My Calling To Pastor Lost Sheep

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I was just talking to my friend about pastoring lost sheep. A lot of people don’t understand my calling and even the “lost sheep” ask me “so what’s your goal, what’s your vision”. I’m like you are. 

A lot of people also ask me if maybe God will bring someone to go with me.

Well I explained that pastoring lost sheep is a one on one job. God has sent me to 15-16 countries to find lost sheep. I am led by the Holy Spirit so even if I’m on an airplane if God says to move and I sense that I am not where I need to be, I start walking around the airplane looking for the “appointed” seat. It’s inconvenient and yes I get a lot of stares.

Sometimes I have to move rooms when I’m on the road because I don’t feel peace about one room, and it’s the receptionist I’m supposed to reach.

It’s led me to climb hills and valleys like this photo. It’s not a comfortable job or calling. I wasn’t sent out by a church or an organization. People are like “oh so your church must send you to a lot of places”. I’m like “no God sends me”.

Hurt and wounded people do not open to groups of missionaries, they open to one person who speaks into their heart and language. My sheep need special care. They usually feel rejected and have been significantly hurt by people. If the lost sheep is not a believer of Jesus, I usually pray and prophesy into what they’re going through and they are amazed by how I know things about them.

If the lost sheep is a believer who has been wounded by the church, well, sometimes they have a defensive mechanism and yes, I’m the one who feels like I’m getting the beating. But it’s just because people are not used to people who love without agenda.

And I’ve had sheep bite back too. They called me a fraud and that I wasn’t sent by God. When God tells me to ask specific people for donations I’ve gotten judged too. People are confused and don’t understand my calling or purpose. Mostly conservatives or people who don’t understand the holy spirit.

The Holy Spirit is well, FREE, not confined, not restricted, God is completely outside the box and will call you to do outrageous things that don’t make sense at the time.

You don’t get as much recognition and fame as those who pastor a church with a building. Sometimes you don’t receive appreciation either.

But that’s following Jesus, you do it because you love Jesus and you love people. Let’s just say it purifies your heart and I have to continue doing that each day, and not get caught up in unforgiveness or bitterness. Since it’s also a calling that is sometimes unpaid. You don’t get a weekly salary. You have to trust God to open peoples’ hearts to give or God will tell me who to ask.

It’s definitely not a traditional calling and few people do it. 

It requires you to have significant faith in the one who is faithful to provide and to take care of His children.

I told a catholic Polish man that I am a pastor and he said “but can women be pastors?” I said yes. Some men in church don’t allow women to be pastors because they want the recognition, their hearts are defiled by the need for fame. If you are pastoring people, you are a pastor. You don’t have to be ordained or be in a church to do it. 

God knows peoples’ hearts. He knows many people just do it for recognition. He is looking at those who pastor people out of love. 

When I was on a bus in New Zealand the Lord had me sit next to a staunch atheist. He was very defensive and asked me “what is God telling you?” I said “He told me to listen to you”. “Well I’m not sure if He wants you to listen to talks against God”. 

So he just talked about how he was a computer genius growing up and felt misunderstood. He told me how he was badly hurt by a pastor.

Why is it different when you serve out of listening to God?

It’s not a formula. It’s not just sharing tracts or sharing the 4 steps to salvation. God will always tell you what that person actually needs to hear. Loving people is not a formula. And bringing people to Jesus is not like doing sales. It’s about showing them that there is a God who deeply loves and cares for them.

And sure, I have to learn to set boundaries too. My job is to deliver a message, I’m a prophet so I deliver messages from God. My responsibility is not to help better their lives right away, that’s God’s job. I can’t be like a mom constantly by their side telling them what to do. Some people I minister to I never see again, some stay connected to me on social media and I get to see their growth. 

Sometimes I don’t get thanked, and sometimes I feel depleted or empty. And at that time I need to take care of myself. Sometimes I feel lack and I feel like I can’t go on and God says to me “it is in your weakness my strength is made perfect”.

It’s a calling that requires all of my heart.

I can’t put half my heart out there when God asks me to sit next to a stranger, talk to them, pray over them. Sometimes God tells me to ask a stranger for a donation, can you imagine the fear of rejection or judgement? It seems whatever evil can come against me has come against me. The spirit of witchcraft in people? Nightmares, demons? I’ve encountered them all because Satan really hates that someone is willing to risk their life, even if that means never getting an applause or a steady paycheck to rescue those that everyone else has seem to have forgotten.

Because I am one of those lost sheep, not that I ever strayed from God, I always heard His voice….but I was badly wounded by church leaders. They told me I was going down the path of destruction.

