so that I can go where I am led. Its been day by day.

Im going forward into my promised land (my dreams and ministry in hollywood). It is already mine but there was a lot of pushback. Someone hit my mom’s car while i was parked, someone stole my phone a week ago.

These events tried to put guilt and blame in my heart so that id stop going out and live in fear. My mother started guilt tripping me and telling me she couldnt sleep or was worried about me. What if, shed say.

Yesterday i felt the Lord tell me to go out late night but i felt the struggle of guilt and false responsibility for my mom. I didn’t end up going.

I asked God to rid my heart if false guilt. This morning I spoke honestly and asked her to not speak death over my dreams.

I layed down my dreams to pastor lost sheep and God is giving it back to me but it has come with a lot of resistance as i grow the ministry and take more spiritual territory, in reaching lost sheep in hollywood.

Yesterday i met a young chinese woman in the sauna. I asked if she was chinese or korean. She told me everyone she meets is christian for some reason.

She said a lot of the rules in church stop her from wanting to believe in jesus and i explained grace to her.

I said your shoulder hurts? Cuz mine started hurting…..and i just heard the lord say “its not your fault” and i could feel my heart pang.

I said when you believe jesus you believe he took every fault on the cross so you no longer have to bear it. Then i told her how someone stole my phone and i blamed myself while my mother also blamed me.

She said she also broke her laptop a month ago and blamed herself. I said God will replace it..and not to put responsibility on her shoulder but to cast it on God.

She felt that if she knew clearly whose fault it is in different situations in life she wouldnt have to bear the burden and responsibility as she was literally and physically suffering for it.

I told her how when you believe in jesus you know He took on everyone’s fault and deficiency on the cross so you don’t have to bear it or punish yourself for it.

Give –

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Monthly Partnership-

https://rebekkalien.blogspot.com/

Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ!

MY TESTIMONY- https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my-testimony/

Would you like to receive my exclusive email newsletter? You’d be a VIP of my club. If so, please comment with your email below or when you give to links above, include your email address. You’ll receive personal zines from me.

You can also reach me at rebekkalien@gmail.com (please no spam, just send me love letters and words of encouragements, and if you can relate to anything in my posts, I’d love to hear from you).

A Real Conversation with God About Pain

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To Listen to the Blog post 

I hear you talk, and I know your voice but I don’t seem to know what I feel or what I’m thinking.

This needs to be fixed. I felt like a mute kid, that kid playing under the table. I stopped speaking because I lost my heart to betrayals and heartbreaks.

What’s the point of speaking if I’ll be dismissed. 

I saw this in my relationship with my dad, I spoke my mind but he disappeared, for a few days without telling me.

He disappeared for 10 years, then every time I visited another 3 went back.

I saw this pattern in my life, people disappearing. 

But you never did, did you God?

God – no. I never will.

Me- But why does it feel like you are silent when I need you to speak, and why do you speak when I want you to be silent?

God- Because I can’t be controlled and I don’t need to give you directions all the time, you can trust your heart.

Me- I’m not sure if I trust my heart because it obviously gets trampled when I throw my pearls to people. I try to guard my heart the best I can, but I still get ravaged.

God- Your heart is in the palm of my hands and I love you to the earth and back. You are my beloved and I will never let you go, I will never neglect you.

Me- But why does it feel like you are neglecting me right now. Why is everything so hard? Like pins and needles in my heart?

God- Come to me and I will give you rest. You don’t have to be afraid of me.

Me- It’s easier to fix the external things then to just submit myself to the process. The pain is too much to bear. Yesterday I felt like a wrecking ball. Like the song.

God- This pain isn’t forever, this pain is a passing thing. It doesn’t belong to you. Let it out and cry if you have to, cry and let the pain through. Don’t stop the pain. Let it pass through you. 

Me- I want to be in control, to make things happen, but I know that’s not what I need. I need to just let the pain through but pain is uncontrollable, it comes out when you least expect it. Like when I was eating at a restaurant with hundreds of people around me, I can feel their eyes staring. I am embarrassed and horrified. So I let a few trickles out. My mother is accusing me of being useless, she makes me feel like I am a burden.

God- you are a gift from heaven to earth. You are a gift my dear, not a burden. You are my precious queen.

Me- The words sting so much I can’t seem to hear anything else.

God- Then saturate your soul with my words. Any words that align with my heart, listen to that, hear that, speak that.

Me- Why do I have to keep doing damage control? Why can’t I just leave? Move out already? Why don’t you make a way?

God- Because I am doing something new, I need to solidify identity in your soul and spirit. So the battle seems hotter, heated, tougher, but you will get out of it golden. Don’t run from the battle, run straight into my arms. You are safe here, the words are just flies. The words are lies, it hurts but they are lies. They aren’t true.

I will never leave nor forsake you. Lift up your head, your not what those words are dear. I will never drop you, I’m not a deadbeat dad.

Me- Am I really safe with you?

