2 Years Later

On October 11, 2016 By Rebekka LienIn coach, dream, entrepreneur, Hollywood, self-help, travel

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Almost 2 years after I signed with a commercial acting agent, I find myself in a place I’ve never thought I’d be.

Instead of going and following a traditional path, God led me to places I never thought I’d go. I backpacked in Europe for 2 months, I went to England, Spain, Czech Republic, Italy, Germany, Holland….right after I signed and was supposed to go the traditional path. I had a dream that confirmed my next step, I was to quit my career in real estate.

I auditioned a bunch in the entertainment industry, but something inside of me needed more of life, love and healing. I felt that God had closed all the doors. I wanted to go deeper with God and even though everything around me told me to follow the A, B, C’s, I listened to my heart.

I had been an entrepreneur for 5 years, but I was still holding onto my dreams, not allowing God to possess all of my heart.

Then I moved, I sold everything.

God was building my insides, my power, my identity.

In September of last year, I left LA with a one way ticket to Thailand. I traversed through Thailand, Vietnam, Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia, then Taiwan.

This year, God opened doors for me to “travel for free”, through and with my passions. I got to do a travel show in Paris, I then went to Morocco on my own. I came back and flew to Philippines for a fashion tv show. Even then I realized that I had held onto personal “hows”- meaning I had a controlled plan for what I thought should happen and what I thought God should do to open doors for me to honor Him.

Now I know God never works in our finite ways.

He is infinitely creative and we really need to get out of our own ways.

It has been a few months since I’ve auditioned at all for anything. I’ve just been focusing on my inner strength and strengthening the relationships I have. Today I’ll go in not looking to please, but to go with the power and spirit that God has put inside of me. I’ve grown in many ways, but the most important way- knowing my identity, not in the stamp of approval that society and industries give, but in knowing my daughtership in Christ.

________________________________________

Simplified Chinese and Jewish grandmas.

“Look into the camera, think of all the things you’ve been through.”

Yes, I’ve been through hell and back. My eyes sunk, with a depressed voice I started reading the simplified Chinese on the board. If only she knew what I’ve been through. Of course I wouldn’t get this one, I’ve just butchered the whole Chinese language.

I waited for the bus, a 2 hour ride home. 2 grandma- aged ladies start complimenting my outfit. A 1 hour conversation ensues on the bus. I’m reminded that we are always at the right place at the right time, not always to get the goal, but to enjoy the process, and this time with my two Jewish mamas. Hearing their stories remind me how our lives are rich with love and lost, and that is the true beauty of growth.

Vows

On October 6, 2016October 6, 2016 By Rebekka LienIn dream, faith, health, love, spirituality, travel

When you are sad I will make sure to listen

When you are tired I will let you rest

When you want to have fun I will go with you instead of forcing you to stay in

When you get scared I wont bully you and ask why you dont have enough faith, but ease the fears with my courageous truth

I will never leave you and I will fend for you, I will speak up for you because you are worth every word and every action

I will do things to make you happy, say things to encourage you. You are the brightest star around.

I wont guilt trip you to do things you dont want to. I give you freedom to have your own personality and preferences.

Vows to myself.

Photos from a cruise to Ensenada, Mexico

Stop Putting Millenials In A Box

On September 16, 2016September 16, 2016 By Rebekka LienIn entrepreneur, faith, God, lifehack, love

We are not all hipsters who live in San Jose or have trust funds.

Of course, I hope people don’t think that. But I also feel like millenials are really misunderstood. First off, we are people, individuals with different backgrounds, families and upbringings, obviously.

I am a first generation immigrant who was born in Germany, lived in Taiwan for 4 years, then moved to LA. My parents divorced when I was 8. I grew up seeing financial hard times. Stress, lots of yelling, objects being thrown. I heard, even a knife one time. Financial aid helped me get through school and different things. I worked 40 hours a week one semester to pay for tuition. I became an entrepreneur in 3rd grade because I didn’t want my family to struggle. I basically grew up since 8 years old, making my own money. I actually didn’t know how to ask for help because I thought it was normal to be independent. Later I learned that it was okay to ask for help or to simply be someone’s child.