Like Joseph, I didn’t understand why people laughed at me when I said I was going to be Asian Oprah. They laughed because I could barely pay my rent and I was struggling to make ends meet. They laughed because they didn’t understand the seed God put in me, the power God put in me. They looked at my circumstances, not the resurrected Christ in me. 

Now I understand why I had to go through the torment of ridicule, shaming and guilt tripping.

So that I can withstand anything that comes against me on the road.

You can read about why I left everything to Follow Jesus.

And you know what’s cool, when there’s those few that honor, respect and love you for who you are. I am grateful for the ones that have stood by me and encouraged me when I was discouraged. It’s not an easy job. I was telling my friend (that I met on instagram) that most nights when I’m staying at a new place I’m praying to God “please let there not be loud noises next door”. You just never know what to expect. I never know what assignments are out there. Most people go back to the same home every night and when I’m able to do that for a few days, I’m really grateful to God. 

Prayer Request and updates:

  1. I’ll be in LA until September 5 and flying to New York. I have 3 layovers in Vegas, Denver and Chicago. I know it’s crazy but God told me this was the one to book and there must be a lot of divine appointments on this journey.
  2. Pray for protection, strength, energy, joy, health. Pray for rest in the few days I’m here.
  3. Pray for the hearts of those I’ve sown seeds into. Pray for the thousands of people I’ve ministered to on the road. Pray for God to protect the seeds of His gospel.
  4. Pray for Christians who are stuck in the religious mindset and need to be set free by the holy spirit. Pray for God to open their hearts and see the new move of God. Pray for them to welcome the fact that God can speak to them. One of my calling is to set Christians free from condemnation. A lot of people don’t understand grace, so I have to explain that at the point of salvation God only sees Jesus in them.
  5. Pray for God’s abundant provision as God is saying to go to Korea soon. I have a one way ticket to New York and may be flying out to Korea after- as the holy spirit leads.
  6. Pray for BOLDNESS to do whatever God asks me to do. Pray against the spirit of fear or intimidation, or any impure spirit that tries to come against me. Pray that I will be so focused on God’s love that nothing shakes me.

If you would like to support me or my ministry- links are below. Thank you so much! $500-$600 is needed for the flight to Korea. My goal is to raise $4000 in the next few days or weeks to cover the flights and expenses needed for August and September. If there are more needs I know God will provide as I continue! 

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One of my favorite pictures where God led me to a hostel in Singapore and there was a roomful of Korean kids on an English field trip with their English teacher.

The Parable of the Lost Sheep

15 Now the tax collectors and sinners were all gathering around to hear Jesus. But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.”

Then Jesus told them this parable: “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ 7 I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

Luke 15:1-7

Choose God’s Path

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A word on my spirit. Someone out there is choosing the easier and more comfortable route but God is asking you to step out in faith. It’s not an easy word to deliver because no one likes to be uncomfortable but God’s intention is to grow you.

Feel free to message me on Facebook if you have questions or want to tell me your story.

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You don’t have to suppress your desires anymore

I had a dream I was at my fashion design graduation and I had no idea what to design but an idea came for wearable art and before I knew it I was packing up my box. I also saw free champagne and cake. I asked for a glass but they couldn’t find one. Finally I found a hologram Colored one and poured a bunch of lime green colored champagne into my glass. I was surprised that I wanted to drink so much since I hadn’t drank in ages. The glass suddenly cracked and broke.

The Lord spoke to me when I woke up. He said that most people drown out their desires by watching television or drinking, or shopping, eating, sex, etc.

It’s instant gratification.

When we’ve been in seasons of waiting or prolonged delay, we feel that it’s God’s heart to deprive us of things. We start believing we need to suffer to earn God’s blessings.

And when we do receive it we don’t believe we deserve it or that God will take it away.

I went through years of being stripped away of everything. Because those things were places of slavery. I was a slave to what my friends thought of me, what my mom thought of me. I was a slave to my rent and my car bills. I was a slave to societal standards.

When Jesus said “sell everything and follow me” He didn’t mean that He would never bless me and that He wanted me to live like a beggar. He simply meant “if you give everything up, I shall give you true power. You will no longer be a slave to society and you will no longer define yourself by what you have”. However because I will no longer be a slave to the blessings, God will pour out His blessings because He knows as freely as I received as freely I will give.

So all of it is a season of testing.

The more you are able to release, the more He will bless you. I know it sounds crazy but it’s true. He won’t give you above what you can handle.

He wants us to live without fear and following Jesus has helped me to overcome fears I didn’t think I have.