God- yes. Beyond safe. Let the pain through, don’t stop or clog it. Don’t distract yourself with doing. Don’t try to fix the external, don’t try to run away, don’t try to figure out your life.

Sit with me in the fire. Sit and let me extinguish the fire, let the water of the Spirit wash you. Because my love is enough, don’t be afraid. My love is enough for you. Don’t go looking for it anywhere else, my love is enough.

Come to me all who are weary. I know nothing LOOKS right, nothing feels right, but I am here with you in the fire. Look into my eyes, don’t look away. Look into my gaze, because this love is enough. 

Love, Rebekka

Fundraising has been super slow this season, so if YOU’D BE ABLE TO GIVE THIS SEASON, know that God will multiply your seed. Anything helps! I can use all the help I can get. Thank you!

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Monthly Partnership-

https://rebekkalien.blogspot.com/

Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ!

MY TESTIMONY- https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my-testimony/

Would you like to receive my exclusive email newsletter? You’d be a VIP of my club. If so, please comment with your email below or when you give to links above, include your email address. You’ll receive personal zines from me.

You can also reach me at rebekkalien@gmail.com (please no spam, just send me love letters and words of encouragements, and if you can relate to anything in my posts, I’d love to hear from you).

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My Testimony

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Dearest Friend,

Here’s my year end support letter and testimony. I have come a long ways, the Lord sent me out July 2018 and I have gained many brothers and sisters in Christ. I thank you for those that have continued to pray and support me when you can.
Let’s just say it has been an uphill battle. The battles were the religious spirit, tradition, persecution, warfare, yet at the end of all this I can say Jesus has comforted me and shown Himself faithful.
I have become much bolder than before. There was so much shame attached to asking for financial support in my ministry, because in Asian culture it’s not seen as “upright” and since I had to start my own ministry, the uphill road was windier and harder….to believe what God says about me is true was even harder because there was very little encouragement from other people. I had to go off of what He said and simply obey.
I can honestly say I cried everyday for 2 years. If I didn’t cry that day I was probably having to pray in tongues because the warfare was so intense.

Thank you for those that have prayed for and invested into the kingdom through me this year. I have seen many set free from condemnation and brought into God’s kingdom. Still, there is more work to be done, not from a place of strife or lack, but a place of abundance and rest. God is situating me in Hollywood to set people from from being orphans, into sonship. I am going back into Hollywood and God has given me a continual heart for the LGBT community and creatives. 

Would you consider giving a year-end gift? My goal is to raise $2020 to bring in the new year.

Thank you for your generosity and love.

Everyone that is connected to me is my family, and I pray for each one of you. Become a financial partner today-

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Monthly Partnership-

https://rebekkalien.blogspot.com/

Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ!

May God multiply every seed you sow. God has told me that there is a great harvest on my life and everyone who sows into me will reap greatly.

 

Rebekka’s Story

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I heard the Lord say “Tell your Story”. I had a dream I was crossing over but didn’t know if I should go over land or air and I was wondering if I should tell the girl I was with my story.

So here goes:

I was born in Hamburg, Germany. My parents divorced when I was 8. I moved to Taiwan when I was 5 and then to LA when I was 8. Growing up I just remember feeling really alone and isolated. I spent a lot of time journaling and playing under the table. We had a lot of financial struggles growing up because my mother was a single mom. Early on, I felt depressed and felt like I was always lacking, that I was never enough because I didn’t have an ideal family background. I couldn’t feel God’s love all the time because my dad’s love was not present. I did not see my dad or talk to him for 10 years, then every 3 years I’d see him if I’d visit Taiwan.

At the age of 12, I received Jesus into my heart. I felt God’s tangible love and fell to my knees, weeping. After that I started to hear God’s voice. People at my church thought I was crazy and tried to refute me with the Bible. I kept looking for approval and validation from people because I wanted to be loved for who I was, but it was never enough.

In 2011, I quit my full time job and pursued what the Lord had put on my heart. I started teaching piano, cello, sewing, selling jewelry, clothes, real estate, and acting etc. I’d put down something if it didn’t bring my joy or allow the Holy Spirit speak to me about what to pursue, but  eventually in 2015 after sitting in a hostel room in Spain, the Lord told me to quit my career in real estate. I felt so much joy with just a bag, I didn’t have much but I felt free. I returned to LA and the Lord told me to sell everything and follow Him. It was difficult and every week I surrendered something, whether it was an ex boyfriend, a friend, or my possessions.

At one point I had $200 and was late on rent and the Lord told me to give it. He said “whose house are you building, yours or mine?” So I proceeded to be late on rent for 2 months after I surrendered what I had. My friend said I was overcoming the fear of men (people, authority) and the fear of death (deadlines). It’s called dead for a reason.

At this point everyone thought I was crazy except a few close friends. I had to block a few relative members from coming into my life because I was being persecuted by them.

The Lord led me to move back home. It was a studio and I had to sleep on a couch pull out and sleep in the same room as my mother.

