Matthew 18:18-19 “Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be a bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be[b] loosed in heaven. “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.
Here are the biggest attacks of the enemy-
Guilt and Condemnation (through accusation)- to make you feel like you are not enough or you are not doing enough
Fear and Lack
How do I combat it?
I hear God usually tell me- “you are enough, you are not lacking” and I recite this “I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus”
Resting and ceasing all striving, sometimes when we feel condemned, we run away from those emotions and try to busy ourselves, but we start to feel stressed.
Flowing with God and talking to people, I find that as a verbal person talking to my friend helps me to clarify why I feel a certain way. For example, I won’t even realize something annoyed or ticked me off, but if you look back on the day, there is often ONE OR TWO events or words that people said that knocked you down, that made you feel less than. The enemy wants to isolate us so we feel like we are alone, but in actuality, there are many people going through the same thing at the same time. That is why I release prophetic words and videos because the enemy has a strategy against people at the same time.
Reading the word and praying/decreeing the truth to lift off the fog of confusion, anxiety, fear that is trying to come against me.
HEY FOLKS! My birthday is coming up! It is February 11. I am hoping to get a new phone soon since I’ve been using a big tablet as a phone.
If you like to make a donation to the ministry please click links below. I appreciate your love and support.
I love to go to the Abbey, it is a gay club, and I have many friends there. I’ve had a lot of Christians ask me why I would go to a gay club. The reasons are: I love the people there, I love the people there, I love dancing, I love dancing, and I love dancing with the people I love. I love music. I love fashion.
I have smoked weed before but I do not smoke it anymore. I had a bad experience eating a weed cake in Amsterdam.
I have a heart for the LGBT community because I understand the pain of being rejected.
I have stopped pretending and stopped being “polite” because I say what’s on my mind most of the time now. I’m not going to pretend to be nice or kind when I’m mad now. I will be mad. I’m not going to pretend to be something I’m not anymore. SO ADIOS TO THE OLD ME!
My birthday is February 11 – financial gifts and donations are welcome! (I need a new phone)
Okay, here’s the honest truth. A big part of me really hates asking for help. I like being self-sufficient, I like appearing like I have no problems (I grew up making my own money since I was 8) but I had a dream…here’s the dream. My friend Joy came to my house and I asked if she wanted a drink. I looked through my mom’s fridge and noticed all these energy drinks, pepsi, boba, aloe vera. I was wondering WHY there was so much stuff in the fridge. Then she went into the bathroom and I was trying to clean the hallways, and it was just a mess. I wanted it to be clean but it wasn’t.
Then she said “you need to update me on what’s going on, are you able to do your own makeup or you want a makeup artist?” I said, isn’t there makeup artist? Then I wanted to ask her for $300 then I was afraid to.
Last month, fundraising was a bit slow, to be honest, I kind of give up. There is a $300 deficit from last year (month) that I need to pay off. Well, technically I started my ministry maxing out a $5000 credit card.
As you know I went to 14 countries to minister. I didn’t have the courage in the beginning to ask for help. But God eventually put that courage in me. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without peoples’ help.
My blog has more than 700 followers, and I have over 2000 ish facebook friends, but a part of me still wants to hide. I’ll message people individually and after like 10 I’m like that’s a lot already. Some people ignore my message, some people give it a thumbs up, but I’m like, “what’s the answer?”
Meaning, I don’t send my testimony to all 2000 friends because a part of me is afraid of judgement or rejection. And I feel like I can’t really deal with it, I mean seriously my mother’s rejection and yelling is already hard enough.
Then the people who have judgement about fundraising.
But I know, that I am more than a conqueror and my job is to set people from the fear of lack, fear of rejection and judgement and so in that way, I can’t be afraid of it either. So I have to continue facing it.
So while I’m asking God, what do you want me to do this year?
He’s like “keep facing the fears and keep expanding your reach”. I’m not going to stop sending my testimony to people.
