Sugar and Spice Art & Fashion Show last Friday was a blast! At the end, the DJ spun some crazy mix, I kept reminding him to spin some electro and house. He replied “okay, now I can. I just didn’t want to scare people with the music”. I’m like “I TOTALLY understand!” But electro/ house is the best and always gets me pumping. Some random memories will probably be, me going on stage and dancing, FIDM friends dancing, and seeing unexpected people being very dance-ly as well.

Timmery’s booth- www.1981collection.com

(I helped sell her products)

Some of Timmery’s designs/makeup/and jewelry.

Jessica Mcgrew and I (Fashion Design grads from FIDM- woot)

Entitled, bothersome, forlorn, sad.

Deprived of a child, still in the womb, like a staring cat.

Engaging, lifeless, yet a strong gaze.

Accepting me, accepting all.

Though I was once cursed, I’ve been freed.

Entitled, like a child, asking for cookies.

Loving, only when feeling loved.

Not loving, when seething with entitlement.

It’s only you. It’s only me. It’s all me. It’s all we.

Fighting, we pull and push again. 6 weeks leave me hanging dry, like a limbless livestock.

My hands are dry from working ceaselessly. It’s okay to give up and win. It’s okay to give up

and breathe. Letting only trickles of rain pour down when I lie alone, in the sad sad night.

For now, let’s breathe in this chaotic beauty.

And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?- Mark 8:36

I’ve walked many paths, like a lost man, looking for love and looking for reputation, I looked and broke many branches

walking in the woods, shivering in cold and loneliness

I thought i wanted riches, and gold enough to build my mother a house, a car to drive and to shine

I thought i wanted a man that could fulfill all my needs, hold my hand, and never let go

I thought i wanted to trade my soul for false illusions and dreams

I thought i wanted to become something great in the world

so that i could be happy

so that i could be satisfied

so that i could win perfection

but i met one God that fulfilled my all.

Jesus Christ covered my all. I am hidden under His wings.

People change, like rocks and trees, and snow, and well seasons

People’s preferences change, they think they really want something, someone

but those preferences change

because people grow, learn, fall, and walk

But who they are remain the same, ingrained with the same personality, imprints, core

sleepyhead changes to cashews of blues

behind your eyes

It is so easy to judge, but so hard to love.

I keep making the mistake of judging. But forget to keep looking at the huge chunk in my eye. Maybe that is what the dream was about, the huge hole in my eye, realizing it’s as big as my eye.

Last night’s dream: It was a really ugly picture of myself. I kept showing people that weird hole in my eye and almost squeezed it out, my own eyeball.

Paper dress I made!

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. (Jeremiah 29:11-13 NKJV)

For the last few days I couldn’t sleep well, thinking about fundraising for my study/service trip, as well as all the complications of saying goodbye, albeit only 4 months, yet, traveling is complicated. I finally turned in my application for a China Visa, paying 30 bucks more for the travel agent to do it for me—Thus avoiding parking, driving, LA traffic, and lines. EW. I got 2 visa photos taken at Photo Fun on Main and Garfield. Cost me 10.99. The sign said 13.99, but I said it was too expensive, I said, 10 dollars, she said in her broken Chinese “okay okay, fine fine”.

I’ve been thinking lately that I make things BIGGER than they are. I stress out about small assignments, I don’t procrastinate, and then I’m left with TIME…and then I think, if only I knew how to over-manage, I would be a little more relaxed. Sometimes thinking ahead can be a liability, not an asset.

Yes, I am a travel diva. I’m so tired from calling travel agents. Tickets to Beijing, then to Taiwan, then to LAX. $1940, cha- ching ching. Big money, for a small no money person like a student graduate.

I’ve probably traveled enough to tell you how it is, but really, I’m no expert. I’m not like Up In the Air kinda dude, but I do want that “premium” VIP lounge card. Last time when I went to Switzerland, I learned not to get too happy about an 800 roundtrip ticket, because I ended up paying much more for missing my flight. Anything can happen, really. I swear. ANYTHING. That is the fun part about traveling. And I LOVE IT.

I’ve slept at train stations, airports, on random jackets, and traveling and getting lost. You definitely need some sass so you don’t get mugged or look lost. Even if you’re lost, you must look like a local. Somehow, this is easier if you are in Asia obviously. Bargain the hell out, be sassy, or get cheated to pay foreign price. I’m a little anxious looking for the right price, when in the end, there’s a certain skill of buying it right away so the price doesn’t rise. Like yeast or some crazy monster in the ocean.

I love and hate chinese travel agents. They are also very sassy. And they don’t really care to persuade you.

Just in case you’re wondering where I get my blog entry titles- usually from random sayings and songs.

(Huntington Library on a rainy and lovely day)

Now Listening to Death Cab For Cutie- A Movie Script Ending

Find thy passion, and thy will live without societal restrictions

which chooses to bind and tear

though the compounds of safety and freedom are like two siblings, so different, yet, so complementary

I can’t but define my state of mind- between love and fear

salt and sugar, bitterness and sweetness, goodbyes and hellos

future and past,

and then just when im writing,

i halt and remember

Now and present. Instead of either or, I’ve chosen the best of both, I’ll live now and remember not to fret

the stops I didn’t take, or the stops I will take

and embrace the stop I’m at now.

Frights and terrors, colors and spinning, noise and peace, they are but a fragment of my imagination

what if i chose, simply to be. letting all circumstances float like marshmallows wavering

not hitting me on the head, but brushing past

like unicorns and lovely kewpies flying past, one by one, one by one.

List of news: booking flight to China ASAP, just finished my online class test, awaiting a text, staring at my calendar in dismay, too many people to pray for, Sugar and Spice Art and Fashion Show, new relationships, Ten Thousand Villages, and prepping for graduation and China. Many calls to make. BUT, I’m going to take a nice relaxing bath.

Some things I want to do before the end of June:

1. Play cello on the streets of Pasadena

2. Visit the beaches in LA

3. Hang out with my family & friends

4. Write thank you notes to all my close friends

5. Do what I gotta do, say what I gotta say with no regrets