Things God freed me from:

A fear of men and what they think of me- approaching strangers to pray for them. I experience tons of negative reactions. But the more I’m rejected the more I seek refuge in being a daughter of God.

A fear of lack- sometimes not knowing how I’ll eat or pay for accommodation but trusting God and following His instructions to get the provisions I need instead of figuring it out on my own.

A fear of death- knowing that God has my back and His angels are watching over me.

God said to me “you deserve to have what you want, you deserve to be happy”.

“But Lord I suffered so much loss, how can I have what I want?”

“What is it you want?”

“A family. A sense of connectedness with friends and family. Restoration of my family. I want to come out from under the weight of pain and live freely from the past. I don’t just want to help other fulfill their dreams, I want to see my own fulfilled. I want to write tv shows, direct films, design clothes, write books, speak to people on stages, I want to help others through my own dreams.

I want to have the energy to dance again, to run again. I want to experience vitality in my body. It’s been such a long and hard process. I’ve helped thousands of people but I want it for myself too. I want my own family.”

What are your desires? God wants to fulfill them.

You May have been a long and difficult wilderness of delayed desires but God wants to give you what you want. You might be asking why you had to go through all of that but He is saying “now you can contain it- what true power looks like”.

You can not contain God’s power without being a vessel emptied of fear, shame, self hate, condemnation and guilt.

You were a slave; now you are free.

Only a free man/woman can love without manipulating the family God brings to him/her.

Only a free man/woman can have riches and not be a slave to it.

Only a person who knows they are children of God can have worldly success and not allow the fame and worldly power get to his/her head.

Only a person who has gone through the fire can he/she resist the temptations that the next level presents to him/her.

God built you in the fire because otherwise you’d be knocked down by the devil right when God brings your husband, the money, or the family.

God knows the devil will try to destroy your reputation when the fame comes. He knows you couldn’t withstand the accusations back then, but now you know who you are in Christ Jesus. He knew you were ashamed to be called Christian back then, but now you only preach Jesus crucified and resurrected.

The devil could have wiped you out with one accusation from your family, you would’ve been talking about it for one month, maybe a year.

But now you know who you are in Christ Jesus. You know not to get caught up in the devil’s trap. You won’t allow your mouth to speak negatively.

Back then, the devil brought good looking men/women to you and it was easy to sidetrack you. You were easily seduced by flattery and a sign of wealth but now you know a wolf from a true sheep and follower of Jesus.

I’ve met enough wolves to know what a true man of God looks like now!

One look, one sentence, I can tell what a man’s heart is after!

A man after God’s heart may not have luxury cars but they have a heart that will follow God at all costs.

Back then you were so broken you spent your whole paycheck on binge drinking. Now you’ve learned to sow into God’s kingdom and to treat yourself well without needing to hurt your body.

Now you know you are worthy because Jesus paid the price for the blessings so I decree and declare –

You will have what you want! Because your number one delight will always be Jesus Christ!

You will never leave your first love even if the blessings come!

So I prophesy all the things you want rain down! The family, the friends, the finances, success in your business, etc.

This time you will not leave Jesus out.

“Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you”.

I gave everything up to follow Jesus and in return, He has brought incredible kingdom minded friends. People sowed and continue to sow into this kingdom work of bringing Jesus to the nations. Even though it has been really difficult at times, I know in my weakness His strength is made perfect.

These times strengthen my faith.

God is a good Father and even when we don’t understand it, His desire is to bring us to a wholeness that can contain what He desires for us.

A broken vessel allows the fragrance of Jesus to seep through to others.

You need to be broken to have a genuine love for people. I love homeless people on another level because I understand how it feels to go without. I love the hurting because I know how it feels to hurt. I love the wounded because I’ve been wounded.

God is calling us out of the past and into the new season.

Will you grab His hand and walk forward? The new door is open for you! Don’t look back anymore!

The fire and wilderness trained you to see the real from the fake. I’ve battled spirits of witchcraft, accusation and intimidation. I can spot a guilt trip from a mile away. I can sense danger and an angry spirit. I know when to engage and when to walk away.

I know when someone’s ready for help or when they are sent by the devil to distract me!! I know what false responsibility feels and looks like!

I know how much to help someone and when I need to set boundaries. I’ve trained my whole life! Ever since I was born into a broken home, ever since I saw divorce in my family, a mother who became unforgiving and bitter, I know what holding onto a grudge results in!

I know I used to carry false responsibilities thinking they were mine to carry! I know my worth now!