I already know my message and I already know the gospel of grace. I’ve already mastered fighting demons and casting out demons, but of course the fear still tries to stop me. The judgements don’t seem to stop either. People want me to write a certain way, people want to control me, it’s all people really.
But yet, I keep listening to Jesus despite the noise.
Fear is our biggest enemy.
Today, I need your help. Are you able to sow $300, or any amount to help cover expenses from last year? And to give an overflow for this year’s work. I am not a big ministry like T.D. Jakes….yet. I’m a one person self-starter supported by pioneers, people who get what I’m trying to say.
I’m not going to give up.
And I don’t believe you will either. Partner with me today. Consider sowing $50, $100, $200, $500 or more today, thank you!
Prophetic WORD- URGENT, IT’s NOT TIME TO QUESTION GOD, IT’S TIME TO ACT IN FAITH. THERE IS ACCELERATION FOR THOSE WHO OBEY AND MOVE/OBEY WITHOUT DOUBT.
There is a BREAKTHROUGH for those who are WILLING TO ACT UPON WHAT GOD IS SAYING AT ALL TIMES. Sure God will never condemn you for NOT OBEYING but the reason HE TELLS YOU TO DO SOMETHING is because the enemy has launched an assault of FEAR, FEAR OF LACK, CONDEMNATION AGAINST YOU so that you will stay small, so you would LIVE IN FEAR.
GOD HAS GIVEN YOU INSTRUCTIONS BECAUSE HE WANTS YOU TO BREAK OUT OF FEAR, these ACTIONS will ACTUALLY CATAPULT YOU FORWARD.
Last night I had a dream and I was going somewhere but I kept thinking is this wrong or right? But I finally GOT THERE because I PUSHED THROUGH and OBEYED.
And I realize it was a spirit of condemnation and FEAR. Yesterday a lady GAVE and she told me the LORD had told her to give several times but she had excuses. THE LORD did not ASK HER TO GIVE TO TORTURE HER, the LORD ACTUALLY HAS A BREAKTHROUGH OUT OF FEAR (FEAR OF LACK) for her.
THE ENEMY HAS LAUNCHED AN ASSAULT TO KILL YOUR BREAKTHROUGH AND DESTINY by SELF- DOUBT, PLAYING SMALL, DOING WHAT FEELS SAFE.
WHY? The Lord KEPT ASKING ME TO ASK PEOPLE FOR DONATIONS AS I KEPT HEARING NO’S or was being ignored. I TOLD GOD I WAS REALLY TIRED of asking and HE SAID DON’T GIVE UP.
He showed me that THERE IS A BONDAGE OF FEAR right now and I am not to give into it. There was also a spirit of condemnation to make me feel like I did something wrong. And I thought, maybe I should just “rest” and let GOD do IT.
But HE SHOWED ME “THAT IS FEAR SPEAKING”.
YOU WILL NEED TO PUSH THROUGH THE FEAR. Whatever fear it is right now, THERE IS AN ACCELERATION RIGHT NOW INTO WHAT GOD HAS CALLED YOU TO if you are WILLING TO ACT ON WHAT HE IS SAYING and to FOLLOW YOUR HEART.
(to not use your head, logic, or “right” or “wrong” which is a spirit of legalism).
YES HE WILL QUADRUPLE your ACTS OF FAITH RIGHT NOW.
BECAUSE WE ARE LAUNCHING INTO 2020 FIERCELY. The enemy has been trying everything TO MAKE ME BACK DOWN.
The LORD TOLD ME TO WRITE MY TESTIMONY and to ASK PEOPLE FOR DONATIONS, but I STARTED TO FEEL FEAR as PEOPLE KEPT SAYING NO and IT WAS going REALLY slow.
THE ENEMY STOLE MY PHONE, it a spirit of lack attacking me.
WHENEVER THERE IS DRYNESS, there is BREAKTHROUGH ON THE OTHER SIDE OF NOT GIVING UP.
So if FEAR KEEPS TELLING YOU not to do something, you feel it in YOUR HEART, it’s PROBABLY GOD SAYING “DO IT!”
