Love Is What You Are.

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I wasn’t going to write but my back started itching and it started itching behind knees too. My body is very reactive when I try to block emotions or something I really need to or want to do. Sometimes it’s the “I don’t want to deal with it right now” in me that blocks creativity because creativity is, well confronting and emotional. But you never know what will come.

This morning I had a revelation:

“You will not be defined by your career, work, your friends, your parents, your history, your accolades, your accomplishments, your house, your car, your clothes, your makeup, your speech….you will be defined as love“. 

Love is what you are. 

When you are love, you don’t have to force yourself to serve to show love or be loved, you are love.

You do things out of love because you are pure and untainted love. Thus, you will also choose not to do things that you don’t love or that causes your heart to weep.

There is no guilt or shame, just love.

So then why do we struggle?

We struggle because we do not accept that God loves us unconditionally – because we have been taught by society and perhaps our parents that “love is earned“.

If you don’t clean your room, you won’t get to eat.

If you are not a good girl, mommy won’t give you stickers or toys.

There always seems to be a condition to love and love seems like a business transaction if you grew up that way. A trade, that is what love seems to be in our world. 

There must be a better way- unconditional love.

That seems impossible, not impossible if you accept unconditional love from God. If you continue to receive this love, your heart will expand and cause you to love in impossible ways. 

I have forgiven myself when all I wanted to do was continue punishing myself.

I have forgiven people that hurt and wounded me in deep ways.

These were impossible things to me, but God opened my heart.

He has continued to show me that His love is unconditional, unending, restful and beautiful. 

If we look at Jesus, He wasn’t defined by people. He wouldn’t even allow people to label Him or force Him to be something He wasn’t because it was not His time yet-  “Then Jesus, realizing that they were about to come and make Him king by force, withdrew again to a mountain by Himself.” John 6:15.

He walked the earth as love. Knowing who He was, He didn’t need people to applaud Him or tell Him who He was, He knew who He was. He didn’t need people to like Him, in fact He was rejected by most and He continued to love even the haters.

That is radical love.

Love is what you are. 

You need not prove yourself, defend yourself, force yourself. You are love, that is what you are. 

In a world of self-promotion, don’t you think living as pure love will naturally attract the right people?

When we serve to be loved or to love, we are acting out of lack and a half empty cup. 

But when we know that we are love, we live out of abundance and an overflowing cup. 

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The Language of No

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I had a dream where I was going to Japan and then I couldn’t find my passport or was paranoid that I didn’t bring it because I had to leave my house really quickly. The trip was a planned tour so we were rushed and didn’t even have time for the bathroom. I started yelling, I need to use the bathroom! Cut scene. Next scene, there is a creepy man who is hitting on me and I’m very uncomfortable.

The language of no. Why does that relate to anything. Well, I realize whenever I dream of Japan, it usually relates to “politeness” or the culture of politeness. Japan is probably the most polite culture on earth, I remember feeling a bit suffocated. I loved the people, I love the cute things, but I was NOT big on “don’t talk on the subway”. NOT big on polite culture. I’m not big on it because I used to live “polite culture”.

I lived “fake smile” culture…again especially at church. For some reason, no one seemed to notice that I was actually very depressed. No one knew the turmoil I was actually facing at home.

And then when I actually decided to say no to the elders of the church I was excommunicated with “you should be a better leader”. 

Sometimes we need drastic overstepping of boundaries to learn that we need to set boundaries.

Sometimes that means a really creepy guy breathing in your face and saying your pretty and you slapping the shit out of him, sometimes it’s your mother guilt tripping you to the point you explode, sometimes it’s your boss abusing his power so that you lose it and quit your job. 

Here’s a real story:

I was on an airplane flying home from Europe or Asia, there was a man on my left and within the first hour I knew there was a problem. ARM REST PROBLEM. 

He kept shifting his arm and ebbing mine out. So I had to push his. This probably went on for….well 11 hours. I’m not kidding. Okay yah I slept and all but this went on for a long time. During the 11 hours, he (and I) were so PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE that he decided to drink his way home. He probably ordered over a hundred dollar or more of alcoholic drinks and shots.

He got sloppy drunk, it was gross. His face was red and as he was talking to his friend on his left, he started spitting everywhere, just saliva all over the seat, in the air, in my face, everywhere. 

