Hi Everyone- today I just ran 3 miles with my buddies. Every time I exert myself physically, I feel this INTENSE joy. As I sweat, I feel alive. I’m not scared of sweat, dirt, and gore. I’m all about feeling alive. Even when that means getting a little dirty in the process. BUT that leads me to introduce another event I’m excited about- I just got it in my email.

JUICE Hip Hop Festival!

When: October 3, 2009 Saturday 8 pm

Where: Ford Amphitheater in LA

Website: http://www.fordtheatres.org/en/events/091003_2000.asp

I found out about it when I was applying for summer internships, of course I ended up going to Germany, BUT I thought this would be something I WOULD TOTALLY support 100%. Keeping kids off the street by introducing them to hip hop dance! I love that! I love dancing myself, especially when I’m on stage! I love to show off and love the applause. Giving the arts and dance to people is like introducing them to another world of purpose and joy.

I am reading a book called The Rape of Nanking by Iris Chang. As uncomfortable as history makes us, we must learn from it. We must learn about the evil potentials of mankind. Consider now the sad and tragic epidemic of human trafficking. We have made money so much of a god, people would inhumanely mistreat a human being for personal gain. This is so unjust, it wrenches my heart and makes me want to vomit. The condition of mankind is corrupt, ugly, horrid, in every way imaginable. Yet, some of us are so lucky to be born where we were, to have certain conditions that allowed us to grow up with education, family, and life. Most of all freedom.

Yet, some of us still don’t believe in the existence of Satan, of a Devil. Yet, some of us still blame God. How unfortunate that we do not see human beings are the ones making conscious decisions to rebel, to abuse others for their own personal gain.

And somehow I have suddenly woken from a horrid dream- that all my life, I lived for my own personal gain. Now, I must go out to help. I must be God’s hands and feet, I must, or I will die in horrid depression of what the world is turning into. I must live for God, for others. I must deliver captives, I must. There can not be a ‘but’ because we all know, it is plain wrong.

Several Blogs/ Websites:

• http://www.stoptraffickfashion.com
• http://www.freeforlifeministries.com/
• http://humantrafficking.change.org/
• http://www.sharedhope.org/
• http://www.humantrafficking.org

One Video:

Take Action: Pray: Do: Live for A Cause and not so that your company can look good marketing that “you’re do gooder”. I don’t believe you.

I have just joined the FNF team to be a wardrobe stylist. I am really excited for how the show will turn out as well the awareness it will raise for social justice. Please come out and let me know if you want to get involved- or just visit freedomandfashion.com for more information. Thanks!

I have this fascination with Kewpie dolls. And when I’m bored, which is quite rare, I make it a hobby of making clothes for this doll or taking artsy pictures with it. It’s been 2 years since I was introduced to this doll. Okay. Should sleep. Bye Now!

I have always struggled with being raw honest and playing nice. But I’ve come to a point in life where I’m tired of playing nice to please the world, for I believe everyone has a well of depth, a deep dark place of longing for truth. Pain is searing, pain is burning. Maybe you feel alone. What more is there in life? After reading a few entries of my personal blog, I decided to place one here. I feel like this entry is opportune for this generation. Everyone is reaching for truth, for love, and for the real God that loves.

From June 6, 2009 Personal Blog-

God i cant take this anymore. you know my weakness. as i cling, i slide and fall. i am broken once more. i wish i can be strong all the time, but i am not. i am but human. and you are God.