I didn’t understand it but God told me to stop working for 2 years. I had been working since I was 8 years old. How could I stop? Yet, in resting I started to understand what it really means to be a child of God.

It means that you receive from God what you did not work for. It means you have been adopted by God, and you no longer strive in your flesh, but learn to walk in the Spirit. You trust God as your provider, not what you see or have in the moment. His voice becomes everything.

My mother would still accuse me of not working or being useless, but every time I’d say out loud “I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus”.

Before I’d try to tell her that I was working for God, but then I realize that was also trying to prove my worth through works. I had tried to prove how worthy I was through my accomplishments all my life, through grades, through my career, through my looks, through what I possessed. But  now God had stripped me of everything so that I can “boast in GRACE alone”.

In 2018, God told me to go to Taiwan. I had $20 at that point. I cried in my mother’s car thinking “how am I going to survive”. Rewind back to 2015, the Lord told me “you’re a pastor to lost sheep”, I asked God “how will I survive?”, He said “I will provide”.

I went to Taiwan thinking I was going to live with my dad for a year and then God told me to go to Korea after a month of being in Taiwan.

My ministry started in a hostel (a dorm room of 10 beds), praying and prophesying for young people who had no knowledge of Jesus. I prayed for a Muslim girl’s stomach to heal at a barbecue restaurant, we walked around as I started to tell her my testimony. Since then I’ve ministered to thousands of people and God led me to Korea, Japan, South Africa, China, Malaysia, Thailand, Indonesia, Australia, Samoa, Australia, Fiji, New Zealand, India….

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I went into New Zealand with a one way ticket. Actually I went into most countries with a one way ticket because God hadn’t provided for the next place yet. I went into South Africa with $20 and a credit card. I didn’t know where I was going but God would tell me (or give me a sense) of where I should go. In South Africa the Lord told me to start a fundraiser. I was petrified because I knew I’d be exposing myself to judgement. To my surprise, people I met long time ago gave to my ministry. I wasn’t sent out by a church nor had any supporters, I was simply listening to God’s voice.

My purpose was to go –

  1. Gather the lost sheep, wherever they were. On a bus, train, airplane, hostel, restaurant, bar, club. They were specific individuals on God’s heart. They were either not Christian or people who had walked away from God and believed that they were no longer under grace as God should punish them for not going to church. A lot of them were disenchanted and hurt by the church. I would pray no condemnation over them and explain what grace really meant. God also healed my heart while I ministered to people.

One time I was at a restaurant and the Lord told me to pray for a lady. She started crying and said she just found out her sister and friend had cancer.

In another instance, the bus broke down in Fiji and we had to wait by the side of the road for nearly 2 hours. One lady told me her daughter died in child birth.

Another time the Lord led me to pray for a man at the airport and I ended up staying with his family when we arrived. Many times God told me not to book anything and I had to just trust that I wouldn’t be homeless, but that He was leading me to the lost sheep.

One time I was eating at a restaurant and the Lord gave me knowledge that this young man was having problems with his dad. When I told him he was shocked and said that his dad was actually in prison and he was deeply ashamed. The Lord’s love showered this young man to lift off the shame he felt.

Rewind back to 18, I had left a Baptist church I attended for 10 years. It was very legalistic and works- driven. I believed that the more I did for God, the better I was in God’s eyes.

God had to set me free from the religious spirit and religious mindset by telling me to rest on Sundays. This meant I did not go to church but learn to find my identity in Christ alone.

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The anointing and power God has given me did not come from strife, but from learning that I am a child of God and that He finished the work on the cross.

What have been the challenges in starting or maintaining a ministry:

  1. Many times I felt attacked by the spirit of lack. I felt that I was not worthy of the calling or struggled with finances and fundraising. God would tell me to ask people for donations and sometimes I was persecuted for it. Some people said that I should not ask for donations, some people said that I should find a real job and shame tried to attack me and make me feel less than. I wanted to give up a lot. But God kept me going.
  1. The religious spirit in people persecuted me. Some Christians  questioned me because I was not sent out by a church nor an organization and believed that I had no authority or right. They tried to tell me how to minister or what to do.

They judged the form but not the fruit. They could not see the thousands of people that were being changed by the gospel of grace.

The rewards of ministry:

  1. I have seen depressed people come alive after I tell them the truth of being set free from Jesus
  2. Taught people how to hear God
  3. Led people to Christ in hostels and on the streets, even recently at a gym
  4. Discipled people to live in freedom and the truth of righteousness by grace, not by works

If I’m really honest, I’m healing from a lot of the spiritual warfare and attacks from people. Recently my phone got stolen and it was a brand new phone I got as a gift. I was heart broken. On the road, I didn’t have an operating phone for 5 months. Yet, the power of the Holy Spirit was alive in me.

You have the opportunity to invest in the kingdom and partner with me today- Would you consider being a partner? I believe God will multiply every seed you sow because of the harvest on my life. 