I know what the religious spirit and obligation looks like! I know what guilt feels like! I know the difference between “should” and “want”! God wants us to live in want! Not should’s!

I’ve been set free from the bondage of religion and into true sonship with Jesus, an intimate relationship not based on works but grace!

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Walking By Faith, Not Sight

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Writing from Nelson, New Zealand

Another day of following the Holy Spirit with my bag and suitcase.

Not comfortable. Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and just went to pray, I couldn’t stop crying. I didn’t have enough for a hostel the next day and today the Lord said “It’s time to move on”. I prayed for a few people and told my testimony to an English guy.

Dying to myself is so hard.

I want to be comfortable, I want to have the security of finances, but I have to trust God alone. 

R represents me, G is God.

R- I’m scared that you will leave or abandon me. I can just imagine the worse case scenario, me lying on the street.

G- Trust me. I am leading you to the lost sheep. My ways are not your ways. I know you want to know how it’s going to happen, but my ways are not your ways.

R- Why me?

G- Because you are willing.

R- But it’s difficult.

G- In your weakness my strength is made perfect.

“Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

R- I tried everything didn’t I? I tried to fundraise, I tried couchsurfing. But your ways are not mine, so though my heart is unwilling, I submit to your ways.

G- Flow with my Spirit. I know that you want to run away, like Jonah. But you’re choosing to stay. Remember when you watched “Married At First Sight”? You have a choice to STAY OR LEAVE…yet every time you’re choosing to STAY. You’re choosing the safe path of following me. Though everyone else may think this is the unsafe and unsecure path, you are choosing the only path that matters, the path of life, the path of the Kingdom, my path.

This all makes sense now. Before I left Los Angeles to follow Jesus in search of lost sheep, to share Jesus with people….I kept having dreams about getting married.

I had dreams that I was wearing a wedding dress and getting ready on an airplane.

This was saying “Yes” the the Ring, the dress, the commitment to God. This was believing that God had the best intention for me, that His heart is love for me.

That as a husband, God will never leave nor forsake me.

So I’m not alone, though I may feel that everyone else has abandoned me. 

I am so thankful for the people that continue to pray and support me on this journey, but nothing compares to the presence of God. People are not constantly next to me to root me on. People are not there 24 hours to pray with me. Sometimes I feel like I really can’t go on anymore, I feel petrified. I have a few dollars, I don’t know what will happen but I’m choosing intimacy with God.

The Lord has just drawn me to a place of closer intimacy with His heart. 

G- I will do and go anywhere for one person, will you do that? Will you pour out your life for the sake of one?

R- yes I do and will.

G- You are my faithful warrior. Don’t give up, be brave and bold for I am with you. 

Yesterday I prophesied over a Thai man, I saw him doing graphic design. He was shocked. He asked me how I knew as he just returned from Wellington (where he was doing graphic design)- I said Jesus showed me.

G- You’re bringing them closer to me. The revelation of who I am, love.

R- What about me Lord?

G- I will never leave nor forsake you. Be brave and move forward. Walk in my spirit. Walk forward even when you don’t know what will happen.

R- I will hold your hand even when my heart is fearful. I will hold your hand into the dark, as you are my light.

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Give to the work of the Kingdom, to saving souls and changing lives. Thank you so much for your continual support.

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The Only Anguish In My Heart

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Another Christian I met in Singapore hostel, we prayed for the country and sang to Jesus together.

The only anguish in my heart is for those that don’t know Jesus.

Today I found myself praying and crying to the Lord. God I pray that people will see the undying love of Christ and come to you.

It can be discouraging when you offer to pray for someone and they straight up say “no we don’t believe”.

Belief is a powerful thing. I sat there in the pool watching them as they silently sat reading their books. Though it seemed like a peaceful villa (I felt led to go there even though it wasn’t where I was staying but you are welcome to go and buy a drink), it seemed ominously quiet.

I thought about how sometimes when we don’t want interference, interruptions, noise, we are actually afraid to open our hearts to something new, maybe love, maybe an undying love named Jesus.

Sometimes we’d rather sit in brokenness than allow love to seep into our hearts. 

Sometimes we’d rather stay wounded than allow healing to occur.

Sometimes we’d rather run to distraction than allow ourselves to face the pain we’ve ignored for most of our lives. 

Even in the partying or celebrations our hearts could be broken.

So I sang out to Jesus- God bring them closer to your heart, bring them closer, bring them home.

The anguish in my heart is feeling like I’ve no control over how people react or how close they are to Jesus. I cannot force someone to see Jesus with their hearts, I cannot force someone to open their hearts.