I didn’t have a relationship trajectory, I had lists, but I didn’t know my worth enough. I got into a long term relationship, I broke it off. It is taking years to heal. I quit my job and saw serious struggle. I remember not having money to buy toilet paper and I used cotton balls, my roommate used Trader Joe’s paper bag, thanks Trader Joe’s. During this time, God broke off any ideas of identity coming from achievement or works.

Identity, He says, comes from knowing you are my child.

My business took a down turn, I took several turns, I found myself, what I really wanted. I gave everything up, I started over, I lost everything, I restored my relationship with my mom and dad. I dropped everything. Though sometimes I can hardly breathe thinking about everything I’ve been through in just the 28 years of my life, I thank God that I survived and found my authentic self.

So please, do not put us in a box. I have friends that in the last 5 years have struggled through immense pain, cancer, spiritual growth, finding their purpose beyond “just working and being a robot”, wanting to start a cafe but having both parents talk shit to her and discourage her, saying things like “how are you going to make money”.

And yes, even millenials with trust funds have parents that use money to control them. So no, I don’t think there is one life that is better or more privileged than the next. Everyone has shit going on in their lives. Everyone is looking for purpose.

I’ve seen almost 5 people who are millenials go through difficult, heart wrenching divorces.

You can minimize pain, say that 1/4 of our nation is spoiled and don’t know what our lives are about, but please, try to get to know us. Yes, maybe the media has shown otherwise, but remember they are celebrities, but even celebrities are human beings, not a grouping of people, they’re people.

Here’s an advice, try to actually hear our stories, get to know us as individuals.

Don’t try to separate us from the rest of humanity.

Happy 5 Year Anniversary To Me!

On July 30, 2016 By Rebekka LienIn art, dream, faith, solo travel, travel, writer

Pet Monkey of the sponsored boy I visited in Ecuador

5 years since I left that moldy office.

As a celebration, the super self published ebook is $9.99 for today only. https://payhip.com/b/6zoT

Here’s an excerpt of a 100 page book I have not touched for a year, that still needs some writing..

May 15, 2012- On my adventures in Ecuador.

Hi Friend!

I ́ve finally got the time to blog about my first 2 days

in Ecuador. The manager of the internet place just

asked me if I ́m married, it ́s not likely that random

strangers will make conversation with you by asking

about your boyfriend or spouse. He said, “your

boyfriend is in Ecuador?”. To which I said “America”.

I ́m in a random hole in the wall internet cafe, except

there is no coffee. It ́s called a “cabina”. I rode in a 5

hour bus to Tena from Quito today.

What I ́ve fortunately realized is that Ecuador is

probably the most beautiful place on earth, and

also the people are one of the kindest people on

earth as well. Unlike the pre- warnings that “omg”,

you are going to get robbed and beware of men

there, men in fact, especially the older ones have

been like papas to me. Today on the bus, I met a bus

driver who helped me find a hostel and find my way

around Tena. Then previously, a medicine salesman

helped me get to the terminal and take the right bus

to Tena.

He was very kind, though I don ́t understand why he

said he wanted to see a movie with me when I

already told him I had a boyfriend.

I paid 10 bucks to stay at a hostel. The hostel has a

little gap above the door so you can hear what drama

the owners are watching. The amazonias get really

cold at night, though during the day, it ́s like living

24-7 in a hot steam bath. I feel yucky. It feels like

living in Taiwan. The night, the markets do resemble

Taiwan markets from 15 years ago. Though Taiwan is

now much cleaner and more modernized.

I was thinking about how I ́m the only asian woman

walking on the street.

Sometimes you start to feel like an exotic animal

that everyone stares at. Now I know how white

people feel in Asia, except in this case, it ́s an Asian

in Ecuador. Staring is very normal, it seems.

The concept of private space does not exist here.

Personal space? What? When people point to tell you

something, they definitely cross your American

space, bypassing the normal boundaries of your

boobs. Of course, I ́m crossed and pissed. Though I

have realized, hey, they are not the only ones.

Sometimes they don ́t stop talking until you tell

them, ”I ́m going to take a nap”.

This morning, I was freaking out about how I would

get to Tena, I prayed. Then, when I was buying a 30

cent comb the medicine salesman happened to be

going there. Thank god! I would say, Ecuadorians are

WAY more hospitable than people in LA. I mean no

one in LA would take the time to help you.

