Loving Someone Who Won’t Commit To Me

I felt your absence, I felt the silence, I felt numbness in my heart. I could not feel but only the simple gratification of someone else showing up for me when in my heart I just wanted you to show up.

Someone else came to fill the void.

I pretended it didn’t matter but I felt a sword stabbing me deep in my heart…if I just numb my pain I won’t feel hurt but I felt hurt, I felt pain.

My body and heart was yours but I wonder if your heart is mine. Or if it’s wandering away in search of protection. I can only cry my eyes out searching for your heart.

The heart that is guarded and walled off.

You tell me to leave but my heart still wants to stay. I feel desperate, I feel pathetic. Yet my heart keeps loving the one that doesn’t seem to want me. I tell myself, he will come around, he will love me, he does love me.

I want to be chosen, not the second priority, not an afterthought.

I want to feel special, like nothing else matters to you.

I want the final rose.

And yet, I still believe, even if you are not the one, there is another one. Because I keep staring at myself in the mirror, a voice tells me “you’re worth it”.

You’re worth a million roses, you’re worth the world, you’re worth a man dying for you, you’re worth the sacrifice. If Jesus died for you, then look at your worth. You’re worth it.

I’m worth the commitment.

I’m worth someone committing to me.

I’m worth it.

My relationships did not work out in the past and I honestly don’t know how to make them work. I blame myself for them not working, but I know it’s not my fault. God is doing a work in you and I, it’s a process, don’t blame yourself. Love is hard at times, but it’s worth it. Keep going-you’re worth it.

“Rebekka Lien is a multi-talented individual who was born in Hamburg, Germany and has lived in Taiwan and now America. She is an actress, writer, comedian, musician, fashion designer, and entrepreneur. Growing up with a single mother, she learned the value of hard work and determination from a young age. Rebekka is a true creative force to be reckoned with.”

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