Sometimes people are open and happy for some prayer, blessing and prophetic word about their life. Sometimes people wave their hand and say “no I don’t believe”. Sometimes they are so wounded they can’t see that true love exists, that betrayal sat too deeply in their memories to be forgiven.

I don’t feel rejected when they say no. I feel pain.

I feel pain that they are looking at the answer, but they are not willing to accept it. 

God has broken my heart for what breaks His. My only anguish is seeing a world full of people in despair and not seeing the One who can deliver them.

I am a drink offering being poured out everyday and I am praying everyday Lord bring them closer to you.

This night the Lord told me to knock on a young man’s door and pray for him. He is staying at the same hostel but in a private room. I wasn’t sure if it was his door but he opened. I said I was leaving tomorrow but that I wanted to pray for him and he said that he is not religious and turned away his face. I said, “okay, Jesus loves you”.

God break off the numbness in our hearts that prevent us from receiving your love. Your love is so amazing, it is wonderful, it is indescribable. You died on the cross for us and you thought of everyone of us. Your love captivates my heart. Your love is the only love worth living for. You healed my heart and I am longing for all people to know this love, this love that gives me rest and comfort. I pray this in Jesus name.

I am reminded of the story of Hosea. He married a harlot and the harlot, instead of wanting to be loved by one man,  went back to her old ways and lived a life of prostitution. Yet, Hosea waited for her. 

I am reminded that God waits for us and His love has no bounds. He continues to knock on our doors without asking for anything in return.

Thank you for those who have been ministry partners and have been sending me out in obedience to the Lord. I pray the Lord protect and bless you.

Consider sowing into the kingdom and into the hearts of people around the world. 

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You Don’t Need Anyone Else’s Acceptance To Do What The Lord Has Called You To

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Testimonies and Updates from Singapore 
Prophetic Dreams, Word and PRAYER

I am looking for a few people to sow for the next place God is calling me to. I am heading to Indonesia on January 25.

Any amounts are a huge help. And you are sowing into souls.

Sow into the kingdom-

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Breaking Off The Orphan Mindset

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Since the age of 5 I was often home alone, I learned to kill bees on my own as a kid. I felt alone many times as my mom was often at work and I did not grow up with my dad. But in the many years of learning to be independent I learned to rely on God. I felt that I needed to be financially independent as I didn’t want to be a burden on my single mother.

However, I was living out of an orphan mindset. 

I was trusting God for provision however I was limiting Him by not knowing how to ask for help or believing that I was worthy of it.

There were many times on this trip I had to verbally ask for help. For example, asking to carpool or for a ride from a stranger because I had no sim card or way of getting home. So many times our phones actually become our emotional crutch but on this trip I’ve learned to open my heart. 

Recently I watched a movie called “More Than Blue”, it’s a Taiwanese movie about 2 orphans. One whose parents and family died in a car crash, and another whose mom abandoned him. What happens when 2 orphans come together? Codependency.

Here are symptoms of an orphan mindset:

  1. You feel like you have to rely on yourself (and God) and no one else.
  2. You feel like people cannot be trusted.
  3. You feel like love must be earned, and that people will only love you if you are good to them. This results in you putting on a mask or pretending to be happy all the time.
  4. You suppress and stuff your emotions or how you really feel because you’re scared of rejection and that others will stop liking or loving you because of you telling your truth.
  5. You’re ashamed of asking for help, you don’t believe you are worthy of it.
  6. You believe it’s easier to be alone and as a result you don’t know how to share you heart with people.
  7. You carry severe woundedness and feelings of rejection because of past experiences.
  8. You handle pain on your own, you feel that vulnerability is a sign of weakness.

ONE HUGE SIGN of an orphan mindset is that you CONDITION your behavior around those you are around (your behavior depends on who is around you at any given moment). God wants us to come into an alignment in our being to feel the freedom to be who we are without changing no matter who is around us. Most of us don’t feel safe to be who we really are because most people are not safe to be around (to be honest).

What happens when we find stability in our identity in Christ? And we find people who we can be honest with? Powerful authenticity.

There has been a number of movies recently about orphans, Instant Family for example.

Not to ruin the movie or anything (don’t read it if you’re going to watch it)- but they don’t tell each other how they really feel until the man is about to die. And then they lie and coerce each other to do what they want thinking it’s what will make them happy. For example, the guy says “you should get married to someone nice” when in truth he actually loves her…however because he is about to die he fears that she cannot handle the loneliness. He also does not tell her that he is sick.