The enemy keeps trying to put me in a corner because He knows giving will cause people to have breakthrough in their lives. TODAY IS THE DAY TO GIVE IF YOU FEEL THE LORD SPEAKING. I AM NOT MANIPULATING YOU (some of you have said, I am a prophet and I hear the Lord speaking about PUSHING THROUGH DOUBT).
Many of you have been afraid to let go of the things God has told you to let go of because OF FEAR, that is a spirit of LACK.
Many of you have been doing the “right” thing but it’s NOT THE GOD THING.
THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO SIT BACK and LIVE IN COMFORT, GOD IS CALLING HIS PEOPLE TO PUSH as the baby is CROWNING. THERE IS ACCELERATION HAPPENING IN THE SPIRIT RIGHT NOW.
People have told me they feel like the church is a business, they just ask for money. The enemy wants people to think that they are being robbed but the enemy KNOWS THERE IS BREAKTHROUGH IN GIVING SO HE PUTS LIES IN PEOPLES’ HEADS SO THEY KEEP LIVING IN A MENTALITY AND SPIRIT OF LACK…VERSUS THE SPIRIT OF ABUNDANCE WHICH IS NOT AFRAID OF ANYTHING!
THIS IS ABUNDANCE- NOT GIVING UP, NOT BACKING DOWN. ABUNDANCE IS YOUR IDENTITY. ABUNDANCE IS BEING A CHILD OF GOD. Abundance is knowing the Lord is your shepherd, not mammon. The enemy keeps you small and in fear when you rely on what you have, versus what God said. Live in FAITH, not by sight.
Many of YOU ARE LOOKING AT THE LITTLE YOU HAVE INSTEAD OF LOOKING FORWARD TO WHAT GOD SAID. The enemy knows that if you just stay in the comfort zone of what you have, and thinking that’s it, you will never walk forward.
BECAUSE TO POSSESS WHAT GOD HAS TOLD YOU, YOU NEED TO WALK IN FAITH. I did not start a ministry with all the money I needed to accomplish what He told me. I only went one step at a time (sometimes one day at a time). I had no money saved. God gave me the instructions I needed to attain the PROVISION so I could reach the lost sheep and people for Him. Sometimes it did come anonymously but I had to LEARN TO ASK. I also GAVE when I felt led.
ASKING IS A STEP OF FAITH and the FEAR will HIT YOU.
People’s judgement DID HIT ME.
BUT it was the enemy trying to make me BACK DOWN. BECAUSE HE KNEW I WAS TAKING TERRITORY, lives were BEING SET FREE AND PEOPLE WERE COMING TO JESUS. If HE COULD ROB ME of the finances I needed to continue, I’d give up or be fearful of continuing. He has tried REALLY HARD. In fact, most of the persecution I’ve received from people were about fundraising.
God told me it is because HE IS EXPOSING people’s hearts. He is also removing the shame and lies the enemy has spoken to people.
WHAT KIND OF LIFE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE? THE TYPE THAT GIVES INTO FEAR OR THAT SAYS “GOD YOU SAID!” and I BELIEVE.
DOUBT WILL KILL YOUR DREAMS RIGHT NOW. Yesterday I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go dance, I drove and kept getting off the freeway. I was asking “what should I do?” instead of just doing it. I felt doubt because last time my phone got stolen. It was fear speaking. In addition, because of that my mother started worrying that
BUT that’s exactly what the enemy wants, for me to HAVE A FEAR OF LACK, that I will lose something again. THERE IS BREAKTHROUGH RIGHT NOW IN CONTINUOUS ACTS OF FAITH. The enemy is TRYING TO ABORT the baby that is coming out. It’s half way out but YOU HAVE TO PUSH.
Don’t STAY IN THE SLUMBER OF THE ENEMY. Many people are not hoping and trusting in God, but what they have. They are making plans according to their budget. But if you want to launch into God’s plans, YOU HAVE TO LET GO OF CONTROL (finances, plans, people, etc) AND BELIEVE GOD.