In my NOT knowing how to just ask for what I needed, I withstood this. I thought “okay I am learning perseverance, I am learning longsuffering”. 

It finally got SO explosively bad that he yelled “WHICH SIDE OF THE ARM REST DO YOU WANT?” and I started saying shit I don’t even remember.

The flight attendant came quickly and asked what was going on. I explained and she said “do you want to move?” YES I EXCLAIMED. The guy was still asking “just tell me which side you want and we can work this out”. No.

NO.

No. No. No. No. I was like a dynamite ready to explode. I finally moved.

And guess what? I had an empty seat next to me and a like-minded friend who I talked to for the rest of the 2 hours. I COULD HAVE HAD THAT COMFORT AND FRIENDSHIP FOR THE LAST 11 HOURS IF I HAD SPOKEN UP instead of thinking “I’m learning patience”. 

Maybe God isn’t teaching you patience, but The LANGUAGE OF NO. 

Because if we learn to confront what we don’t want, we can actually get to the other side of yes…of what we do want. Why do we negotiate with the things we don’t want in our lives? Why do we partner with it, why do we accommodate them?

If your boyfriend is really so bad, why don’t you break up with him? If you job sucks that much, why don’t you quit? If your mother keeps stepping over your boundaries, why don’t you say something?

Don’t get me wrong. You might not have a lot of friends for awhile, you might need to break up with a few associates, you might be lonely for awhile, you may have moments where you doubt why you said no to that opportunity and why everyone seems to be thriving and you are still waiting for the right type of opportunity.

This is just part of knowing and growing in your worth. Same goes with dating. You don’t just date anyone you see on the street right? Why go to bed with every opportunity that has a $ sign on it? Know your worth and you will attract the right level of genius, love, hope, people peace and opportunity into your life. 

But first, you must learn to say NO to the wrong things that does not resonate with you.

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Wisdom From a 27 Year Old Philosopher

   

  
Writing from the Airport Resort and Spa Phuket (Thailand)

 I’ve studied life and purpose for as long as I can remember. As I travel, I have solidified a few wise sayings…here I go! 

1. Just because it’s free doesn’t mean it’s worth it- not all free things are worth taking. Sometimes it comes with a cost. 

2. If it belongs to you it will come to you, if it doesn’t, it will eventually leave (even if you try to control or manipulate it). Same goes with people. If you attained something with force or manipulation, it will leave with deceit since it has to. 

3. You attract what you think you’re worth- hard work is out the door, i have worked with clients that had lots of debt but know how to create wealth and live a high standard of living- eventually the debt will disappear because worth outweighs debt. They are simply using debt to create wealth. 

4. I was eating noodles outside 7 -11 and saw a banana pancake moving stall, I wanted to chase after it but thought “no I’m eating noodles now, I will be present with it. If I’m meant to have a pancake, it will stop”. The stall didn’t stop so I figured a better one will come along or I’ll have one tomorrow. 

What’s yours don’t need chasing, it will come in the perfect time. You must be present for what’s in front of you.

5. Now I noticed I often rushed to get to somewhere fun or what I call relaxing and realize I should relax NOW. 

You must relax the whole journey- not when you get there, but every moment. 

I once ate with a lady who was constantly on her phone while we talked. Now I was helping her and giving her wisdom about her relationship, she had an emotional affair with a guy and her husband left her because of it. 

I thought to myself, here I am, a wise woman spending precious time to help her and she is downloading games on her phone. 

When we were done eating she said she had a hard time being present, in fact her mind was already planning her next event and which way she was going to walk to her car.

How sad. 

She would never see me again, because I knew she wouldn’t appreciate the presence that is me and I wouldn’t waste my time with someone who can’t see my worth. 

People who are not able to appreciate the present will not see a goldmine or a prince if they yelled at them. They will not see an opportunity even if it was flying in their face. 

People who are not content with themselves or see their own worth will not be able to see other peoples’ worth. 

6. Luxury, design does make a difference. Yah I live out of a bag but I’ve been voted best dressed traveller. A big bed, bathtub, cleanliness, light shielding curtains, ac, quiet, coffeemakers, amenities make a huge difference.

Comfort= Sanity 

Is it worth paying more for sanity sometimes? Yes. If it means you will feel better inside out so that you can be a magnificent being. 

Cheers! 

You can get my ebook here http://www.rebekkalien.com/lovemoneywork