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Monthly Partnership-

https://rebekkalien.blogspot.com/

Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ!

THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR LOVE, GENEROSITY AND KINDNESS!

I am praying for each and everyone of you.

I have gained so many sisters and brothers on the road and while ministering since July 2018.

Let’s continue praying for each other, we are family.

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In Japan

A man I prophesied over on Lyft

A man I met on the bus. The Lord told me to run after the bus, to get on it, and this man came on. I asked to pray for him and prophesied over him, that he was a prophet and that the Lord was calling Him to the nations.

Prophesying over an Uber driver- God tried to wake me up 3 days in a row, in the middle of the night. And I kept saying NO GOD. Finally at 4 or 5 am one night I got up and took an Uber to Korea town. When the car arrived the Lord told me she was Christian.

FOLLOW PODCAST

 

 

My Life Is A Soap Opera or A Reality Show

https://youtu.be/rdt1AKhl4Nk 

“God doesn’t WANT us to be on our knees praying and reading the bible all day, He wants you to make mistakes, to live life abundantly”

Prophetic Dream/Word- It will be WISE to reach out for help and share your heart with others in times of difficulty.

(I believe that is what “going out to eat” means, going outside of your house (heart) and opening your heart to others to be fed).

It’S BEEN SUCH A HARD WEEK FOR ME. But I saw breakthrough in my mother. Because of the hardships that came against me (as satan buffeted me, ordered his minions to steal my phone), there was financial hardships, etc…..a girl hit my mother’s car while I was in it, also almost had a car accident yesterday….

I asked my mother to pray for me and she cried and said she loved me. OMG YOU GUYS BREAKTHROUGH!

We were able to have a heart to heart talk and I said that I felt really condemned that she would yell at me. I felt that I was never good enough and that she didn’t love me. But she said that’s just Asian’s way of love, but I said you should show love through encouragement.

She felt helpless and I felt helpless, at the end of yesterday I just cried out to God and surrendered. I was feeling anxious in my heart because nothing seemed to be going right, but God started opening my heart through it all and He showed me that vulnerability comes out of hardship, when we need help (not when we are strong).

GOD ALWAYS TURNS A NEGATIVE TO A POSITIVE.

Here’s a PROPHETIC DREAM I HAD LAST NIGHT.

I had a dream that I was inside a house, a rented house and car. Then these two girls came inside the house, said they found my house through my number as they couldn’t contact me. I was hesitant to let them in (as I wasn’t sure if I wanted to talk to people) but I did. I was trying to close my curtains before.

We made a beautiful multi-colored cake that I could not have made myself and God was showing me that I could not do it alone, that I needed other people to make things easier.

Then the temperature was too hot inside and I was afraid, but then this woman cleared the thermometer.

Growing up in church, I was often told what not to do. No one ever told me to live in freedom. So I want to show people that God set us free to live in FREEDOM.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus – Romans 8:1

Sow a Seed (make a donation)- thank you and blessings towards you.

https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

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How To Heal From A Broken Heart

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You can get a broken heart from many things, failed friendships, relationships, being hurt by words people speak towards you, etc…ministry, etc.

We may try to but…

  1. Don’t avoid the feelings, go through the pain of healing.

Now it’s very easy to shut down your heart completely so here are ways I’ve found helps me.

a. Watch movies that are emotional or funny or just watch movies you feel led to watch.

b. Go do something fun to alleviate the pain in your heart

c. Talk about it with someone

d. Do things you like.

e. Rest

When we have a broken heart we feel like God is depriving us from what we want, so it’s easy to start having a really skewed mindset of your life. You feel like you’ll never get what you want or the pain is separating you from everything you want in life.

You start thinking with your head and not your heart. You start trying to figure your life out and you think of the best way to avoid any type of pain. You will think of the fastest way to get home and you’ll want to stay home.

And it’s OKAY!

Do what your heart is leading you to do.

I realize there were times I tried to force myself to be outgoing or I’d force myself to do hard things.

However, there were also times that my heart actually wanted to meet new people, go out, follow God but I was afraid of taking risks and chances. I was afraid that if I asked someone to pray for them, they’d snap and yell at me (again). I was afraid that if I continued fundraising, that people would say no or judge me (again). I was afraid that my mother would yell at me if I told her the truth (again).

I’ve seen that when my heart is healing from rejection or judgement, God will somehow send the right people on my path to heal my heart. He will send kind people who respond to my kindness, He’ll send a little surprise to say “hey I’m here”.

I felt my heart shut down when I had to cut some guy out of my life. I knew he wasn’t my future husband and I knew he wasn’t exactly what I wanted anyway, but it still hurt to cut him off. It’s like you are talking to someone and suddenly you can’t relay your heart to that person anymore, you can’t give or receive love from that person. Communication is completely dropped.