I had another dream where I was changing bathing suits but the suit was confusing so it took me forever. The swimming pool was closing, so I had to hurry. Some guy saved me as the POOL was extremely wavy.
YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD RIGHT NOW. YOU ARE RIGHTEOUS RIGHT NOW. YOU ARE ABUNDANT RIGHT NOW.
Don’t let the fear prevent you from your launching in acceleration.
IF GOD HAS BEEN SPEAKING TO YOU TO GIVE, TO DO SOMETHING, PLEASE DO NOT WAVER RIGHT NOW. HE SAID THAT FEAR OF LACK will ATTRACT LACK, but if you act upon what God is saying, it will BREAK OFF THE FEAR.
Give – “Not that I desire your gifts; what I desire is that more be credited to your account” Philippians 4:17
Whenever we make SOMETHING, SOMEONE a “need”, we are living out of a spirit of lack, we don’t believe we are enough RIGHT NOW.
1. Witchcraft stems from fear, which makes you try to control the future through any means (holding onto what you can control, holding onto things God told you to let go, trying to make things happen in your flesh, holding onto a past word and not being present).
2. When we are afraid to take risks, it’s because we are afraid to let go of control, it stems from fear.
3. Relationship with God vs. Witchcraft (trying to make things happen through your flesh)
YOU’RE A CHILD OF GOD, YOU ARE SPECIAL IN MY EYES! YOU ARE ENOUGH AND NOT LACKING!
I woke up at 4 am after having a dream where I paid $60 for a room and I shared it with 3 other people.
The number 6 signifies weakness, man’s sin that separated us from God. 6 indicates man was created in Genesis 1:31 (on the 6th day). It represents man’s weakness.
The Lord started speaking through me as I created this video. I encourage you to watch or listen to the video as God spoke to me LOUD AND CLEAR.
The power of GRACE has nothing to do with you. It has nothing to do with you qualifying yourself, or being good, or doing good things.
Paul murdered Christians! And God spoke to him, Paul had an encounter with God that transformed him! David also was a murderer, he killed a woman’s husband just to have her. You think that people in the Bible didn’t have issues???? Think again.
2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me
Grace is unmerited. It’s unearned.
I am reminded that people kept trying to disqualify me by saying I didn’t go to seminary or I wasn’t sent by a church but that’s grace, Paul was not qualified by his being a good person, he killed Christians previously. And all the more he boasted in Jesus when He encountered the unconditional forgiveness of God.He was powered by the Holy Spirit alone, not in his own adequacies, strengths or giftings.
I boast not in my resume.
I boast not in my family connection.
I boast not in my work experience.
I boast not in my credit score.
I boast not in what a good friend I am.
I boast not in my own abilities or talents.
I boast not in what I wear.
I boast not in what house or car I drive.
I boast not in my works.
I boast in Christ alone.
Jesus did not ask the thief to come down the cross and repay everything he stole. The work of recompense was not the criminal’s work.
But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.” Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.”
The work of recompense has been finished on the cross. So if anyone makes you feel guilty like you need to make up for the past, it is a lie. You cannot. And writing that made me realize that my dad cannot make up for the past, and I have to move on and seek that recompense from God.
Then after making that video I fell asleep again and had a dream I opened this mirror and took out antifreeze to put on my teeth, but suddenly my teeth started falling and I was freaking out.
Fortunately a man I was with, a comforter, I was lying on his shoulders- started gluing it back but they were still falling out so a lady came and use supernatural glue to put my teeth back.
I believe the man represents “man’s ways” and the lady represents the holy spirit.
In the dream I started shouting “I got my wisdom back!!!”
Then I woke up.
I think the devil had been trying really hard to make me feel ashamed about my life situation, how I am living with my mother right now (as God has ordained for me to do right now), how I am driving her car (and I really hate it), and I was comparing myself to others that seemed more successful.