Plus, if you think about it, no one goes walking in

Skidrow at night anyways. All the things you do at

home, is what you would do in a foreign country.

Speaking of foreign, I hope that I never act foreign,

besides the language barrier. I hope I ́m never

someone that treats locals with disrespect. I was

analyzing and observing today, and thinking about

what it means to be foreign.

And of course, how everything my American friends

warned me of, happens to be 99 percent not true. Of

course, we have to be careful wherever we go, but my

time in Ecuador, for the two days, have proven to be

positive…besides feeling like an exotic animal and

the sometimes ̈freaking annoying remarks

“cheennnnaaa” as in Chinese. Because the very idea

that a Chinese would come from Los Angeles seems

so foreign, I have to try really hard to be patient.

At a salon in Tena where Asians are rarely sighted.

The nice man who helped me find a hostel

Love Was Not A Safe Word

On July 24, 2016July 24, 2016 By Rebekka LienIn travel, Uncategorized

Palm springs

Okay peeps, shit is going to get real in this post. Read this if you need to clarify some relationships with family, friends, non-friends, frenemies, boyfriend, girlfriend, wives, husbands, etc. I’m not a psychologist but I have lived an intense life and have also coached people about their lives.

Growing up in a single mother Asian household, I realized something….love was not a safe word. I never felt safe because love was basically obeying your parent, doing what they say, and trusting they are right. And as you know many parents, or most or all are not perfect, so when they give you sound wisdom about how you should eat your chicken, you either obey or your question their way of eating chicken.

Because her life seemed stressful enough, I bore the burdens of a parent, of being one. I put my own emotional needs aside to handle the stress of being home and to listen to the needs of my parent.

Consequences– I became a people pleaser and believed that I needed to help others before myself. The training of the institutional church did not help either. So I suffocated my own problems. NOW I also LOVED being alone because I found that most people wanted to control my life so I found it much easier to be alone with my own thoughts. I also felt that everyone was a smaller version of my mom so I often escaped to find my personal freedom. I was able to finally find people who would allow me to be myself, however because most people are not aware enough to dig up the reasons behind their behavior, I often have to draw a line between those relationships.

I’m glad that I did enough soul searching and reading to actually realize all this and CHANGE! Because I can’t imagine what a shitty life I’d have if I had continue being a people pleaser.

Going on vacation with my mom kind of clarified why I was the way I was…

Here are some things people use in relationships.

Manipulation- “If you do this, I’ll pay more attention to you, I’ll give you more love”

“I’m providing for you, you better be grateful”

“Ten years ago, you fucked up my car…so you will pay for it by my punishing you in various ways”

Truth is if it was really unconditional love….you give love without expecting anything back, you give according to your perimeters, you don’t use it to manipulate that person’s love for you.

Consequences of long term manipulation-

Manipulator- has no idea what BOUNDARIES mean and expect others to live their lives for him or her. He or she is a tyrant in life and is often disappointed, probably will end up with no friends because their rules are impossible to live by.

Manipulated one- has no idea what FREEDOM looks like in their personal and public life, does not know how to make choices on their own, always thinks others know better. He or she is always a victim who does not take personal responsibility for their lives….because the choice to submit to a manipulator is a choice.

2. Control- Control is probably the creepiest one, because a lot of times we don’t see it until we get physically sick from it.

“Go wash the dishes now, go fix my car now, call me now, where are you? Who are you with? You have to do this and this and this, if you don’t it shows you have no love for me”

“Because you didn’t DO THIS ONE THING for me, you hate me, you don’t love me”. By threatening with control, that person is able to control what you do for them.

Truth is if it was really unconditional love…..you’d give people freedom to be whoever THE FUCK they want to be and to do whatever they want to. Now if you want to suggest how you feel loved (5 love languages), then tell them, do not threaten them with by “withdrawing love”. How I experienced that in my life? My parent never ever said sorry and when we fought, this is what happened….silence for 3-4 days, yep, and not looking at me, like I was some non-person.

Consequences of control-

Controller- Needs to know what is going on all the time. If someone does not respond to their text when they want, often freaks out and then accuses the person of negligence. Often does not enjoy life, cannot enjoy life, probably doesn’t drink (joking), has fear that they are out of control.