Then when I left Taiwan a few months ago, communication completely stopped with my dad too. He basically stopped talking to me. This happened many times in my life. Whenever I’d connect with him emotionally in Taiwan, I’d leave, and then it’s like I suddenly don’t exist anymore.

When people stop talking to you, you feel like your heart is undernourished but I am grateful God sent friends to speak to my heart.

Yesterday I felt like dancing and left the house at midnight.

I met a bunch of people this time. There was a small short guy, he had a baby face and I thought he was so cute. He told me he was bi. I was dancing with him and his friends and suddenly he backed off. He said that he had a boyfriend. I said that I wasn’t trying to hit on him, I just thought he was cute as I repeatedly said to him. I was showing admiration.

But he got scared, he said he felt awkward about it.

Maybe it triggered something in him.

I asked “then can I pretend you’re gay?” and dance with you? Sounds strange right? But he was basically scared that he would start liking me and have a change of affection.

But I was thinking about last night and I thought to myself “why am I attracted to a 23 year old guy who is bi?”

He had the same name as my dad. Weird.

I thought about it. I am often attracted to man who have baby faces, who are younger, and who are not “manly”. 

I thought about it. I think it’s because I don’t feel intimidated by them. I feel safer with them and I feel like they won’t try to control me. 

Perhaps it’s also because I feel like it won’t last.

Now, perhaps that’s just my state of mind right now. I know younger men aren’t ready to settle and my sub conscious mind still has a fear of settling down, finding my life partner.

It sounds weird but I’m scared to meet a man who actually wants to get married. I’m still scared of a man who knows how to take responsibility and treat me right.

I think maybe because I don’t know if I can handle it. Because I’ve never encountered it, not in my life anyway.

Most of the men I met were irresponsible or thought mostly of themselves. They had a lot of issues, were addicts to something, or had a victim mindset. 

I’m not sure if I’m ready to take care of anyone else.

In a strange way I think of bisexuals are non-commitals. They’re scared to commit to anything, that’s not a judgement but maybe a prophetic way of saying I’m not truly ready for marriage. I’m still learning to love me.

I’m still working out what I want in a man and I actually am starting to enjoy being single again. 

Do you ever get scared when someone treats you right?

Why?

Sow a Seed (make a donation)- thank you and blessings towards you. 

https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

 

What To Do When You Feel Rejected By Your Parents

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“I feel like I can’t come home”- I said.

“Why?”- my mom said.

“It’s because you give me a look like I did something wrong, and then you accuse me”.

I spent many days out all day until night time.

I felt like a homeless prophet.

When I went to Korea, I realize I actually really wanted to go home but I felt like a burden. I called my friend and told her.

Everyone I met in Korea felt sort of estranged, and needed to be comforted. I ministered to young people who felt orphaned and estranged, homeless. One girl wanted to go back to Eastern Europe but whenever she went home, her mother would yell at her. The pain is too real. She decided to get a one year visa to work in Korea. 

So I felt like I couldn’t face the pain. God started to tell me to tell my mother the truth. The truth being…simple things like I don’t like it when you wash vegetables in the sink, without a bowl because I get really grossed out and can’t eat the food.

I used to just let things go but I realize I wasn’t being honest with her about things.

God’s been telling me to go out to eat a lot and a part of my mind will think in lack, but God would say “follow your heart”. My mom would yell at me for eating out, she’d tell me it was unhealthy and a waste of money.

For some reason I met a lot of nice strangers outside of home. 

If I didn’t listen to God, I’d probably be living on my own. I lived on my own for a few years and then God told me to move back home. 

When I was living alone I felt like an orphan, I was isolated and often sat drinking a beer with a microwave plate. I binge watched netflix and felt emotionally constipated. I had a boyfriend for a while but he wasn’t Christian so God eventually told me to break up with him. I felt like I was undeserving of any financial help and my mother was never the type I would tell my emotions to. 

I had freedom to do whatever I wanted, but again, I had an orphan mentality. 

Essentially I lived like an orphan and I felt like I had no parents. My dad had been well out of the picture and he lived in Taiwan.

But my heart was longing for home. I found comfort in God….and then God told me to move back home. For awhile my mother started giving me money and it was the first time I got money from her. I felt ashamed.

I was in my late twenties.

Then the guilt trip started coming.

“You’re almost 30, you should have a goal in life”.

“You should be ashamed of yourself”.

I mean there’s hundreds of accusations that came. Most of it was because she didn’t understand my ministry and she didn’t understand why God would tell me to rest, she wanted to see tangible results of my life.

If God didn’t tell me to get a job, I wasn’t going to get one and go outside of HIS PLANS to prove my mother wrong.

I’m a prophet who sets people free from condemnation, but here I was getting condemned by my own mother. That is why I have the anointing to break off the spirit of lack, because it’s a daily thing with me. 

My goal is always to follow Jesus’ voice first and foremost, not to please my mother, or anyone else. 

But she wouldn’t understand that, not right now anyway.

And a lot of people wouldn’t understand that.