And then I got a smack in my spiritual face (HEY CHRIST ALONE, BOAST IN NOTHING ELSE!)
My identity is not in my life’s circumstance.
My identity is BEING A CHILD OF GOD. AND THAT IS HUGE.
THE GOD OF THIS UNIVERSE LOVES ME.
That is everything. I am redeemed by the Lord. I am loved by the Lord. You don’t have “nothing”, you have EVERYTHING when you are God’s child. You are a prince, a queen, a heir!
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 1 Peter 2:9
When I was on the road in New Zealand with $5 it was hard to not think that “I had nothing”- God was instilling in me “You are my messenger, you are saved by the blood of Jesus, you have everything, you have the living Christ on the inside of you”.
You have the healing power to heal all sickness and disease.
You have all riches in Christ Jesus according to His riches in glory.
You have the power of the blood to conquer demons, fear, anxiety and depression.
You have the knowledge of being a child of God, protected by the Father, you are not an orphan.
No matter where you go, you are protected by God’s angels in all corners of the world.
Jesus has triumphed death on the cross for you so you have eternal life.
You have a comforter named the Holy Spirit that when you are heart broken you can turn to Him.
You have a God who leads you no matter what circumstances you are in. The voice of God will lead you to where you need to go.
You have divine knowledge about the world around you.
YOU HAVE DOMINION OVER EVERY ATMOSPHERE around you. EVERYTHING THAT IS GOING ON AROUND YOU YOU CAN PRAY OVER. If there is a man possessed, you can cast out that demon.
One time I was in Fiji and a man was talking to himself. I went over and cast out the spirit of lack. Immediately he talked like a normal person and asked if he could carry my bags.
You are whole in Christ Jesus, there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus, which means you are NOT LACKING in anyway! You don’t need to do better or be better, you are already the best in God’s eyes.
Everything is spiritual on this earth. Every conflict, fight has to do with “a spirit of lack” that tries to make humans feel less than. The devil will come to attack your mind but claim the blood of Jesus over you.
Sow a Seed (make a donation)-
Thank you for your contribution- May Jesus multiply it!
Adam and Eve were not ashamed. And they were naked. They were vulnerable, they did not know sin, they did not know shame.
But then sin came, oh no we’ve done something wrong, we have a fear of being judged.
Today I realized that I was numb in my heart because I was suppressing feelings of pain. I felt pain because everytime I go to Taiwan I try to connect with my dad but then when I come back to America it’s a disconnect, it’s like I don’t even exist. Before I didn’t talk to or see my dad for 10 years.
Brene Brown talks about how the most evasive betrayal is not cheating, but neglect. Neglect and the silence.
That disconnect created a pain in my heart that increased by the day, but I didn’t realize I was feeling this. So God brought father figure divine appointments into my life, some were in Mexico, some that I met in LA, some on the airplane. They were all male figures comforting my heart. God brought father figures throughout my whole life.
I felt more and more depressed as I lay there after watching a show’s live taping today.
The issues:
A family that was searching for the grandma who abandoned her son. The son had depression and killed himself.
As I watched my heart started to feel immense pain and I started crying.
Growing up I tried to be perfect in my mother’s eye, I didn’t want to be a burden as she was already stressed out as a single mother.
So I became the model citizen. I got good grades, excelled in school, won awards, I was a first chair cellist, I was a youth leader, I was esteemed but deep down no one noticed I was actually depressed. I had a sorrow in my heart I could not express and no one asked.
I took care of my own emotional needs through achievement, busy-ness, and when I was tired of striving, masturbation.
Since I could not feel anything emotionally, and I did not want to feel pain I learned how to feel emotions through physical gratification. I was very young and often neglected by my mother, left alone at the age of 5 inside a house by myself. I found that I could grind on my pelvis and I would feel good.
Later my mother told me that she had to put me in a worker’s storage room so she could work and that from 0-1 years old I was raised by my nanny. I started to feel like a ghost, a living body with no soul. No one to connect to.
