What Is Grace and Righteousness?

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Okay so recently I was hit with a lot of feelings of guilt or blaming others. It was either like I maybe did something wrong or someone did something wrong to make me feel this way. It was one after the other.

Last night I was driving my mom’s car and parked to eat my hamburger in front of Ross and someone hit my car from the back. I was shocked. 

I heard God say “let her go”. It turned out the girl was also Christian.

After I went home and told my mom, I thought “omg, did I do the right thing?” and then somehow my mom mentioned how she used to feel ashamed about something and then she mentioned how my relatives have been stalking me on facebook and basically were talking behind my back.

I was infuriated. I continued to have a dream where my mom was shaming me for not having a shirt on and all these church people were staring at me and I felt ashamed.

When my relatives went to my old house I started to tell them “you need to stop talking behind my back”.

So then my friend and I had a conversation today, she said “we are all sinners”. I said we are not sinners, we are righteous in God’s eyes.

That made me think.

How do I explain grace? 

Explaining grace in normal language. Your transformation isn’t from self conditioning or self striving or self control, it’s knowing you are righteous in God’s eyes and already accepted and perfect in His eyes because Jesus took on the punishments of your sin on the cross! So you’re not living as a slave asking God what should I do- you’re free to choose. And when you live your life from knowing you are 100% sinless and righteous in God’s eyes you are set free from a lot of bondages!

That is why after you are saved you should be focused on the fact that you are righteous in Christ Jesus and that the work of “trying to be enough” is finished on the cross.

Why does major “sins” still occur in your life?

I noticed I usually “sin” more when I start conditioning myself, or striving to be “perfect” instead of just accepting that I am righteous in God’s eyes. 

It’s when I keep asking God “should I do this or that?” as if God will punish me or not bless me if I do the wrong or right thing.

It’s when I “try to” be patient, try to be good, try to forgive, try to in my own flesh, versus just believing in God’s grace to give me the power to forgive….

And that is what living in the spirit is supposed to be- where you are flowing with the desires of your heart, freely living out your life from the inside out instead of always questioning “God is this the right thing to do?”

I CAN’T IN MY OWN FLESH OVERCOME ANY BONDAGES (whether it’s drug addiction, porn addiction, lying, cheating, murder, anger, deceit, etc)!!! It’s ONLY WHEN I PROCLAIM, GOD THROUGH GRACE ALONE! And I’m going to REST in your grace and power!

I’m going to STOP trying in my own flesh to be “good” because any effort from my flesh is USELESS!

Self-condemnation DOES NOT FREE YOU! It actually entraps you! Because then you are saying that through self-will you can break free of bondages! You’re wrong. It’s only by the supernatural grace and power of Jesus’ finished work on the cross.

You can’t TRY to be set free, you can’t TRY to love yourself.

You need to know it’s the GRACE of GOD that causes you to love yourself. When you’re faced with the truth that YOU ARE 100% SINLESS and UNBLEMISHED, you no longer have to make up for your wrongs, that the spirit of God goes to work to give you the desire and the action to live out a royal life. 

You get to live in freedom.

Another “guilt trip” I was going through is that I didn’t want to be at home too long when my mother was there because I felt like she always yelled at me or “guilt tripped” me so I didn’t feel peace being there for a long time (if she was there).

But then when I would come home late she’d say “why were you out so late?” and I’d get mad because then I’d felt bad that I didn’t spend time with her and I felt guilty for being out late.

So sometimes when I was out I’d ask God “should I go home?” and He’d be like “do you want to?”

We have to start living from a place of desire, not obligation or instruction. We have to start trusting the heart God gave us and know that we are filled with the Holy Spirit. 

The spirit of condemnation says “you have to try to be good or perfect” but “grace says you are already perfect because of Jesus’ sacrifice”.

GRACE is knowing that it’s NOT me in my flesh “trying” to be perfect, I am already perfect in God’s eyes. So if I’m not being forgiving, if I’m cussing someone out, I know I am still perfect in God’s eyes. Grace tells you who you are in Christ Jesus, perfect in God’s eyes.

