The Making Of A Prophet

 

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“But I tell you the truth, no prophet is accepted in his own hometown.”- Luke 4:24

I don’t wish that anyone be called by God to be a prophet, pastor, evangelists. What you see in America is not what being called actually looks like, most people don’t tell you what the process looks like to be called. 

The biggest struggle I’ve had to go through is being rejected, by everyone. The biggest lesson I learned in being rejected is that “I am worthy, I am enough”.

I’m going to tell you what it actually looks like to be called. Growing up in a conservative church, people didn’t really believe me when I told them that “God told me”. I had a ear for God early on, but didn’t know it was being spirit filled.

I listened and will follow Him where He was leading. I got booted out essentially by the conservatives. Later on I tried to pursue success in the world and failed miserably as God closed all the doors. He said “You are a pastor to the lost sheep”. 

Now He also called me after my failed attempt to be successful in the world to “sell everything and follow Him”. I proceeded to returned my leased car, my apartment that  I was already two months behind in rent, and I basically did everything that a model citizen wouldn’t do.

After years of being “independent” I moved back home with my mom. I felt like I was losing everything I built my life on. I lost my career, my laptop crashed, I didn’t have a sim card for 3 years.

The accusations got louder and louder- “what are you doing with your life? You are almost 30. Stop wasting your life. Get a real job”.

Well, God told me very specifically to rest and to follow His voice. So there I was praying for people on buses and on the streets. I didn’t know that my life would essentially look like that NOW but I am praying for so many more people on a daily basis.

You see, I looked like I was living an irresponsible life but I was setting people free from fear and bondage, I was healing backaches and speaking identity into orphaned hearted people. But that didn’t seem to matter to my mom. 

But in those 2 years God restored more of our relationship.

So I lost everything but I gained the Lord. Jesus.

All my vices suddenly disappeared as the Lord started healing everything wounded in me. I stopped wanting to drink whereas in my early twenties I often found myself drowning my pain in alcohol or going out with people.

Now people offer me alcohol and I just don’t want it. It’s not because of self-discipline but because God has took away any desire so that I can be sober minded.

It says to be vigilant for the enemy is always prowling to attack, this is true. I let my spiritual guard down when I am drunk. But now I am drunk with the SPIRIT of GOD. And it is INCREDIBLE.

In 2014 I also broke up with my ex and I stopped dating. Suddenly I didn’t need attention from men anymore. THAT WOUND HEALED. The Lord did it. You see even if a nice looking guy shows up I can read his mind and his spirit!

So what did the process look like? LOTS of tears and rejection. Being rejected by your own relatives, friends, being judged about your life. Traveling to places and sometimes not knowing what I would eat or if I had money to eat, being laughed at when I get in front of a stranger in front of a big crowd of people, being ridiculed. 

YES, people say “no” all the time when I ask to pray for them. Yes, people laugh at me.

When I tell people I’m a prophet, some laugh. Some people who don’t believe in Jesus laugh and ridicule me. Some people think I’m saying it to be boastful and they attack me.

But you know what I say “I don’t wish it upon anyone because the cost has been great”.

Now more than ever what I pray over people is this “you are enough in Christ Jesus, there is now no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus. You are righteous by grace and not by works”. This SETS PEOPLE FREE because they are no longer under judgement, but FREEDOM. 

I had to go through all that to know what IDENTITY MEANS.

The crazy thing is that the farther I went from Los Angeles, the more I was actually honored as a prophet and as a human being. Above is a picture of my brother in Christ. I have received such encouragement from people I have met here, in Japan and in Korea. Though I was once dishonored and rejected, God is restoring honor to me.

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Do You Like Yourself? My Journey Of Finding Wholeness

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Happy Valentine’s day.

I used to have boy crushes growing up. I had these unhealthy obsessions of male celebrities and I had quick soul ties with men. I was just boy obsessed. I didn’t grow up with my dad. My parents divorced when I was 8 and we moved to Los Angeles from Taiwan. From then on I didn’t see my dad until I was 18 years old when I went to Taiwan. He looked like a stranger, an old man. But he was related to me, but a pure stranger. 