But when I was 12 years old I felt God’s love and accepted Jesus into my heart. I started to be guided by Him and I felt His love when I could feel nothing else. And yet….church was another thing, they encouraged PERFORMANCE over CONNECTION.
They encouraged us to perform, thinking that if we performed well people would see Jesus in us. They used theology, they used books, but what people really needed was to feel love. They used rules and regulations. There was no grace.
I felt unloved and more over, I was encouraged to PERFORM.
And so PERFORM I did. I performed and achieved in church.
And I was exhausted.
So striving became my default because when you’re busy there is no time to feel. And when you have no time to feel, you don’t have to feel the pain in your heart. The world is that way, full of busy noises, always being entertained, always going somewhere, always achieving, full of noise.
No one wants to feel pain.
Very few people are honest about what they’re feeling and more people are ashamed to be who they are fully. Maybe they’ll sit behind a screen and criticize other people online or they’d rather gossip than confront that person.
And that’s the worse thing about some churches is that they shame people for being imperfect.
A lot of churches don’t talk about issues like sex, masturbation, pornography, addictions, drugs, depression, sexuality in general. When I asked two female leaders at my church what sex felt like they said “we will tell you when you’re about to get married”.
One of my best girl friend found her dad’s sex tape one time and became a porn addict. She watched porn for 8 hours a day. She became self conscious and insecure about her looks.
Why should I be ashamed to be honest?
I have nothing to hide. I’ll say the words penis and vagina out loud, I will talk about whatever I want.
If you are fake your whole life you’ll never meet people who will love you for who you are.
I see tons of prophets who show forth an image of perfection like they have no problems, they smile and wear nice dresses. I’m so tired of fake people.
God didn’t anoint me or choose me because I’m perfect. God chose me because I trust in His grace alone that made me whole.
The other day someone asked me “how do you know you are anointed”. I started to explain and stopped. “Why do I have to explain myself to you?”
I’m a recovering emotional detached person. I had shingles when I was 14 because I was stuffing all the stress inside my heart. I didn’t tell people about my single mother’s anger issue, my mother told me not to tell people my parents are divorced.
I became two-faced. I became the overachiever who took care of her own emotional needs. I read erotica to ease the pain in my heart or I gossiped about other people. Everyone came to me for help and I liked it. But I wasn’t loving myself, and I didn’t know how to ask for help.
I dated a guy who was emotionally absent. He would disappear for days and I found myself having emotional affairs with other people. He didn’t want to get close to me emotionally so I found other avenues.
But I was also emotionally detached, because it was safe to be with another emotionally absent person. That way I wouldn’t get hurt right?
No, I did get hurt. Love is love, you’ll experience pain no matter what. Stop trying to be perfect. Open your heart and just TELL IT LIKE IT IS. You are sad, say it. You are angry, say it. You feel like someone is being fake, tell them. It’s blunt but it’s the truth and the truth will set you free, even if it’s harsh.
So how do I overcome emotional detachment in this season:
Opening my heart and talking through the issues with my friend.
Creating videos and talking about how I feel
Writing
Telling God how I feel.
And most of it is a lot of anger.
God why did you abandon me?
God why did you allow this to happen to me?
God why do I always become friends or chase people who don’t give back to me?
God help me break this negative cycle.
God help me to open my heart.
God help me to forgive.
God I can’t do this anymore. This heart thing.
What’s appropriate? What’s taboo? Why don’t you lift off the veil of pretend and try being honest?
Are you tired of BS? Why don’t you be honest for twice in your life?
GIVE TO THIS MINISTRY-
Thank you for your contribution. May the Lord bless you abundantly! My vision is to see people be who they truly are, with no shame or guilt, knowing that they are enough in God’s eyes.
You have to learn to protect what God has ordained in your life. Not everyone is sent by God and not everyone is supposed to be in your life long term.
I am learning how to set boundaries in my life and writing down what is important to me.