Works says “you’re not enough” so you need to be “MORE forgiving or more gracious or more kind”.

WORKS tells you WHAT TO DO versus WHO YOU ARE, a son or daughter of God that is righteous in God’s eyes. Works judges you according to a standard of propriety. It’s like those Instagram posts that says “you should be kind”, well that’s actually a form of works. 

Condemning someone does not make them change, that’s only conditioning.

Grace gives someone the power to change because the spirit of God lives on the inside of them and they know they are no longer condemned but 100% forgiven in Christ Jesus.

Thanks for reading yall! Consider sowing a seed so I can eat and write!

Sow a Seed (make a donation)-
Thank you for your contribution- May Jesus multiply it!

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It is so relieving to admit, yes maybe I blabber too much, maybe I post all my dirty laundry, maybe I shouldn’t tell everyone my past, but the great thing is the more I boast in my weakness because God’s strength is made perfect in my weakness.

Hurray. I might not be qualified, I might be too much, I might be unprofessional, I might talk about poop too much, I might not wear makeup, I might wear pj’s in all my videos, I might not be a certain race-

But guess what the more I boast in Christ crucified. Christ in me, not me in me trying to be good. 

Hurray. I have no seminary education, I am not well verse, my hair is dirty right now, but the more Christ in me magnified.

Not because I have perfect appearance or because I have a great history. God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise.

HAHA I am wise only because Jesus speaks to me and I listen. I have no wisdom of my own. It is by grace alone.

The Risks of Living In Your Destiny

When you walk in your destiny it means you have to confront your fears, you can’t be at home playing it safe, you’ll face the fear of rejection, judgement, criticism, humiliation, embarrassment. Some people think grace means God will open easy doors with no risks? Think again, you will SLAY every fear FACE ON and you will not be doing it from the safety of the KNOWN, but the RISKS of the UNKNOWN.

AND you will face all kinds of people and all opinions, but you have to STAY STRONG in your belief that you are righteous in Christ Jesus.

Do you think David slayed the giant watching TV at home?
Do you think Joseph became a ruler of Egypt at home? No he got sold into slavery and prison.
Do you think Esther cowered in fear, no she confronted a king as a queen, risking her own life.
Elijah ran for his life from Jezebel, he hid in a cave and got up to confront his problems.

These are real life examples where they actually CONFRONTED real people, and real things. So they could move forward.

The risk of following your dreams.
1. You might feel awkward
2. There might be guilt trips
3. You might feel embarrassed
4. You’re exposed to criticism
5. You might fail forward
6. Others might be jealous

Some examples from my life like last night when I saw Selena Gomez. God does not want a light to be hidden under a table. You shouldn’t feel guilty or ashamed that your light is bright. You shouldn’t dim your light so others can like or love you. God doesn’t want His children to live in fear of rejection or judgment, you’re going to have to confront them!

Make a contribution to this ministry and help set people free from fear and condemnation- thank you!
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zelle-rebekkalien@gmail.com

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Prague: The Great

Prague: 2014 

I rode a Euro Bus to Prague, this was an overnight bus from Berlin. We were startled by the bus as it jerked to avoid a ramp, the Polish girl next to me claimed that Polish drivers are reckless (as they get paid shit) and that the driver is probably drunk. I’m not scared. However, when we first got on the bus we were scared because there was the probability that the bus driver wouldn’t let us use the bathroom. I had to make this gesture of wiping my down there since the bathroom didn’t have toilet paper. The driver spoke no English and waved his hands “NO NO NO bathroom”. My bladder is my first concern when I get on buses that have no toilets. “Where am I going to pee?” is my first question when I board a bus.

I don’t drink liquids hours before a long bus ride…like in Thailand and Vietnma the buses don’t have toilets and you have to ask the bus driver to stop for a toilet break. Of course few people ask out of embarrassment.

I arrive around 5am in the morning, my 4 wheel duffel bag from Target reluctantly gets on a tram as I pull it with great difficulty (should have stuck with a backpack). Mind you, one of the zippers had already broken at my first destination (London).

The night is dark, and even though I often have doubts and fears, I have to get to the hostel first (this is my first instinct of survival when I’m traveling). A Czech lady helps me to the hostel, actually she walks me there. My first impression- a good one, they are kind here, they help strangers.

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My First Photo Journal – Mi Nombre Es Rebekka

My First Photo Journal entry! ….the end says “but I have FAITH!” You can contribute to my volunteer trip here.

I just had this ingenious idea right now and decided to share my journal with you. I’ll be posting doodles as I go to Ecuador and Brazil. I won’t be bringing my laptop due to safety and well, my mac is my life, so I’ll be handwriting all my experiences. These doodles will eventually become a little book that I’ll sell and all individual doodles will be for sale on Etsy!

Today, I went to Healthy Traveler in Pasadena to get my yellow fever vaccination. I had a moment of squeaking before I had to sit down and get the shot. I was anticipating a long drawn out shot, but it literally was a stab in the arm and VOILA it was done! Cha-Ching $154 please. Throw-up. Yep, the cost of traveling to a 3rd world country is much higher.

Furthermore, I found out I actually leave ON Mother’s day, the night of (1:30 ish am). Here’s a poem for ya’lls.

Push and pull, our story goes. I’m holding back, a flood of emotions, allowing the gift that is me, space and time. The essence of doing nothing, waiting feels like a suffocation. Though, each moment, I’m breathing, being in the present. He once said, breathe and pull yourself to the present since all you have is now.

In the gift of space and time, trusting that love is true even when words are not spoken. This is my dilemma. Why is it so hard to just be? To give up trying and receive. To give up pushing so you can push forward. To let go and breathe, letting love be free, flowing, not suffocated or silenced. Now I know that love was never easy, love was never just admiration and immature play…love is, more complex, more present, more simple. It is a dichotomy that can only be learned through experience.

The Painful Journey of Becoming New

For awhile I really didn’t understand why people took Xanax and other antidepressants. I had and have many friends that have sudden panic attacks. Yesterday lying in bed, I finally understood.

After moving out and becoming independent, I felt this HUGE gap of isolation. Your “real” family is dispersed and you are really on your own. It’s a sense of liberation and loss at the same time. Your life is constantly changing and with change comes new things.

The reality is: Every season of life requires a time of grieving. 

Time is not linear. Time is abstract. Everything is spiritual, everything is connected.

When a season of life passes, when what was “stable” leaves, there is something inside your spirit that grieves. However, the western world is so practical, that this grieving time is looked down upon. Grieving is healthy.

Yet, even lying in bed thinking about my aunt who passed away…I wonder, how did I grieve the loss? I just didn’t think about it.

I am happy, I am mad, I am angry, infuriated, I am happy.

I smile without notice, I laugh and am insecure.

This is what I am now, yet not forever.

I hold onto the little joy I receive, cherish it, hold it wishing those moments will never pass.

 

Her smile radiating.

Her own pains reflecting mine. Her past like a mirror of mine, noting all the segments of hurt.

 

I am, you are. Love, intersecting. Intersection of love and pain, bittersweet, life.

 

Sometimes I cry and feel this deep pang inside of my heart, rising up near my throat. My neck and shoulders tense up and I feel this harsh tenseness that won’t release me. I giving up, letting go, forgiving. I am, a woman, a woman who holds her own.

No one is to blame. It’s time to release myself to the future which awaits a queen of promise.  She is like the girl that held onto her teddy bear, waiting for her mother to come home each day. Waiting, her future. Waiting, her parents. Waiting, always, for that which never came. One day she found out that what she wanted was right through the door. All she had to do was walk through a painful journey of accepting, healing and releasing. She realized that no one is to blame, that everyone has their own door to walk through. Her job was to walk the journey in strength and love. All she could ever do was to be herself.

 

A Sweet Sweet Goodbye- Reflecting Written Scribbles

:Picture I took while driving, after the rain.

As you all know, I am a vigorous journaler (that’s not a legit word). If everything burns down in my house, I know the things that are most important to me (besides my family members of course) are my journals. 10-20 books, small and big, furry covered, some plain, some colorful, some self- decorated, some given as gifts, but all so precious to my soul, they carry the hurts and joys of my life….the long life that I’ve seem to live at 22.

August 07 Japan- saying goodbye to Japanese students

“I dont even know what the date is, but its the last day of camp. Its the first night I’ve really noticed the stars- I can’t help crying, it was 7 weeks of my life and once again I’m bawling. My stomach hurts. Maybe no one cares. Maybe I don’t mean that much to them, but in my heart they take a special space. God its a sweet sweet goodbye. I don’t know if this will happen everytime- But it seems to. And I know time will pass- a simple memory.”

November 13, 08 Utter Turmoil, Music To describe. Unexpressed.

“Can anything describe the pain I’m going through? We’re so put together, all of us.

Every single person walking on this earth…she keeps denying the pain in my heart. Everytime I express my hurt, my feelings, she rebuttals with “but…you know you shouldn’t”. Everything she says is bad. Why am I so worried about my career. Aren’t we just longing for acceptance, fulfillment, significance, importance, belong, recognition, love? The more I cover it, the more it hurts, then something small happens and everything is triggered, comes spilling out. She won’t acknowledge anything I express to her, it has brought me to a place I want to shut my self forever and just die in the earthquake B. told me about today.

Solomon was so right. Everything is vain, in vain. The good times we have will only lead us to heartache, slowly our hearts covering layers and layers of pain. Even the most uncry-able people, they probably have the deepest hurts. God it hurts so much I can’t stop crying, my eyes are pulsing steadily, unyielding.

Even as I fall, I am reminded of how dangerous living a righteous life could be. I’m FALLING APART, but wishing I’ll never be put together again, because then at least, I don’t have to unconsciously live a put together life. Even

if I’m fallen pieces, at least I’ll continue to know to rely on God, when I’m put together- I remember the brokenness and even share about it. But soon a glass window rises up, dust gathers, and a small facade, things in my heart gather. When we think we’re at our best, something slowly creeps up on us.

The accumulation of stress. Trying to find fulfillment in my job. Promoting myself, improving my skills, reaching the Bible, talking to God on the surface, bitterness towards my ma, and at worst, verbalizing and apologizing-

BUT having it waved off. Deep down I long for recognition. I want people to recognize the beauty of my music. But in the process of that I’m playing music out of my flesh, not by the Spirit. Remember how I used to play cello for auditions and pray. I would tell God, “I know you gave me this gift, and it’s yours, not mine, so put me where you’d want me”. I FORGOT THAT COMPLETELY. I didnt even pray. I didn’t even think of it being God’s. I knew I had played out of my own human power and skill- DEAD. SO DEAD. It was not the same when I asked and recognized God’s divine beauty and enablement for beauty to flow out of creating music….it is a sort that touches your heart, where your whole life, your experience, your brokenness, sufferings, joys, confusions, your life is simply poured out into the music….it is poured and flowing through my music into peoples’ hearts.

This is not something normal people would understand where technique and skills is the sole indicator of musicianship- where music is simply about notes, rhythm, the exact and the precise. They forget without heart, without passion, without emotions, without pain and laughter, without a life fully lived and felt, music would be a simple commercial product. Music would be stripped of the story behind it, of the story weaved into it…I know, even now, I cannot write or even think of writing something like this, without the Spirit having inspired and putting words in my mind.”

December 30.08

“Vision keeps breaking through and must find means of expression”

“But the only way we can brush against the hem of the Lord, or hope to be part of the creative process, is to have the courage, the faith, to abandon control”

May 7, 09

“I have seen the depressing depressions of those that have it all. They are not as happy as I. I am even more content than them. At times, I see them grasping for meaning, I have already found my meaning and purpose. Now I think about it, God is hilarious. He picks a college student who has nothing. Nothing to lose, to give advice and counsel to those that are business women and men, grandma and grandpas, gansters, 30 to 70 year old “Adults”….what do they have to offer me that I didn’t already receive from God? It is laughable. Yet somewhat too humbling to think God is all about using the weak to lead the strong….

I am a dead woman walking.”

*********These 3 months I am going to attempt to type up all the journal entries just in case their is a fire.