The feeling of being misunderstood, accused and rejected is real though. Sure, she is a Christian, but her life is practical, pragmatic, logical.

In 2015 I moved back to my mother’s house. Then in 2018 God told me to go overseas and minister, relying on Him to provide for me. Since then I’ve helped thousands of people break free from shame and condemnation and understand their identity.

Yet, the enemy did not waiver in trying to attack me with accusations.

In late 2019 God sent me home and I thought God would allow me to move out right away, but no, He didn’t.

That’s where it started to hurt, the accusations started coming again.

No matter how much I tried to explain how I’m helping people, how I have these dreams, how I prophesy or even explain how Jesus can heal her, it’s like speaking to deaf ears. 

I realize, again, a prophet is not welcome in her own home.

And that it’s not my job to convince her. And I need to be okay with that. I need to know from the bottom of my heart how much I am loved by God. But I need to be okay with the fact that she may never understand.

And it’s not my job to convince her, it’s God’s job to heal her heart.

I was eating tacos by the street when a man pushed a baby cart appeared…it was a 6 month old baby, she was so cute.

I heard God say “I want you, I’ve always wanted you and you are not unwanted. You are precious to me”.

I don’t know who you are but I want you to know that-

You are precious. You are special. You are loved by God. He died on the cross for your sins and thought of you on that day. He is your loving Father, He is your provider and protector.

“I love you so much. You are not forgotten, you are the apple of my eyes”.

I tried really hard to tell my mother how I feel, but she immediately shuts down, she doesn’t want to talk about emotions. Maybe because it hurts too much.

I don’t really know how to talk about emotions with her either, but I’m trying.

Last of all-

You are enough in God’s eyes.

And if you need to cry, let it out, feel the pain, for God will comfort you.

If we define our identity by anything we can accomplish, it’s not grace.

Grace says you are a child of God because of Jesus’ sacrifice, not of our own works.

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It’s Not Your Fault & There Is Nothing You Can Do

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I felt like it was my fault that my family fell apart. I felt like I could have tried harder to make my mother happy or to preach grace more to my dad, there could have been more I could have done.

But the truth is no, there is nothing I could have done.

My parents’ divorce had nothing to do with me but I started becoming a people pleaser, trying to fix everyones’ problems.

God spent many years helping me overcome this guilt. 

Even today God told me to go out to eat and I walked into another chicken place. There were two boys fighting. The dad yelled at the older brother and the mother said “it’s not his fault, it’s not his fault”. His dad was angry.

The younger brother sat there and cried but was “guilt tripped” into leaving as the whole family was leaving the restaurant and he was still there crying.

I started to feel languid, tired. Then another boy came in and he was 3 years old. He said to the waiter “I’m a grown man” and proceeded to get water on his own. That was me as a kid. The waiter tried to help him but he loudly insisted “I can do it on my own”.

I walked down the street to wait for the bus but twenty minutes, the bus was late….

I got tired but had nowhere to sit as the bench was wet from the rain.

I talked to the bus driver, his name was John. I took another bus home and immediately fell asleep. Before that I was calling my mom, not sure if I wanted to watch a movie with her as I had said I would let her know if I wanted to watch Frozen with her.

I went back and forth in my decision. I realize I felt guilty for “letting her down”. She picked up the phone, sounding like she was waiting for me. I felt even more guilty. She said “if you don’t want to watch the movie, it’s okay” but she sounded annoyed.

Here’s why I felt guilty….a few days ago, I said I went to watch a movie alone and my mother got angry, she said I promised to watch a movie with her. I said, “I didn’t promise, we didn’t make plans, I just said okay, and we didn’t agree on time or date”.

“So there was a movie I wanted to watch one day but I did not want to watch it with you mom. Sorry to say, but I wanted to watch the movie alone. God used that movie to speak to and heal my heart”. But there were even more movies I watch alone, because I realize I like watching movies alone.

Later again she mentioned, “you’re just like your aunt, you’re so selfish, sneaking off to watch a movie by yourself”. 

I know it sounds strange to some….why would I enjoy watching movies alone?

Because NO ONE can distract me or talk to me when I’m focusing on the movie. I hate it when people talk during a movie. 

So back to today………..I was standing outside in the cold wet rain,

I suddenly felt this pressure on my neck and heard God say “false responsibility”.

When I got home I said I wanted to take a nap, I said I did not want to watch Frozen.

She got angry and stormed out.

I suddenly burst out crying.

First I remembered the little boy in the restaurant and realized that I really wanted a kid, and it reminded me of the boy I had a dream about. God had long spoken to me about my future son (and daughter) and I have seen this boy in a dream. It has been an aching in my heart to meet my kids who already exist in the spirit. 

Then I realize the scene with the two boys fighting triggered something I had been feeling in my heart. I suddenly saw a vision of myself saying “it’s all my fault”. 

It’s my fault that my parents are unhappy and it’s my fault my brother ran away.