In truth, she knows he is sick and is handling the pain on her own (orphan mindset). In the end, she married a guy just to make the man he loves happy, then leaves her husband to be by her lover’s side because she didn’t follow her heart to begin with.

Anyways even though I cried my eyes out, I thought to myself “this is really F#$% up”…how dare she use an innocent guy just to fulfill her lover’s wish.

So then, he dies and then she swallows some pills and kills herself.

While I was crying a bunch, God’s like “that’s not love”. I’m like okay I know, but the world seems to romanticize it. It seems romantic to die by your lover’s side.

In truth, the whole relationship started out with an orphan mindset. They felt abandoned and alone and instead of healing together, they basically became an orphan couple.

The girl could have lived a happy life without him if she had Jesus.

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A child of God Mindset: 

  1. Knows that in your weakness, God is strong. It’s powerful to be vulnerable and say how you really feel. You know that the ones who love you will still love you no matter what you say. 
  2. The Lord is your shepherd, you lack nothing. You are enough in Christ Jesus, you are not lacking. Your worth doesn’t come from what you do for others but who you are in Christ.
  3. You have a healthy understanding of building trust, that it takes time, but that your trust is not in people but in God. You understand that people are imperfect and people make mistakes and you understand that forgiveness is important to go on.
  4. You can ask for what you need or want without feeling guilt about it because you know you are worthy in Christ Jesus.
  5. You know that love is honest, not fake and you’re willing to be honest and show your true self. You understand that you heart is also not to be shared with just anyone. You understand your worth.
  6. You can share your pain with others who can be trusted. You know that it’s okay to share your vulnerabilities because it is the beginning of relationship.
  7. Your stability is in your identity of being a child of God, not in what you do or achieve, but in the unconditional love of Jesus.

It took me a long time to put my guard down and trust people, to learn to ask for help. The first time I asked my mom for help I was sobbing because I felt so ashamed. All my life, I was independent and could do everything on my own but it was the beginning of learning to be a child of God.

You don’t receive what you don’t believe you deserve. You receive in life what you believe you deserve. 

So when you live out of an orphan mindset, you don’t believe God can freely give you anything so you work for it, you strive for it, you perform for it.

But when you realize you are a child of God, you learn to rest and receive it knowing Jesus paid the price for it. 

Example-

The prodigal son did not work for His Father’s love and acceptance, in fact he actually wasted his inheritance but received Grace from His Father, it was undeserved. This is grace, undeserved, unearned.

The elder son on the other hand worked for His Father out of obligation and felt bitter when the Father provided the best for His undeserving son. This is living under the law, working for God’s love.

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If my blog has helped you and you would like to contribute and sow a seed into this ministry, please click the links below. God bless you and thank you! 

https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien 
https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

You Have The Right To Follow Your Heart

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One of the things I find very disturbing about what some Christians teach is that they hide under the guise or the “covering” of the church and do not have opinions or trust that God is speaking to them.

So they move only in the direction of what they’re told by leaders in the church and no longer have a mind of their own.

As someone who hears God and follows His voice I often meet Christians who say “wouldn’t it be better if you went with someone else” or a group?

As though Jesus in me is not enough and if the signs and miracles that God has worked through me isn’t evident of His presence in me and in my life. 

I am often reminded of the pharisees who saw the miracles and signs yet still doubted that God could really work through one person.

They are essentially saying “you can’t trust that God can speak to one individual or work miracles through one person”.

In fact this thinking is ancient.

It’s like having a catholic priest to “confess” your sins to and atone for your sins.

But Jesus’ BLOOD IS enough.

So many Christians are taught not to trust their heart and because of this, we do not see manifestations of God as much as God intended.

The reason I see God working through me is because I trust that IT IS God speaking to me and I act upon it. 

God puts every desire in your heart and ONLY BY listening to it will you essentially be listening to the spirit.

Leaders in the church have systematically taken “power” away from people by teaching this lie- that God only works through groups, not individuals and that their hearts are not to be trusted.

You see ONE head of that group who controls them and “corrects” them when they’ve gone astray.

This IS THE RELIGIOUS SPIRIT, a demonic spirit that entraps people and gets them forever stuck, to not have any voice or thought of their own but to be a mere robot that merely listens to a person or group herd mentality.

It says in the BIBLE that you have the mind of Christ when you receive Him into your heart.

GOD IS NOT AGAINST OUR DESIRES, HE PUTS DESIRES IN OUR HEARTS AND IT IS HIS LEADING. 

If a man was to follow the Spirit people probably wouldn’t QUESTION that GOD is working through him, but for some reason as a woman, I have tons of people asking me that maybe I should find a person to go with, that God should send my husband so I’m not alone out here on the field (in whatever country I am in).

