A Queen/King Honors Her Emotions & Boundaries

art-carving-close-up-189528

One of the worse things I experienced in life was having a trusted person betray me. It wasn’t that she did anything wrong, she said something really wrong. She dishonored my emotions (and me) during a time when I was going through a really hard time which was caused by one of her family members.

I had a dream where God showed me why I was feeling so shut down.

She belittled the hurt.

And I think that’s why it’s so important we allow children to cry and express anger, hurt. EMOTIONS ARE IMPORTANT. They tell us that our boundaries have been crossed. 

I didn’t think it – but subconsciously, I felt helpless. I felt that even my best friend was against me since she of course sided with her family. The people around me felt like I was being melodramatic and I didn’t know how to describe the hurt and the betrayal.

I felt alone and helpless. I felt angry and betrayed.

After that, I subconsciously shut down my emotions because people didn’t understand them anyways, because it didn’t get anything done, because the person closest to me brushed it aside.

It’s okay, I don’t need to be understood.

During that time I found my true friend, someone who really honored my emotions and could also tell me the truth.

But my heart felt cold and frosty for a long time.

That’s why when my heart suddenly started to melt, it was painful. I can feel the pain now, I can feel now.

“I was dishonored, disgraced, humiliated for your sake”- says the Lord. “I know how that feels, betrayal”. 

When I started to shut down my emotions, I started to sometimes under eat or over eat. I didn’t know when I was full or sometimes hungry. I was so detached from my emotions that I couldn’t even understand what my body was telling me.

I learned that I escaped painful emotions by eating sweets. 

I learned that I used logic and my mind to figure out what wasn’t working instead of going through experiencing the emotions. 

Yesterday this mentally unstable lady on the street demanded I give her my water and I did, at first out of good will, but then got angry at her for taking my water because I was really thirsty.

I forgave her in my heart but decided not to randomly give my water away. She could have gone to in and out to get water. I turned around and saw she had dumped the water on a bench. Next time I will speak loudly for myself. No.

I’ve been watching “The Return of Superman”, a Korean show about dads raising their kids and what I started noticing is that kids are raised to share because it’s a “kind thing to do”.

But kids are rarely taught boundaries.

I was not taught boundaries. I felt like things were easily taken from me, things I loved. In this way, I did not know how to protect and keep things I loved. I allowed people to step over me and didn’t know how to speak up for myself because this was illustrated to me in my family.

I was even taught this in church. Sacrifice.

But no one taught me that because Jesus already became the sacrifice that I didn’t need to be the sacrifice in my life. I didn’t need to be crucified everyday. 

I don’t think martyrdom is what Jesus wanted.

I think He wanted us to know what He died for us to have, to be, to live. 

I think we are in an age where we need to know who we are and push back the darkness that surrounds us. We can’t just take it. That’s not okay. 

We need to stand up and speak up. We need to rise and protect our boundaries.

People tell me that I’m so bold and self-loving. 

But that wasn’t always the case. I was the quiet, obedient Asian girl that people expected me to be. Now when I shout, the whole building can hear me. 

It’s because I know who I am and what I deserve now.

A queen seated on high.

 

Your Heart Desires To Be Set Free

10152004_10155121399255603_1392336736366079132_n

You heart desires to be set free

To have space, to have freedom to be, to be still and to know all is completed.

All is won and done.

Your heart seeks peace, seeks rest.

Our outward actions are manifestations of where our hearts are at. 

Some hearts need more time and space, some hearts need less, but we all need to nurture the child within, for without it, we’d be simply flesh and bones.

Intimacy scares me, though I thought I gave my heart to a higher cause, there is still self-protection, and self-protection is fear that God will not protect my heart. We live in fear because we think it is safe, but we are compromising our dreams to live in lack. We choose to live in a veil of stability which only becomes a prison. 

In a prison, we are unable to break free by our own will. By divine grace, we are set free.

The only reason I’ve become so mature, wise and deep from self-reflection is because I’ve created boundaries to give my heart time to be, not do. Are you giving yourself a garden to cultivate your deepest thoughts, desires and wisdom? 

FB- Hang out with us on Tuesday!

https://www.facebook.com/events/401134226736076/

Get My Ebook Here: https://payhip.com/b/6zoT

Live Like All Your Problems Are Already Solved

images

I had ANOTHER grand epiphany last night.

What if we lived as though we knew that all our problems will be solved? Our student loans paid off, debt paid off, relationships reconciled, worries of the future, that someday we will definitely marry the right person, not die of cancer, etc and all the doubts and worries that hold no truth.

What if we know that everything will turn out okay?

And isn’t it true that it does usually turn out okay?

Didn’t you finish college, or even if you didn’t, end up pursuing your dreams or a great career?

Didn’t you end up with the person you wanted to be? And if you didn’t, aren’t you alive anyways?

What is the worse that can happen?

I think the worse things that can happen is our inability to be present and to accept the present, letting go of our control. 

I am like that, I am sure plenty of people are like that as well.

I started practicing yoga and praying while doing yoga. It is a required prayer time for me, which allows me to not only calm down, but be in my body versus my head.

island

What if we can envision the future and think, live in a way that already KNOWS we will get there? I envision that someday I will be flying in different countries with 45 successful businesses, perhaps speaking 5 languages (I speak 2 fluently- Mandarin and English, I hope to perfect my French and Japanese, then German/Spanish), live without financial worries and have millions in disposable income, and have helped many survivors of human trafficking, built many orphanages, schools and businesses to provide jobs for the needy.

One day, I will invite my supporters to my private island and we will enjoy a weekend of yoga, prayer, being, and manifesting joy, peace and love in our lives. One day, I will look back on the days of recycling bottles and building furniture out of pieces found on the street and smile. It was all worth it.

130614101825-private-islands-guana-plunge-horizontal-gallery