I could have done more.

But those are lies. I could not have done more. It is not my fault that my family is what it is today. 

I’ve met women who tell me “I feel like I can do more to save this marriage right?” and I tell them “no, you’ve done enough”.

It’s that nagging guilt that you haven’t done enough. 

But the truth is – you ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE for other peoples’ feelings or pain! 

If your parents used to get mad at you, you’re not responsible for their emotions, or for fixing them.

I felt my heart release as I cried. I realize “no it’s not my fault and there is nothing I can do to make people happy, it is God’s job to do that. It is not my job to fix someone, it is not my job to even explain grace to them, to cause them to believe that God can heal their hearts. I’ve done enough”.

I’ve done enough.

I am enough.

I will not be guilt tripped into doing things.

Sometimes we hold these deep seated lies and we don’t understand why we act the way we do, I pray God will open your heart up.

You may be saying to yourself….

  1. It’s my fault I am where I am today.
  2. It’s my fault that my parents/friends/spouse/coworkers are unhappy

but the truth is God’s grace says 

  1. It is God’s job to get you to where you need to be.
  2. It is not your fault that anyone is unhappy. You are not responsible for anyone’s emotions.

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Prophetic Word- Let Go of Control & Trust Me

PROPHETIC WORD –

LET GO OF CONTROL AND TRUST ME!

Whenever we make SOMETHING, SOMEONE a “need”, we are living out of a spirit of lack, we don’t believe we are enough RIGHT NOW. 

1. Witchcraft stems from fear, which makes you try to control the future through any means (holding onto what you can control, holding onto things God told you to let go, trying to make things happen in your flesh, holding onto a past word and not being present).

2. When we are afraid to take risks, it’s because we are afraid to let go of control, it stems from fear.

3. Relationship with God vs. Witchcraft (trying to make things happen through your flesh)

YOU’RE A CHILD OF GOD, YOU ARE SPECIAL IN MY EYES! YOU ARE ENOUGH AND NOT LACKING!

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How To Break Unhealthy Cycle In Relationships

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It takes vulnerability to experience true love. It’s through telling someone how you actually feel and they respond with understanding that you experience unconditional love. Most people don’t share how they feel because they have been judged or rejected for expressing their feelings.

1. Be vulnerable- tell people how you actually feel.

2. Write down the patterns in your relationships

3. Address the patterns with the people and act counter the patterns, setting boundaries and asking for what it is you need and being vulnerable about your triggers and history.

Here’s mine-

A. 🙏 Friendships- in the past I was always just someone’s go to for emotional and spiritual help. I also gave rides to everyone when I had a car. I was exhausted from helping people.

There was usually a disparity between how much I gave and how much I received (not that relationships is about measurement).

I walked in faith, hosting events, etc but didn’t know how to ask for help. In essence I could have but I didn’t think anyone would help me.

It could be as simple as going out with friends and not being able to pay for meals, God has taught me even to ask strangers for help now…It’s still not easy, but in the past I’d pretend I was okay and I’d charge it on my credit card.

Of course God has told me not to worry about debt because He has already taken care of them.

Because He knows what we can handle. It takes steps of faith to speak up. I maxed out a credit card to start self employment and I maxed out credit cards to start my ministry. That was what God told me to do and that was the amount of faith and courage I could handle at the time. But yes it was scary to trust that God would someday pay it off for me.

Then the next step was in my faith walk was to come out and tell people what I was doing in my ministry, basically to start a ministry.

I knew it would come with persecution. But people also supported me.

❤️ In essence, what I told you is the same as opening your heart.

1. There’s hurt, but you don’t know how to speak up about it.

2. You learn to speak up about it but you’re met with criticism or rejection

3. You speak up about it but people love you nevertheless

4. Repeat (and that’s love for you!)

In relationships you have to know how to ask for help and give help.

But if you’ve had unhealthy patterns in your life, it takes time to reverse it. Or to wait for the people who are willing to love you for who you are.

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B. ❤️ Romantic Relationships

Marriage is similar to friendships.

1. Someone has to be humble enough to first express how they are feeling even if that means “look I am in a space of possibly being hurt by you”- basically saying “You have the power to hurt me”. That’s intense.

2. If no one is vulnerable it’s impossible to have a good marriage. But remember it’s a two-way street.

3. One person tries harder and harder to open the other person’s heart but it is a choice whether you want to open your heart, thus that relationship will most likely wither away unless the other party is willing to open up and share how they are feeling.

You deserve a vulnerable love.

You deserve someone who is emotionally available and who is willing to put in the work to be open with you.

It’s a choice whether someone wants to open their heart.

What’s the point of sitting next to someone and not knowing where they are emotionally. Physically present but mentally absent.

For me that was the worst nightmare.

Because I grew up with a mentally, physically and emotionally absent dad and a critical mother so my relationships reflected that.

And guess what- it took those relationships for me to see that it wasn’t what I wanted!

So what is it I want?