The smile i once had, carried once ago, slowly sliding off my face, turning into a cave. a down turn. i cease smiling, sorrow filling my every being.

suddenly a rush of tears come, falling, falling, i am broken, so weak. i was emotionally suppressed, the mechanism had automatically switched on

the smile, be bright, happy for everyone – yes it turns on so automatically, the sorrow churning churning. You know my desires, You know my heart. But this, can anyone fathom? This pain burns so deeply, I wish I could take it out through surgery, but it remains in my chest, in my stomach, burning my every being.  I speak boldly, yet inside i am but a little girl, scared,clutching to your hand. i wish i could really sense and feel you next to me, embracing me in the toughest times. i can not, i can only be overwhelmed by this invisible spirit, comforting me. pain is essential- why are my entries all about suffering and brokenness? God keeps breaking me. into a thousand billion pieces, will He feed many with this brokenness. i hope so. i cant stop crying.

will i sleep well enough? are those dreams real? those dreams of betrayal. i am so weak hearted, i can but kneel. and fall. and fall. i imagine myself falling into space, dark, stars everywhere, where will i fall next, im letting go of what I clung to. im falling into your hands- can you see.  can i see that you were holding out your hand, and your hand has been the whole universe? God i cant touch gravity, i cant touch the moon i stare at each night, the candle light it so i dont let go ever. light it so i dont hide it. light it so people can see this broken heart healed by the God of the Universe.  Light it so people can see how deeply in love I am with you. Light it so they can see me dancing and singing for the audience of one. Light it, so my heart can brighter. My heart, now so weak.

I am letting go. Willing to go, willing to go. Go towards the unknown. Letting go of what I held on to. In the surgery room. You took that old heart out, replacing it. each  day. replacing what was old, giving me a new heart. i was alive when the surgery was done, it hurt. tearing out those stitches. one by one by one by one- i am crying in pain, i want to die. all i can hear “it’ll be alright” trust me. it’ll be alright. you brought that angel to me once again- a reminder- i am here with you. While they care about the petty things of life, like petty cash thrown to be enjoyed fore the petty things of life. i take the big check for the big things- the plan and purpose you have gone before me to accomplish and do. to be.

It is a lonely road.  But i am willing, please continue sending people to me to encourage me. or i will die in this lonely road. holding onto your hand, but dying. slowly. renew me. refresh me. let me run with a child like spirit again, dance with abandon, sing like everyone in this world is watching- if i can be renewed in that way. God let your light shine brighter.  i cant help but in those broken times, think of who I am.

I keep hearing this “you are different, you are meant for more. You are not like any asian, you were born in germany, you are a third culture kid, you are so different child, you are unique in every way.  I made you for something so much bigger, cant you see?”  It is hard to see when my vision is blurred by this wrenching pain. my heart burns with loneliness.  can anyone understand?  i guess not, everyone has their own pain. pain. it is like skin burning off, but so much more abstract.

I pray this will save or give someone hope. Jesus shines brighter, Jesus cries with you.

TeenStreet, Offenburg 09. My wonderful Artzone Team, full of crazy artists. I love you guys!

Foggy Future, Clear Best Friends

It is the story of unknown steps. Risk untaken, friends unmade.

Life, change, step or die.

I see them gathered, hunched over, in a safe little bubble, untainted by hurt, suffering, and confusion.

Yet I, outside the bubble, enjoy the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Chose to walk the path that was not there.

Playing weird melodies, strange harmonies in a foreign land. Floating in air, piano in air, cello strings plucked out.

Dancing to the stars, my tears fell off my face, watering the plants below.

Then I saw. My eyes wide open, a reflection of you swirling, skipping.

You. You were adventure.

You took me to new places, new smells, new mixture of colors, bouncing off, dripping into the remains of my memories.

You introduced me to new challenges. Stumbling, bleeding at times. These rocks jagged and raw.

Got some slaps in the face. Bruises of red and green.

Suddenly, I saw a hand reach out to me. I looked up- it was You.

You were new best friends. You gave me a hug, said hello. We were off, hand in hand, eating cookies, ice cream, and french delicacies. Hello you. I welcome you. Though I was hurt, you said, “it’s okay, I’ll be here”. Exactly, that’s just perfect! Then, I sighed. If only everyone can experience this. No no no. I shook my head in anticipation of rejection and misunderstanding. They would not understand.