1. I need to honor myself first and foremost. Am I honoring my time, my energy, my being? Am I wasting time on those who simply give me attention, but suck me of my energy? What is the opportunity cost of being friends with this person?
2. Do the friends around me have my best interest in mind? Do they understand my destiny, calling and purpose in life and are they supportive of it? And am I supportive of their dreams? Is the friendship ordained by God?
3. Friends and someone you minister to is different. A friend is on your level. Someone you minister to is someone you help but may not necessarily receive the same level of help.
4. Friendship is a two way street.
One party needs to be open and so does another. It’s an exchange of energy, time, love. If one party has no interest in having an open heart, it’s hard for the other to continue.
5. Vulnerability is most important. It’s important to speak your mind and be honest.
Why do we feed people who don’t feed us back and neglect those who can actually love us.
Many people chase after people who treat them like crap, because they like the attention.
If there is a part of our soul that still desires unhealthy fruit, we will chase after that which is not healthy for us. So God heals the part of us that are broken.
6. Understand and give grace, but remember where you stand.
Some people are for a lifetime but some are for moments. Ask God to show you if that friend is temporary. And some come and go depending on the season, and it’s ok to let go.
7. Recognize codependency– codependency is when there is no boundaries and I often found myself in codependent relationships and God had to show me, it’s okay to pull back and not over give of yourself when that person isn’t reciprocating.
You cannot force someone to give of themselves when it’s not out of desire.
I realize that recently I was becoming codependent with a friend and it was hurting me because I was getting involved unnecessarily in her life and friendships. And it was not my job to help her or fix her friends.
I don’t want to overwhelm my readers so I don’t tell the truth. But the truth is it’s been very hard. I’ve cried everyday.
Imagine doing good, following Jesus and then being misunderstood. I don’t want to dwell on it, I want to let it go but I can’t seem to. The flashbacks, the people, the words just come at me.
I sold everything to follow Jesus in 2015 and started going where Jesus led me to. I first went to Hawaii for 2 weeks and stayed with a sister there, then I came back and had no place to stay and ended up staying with another sister for 5 months. I started unofficially training people in the prophetic as I stayed with them.
In 2018, after 2 years of resting and preparing spiritually for the journey ahead (which I had no idea would look like this), I left Los Angeles and went to Taiwan. In Taiwan I thought I would stay for a year (to get to know my dad) or so but God said “keep going, now you will gather the lost sheep”. I went to Korea first and found myself waking up at 5 am to pray for backpackers that were checking out. The prophesies came in visions and words. Many were not Christian and were amazed by the words and confirmations.
I met a Muslim girl at a restaurant and I could always sense it, God would tell me “go speak to her”. Sometimes I’d be scared but eventually she crossed over to my table to get napkins. We started talking. As we were hanging out she said she had a stomachache and I asked to pray over it.
“Is it okay for a Muslim to get prayed over by a Christian?”
I said yes of course. After laying hands on her stomach and praying for her, she noticed the pain went away, it was immediate. This opened the door for me to share my testimony.
One time I needed money to stay at the hostel for the next day and contacted a good friend of mine but she said that she was learning to be financially responsible and couldn’t help. In that moment I felt really abandoned and questioned God’s goodness. I also felt like she was blaming me for “not being financially responsible” when in fact I was simply following God’s instructions and directions. Things like this would happen on the road where I really questioned God’s direction and goodness when I felt misunderstood or rejected.
I told her that honestly I felt like a martyr sometimes.
I compared myself to her. I said that I felt like a martyr because I was out here with a suitcase not knowing where I was going to stay tomorrow (and not having the finances to stay anywhere yet) while she was married and had just bought a house. I could imagine people back home enjoying their couch and watching netflix while I was in a hostel room with 10 other people. Why did I have to be the one to be out here reaching the lost when others were back home living their comfortable lives? It did not seem fair to me.
Yes, I admit it, I felt like a martyr. But that was also Satan using everything he could to accuse and attack me with the spirit of lack so that I felt I was lacking in some way.