1. Friends that reach out and ask me how I am. And I’ll do the same.

2. A life partner that knows to reach out to me, that I don’t have to be the aggressor, which I often am in many areas of my life.

But that means I may have to learn how to be patient and wait for others to reach out to me.

Truth be told I don’t really have any patience.

My heart is more like an EMT, it knows where to go for help. It’s also an immediate safe place for others.

But I have to learn how to set boundaries and allow people to do the hard thing of reaching out or asking for help.

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Boast In Christ Alone

I woke up at 4 am after having a dream where I paid $60 for a room and I shared it with 3 other people. 

The number 6 signifies weakness, man’s sin that separated us from God. 6 indicates man was created in Genesis 1:31 (on the 6th day). It represents man’s weakness.

The Lord started speaking through me as I created this video. I encourage you to watch or listen to the video as God spoke to me LOUD AND CLEAR.

The power of GRACE has nothing to do with you.
It has nothing to do with you qualifying yourself, or being good, or doing good things.

Paul murdered Christians! And God spoke to him, Paul had an encounter with God that transformed him! David also was a murderer, he killed a woman’s husband just to have her. You think that people in the Bible didn’t have issues???? Think again.

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me

Grace is unmerited. It’s unearned.

I am reminded that people kept trying to disqualify me by saying I didn’t go to seminary or I wasn’t sent by a church but that’s grace, Paul was not qualified by his being a good person, he killed Christians previously. And all the more he boasted in Jesus when He encountered the unconditional forgiveness of God. He was powered by the Holy Spirit alone, not in his own adequacies, strengths or giftings.

I boast not in my resume.

I boast not in my family connection.

I boast not in my work experience.

I boast not in my credit score.

I boast not in what a good friend I am.

I boast not in my own abilities or talents.

I boast not in what I wear.

I boast not in what house or car I drive.

I boast not in my works.

I boast in Christ alone. 

 

Jesus did not ask the thief to come down the cross and repay everything he stole. The work of recompense was not the criminal’s work. 

But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.” Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.”
The work of recompense has been finished on the cross. So if anyone makes you feel guilty like you need to make up for the past, it is a lie. You cannot. And writing that made me realize that my dad cannot make up for the past, and I have to move on and seek that recompense from God. 
Then after making that video I fell asleep again and had a dream I opened this mirror and took out antifreeze to put on my teeth, but suddenly my teeth started falling and I was freaking out.
Fortunately a man I was with, a comforter, I was lying on his shoulders-  started gluing it back but they were still falling out so a lady came and use supernatural glue to put my teeth back.
I believe the man represents “man’s ways” and the lady represents the holy spirit.
In the dream I started shouting “I got my wisdom back!!!”
Then I woke up.
I think the devil had been trying really hard to make me feel ashamed about my life situation, how I am living with my mother right now (as God has ordained for me to do right now), how I am driving her car (and I really hate it), and I was comparing myself to others that seemed more successful.
And then I got a smack in my spiritual face (HEY CHRIST ALONE, BOAST IN NOTHING ELSE!)
My identity is not in my life’s circumstance.
My identity is BEING A CHILD OF GOD. AND THAT IS HUGE.
THE GOD OF THIS UNIVERSE LOVES ME.
That is everything. I am redeemed by the Lord. I am loved by the Lord. You don’t have “nothing”, you have EVERYTHING when you are God’s child. You are a prince, a queen, a heir! 
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 1 Peter 2:9
When I was on the road in New Zealand with $5 it was hard to not think that “I had nothing”- God was instilling in me “You are my messenger, you are saved by the blood of Jesus, you have everything, you have the living Christ on the inside of you”.
You have the healing power to heal all sickness and disease.
You have all riches in Christ Jesus according to His riches in glory.
You have the power of the blood to conquer demons, fear, anxiety and depression.
You have the knowledge of being a child of God, protected by the Father, you are not an orphan.
No matter where you go, you are protected by God’s angels in all corners of the world.
Jesus has triumphed death on the cross for you so you have eternal life.
You have a comforter named the Holy Spirit that when you are heart broken you can turn to Him.
You have a God who leads you no matter what circumstances you are in. The voice of God will lead you to where you need to go.
You have divine knowledge about the world around you.
YOU HAVE DOMINION OVER EVERY ATMOSPHERE around you. EVERYTHING THAT IS GOING ON AROUND YOU YOU CAN PRAY OVER. If there is a man possessed, you can cast out that demon.
One time I was in Fiji and a man was talking to himself. I went over and cast out the spirit of lack. Immediately he talked like a normal person and asked if he could carry my bags. 
You are whole in Christ Jesus, there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus, which means you are NOT LACKING in anyway! You don’t need to do better or be better, you are already the best in God’s eyes.
Everything is spiritual on this earth. Every conflict, fight has to do with “a spirit of lack” that tries to make humans feel less than. The devil will come to attack your mind but claim the blood of Jesus over you.

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