Life. Is up to you. Take the chance, take the step, of faith. In the unknown, the foreign land of change, we will bump into our new best friend in the fog. Those wounds, those tears from jumping off the cliff into the unknown will be all worth it. So I did, I met you this summer. And homeless-ness, cold aggravations, they seem like distant lands I once treaded. Feel it with my own heart- this warmth.

I am one incredibly RICH LADY. Seriously. Not in the material sense. But in LOVE AND LIFE. LOVE, not in the fuzzy lusty none-sense temporary sense, but in the everlasting WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY REAL FRIENDSHIPS sort of Love. And Love, of course, in the God- sense. The God that pours His love upon me, inducing me to live a life of love, overflowing in every sense.

“Do not be overawed when others grow rich, when the splendor of their houses increases; for they will take nothing with them when they die, their splendor will not descend with them” Psalm 49:16

So I will have to talk a little about Michael Jackson. I love this guy, he is one amazing singer and dancer. As I was watching his music videos on the airplane, I thought to myself- “so this is where our electro moves come from!” He’s got superb attitude in every single gesture and move. Yet, he died. So suddenly. Life is like that, you don’t know what tomorrow looks like. He may have had millions and billions of dollars and nice things to add. Yet, he still perished. Everyone dies one day. What do we have to hope for? Eternal life if we have Jesus Christ in our hearts. I am so incredibly rich. I have genuine friendships that go deeper than talking about the surface dusty things.

Awesome friends I met in Europe. Had some amazing times of laughter and tears with these fellows.

Everyone laughs, everyone cries.

Sometimes I am forgetful about how much I’m blessed. I sat in the train, sitting backward and watching the past slide past me. My life is coming to a full circle. Life is like sitting on a train backward, watching life pass by you. You can’t see the future for your back is to it. Your past is a vanishing point, fading into memory. You can only let God carry you.

I’m on my way home to my home country! If that makes any sense? (Germany)

Today I went to exchange money, my stomach almost turned when I got like 1/3 and less of my money back since the EURO is so expensive. HELLO empty bank account!!!  On another note, I was about to drive out to get some boba after stopping at Bank of America and stumbled upon shady Asian computer place. I quickly reparked and ran in.  I knew God was calling me!

Behold, I was able to get a ipod touch charger for $6.99. Better than $30 bucks from the Apple Store. Say hello to random brand! But since the package was already opened, I was able to try it. YAY it worked. Then I stumbled out to a wholesale beauty supply store and got the best eyebrow trimmer (MADE IN JAPAN) for $1.99.  A MIRACLE WORKER! Tweezing my eyebrows is my WORST flaw, I hate it and always, my brows look like men’s after 30 minute attempts. GO FIGURE.

If that wasn’t enough, I found an “empty store” that was having a “yard sale”. Yes, welcome to Alhambra/ Monterey Park. I walked in and found all kinds of electronic and random stuff for cheap. Got 2 watches, brand new without batteries for $5. They were so cute, Strawberry Cupcake or whatever the thing is called. The deals kept coming today since I had to do last minute shopping for Europe. I tried to bargain for XD memory card at Staples. They didn’t accept my sad googly eyes. DUH- hello Miss, it’s a RETAIL STORE. Snaps- BUT I was able to snag a new 50 dollar SWISS backpack for 5 bucks. REBATE- dum dum dum!  I figured I will travel loads in the future.  My life has JUST BEGUN for buddha’s SAKE!  (I am not supposed to take God’s name in vain, so I’m going to take Buddha’s name in vain). Sorry Buddha but I love Jesus!

Just for kicks- Audrey and I at Corner Bakery. Playing with our Macs and having a good laugh. This waitress came by because I had both my arms in the air, taking a picture with a roller coaster background. Hysterical!

I feel like my summer just begun, yet….what have I experienced but ENDLESS LAUGHTER. I feel like summers are always the sunshine after many endless tears and rain, thunder storms, and ridiculous pain. Welcome to my life, an endless drama.

“If my life is The Office, then your life is like Battle Field Galactica. I seat at the office while you are shooting down aircrafts.”- Peter Lee.  Thank you! I will always remember that! 🙂