Controlled- Fear of doing wrong in private and public life. Often needs to ask for permission to do something, creatively suppressed, cannot find the courage to draw outside the lines.

Now, finding freedom from these issues can be difficult but know that God’s love is powerful enough for you to break free. Consciousness is worth having to live a free life.

Thousand Palms

If you need a meter for which you know your personal boundaries are being crossed….

If you have physical aches, usually that is a sign of discomfort, boundaries being crossed.
Discomfort emotionally, from 1-10 how uncomfortable do you feel
If you feel emotions of fear or intimidation

What to do when these things happen:

Take time away from the person to access the relationship, to give your heart space to breathe and feel
Say “no” or create verbal boundaries such as “I do not feel that way”, “no thank you”
Find a way to create physical boundaries

And if it gets unhealthy, please find a way to stay away from the person. You must put yourself first.

The Myth of Not Being Enough

On July 7, 2016July 7, 2016 By Rebekka LienIn dream, faith, Uncategorized

You are enough, for God. But usually not for humans. If you were purely living in grace, you are enough. Now, when you’re a kid, you get to play, and you’re allowed to be goofy. As you grow up, you gradually notice that you are rewarded for “being good” to your parents. You know, being obedient. Then, you are applauded for accomplishing things like getting A’s, being president of some volunteer organization or club at school, writing a good essay for your college, getting into a good college, dating the right kind of person that your friends approve of, looking nice, losing weight, the list seems to go on.

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That’s me just playing, because I wanted to, because I was curious, because I was interested, not because I was being forced to.

As you get older, you are applauded for getting the right kind of job with the right salary, you are congratulated for having a kid, getting married, maybe staying at a few luxury resorts….you get applauded for trying, but not really for failing. Or for living at home with your parents when you are 30…definitely not applauded for still being single and doing odd jobs and freelancing….you definitely are not applauded for “being” because “being” seems lazy, seems well, lazy times two.

Your whole life after 3 years old, or whatever age you stopped playing because your parents wanted you to “succeed”, is a whole list of doing, trying, accomplishing, checking off lists. It’s a tiring rat race.

After I became self-employed, I had to release the idea of trying. I hustled really hard. And even that wasn’t freedom, it was slavery to the whole system of striving. When I finally gave into what I call grace, allowing God to open the right doors, I still struggle with it at times…but now I’m more sensitive to it.

The spirit of striving is like this spirit that sits on your shoulder and tells you “YOU’RE NOT ENOUGH = DO MORE!”

Do you ever notice that when you want attention and love from people, you rarely get it? You seem desperate and people can smell it? But when you’re content and filled with love, people love to bother you. It’s because that is BEING. The God void in your heart isn’t supposed to come from people, they can’t fill your every need. It’s supposed to come from within, a divine Godly love.

And when you are filled with DIVINE LOVE, people are attracted to real unconditional, spirit filled love. A desperate need for love comes from fear, fear of not being enough. Fear that you need peoples’ approval.

Yesterday my mom was like “if only you had studied something else”. I’m like, “you want a happy daughter or a miserable one?” And Helen Fisher had really helped me discover my personality, I got 97% explorer, which just means I don’t like being controlled and I love excitement and variety…….paired with builder is a no no because they tend to be too structured and have a need for stability. Which makes a lot of sense because in my past relationships the guy didn’t even have a passport. And here I am literally itching to go to 100 more countries.

SO rest into what I call divine grace.

And if you don’t understand what that means, ask. And you shall receive the answer as I am slowly learning. It’s a lifestyle, it’s a divine now.

You are enough. Stop doing and start soaking in the love that fills you to the overflow.

“And if by grace, then it cannot be based on works; if it were, grace would no longer be grace.”- Romans 11:6

Drama Rama

On June 7, 2016June 7, 2016 By Rebekka LienIn coach, dream, entrepreneur, forgiveness, God, law of attraction, love, Uncategorized2 Comments

Movenpick Cebu.

I’m sitting at Shangri-La and I’ve never had so much drama in my life.

I can’t go into detail but I’ve been having many dreams. In all of this, this experience of being in Cebu, filming a tv show,,,,and well losing my phone, oh I meant this strange evil person robbed me and took my phone from my pocket, going to the police and all that,

Here’s some things I’ve learned:

Material things fade. Money can’t buy you worth.
People are fickle. People change constantly and are rather good at hiding their true emotions. We live in a society filled with fear of being authentic and truthful to our spirit.
There is always a blessing in disguise, the blessing sometimes may be a lesson that is sprouting within your spirit, and not a dollar amount.
Choose yourself. Choose what feels good and right in your spirit. People will persuade you to be their friend when misery calls for you to entertain, but you must stand strong.
Stories are knit in our minds based on our past experience of disgrace. We must learn to disassociate ourselves from our false selves and even our memories of who we are and how we relate to other people.
A secret is not worth keeping because it can destroy your soul.
There is no black and white, because people’s emotions are colorful.
There can be hope and love in the world if we learn to break our walls down and show vulnerability.
We live in a society based on competition but how God created us is to work together for our social well being, there is no love when people are isolated. People must come together to communicate their truth.
Forgiveness and letting go- 1st importance.
As much as people tell me to stop being so trusting, I continue to see the best in people because God continues to do that for me, so I will continue to forgive because I know I am not perfect.

PS-

We must choose to let go and forgive daily.
It is a daily exercise of love for our souls.
We can become cold and hard hearted because of what happens to us in life, but our choice to forgive isn’t for other people, it’s for ourselves. The truth is our ego is our worse enemy, it chooses to neglect what we truly need, which is love.
But ego loves pride, loves to think we are better than other people.
By doing so, we isolate ourselves and choose not to help others. …Thus, we no longer have the ability to receive love as our hearts have closed off to help.

XOXO, BEX

Rules we create become our prison

On May 27, 2016May 27, 2016 By Rebekka LienIn Uncategorized3 Comments

Words that I’m learning from my time here shooting a tv show in Cebu, Philippines. This also coming from observing people.

Photo taken through bars of the studio since that’s not really a beach.

Our rules can become our prison.

What we subjugate ourselves to becomes our master. Unless we choose to remove ourselves from it.

Our unwillingness to forgive causes us hardship.

Ego is the prison and wall which makes others enemy.

We are called to love ourselves because at the root of our life we must have love to thrive.

My Love Relationship With Food

On May 15, 2016May 15, 2016 By Rebekka LienIn food, Uncategorized3 Comments

I confess I’m obsessed with good food.
It’s uncanny, strange. Today I called ban mi to ask when they open, it was 6:30am, I was jet lagged but I had been dreaming about a real bowl of pho since Paris. I’ll be in la for a week and I’ve already lined up my list of must eats. I must have pho, I must have tacos, I must have hot pot. When I eat a good bowl of soup after a month of deprivation, I start to thank God for the day I was born, I thank my mom for giving birth to me, I thank the noodles, the beef, the ingredients, I thank the hands that prepared it and I thank God for being alive.

I start to tear up, I make weird noises.

My relationship with food is unusual. I’m a bitch when I’m hungry, fears loom larger and I lash out faster. When I full with good food I’m nice Rebekka, I’m loving. I can tell you I had the most dramatic fights when I didn’t eat with my ex.

I am like the happiest person when I eat what I love. Sometimes I’m super healthy and eat salads, but sometimes I eat magnum ice creams and Cheetos.

I’ll just smile more when I have ice cream.
I also don’t believe in depriving yourself or dieting, I think if you are feeling good you should eat what you want, you won’t go overboard when you feel good about who you are.

The only reason people go overboard is when they are not dealing with the emotions inside.

I never say “tomorrow I’ll fast because I ate too much today”. Even if it’s thanksgiving I’ll eat until I’m full, I don’t go overboard now because I don’t like that feeling….food should be euphoric, not a punishment. I’ll save the left overs and eat it while watching my favorite Netflix show.
Why not, it’s happiness.

I’m so thankful for food, and especially the fact that I was raised with a mother who knows how to make good food and appreciate good food.
I’m Taiwanese so we enjoyed the best of the world’s food….

I had to finish all my food at the table so sometimes I’d sit there for an hour because I had bad teeth. Also my mom would finish before me and leave the table.

Somehow I’ve learned to see food as a pastime, a hobby, because I knew I had to otherwise it would seem like a punishment. So I ate slow. I learned to cherish it.

