God has delivered me from fear! SO MUCH FEAR. Fear of confrontation. Fear of everything. To the point that I am not afraid to talk to strangers and I’m not afraid to tell someone if they hurt me.
I’ve been breaking through so much. I’ve confronted every hurt in my heart, even approaching people that hurt me from 10 years ago. When I’ve told people how I felt, of course some response is like you’re too sensitive.
But when I confronted 3 Argentinians who mockingly said “china” to me, I started crying and told them I was hurt, they apologized and started opening up to me about their hurts. Yesterday I confronted my friend’s mom about feeling judged. It was a family gathering and I asked to speak to her privately. We had a long talk. She admitted that she felt like I dressed provocatively. She said that she only cared about me. I think it’s hard to believe that someone cares about me because I always saw care as a form of control.
How I follow the Spirit. I was on the plane and noticed a girl with a cute outfit so I commented on it and asked if I could sit next to her. Who knew the conversation would lead to crying and hugs. It was very healing and it turned out we had a lot in common, including having faith in God.
On the way to Mexico I heard the Lord say “talk to the girl” and she was also Christian. We talked a lot about relationships and the pressures that our parents give us. I told her she is enough in Christ Jesus.
I felt the Lord tell me to go to a specific airbnb and when I got there and went out, I heard go back to the room. There I met 3 argentinians and one of them was an actor.
I was really impressed by his work and asked for his autograph. He said he also grew up Catholic. One of his friends kind of made a joke about me being Chinese and the girl made me feel like I was outcasted. The Lord told me to tell them how I felt.
I walked over and said that I felt hurt by the way they were treating me. I was scared but I did it. They apologized, I had tears streaming down my face. I cried in front of 3 strangers who then welcomed me and started opening up to me. One of them said he had a daughter in Argentina and also grew up Christian. One of them said when they first went to Mexico they felt really alone and would get drunk and cry.
I realized that vulnerability helps others to open up and it’s powerful.
I was on the bus and the Lord told me to talk to someone. However there was a kid next to the man. I asked the father if I could switch seats with the son and he said “no” 2 times. God suddenly made a way by having the girl in front of me move to her right so I asked to sit next to her. Well, we ended up talking a lot.
Suddenly the mother and son switched seats and I google translated “God told me to sit here, can I switch seats with you?” and she said okay. The guy I ended up sitting next to had been Christian for one year and had been traveling for a year but did not talk to his parents for 3 months at beginning of his trip since his parents disapproved of it. The Lord said to me “ask him to go home”. I told him but he said he didn’t want to. I shared with him my testimony and story.
I need your HELP to continue reaching lost sheep. Would you consider sowing into the ministry of breaking off fear and bringing people into community, into God’s grace and love? Thank you for your prayers and support.
I am also looking for monthly supporters, right now I don’t have any!
I had a dream I wa in a room and I wanted to go out but someone was grabbing someone’s shoulder and I tried to close the door.
The strange thing is that it kind of happened. I was hanging out with someone and he told me he was in a season of his life where he wanted to “have fun” and I told him that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. He said he waited 30 years for God to bring him someone but God didn’t, so he went his own path. God never judges but do you trust God for the right person.
I closed the door, because strangely he tried to massage my shoulder and suddenly I heard “unclean spirit” so I prayed to cast it out. I essentially closed the door because I could sense something unclean.
The truth is many Christians stop believing God because God takes a long time….or it seems.
But it occurred to me….maybe God is waiting for you to make up your mind.
Do you believe that you ARE worthy to have what you want?
IF you truly believe, you’ll start to stand up in your spirit and say “NO MORE”.
“NO MORE” false attention. I talked to my friend and he said he often went to being promiscuous as a sense of false self worth.
I realized that when you give into your flesh, you’re also craving that sense of “acceptance and love” that you think that moment gives you, but the truth is “LOVE” does not abandon. Love perseveres.
When we keep saying yes to the wrong thing, there is no room for the right thing.
Am I REALLY ready for the right one?
Are you ready?
That you are willing to stop receiving attention from the wrong man, so the right one can come?
Dating can be confusing but one thing it’s taught me is –
“BE CLEAR ABOUT YOUR INTENTIONS, TELL THE TRUTH”.
And when you tell the truth and no longer allow “false responsibility” to reign over your life, you’ll do things out of desire, not obligation.
What is your HEART’S DESIRE?
Follow that. If you want to get married, start dating. Invest time into communicating to men. Be open.
He/She is coming. God told me to tell you.
Say this out loud –
“I BELIEVE THAT GOD HAS THE ONE FOR ME. He/SHE is out there. I believe that I deserve to be loved. I don’t need to settle because my husband/wife is out there in Jesus name!”
Trauma Bonding and Getting Out Of Toxic Relationships
I was in a 2.5 year relationship and didn’t speak up for myself and what I needed. I lost myself. And it took years to find myself again! I am here to help women get out of toxic relationships, speak up for themselves and learn not to “give sex” right away to protect themselves from men who just want sex. The dating journey is about learning to heal from and communicate your needs in a relationship.
I’ve learn not to commit myself to someone just because I like them but to let go when you know immediately that it’s not your husband. How do you know if it’s your husband? Does he believe in God like you do? Do you have the same beliefs about life, morality? What are non- negotiable for you? Give to this ministry- Thank you! God bless! For coaching – dm me.
“Whoever blesses you will be blessed” I woke up to God saying that to me. He showed me that there is a blessing for blessing the fatherless.
I have this heart heat rash.
He says “don’t be afraid of love”.
I met a Christian, I meet a lot of Christians who tell me they don’t go to church, they believe in God, they are spiritual.
Yesterday a new friend I met was defending me. “She’s a virgin, she’s not like that”. A man approached me and was trying really hard.
He goes “I want some pussy”.
My heart was grieved.
I was already disappointed.
Our society has come to this.
I’ve grown a lot. Obviously it hasn’t always been easy to know what I deserve. But I know now. As I know my promise of marriage is coming, I sense the momentum and climax of promise. People are attracted to Jesus in me and I am a witness for Him.
I had three guys hit on me yesterday. One, a guy slipped me a note and said I was pretty. Two, a friend’s friend. Three, a guy I had met before on the streets of West Hollywood.
I am reminded all of them are God’s children and there is a reason they are attracted to me. I am learning to treat them with grace, and not the harshness of the world.
Whenever I am disappointed in men, I am learning to keep my heart open and pray for them even more. We live in the wild wild west of LA and there are a lot of spirits out here, but to have a friend defend me means the world to me.
I have made pretty incredible friends out here in West Hollywood. Remember I told you God said “this land is yours?” I went from not knowing anyone to gathering the Lost Sheep. I’d be alone and I would wait in line and God would arrange for me to meet someone. Sometimes I’d break the rules and invite people to eat with me or ask people who were alone to eat with them. I’ve gotten yelled at so many times for breaking the rules.
The truth is- love doesn’t have rules. Love breaks the rules.
People are not evil. People have wounds and baggage and they just want love. I’ve learned to see past the evil.
I spent almost 2 years on the road. I went alone to dangerous countries, 3rd world countries, I went to South Africa, India, Southeast Asia being led by God to pastor lost sheep and prophesy over people who needed miracles, people who were broken and lost.
I faced the fear of starvation, having no shelter, being stranded or even the fear of being raped by strangers.
But God’s voice led me and I saw thousands of miracles. I saw God healed backs, I saw people cry and I taught people how to hear God’s voice.
God told a Muslim girl to not be afraid, He told a Buddhist that everything was going to be okay. She said she wanted to believe in Jesus so we prayed in a hostel.
Having faced all those fears of ALL possible dangers, a virus was an inconvenience. Sure, I had my times of paranoia, but most of it was being persecuted by people for going out. My mom would yell at me for going out but I would hear God say “Go out and don’t be afraid”. I had thousands of divine appointments still. I went to the Abbey, I went to the beach, I met people everywhere.
To everyone out there who persecuted me for going out I want to say the blood of Jesus works. He told me to go out every day – I was ministering to people out on the streets. I preached the blood of Jesus to heal. Y’all don’t believe. Now you do. I’ve been out everyday since the covid, been going to beaches, Miami, tj, planes, buses, trains, wherever God led me and I am healthy by his stripes. I hugged people, layed hands on people, prayed for people, I came into contact with more people than most and I kept proclaiming the truth of His finished work.
“But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5)
A lot of Christians don’t give believe Jesus finished the work- so they’ve submitted to fear and the government. By His stripes we are healed- that means in this present state I am healthy and disease is a spirit of infirmity that needs to be rebuked if it attacks.
Last night I talked for an hour and a half with someone who grew up Christian. He found my dating profile on okcupid and we matched. I was reminded of the weightiness of my calling to pastor lost sheep. I was reminded not to get distracted and that even though I felt heart broken over someone who didn’t believe in Jesus, to keep my eyes on God and His promises for me.
He has promised me this-
A life overflowing in abundance
Complete health now.
A husband that will love me with all his heart, someone who loves God
A life full of promises, destiny and dreams. I get to do everything I love with everyone I love.
I heard the Lord say “make big moves” and I had a dream about a big whale and I colored it.
The breakthrough will come from perseverance! Not shrinking back in fear, fearing that you’ll be too much or too little. You want to be loved, show love. Make big moves, says God.
I may not want to be with you, but I will show you the persevering love of God to break down the walls in my heart and yours.
I will persevere when others shut down.
Your heart is your biggest asset.
Choose to open your heart when you want to shrink in fear. Choose to extend your hand when you want to stay bitter.
We just want people to show up in our lives, be present. I’ve been meeting people who have never met their dads and they just desire presence. They don’t want much, but to feel wanted.
I’m glad I can be a type of “mother” and a pastor to those who long for family. I too find family in these people.
This morning after I confessed the truth to my ex (about cheating on him 6 years ago), I had this realization that a lot of my friendships and relationships in the past were “performance driven” relationships.
My mother used to yell at me a lot. I had to practice piano for 1-2 hours a day as a child. She would leave the house and tell me to practice. I would read instead of play piano. When I heard her car in the driveway, I would start playing piano again. I wasn’t really doing anything bad but I essentially lied to her and would say I played piano the whole time.
Of course my ex said that I was selfish for telling him and that I am wasting his time. Because should it even matter anymore?
I felt God say to tell him the truth this whole week and I was scared to. I was scared of the consequences or hurting his feelings. I haven’t talked to him for 6 years.
But all of this exposed everything to me, about how I used to be in relationships.
He didn’t like my clothes, I had to change.
He told me to put on makeup.
It was a relationship driven by performance and people pleasing.
Essentially – “I’ll be happy if you do this or don’t do this”.
Same with my mother.
I tried to appease her but I didn’t like doing what she told me to, so I just lied or avoided telling her anything that would displease her.
I went through a lot of trauma by myself because I did not want to worry her or be blamed for my decisions. Often times if I was heart broken, I would tell her and she would say “why did you get so close to him anyways?” or “why did you even go out with him?”
After her divorce, she never dated or married again. She gave up on men.
I felt alone in my friendships and relationships because I had to hide much of what I was going through due to fear of judgement or someone trying to tell me what to do.
I have learned to be honest and vulnerable in my relationships even though it isn’t easy.
Even at the age of 32, I have told my mother that I am staying at my friend’s house and if it was a guy, she’d get angry.
That is why when I was 22 I moved out and never told her anything I did. I think people lie or cheat because they can’t truly be themselves in that relationship.Perhaps they’ve gotten to a point where they are hiding their opinions, perspectives, truths out of the fear that they will be judged for their truth.
My ex often said that I was the cheerful, positive person. He thought of me as this perfect girl that was his only. He was controlling at times and distant at times. It was really unhealthy. I couldn’t tell him how I felt at all because he didn’t like talking about his emotions. At one point I had a male roommate who I could easily talk to and I asked myself why I felt so alone in my relationship but felt comfortable talking to my roommate. I was crying to him about my ex as he tucked me into my bed.
It didn’t make sense but I tried to find comfort and communication outside of my relationship because there was no communication or vulnerability in my relationship.
Without vulnerability in your relationships, you feel like you have to perform and be something you’re not.
Honesty breaks every ice. No one is asking you to do something you don’t want to. Everything you do should be out of desire and the honesty of your heart.