HEY GUYS! 

I’M NOT ALONE! I WAS NEVER ALONE. JESUS IS MORE PRESENT THAN ANY HUMAN BEING ON THIS EARTH.

AND HE IS WORKING POWERFULLY THROUGH ME. AND I DO NOT FEEL ALONE, though I may feel misunderstood, I SAY I AM THE RIGHTEOUSNESS of CHRIST JESUS, I AM ENOUGH IN CHRIST JESUS.

After I struggled with thoughts of lack because someone asked if I should maybe go with someone- I suddenly had all these revelations about being enough. Even in this way. Following your heart and trusting that GOD is the one in you leading you, I decided to get a henna tattoo as a reminder.

And yes that is a mosquito bite. LOL.

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YOU ARE FREE, not a slave.

You are free, you are enough because of what Jesus did on the cross for you.

I had a remembrance of when I left a certain church because of legalism that someone said “I wish you came and prayed with us”.

What she really meant was “I wish I had the chance to change your mind, control you because I want you to stay and take over the worship team because I am the one leaving”.

God had already spoken to me “you’ve reach your limit here, it’s time to move on”.

Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom.

Even if someone doesn’t agree with you, it’s important to listen to what your heart is telling you.

The traditional and ancient church have suppressed women by telling them that they cannot have their own thoughts or even preach. They are much mistaken and it is the PURE work of the Devil, not God. In fact there were many prophetesses in the Bible. Jesus always came to liberate women, not to judge or condemn them.

When everyone tried to condemn a prostitute, He forgave and freed them. He protected them. 

I pray that this post will set you free to know that your heart is worth listening to and it is God speaking.

Sow a seed to this ministry and the work I am doing overseas to share the grace of God and bring healing to people. Your help is much appreciated and God sees your generosity! 

https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien
https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

Let Me Reintroduce Myself

Let my reintroduce myself. I felt the Lord tell me to write my story and to share it with everyone as my ministry fundraising letter.

Many of you may know me as the entrepreneur, the self-starter, the girl who was able to make anything happen. But what you don’t know is that when I was young I wanted to be a missionary. When I was 12, I felt the unconditional love of God when someone explained why Jesus died on the cross for me, I couldn’t stop crying. 

Back then I didn’t know what God was going to do in my life. I was born in Germany, moved to Taiwan when I was 5, then LA when I was 8. Growing up I felt a sense of lack and deficiency. I didn’t see my dad from the age of 8 to 18. My parents divorced and my mother brought me and my brother to America. I started selling toys after school at the age of 8. I wanted to share God’s love but I also felt a sense of responsibility to provide for my family. I wanted to become independent more than anything in the world.

So I worked my whole life. I strove hard. I aced tests, got good grades, I achieved and conquered and I was applauded for it. However, I was often exhausted and had unhealthy breaking points. Even at church, I felt like I was never doing enough. I got shingles at the age of 14 and the doctor said I needed to relax.

While I was trying to build my own kingdom and asking God to bless it, so that I could help others….I woke up from a dream while in a hostel in Spain. The Lord told me to quit my career in real estate.

You see, I had pursued many careers but the one thing that I was running away from was ministry. At the age of 28 the Lord told me to sell everything and follow Him. I was two months late on my rent and my relatives had accused me of being irresponsible, they saw my life as a fragmented failure. I had quit my job in 2011, backpacked to many places but without much “success” to show. I had worked in hollywood, real estate, fashion, teaching, coaching but there I was at the altar crying as God asked me to give my last $200 (intended for rent) to the church. He said “whose house are you building, yours or mine?”

I stopped working as the Lord instructed and He started showing me my identity in Christ. He showed me that I was righteous in Christ Jesus because of HIS finished work on the cross, and not my own works. During those two years of resting I was accused left and right for “being lazy” or not having my life together. I got hit with the most accusations when I turned 30. 

Little did people and my family know that I was going to set billions of people free from condemnation, guilt, shame, accusation. 

He showed me what TRUE grace is. It’s the finished work of Jesus on the cross.

In the last two years God showed me that I was a pastor to the lost sheep and a prophet that would start a fire within peoples’ hearts. Since July 2018, I have been traveling the world (Taiwan, Korea, Japan, South Africa, Thailand, China) sharing my story and praying for people. God leads me to the people He needs me to touch.

I AM a firestarter, I am revivalist, I am the person God picked to spread the message of rest, grace and unconditional love.