It took several visits for me to finally forgive him and let go of my “ideal childhood”. I grew up with severe depression because I just felt sad that I didn’t grow up with my dad. This cloud over my mind and being affected every area of my life.

But I didn’t know it stemmed from hopelessness….that hopelessness of feeling unwanted, abandoned, rejected, uncherished.

I grew close to God. I would journal and talk to God, but I felt far away from Him too. Sometimes I felt like I had to achieve and perform to please Him.

It took years and years for me to see that God is pleased with me, He doesn’t need me to please Him, that’s why Jesus died on the cross for me. His love is constant and unchanging, totally unconditional and totally overflowing. 

I tried to find love in a potential boyfriend. I fell into relationships out of convenience or for the pure desire for companionship. Though our desire for companionship is God-willed…our neediness isn’t. 

Our neediness is a reflection of the God-void in our hearts.

We all desire God, but we just don’t know it.

Fast forward from my teens to now (I just turned 30 years old, the age where everyone expects that you should have everything together)….I don’t need a man.

I really don’t. I do desire marriage and a life partner but I have never felt more complete than now. 

Because throughout the last 3 years, God would whisper “you are enough”. Every time I felt like I was not enough, I was lacking, I didn’t have this or that….every time I felt inadequate or unable, every time I felt like I was gaining weight or accused….whatever it was, it would come down to “you are enough”. 

That’s why I am enough and I don’t have a need for anything or anyone else but God.

God totally and completely completes me. 

In Him I am enough. 

I am so blessed to have come to this revelation in my life. I hope that this fact of “you are enough” will open your heart to the Only One who can give you love, unconditional and everlasting.

PS- is it easy? No. It’s not always easy to stay in that knowledge when everyone around you tells you you are not enough, but that is why I have found “alone time” to be most vital. Alone time helps me recuperate from the words of family members, it gives me time to receive from God and to be loved by God even when the world around me attacks me.

The best gift I received today, from myself….is alone time. I feel like I can breathe again. Though it is nice to spend time with loved ones, alone time helps me find my heart again especially when others have their own issues to deal with.

With love, Rebekka – Hugs!

When you are enough, you can rest and be loved.

When you are enough, you don’t feel rushed to be more.

When you are enough, you grow in beauty and wisdom.

Remember Your Way Into Your Promised Land

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Human beings have such amnesia. 

As I was taking a shower, I heard God say “remember my goodness”.

Remember how I delivered you from that broken heart,

remember how I provided for you in the waiting season,

remember how I kept you safe in your travels, when you were healed of deathly food poisoning.

Stop complaining, remember my goodness. 

Every time God delivered you, did you remember to thank Him or did you start focusing on what ELSE you didn’t have? When God kept you safe and healthy after a trip, did you realize that you could have been hurt but God delivered you from evil?

“Remember my goodness so that you can walk through the unknowns and into your promised land” says the Lord. 

I recently went to China and weird enough, after 3 weeks I forgot what God did for me. He sent me to China with 2 weeks notice, He paid for my trip, He delivered me from evil (this evil was manipulation from a salesperson), he kept me healthy on the trip, and He made sure my mom was safe when we separated on our trip and she went her own way.

Somehow my focus was already on what wasn’t happening next. 

Thank God before He delivers you, thank God before He provides, thank God before the door opens, thank God even when you see no progress, even when your child is still disobedient or hanging out with the wrong people, thank God even when your health seems worse than before, thank God before you find housing, thank God before that bill is paid, thank God before your relationships are restored, thank God before He brings your life partner, thank God before your book is published, thank God before you get that big paycheck, thank God before the door opens, thank God for the little because when you thank GOD for the little, He will multiply it. 

Nothing is impossible for God.

If you believe, share this post so the world can be reminded to live in remembrance of God’s goodness. 

Every negative word out of our mouths taints our hearts and digs our own graves. We can build a NEW and GOOD future by being thankful everyday.

It’s all perspective isn’t it? If you believe we are all connected, then one positive and thankful word, post, encouragement can be a catalyst for goodness in this world.