I woke up this morning thinking of all the negative things that happened and God was like “you need to write it down”. I realize I don’t talk about my experiences enough and I need to…not because I’m reciting “woe is me” stories but because somehow I find my strength in these stories. I’m not just a normal person, I’m a woman who went through hardships to follow Jesus.
Sometimes when I talk to people, I find myself unable and unwilling to talk about my experiences on the road. I feel like it will overwhelm them too much or make them feel bad for me. And I don’t want pity, I want them to know they are enough in Christ Jesus and anything is possible if they’re willing to follow Jesus.
My job is to set people free from fear, from the fear of rejection, lack and judgement, from the fear of the unknown. Because I’ve gone there and back, hell and high waters.
When I tell them I went to South Africa with $20 in my pocket, their jaws drop. When I tell them I was on the road with my suitcase following God with $5 left and asking strangers for help while prophesying over them, they say “I would never be able to do that”.
I had to confront fear in the face. And sure it was scary. But what people fear I don’t fear much. Why? Because I’ve been through the fire.
An hour before my flight departure I was going from Bali to Perth, well apparently I didn’t have a visa. I also did not have a working phone so in that moment I had to borrow a French couples’ phone to register for an Australian e-visa. Miraculously the e-visa went through in 10 minutes.
I landed in New Zealand, hoping to safely arrive at my hostel but then they said I booked the wrong dates. It’s 3 am in the morning and I’m walking around the streets with no where to stay. I visit every hotel and they are fully booked due to a festival. I end up praying for drunk teenagers. Finally I visit a hotel where the Nepalese man told me he reads the Bible and a miracle happened….he let me book a room they usually reserve for emergencies.
One night at a hostel I was hearing my roommates have nightmares. The next day 2 of the bunkmates accepted Jesus into their hearts. This was in Hong Kong. I was really pissed that I didn’t get good sleep but was praying in tongues at night. Who knew that it was because there was spiritual warfare happening because two of the girls would accept Jesus into their hearts.
More stories to come……..
What you can do for me.
Pray – pray for my heart and pray for my body to be healed of any and all traumas. Pray for the seed of the word of God to be sown deep into fertile hearts.
Give- Give to the continuing work of sharing the gospel with those God calls me to reach. Funds goes towards finances that are needed for transportation, such as uber rides and food, where I usually have divine appointments. God always gives me a divine appointment on an uber ride. It has been very fruitful. Thank you for your partnership-
Come out of hiding. I know you’ve been hurt and wounded. I know it hurt, I know it sucked.
I see a vision of you in a cave and you are rereading your past hurts. I see memories written down and you keep rereading them. It’s a dark dark cave.
I see a vision of you with lots of people accusing you, surrounding you and you are cowering in fear, you are scared of the world.
But now I want you to come out. I want you to come out of the cave. Child, what I have for you. Colors and beauty. Yes there are accusers sent by the devil, but there are also lovers that will love you for who you are. They won’t accuse you, but love you.
I see a vision of you being embraced and hugged and loved for who you are.
OH CHILD what I have for you. People who will give everything to love you. People who will say yes to you. People who will embrace you at your worse. And you may have moments where you feel like YOU don’t have enough or you are not enough. You feel so scared that you will fail them and you will fail them because you’re not supposed to be their god anyway.”
You see I found relationships suffocating at times because I felt pressure to be someone I wasn’t or I felt pressure to carry their burdens, I felt responsible for their problems and I didn’t know how to set boundaries. Perhaps I am still working on that. How do you spend time with people and still set boundaries to your heart?
You tell them- hey I need a break from talking about your problems. You set verbal boundaries, you speak honestly.
God- I am responsible for your heart.
Will you let go of the past and move on?
Will you forgive and let me by your safety?
Do you know that I am enough for you and that you are perfect in my eyes. Don’t hold onto the pain. Let me be your safety net.
Consider financially partnering with me to deliver those who are bond around the world. Thank you!
Rebekka Lien 