I lay hands on people and say “you are enough in God’s eyes, not because of what you do right or wrong, but because of Jesus’ finished work on the cross”. 

There is NOTHING more powerful than seeing people get set free from a lifetime of guilt, “not enough”, shame and condemnation. There is nothing more powerful than sharing with a chinese girl who is stressed out about finding work that GOD has already gone before her to provide the job she needs or to rest in God, there is nothing more powerful than helping a homeless youth and laying hands on his head speaking “you are not an orphan but a child of God” and seeing his eyes light up. 

However, I need your help. Just as Elijah was instructed to ask the widow for a meal, so that when the widow gave she could be set free from the spirit of lack (and because of her trust that God would provide, she never lacked from that day forth…she had more than enough to eat because she gave), I have been instructed to share my story with you and ask for your help.

I touch lives everyday for a living. Would you be part of this revolution of love? The world needs more love. There is an ongoing need as I will be traveling for at least a year more. Where the Spirit leads, there will be graves turned, hearts healed, people saved and changed. I have prayed for people with cancer, heartache, lack, disease, disappointments, strife, and more. I already have countless stories, hundreds of divine encounters and appointments, people coming to Christ etc.

I pray THIS over you! “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

To sow a seed: 
https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien 
https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien – this is free to donate and receive, so it’s the better option!

zelle- Rebekkalien@gmail.com

More information: https://www.facebook.com/donate/274911403152724/

 

 

 

Living Against Cultural Norms

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Living Against Cultural Norms 11/25/2018, 9th day in Shanghai China, 4 months overseas, written in the middle of the night on my notebook.
I’ve gone through more challenges than I would care to experience following Jesus and ministering to people in different countries. It’s easy to hide behind a computer but when you are interacting and living with people on a daily basis you’ll face many objections and challenges.

For one, sexism.
Another, the spirit of intimidation and control (witchcraft).
Another, hurt.
There were times I had to ask people to put their phones on silent mode in the dorm rooms. In a 8 bed dorm room you’ll encounter plenty of people.

When I asked this guy to silence his phone as all kinds of sounds were coming from his phone (BTW the first night I got woken up by someone watching porn on their phone, no headphones), he ignored me and pretended I didn’t exist.

He finally got off his bed, which is the top bunk above mine.

When I confronted him, he looked away and pretended I didn’t exist.
Then he stared at me and said “are you crazy? Why are you staring at me?”
I was speechless.
This kind of person exists in this world?
When I told other chinese people about it they said I should just ignore it. They ignore many things. To them it’s part of life- longsuffering.

I believe God calls us to forgive and love our enemies, but He doesn’t call us to be silent.

In fact, a prophet is supposed to speak in the face of opposition, persecution and intimidation.

This week I also showed my past TV appearance videos to some people. They were shocked as I was “skinnier” and “prettier” back then, they said.

I said “I didn’t know who I was back then, I felt that I needed to put on makeup but now I don’t feel the need to put on a “face” for anyone.

But those words still affected me and I had to climb out of the “feeling of not being enough” hole. The truth is I didn’t each much back then out of the fear of lack and the fear of gaining weight. When moments like that occur I have to look at Jesus and reaffirm “I am enough in Christ Jesus”.

I had a dream last night I hadn’t changed water in a tank for 3 weeks and the fishes were in a really thick shampooed filled liquid.

I had another dream a woman pastor layed her hands on my head and I started sobbing. When I woke up I could hear myself crying.

The process of loving others is not easy. I find myself angry and hurt at times, laughing at other times.

I share my testimonies and of God’s grace to people who aren’t perfect- like me.
People who are scared of intimacy, vulnerability, letting anotone into their hearts, people who carry a spirit of lack and don’t feel like they are enough, people who feel guilt and shame and sometimes have no capacity to give me any love because they haven’t embraced God’s love.

Even though I experience joy in these friendships, I’m ultimately still a pastor, minister, prophet.

Its not a 2 way street. I may be sharing intimate parts of my heart but I am never to look for belonging or acceptance from people I minister to because my home is God, no one else.

Perhaps the joy I felt caused me to think that I’ve found new friends, but close friends are people who can actually level up with you.

God will humble you and cause your heart to be enlarged, but your heart will also have to process continual rejection and persecution.

Most of the time people don’t understand me but my job is to share what is on God’s heart and know my belonging is in God.

Being a pastor to the lost sheep is not easy.

It’s a calling for people who will surrender to their hearts continually to God.

It’s a calling for warriors.
It’s a calling for those who won’t give up in the face of strong opposition.

Sow a seed

https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien