My Love Relationship With Food

I confess I’m obsessed with good food.
It’s uncanny, strange. Today I called ban mi to ask when they open, it was 6:30am, I was jet lagged but I had been dreaming about a real bowl of pho since Paris. I’ll be in la for a week and I’ve already lined up my list of must eats. I must have pho, I must have tacos, I must have hot pot. When I eat a good bowl of soup after a month of deprivation, I start to thank God for the day I was born, I thank my mom for giving birth to me, I thank the noodles, the beef, the ingredients, I thank the hands that prepared it and I thank God for being alive.

I start to tear up, I make weird noises.

My relationship with food is unusual. I’m a bitch when I’m hungry, fears loom larger and I lash out faster. When I full with good food I’m nice Rebekka, I’m loving. I can tell you I had the most dramatic fights when I didn’t eat with my ex.

I am like the happiest person when I eat what I love. Sometimes I’m super healthy and eat salads, but sometimes I eat magnum ice creams and Cheetos.

I’ll just smile more when I have ice cream.
I also don’t believe in depriving yourself or dieting, I think if you are feeling good you should eat what you want, you won’t go overboard when you feel good about who you are.

The only reason people go overboard is when they are not dealing with the emotions inside.

I never say “tomorrow I’ll fast because I ate too much today”. Even if it’s thanksgiving I’ll eat until I’m full, I don’t go overboard now because I don’t like that feeling….food should be euphoric, not a punishment. I’ll save the left overs and eat it while watching my favorite Netflix show.
Why not, it’s happiness.

I’m so thankful for food, and especially the fact that I was raised with a mother who knows how to make good food and appreciate good food.
I’m Taiwanese so we enjoyed the best of the world’s food….

I had to finish all my food at the table so sometimes I’d sit there for an hour because I had bad teeth. Also my mom would finish before me and leave the table.

Somehow I’ve learned to see food as a pastime, a hobby, because I knew I had to otherwise it would seem like a punishment. So I ate slow. I learned to cherish it.

I also learned to enjoy food alone, my favorite pastimes is going out to eat by myself. I enjoy focusing on the flavors instead of talking to people. When I eat with other people I often talk too much and can’t enjoy the true flavors of the food. And they often finish before I do, then I feel rushed.

I have several favorites:
1. Enjoying a day at the Korean spa then eating Korean food, tofu pot to be exact. It’s the most nourishing day, my body feels relaxed and the food nourishes my being.
2. Sitting at a cafe for hours and just drinking coffee. Sometimes people watching.
3. Tacos and horchata is the perfect combo
4. Tuna tartare
5. Mojitos and margaritas
6. Dark ales and fries or anything fried
7. Sushi, fish eggs, sashimi, scallops
8. Rich chocolate cakes, ice creams, magnum ice creams, truffles, Lindt truffles

My dislikes:
1. Waiters asking if I’m okay ten thousand times or taking my food before I’m done. This has happened many times because I’m a slow eater and sometimes the last bite looks small but I’m literally still eating.
2. I don’t dislike steak but I’m not a huge meat eater because I chew really slow and then I get tired.
3. Surprisingly I don’t think macaroons are that good, they’re quite dry for me.

I believe good food isn’t about eating “healthy” per say, because I’ve met the most unhappy and unfulfilled “healthy” eating people. They are a drag to be around. Asian culture believe food is the center of soul and heart, it’s about love and family, friendship and nourishment. A good soup is slow cooked for days and it is cooked with love and heart. A salad isn’t healthy if it doesn’t make you happy.

I Believe food should make you smile, it should make you happy.

It should have rich flavors at times to celebrate your inner health, but lightness at times too. It should have an expression of who you want to be.

Food is that way to me, it heals my heart when I’m feeling hopeless in life, it gives me more energy and zest to take on my dreams.
It is refreshment to my heart.
Food marks my times of triumph, my times of process, my transitions, my celebrations, my times of unknowing and even fears, it consoles me and speaks to me….like eating beach side with my friend in Hawaii, talking about boys, like making friends with the sushi chef at my favorite sushi spot, like watching the rain as I drink coffee and journal, like remembering intimate conversations with my friend at our Korean spot, like hot pot with my Taiwanese friend, like eating with my mom….

Food is my expression and conversation of love, it’s how I express gratitude for life, every time I eat I feel gratitude for the life it gives me, the energy to keep going in my dreams, it builds relationships in my life and it is a commonality I have with people when I mention food types…and a glow spark in their eyes, “you too? You love ramen too?” A wide smile spreading across our faces, like the feeling of remembering a long lost best friend or a favorite experience in our life.

Fast friendships have formed in my life because of food. I’ll always feel gratitude for the depth of love food makes my heart feel.


3 thoughts on “My Love Relationship With Food

  1. Jacky hartug

    As a traveler how do you balance your money with food and room when being your own boss overseas??

  2. I love food too, girl! It’s such an Asian thing to like food. x) Well liking food is an universal thing, but still!
    I’m jelly I need to try pho and hot pots!

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