Everyone talks about “grow up” and be an adult, save money, choose your spouse, get a house, get things done….but for some reason no one talks about the real things you need in adulthood- emotional maturity.
We can have a facade of wealth, happiness, happy instagram photos, luxury items, but if we are pent up with feelings of unworthiness, anger, bitterness, jealousy, envy, anxiety….then are we really happy?
I used to be passive aggressive. Growing up with a single mom, I took care of everyone but myself. I made everyone happy but myself. I spent most of my twenties healing from past wounds and learning how to love myself. People stepped over me but I let them… like a rope, I snapped after many injuries and then “you was gone” and I was gone. After the last straw, I was bye girl.
However, I didn’t know how to say “you’ve crossed the line” the first time. For some reason I thought people would know NOT to in the first place.
But people can’t read your mind. So I learned how to speak up for myself.
- Love myself
- Set boundaries
- Interact in a crazy world
Here are some things that I believe we serious need to define “adulthood”….I spent a lot of time hearing people complain, blame, and talk about their wounds….it seemed that no matter WHAT age you are, we have the same PROBLEMS.
But I realize these problems can be simplified if we choose to see its TRUE value.
A lesson for us to confront and take responsibility.
Things that mark a whole emotional adult:
- The ability to confront people- “hey you’ve crossed the line” or learning to confront your friends and family with the right approach.
- Resolve conflicts in your relationships- how to bring up problems within your relationships or even in small ways like not being afraid to say to strangers, “hey mister, you cut the line, I was before you”.
- The ability to discern unhealthy and healthy relationships- and which ones to keep and throw out. Also learning to find a build healthy relationships that are two way and not just one way (helper or helpee- new word LOL).
- The ability to say NO, to set boundaries physically and emotionally- this could be as simple as moving to another seat on the bus if the person next to you smells or is creepy. I used to just deal with it but now I move away like a master ninja. It is important that I don’t create physical discomfort for myself in potentially annoying or dangerous situations.
- The ability to discern what your heart needs – Emotion test, what is it that I am feeling right now? Am I sad, mad, angry, bored, what is it that I need?
- The ability to speak your mind and ask for what you need without feeling shame– Growing up super independent I never asked people for help, lest my mom. But one time as I was out in the world, making ends meet I had a really bad financial month. I was ashamed. No one knew how hard it was to freelance and pay rent, and I made sure that my mom of all people didn’t know. It was the most difficult thing for me to ask my mom for help but when I did, my pride broke off me.
And guess what? It needed to in order for me to see that I was worthy of help.
7. Vulnerability- the ability to appear weak, to need help, to cry, to be angry, to be sad……we need to be vulnerable if we want to experience a TRULY HAPPY life. When we are vulnerable, we are SEEN by people, we are validated and loved for who we are, not who we pretend to be
8. With vulnerability comes the ability to allow your heart to heal- healing emotional wounds- therapy, God’s help, sozo, inner healing, whatever resources there are….I’ve personally been to SOZO, which is spiritual inner healing. Every time I go, I cry like a baby and forgive…forgive myself and people
9. The ability to forgive and move forward from heart wounds- to forgive yourself and others
10. The ability to reject and refuse to receive toxic messages into your soul– One time someone said something really mean about me and I cried and cried. I told people what this person said about me….then all of a sudden, this girl asked me “but what does God say about you?” I was stunned. Oh yeah. Maybe I should focus on the truth about who I really am. That I am loved, that I am beautiful, amazing, awesome.
No one can depress you. No one can make you anxious. No one can hurt your feelings. NO ONE can make you anything other than what you allow inside. – Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
I wanted to write this because I was feeling sidelined by God- like why are you making me wait to do all these great things I want to do? But then at night, God reminded me that He was preparing my heart, He was building emotional maturity within me so that I could be READY for the things that were ahead.
We live in a society that chooses to blame others for their lives….they blame the government, the institutions, the whites, the blacks, whatever…..but how about personal responsibility? Emotional maturity helps us to see things as they really are. Are we also responsible for allowing others to influence us when their motive was sinister?
Emotional maturity helps us to be confident in ourselves, to celebrate and grieve with others and to come to terms with our own journey and where we are in life.