If we can remember what God has done for us before, we will remember “oh yah GOD is for me and not against me! He loves me and He IS a good Father….and all those other lies that are drifting in your mind will dissipate…like the lies that God has forgotten you or doesn’t care about you….they’re all lies!!!….Remember my goodness says the Lord!”

Share and like this post & don’t forget to subscribe on the right hand side of the blog- XOXO Love BEX

Walking In Faith Always Requires A New Level Of Trust

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(Catba Vietnam)

Whenever a new challenge comes my way and I have doubts and feelings of lack, I remember how God delivered me.

For one, as I was walking home, I thought about how whenever God called me to something, I never actually had the finances or resources for it. It required faith and trust and follow through. I had to obey and walk through the steps. I don’t know why God has given me this kind of faith or why He has required it from me, but maybe because I was born into situations that required me to have faith.

When I went to Thailand I had a one way ticket and $1000. The paycheck I was “relying” on never came through and as much as I chased down that client, I had to learn to let it go and forgive him. 

I would hear a country, a city, and go. One way tickets. There were times I pretty much ran out of money and then something would show up like the idea of selling an old tablet, which afforded me one week at a 10′ by 5′ prison celled size room.

Or how I would be dancing at a bar and a Vietnamese lady would offer to pick me up at the train station the next day and I would learn about their lives while I lived with her.

Or how I would forget but randomly mention my blog and be offered rooming for my marketing and writing skills.

But at the end of the day, God always called me to people.

He never showed me exactly what would happen, but He would tell my heart to trust Him. And I would be petrified, but I would walk forward, trusting that I wouldn’t be stranded on an island.
And that has almost happened too.

But then I’ll be eating my last $2 and then a group of travel agents would join me and ask me to drink with them. And then somehow I would become friends with people I would have never met if I wasn’t out there eating alone at Catba Island, Vietnam.

MY life is full of stories like this.

And so when I am feeling challenged, I would remember, God did this and that….and I would never fail to be in awe once again.

So whatever new challenge you are facing today, remember how God delivered you then and how our whole life is a series of trusting for the next level. 

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My couchsurfing host in Hanoi, now a sister.

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Saigon, Vietnam

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Biking in Melaka, Malaysia

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Dancing at the temple, Melaka, Malaysia

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Catba Islands, Vietnam

13 Days of Meditation- Day 7- Learn To Be In Your Body

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Learn to be in your body, yes. This means being, wholly in your body.

Sensing your legs, your limbs, your muscles, your arms, your nose…using your facial expressions to be in this world.

This means, stop the thinking.

Stop the worrying and the obsessing over life that needs none of your negativity. 

You only need to be in your body, possess your body like you are a soul entering back into your body, fully alive.

Learn to dance, to jump, to laugh freely. Don’t be afraid of what others think of you. 

Be silly in your body. As we pump blood from our hearts, we will start to feel what our hearts have been saying all along.

This heart speaks the truth. It is your truth of how you feel, but we often forget it in the midst of listening to our heads. 

This heart has truths we denied, did not want to face. 

This heart has the emotions we looked down on, sadness, anger, jealousy. 

We have ignored our hearts for way too long, let the breeze of wind prickle your skin and let your heart burst wide open for your personal inspection and comfort. Let it be, learn to be in your body.

When I do yoga, I often close my eyes and see visions of life. I see myself with my Father, walking down rainbows and gardens. I see revelations of my life flash before my hidden heart. I find emotions too deep to be ignored, bursting with sadness. I find peace when I awake to life after a restful yoga practice. 

How can you learn to be in your body?

 

13 Days of Mediation – Day 5 – Life Is About Taking Risks

“A ship is always safe at the shore – but that is NOT what it

is built for.” ― Albert Einstein 

In the beginning of the year, I had decided to buy a betta fish because I wanted something new in life and also something alive to come home to. I named the fish Allen because I drove by Allen Ave in Pasadena.