I also learned to enjoy food alone, my favorite pastimes is going out to eat by myself. I enjoy focusing on the flavors instead of talking to people. When I eat with other people I often talk too much and can’t enjoy the true flavors of the food. And they often finish before I do, then I feel rushed.

I have several favorites:
1. Enjoying a day at the Korean spa then eating Korean food, tofu pot to be exact. It’s the most nourishing day, my body feels relaxed and the food nourishes my being.
2. Sitting at a cafe for hours and just drinking coffee. Sometimes people watching.
3. Tacos and horchata is the perfect combo
4. Tuna tartare
5. Mojitos and margaritas
6. Dark ales and fries or anything fried
7. Sushi, fish eggs, sashimi, scallops
8. Rich chocolate cakes, ice creams, magnum ice creams, truffles, Lindt truffles

My dislikes:
1. Waiters asking if I’m okay ten thousand times or taking my food before I’m done. This has happened many times because I’m a slow eater and sometimes the last bite looks small but I’m literally still eating.
2. I don’t dislike steak but I’m not a huge meat eater because I chew really slow and then I get tired.
3. Surprisingly I don’t think macaroons are that good, they’re quite dry for me.

I believe good food isn’t about eating “healthy” per say, because I’ve met the most unhappy and unfulfilled “healthy” eating people. They are a drag to be around. Asian culture believe food is the center of soul and heart, it’s about love and family, friendship and nourishment. A good soup is slow cooked for days and it is cooked with love and heart. A salad isn’t healthy if it doesn’t make you happy.

I Believe food should make you smile, it should make you happy.

It should have rich flavors at times to celebrate your inner health, but lightness at times too. It should have an expression of who you want to be.

Food is that way to me, it heals my heart when I’m feeling hopeless in life, it gives me more energy and zest to take on my dreams.
It is refreshment to my heart.
Food marks my times of triumph, my times of process, my transitions, my celebrations, my times of unknowing and even fears, it consoles me and speaks to me….like eating beach side with my friend in Hawaii, talking about boys, like making friends with the sushi chef at my favorite sushi spot, like watching the rain as I drink coffee and journal, like remembering intimate conversations with my friend at our Korean spot, like hot pot with my Taiwanese friend, like eating with my mom….

Food is my expression and conversation of love, it’s how I express gratitude for life, every time I eat I feel gratitude for the life it gives me, the energy to keep going in my dreams, it builds relationships in my life and it is a commonality I have with people when I mention food types…and a glow spark in their eyes, “you too? You love ramen too?” A wide smile spreading across our faces, like the feeling of remembering a long lost best friend or a favorite experience in our life.

Fast friendships have formed in my life because of food. I’ll always feel gratitude for the depth of love food makes my heart feel.

Prague: The Great

On March 31, 2016March 31, 2016 By Rebekka LienIn solo travel, spirtual, travel, writerLeave a comment

Prague: 2014

I rode a Euro Bus to Prague, this was an overnight bus from Berlin. We were startled by the bus as it jerked to avoid a ramp, the Polish girl next to me claimed that Polish drivers are reckless (as they get paid shit) and that the driver is probably drunk. I’m not scared. However, when we first got on the bus we were scared because there was the probability that the bus driver wouldn’t let us use the bathroom. I had to make this gesture of wiping my down there since the bathroom didn’t have toilet paper. The driver spoke no English and waved his hands “NO NO NO bathroom”. My bladder is my first concern when I get on buses that have no toilets. “Where am I going to pee?” is my first question when I board a bus.

I don’t drink liquids hours before a long bus ride…like in Thailand and Vietnma the buses don’t have toilets and you have to ask the bus driver to stop for a toilet break. Of course few people ask out of embarrassment.

I arrive around 5am in the morning, my 4 wheel duffel bag from Target reluctantly gets on a tram as I pull it with great difficulty (should have stuck with a backpack). Mind you, one of the zippers had already broken at my first destination (London).

The night is dark, and even though I often have doubts and fears, I have to get to the hostel first (this is my first instinct of survival when I’m traveling). A Czech lady helps me to the hostel, actually she walks me there. My first impression- a good one, they are kind here, they help strangers.

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