It grew and became a beautiful purple fish. I wanted to prove to myself that I could take care of life. When I was young, I had turtles and fishes, but somehow they all died fast (according to my memory). Every time a fish died, I felt a bit of my soul sadden. Our family had a dog for one day, named Arnold. My mom decided to return it because it was clingy like a kid and she could not bear having another kid around the house.

I think I literally cried until my eyes looked like a puff fish.

After my fishes Allen and Catalina died on the same day, I had dreams of Allen swimming.

I was relieved and sad that they had died, and felt that it was better for me to focus on work, rather than spend time changing out water and feeding a fish.

The next day, my boyfriend came over. He was holding a petco bag that I assumed was his dinner. “Is that your dinner?” – I asked. Turns out, IT WAS A FISH! He bought me a goldfish which was much bigger than my betta fish. I had never seen a gold fish like this. I was honestly touched and surprised.

Looks like the fish is getting too big for its tank- maybe it is symbolic that I am becoming a new fish, too big for my tank. I need to get a bigger tank for my life. Perhaps YOU are growing too big for your tank, whether it is your immediate circle of influence, workplace, or life goals. Maybe you need to set new visions, expand to a bigger office, get a bigger loan and investors for your business, make more like-minded friends, quit your job and start a business…think BIGGER. 

Another lesson I gleaned from this story? Life is about trying over and over again. I heard Donald Trump went bankrupt 4 times! Look at where he is now! He is far more wiser and smarter because of his experiences. Maybe you have been hurt over a broken relationship, scarred by bad people, made mistakes that made you NOT want to try it again…don’t give up. Keep trying. 

I backpacked in the jungles of Ecuador and throughout Brazil by myself last year. If I had listened to all the fears that people were spewing, trying to warn me of dangers and diseases, I would not have experienced the incredible time of my life, listening to birds in the dark night and watching the rapids with native Ecuadoreans.

If I had listened to people asking me how I was going to afford rent when I quit my full time job, I would not be a realtor and entrepreneur today. I would not be waking up on a Thursday morning at 8:20 AM in my pajamas writing this blog (In FACT, I would be getting ready for work and driving in LA traffic- Thank GOD I don’t have to do that). 

How HAVE YOU become the person you are because you CHOSE to try again, to try bigger things despite what people said? 

How can you try again today?

ImageImage My NEW FRIEND Frederick

13 Days Of Mediation- Day 2- Learn To Celebrate Life

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Be a Child.

Be life- like.

Learn to laugh and smile, freely.

Learn to be, and not care so much about other people.

Observe children and learn to not scold them, or yourself.

Learn to forgive, mostly yourself. Because you are human, capable of making mistakes, capable of love, capable of truth and grace.

I love this book Pipi Longstocking! I found it while I was teaching english, yes, besides my busy career in Real Estate and managing an online store (along with vending at 2 boutiques in Pasadena), I sometimes teach.

Now, teaching kids make me more versatile, more childlike, more flexible in my career in real estate. Such as this book, I am able to see life as a challenge, a cartoon…I see myself as Pipi. I loved her since I was a little child in Germany. She is amazing because she can lift a wrestler and then do cartwheels after her victories.

My dream is to see people come alive, from the inside. I want to see people remember and awaken from a deadened life, where their superiors used to scold and judge based on how much they were laughing.

Why is it that our culture scolds people for laughing at work? People think they don’t work hard enough. People praise those that seem stress or are working very hard, yet have insomnia and all kinds of anxiety problems.

I think it is time we awaken the child within us and remember to take life by the bundles, full of joy….full of life.

Only then can we awaken our true and whole self. 

I don’t believe that we should quench the joy kids have. I think many of us have suppressed our wishes, dreams and joys to conform to the voices that tell us to be “good”, “to submit”, “to obey”….I think it is time we grow up and actually submit to ourselves, versus the imaginary parents or teachers that are not even ruling our lives anymore. I think it is time we listen to our hearts, to the small voice encouraging us to be happy, to live life fully, to run and skip without any judgement. To dance and wiggle, to do cartwheels, to laugh without feeling embarrassed, to feel the ecstasy of every breath and life we have.

How have you quenched your inner child and How will you CELEBRATE LIFE like a Child?

Cheers!

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