What To Do When You Feel Rejected By Your Parents

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“I feel like I can’t come home”- I said.

“Why?”- my mom said.

“It’s because you give me a look like I did something wrong, and then you accuse me”.

I spent many days out all day until night time.

I felt like a homeless prophet.

When I went to Korea, I realize I actually really wanted to go home but I felt like a burden. I called my friend and told her.

Everyone I met in Korea felt sort of estranged, and needed to be comforted. I ministered to young people who felt orphaned and estranged, homeless. One girl wanted to go back to Eastern Europe but whenever she went home, her mother would yell at her. The pain is too real. She decided to get a one year visa to work in Korea. 

So I felt like I couldn’t face the pain. God started to tell me to tell my mother the truth. The truth being…simple things like I don’t like it when you wash vegetables in the sink, without a bowl because I get really grossed out and can’t eat the food.

I used to just let things go but I realize I wasn’t being honest with her about things.

God’s been telling me to go out to eat a lot and a part of my mind will think in lack, but God would say “follow your heart”. My mom would yell at me for eating out, she’d tell me it was unhealthy and a waste of money.

For some reason I met a lot of nice strangers outside of home. 

If I didn’t listen to God, I’d probably be living on my own. I lived on my own for a few years and then God told me to move back home. 

When I was living alone I felt like an orphan, I was isolated and often sat drinking a beer with a microwave plate. I binge watched netflix and felt emotionally constipated. I had a boyfriend for a while but he wasn’t Christian so God eventually told me to break up with him. I felt like I was undeserving of any financial help and my mother was never the type I would tell my emotions to. 

I had freedom to do whatever I wanted, but again, I had an orphan mentality. 

Essentially I lived like an orphan and I felt like I had no parents. My dad had been well out of the picture and he lived in Taiwan.

But my heart was longing for home. I found comfort in God….and then God told me to move back home. For awhile my mother started giving me money and it was the first time I got money from her. I felt ashamed.

I was in my late twenties.

Then the guilt trip started coming.

“You’re almost 30, you should have a goal in life”.

“You should be ashamed of yourself”.

I mean there’s hundreds of accusations that came. Most of it was because she didn’t understand my ministry and she didn’t understand why God would tell me to rest, she wanted to see tangible results of my life.

If God didn’t tell me to get a job, I wasn’t going to get one and go outside of HIS PLANS to prove my mother wrong.

I’m a prophet who sets people free from condemnation, but here I was getting condemned by my own mother. That is why I have the anointing to break off the spirit of lack, because it’s a daily thing with me. 

My goal is always to follow Jesus’ voice first and foremost, not to please my mother, or anyone else. 

But she wouldn’t understand that, not right now anyway.

And a lot of people wouldn’t understand that.

The feeling of being misunderstood, accused and rejected is real though. Sure, she is a Christian, but her life is practical, pragmatic, logical.

In 2015 I moved back to my mother’s house. Then in 2018 God told me to go overseas and minister, relying on Him to provide for me. Since then I’ve helped thousands of people break free from shame and condemnation and understand their identity.

Yet, the enemy did not waiver in trying to attack me with accusations.

In late 2019 God sent me home and I thought God would allow me to move out right away, but no, He didn’t.

That’s where it started to hurt, the accusations started coming again.

No matter how much I tried to explain how I’m helping people, how I have these dreams, how I prophesy or even explain how Jesus can heal her, it’s like speaking to deaf ears. 

I realize, again, a prophet is not welcome in her own home.

And that it’s not my job to convince her. And I need to be okay with that. I need to know from the bottom of my heart how much I am loved by God. But I need to be okay with the fact that she may never understand.

And it’s not my job to convince her, it’s God’s job to heal her heart.

I was eating tacos by the street when a man pushed a baby cart appeared…it was a 6 month old baby, she was so cute.

I heard God say “I want you, I’ve always wanted you and you are not unwanted. You are precious to me”.

I don’t know who you are but I want you to know that-

You are precious. You are special. You are loved by God. He died on the cross for your sins and thought of you on that day. He is your loving Father, He is your provider and protector.

“I love you so much. You are not forgotten, you are the apple of my eyes”.

I tried really hard to tell my mother how I feel, but she immediately shuts down, she doesn’t want to talk about emotions. Maybe because it hurts too much.

I don’t really know how to talk about emotions with her either, but I’m trying.

Last of all-

You are enough in God’s eyes.

And if you need to cry, let it out, feel the pain, for God will comfort you.

If we define our identity by anything we can accomplish, it’s not grace.

Grace says you are a child of God because of Jesus’ sacrifice, not of our own works.

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Prophetic Word- Let Go of Control & Trust Me

PROPHETIC WORD –

LET GO OF CONTROL AND TRUST ME!

Whenever we make SOMETHING, SOMEONE a “need”, we are living out of a spirit of lack, we don’t believe we are enough RIGHT NOW. 

1. Witchcraft stems from fear, which makes you try to control the future through any means (holding onto what you can control, holding onto things God told you to let go, trying to make things happen in your flesh, holding onto a past word and not being present).

2. When we are afraid to take risks, it’s because we are afraid to let go of control, it stems from fear.

3. Relationship with God vs. Witchcraft (trying to make things happen through your flesh)

YOU’RE A CHILD OF GOD, YOU ARE SPECIAL IN MY EYES! YOU ARE ENOUGH AND NOT LACKING!

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When Life Disappoints- Look Up

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“Oh this restaurant is packed” said the handsome man with white socks and sandal.

I mean those sandals, but anyhow he was cute. I suddenly felt light.

Then he walked around the restaurant and walked to his Asian girlfriend. Why do I note the race, I think he was filipino but I mean, I was another Asian girl.

I felt, a little bit depleted. It’s been a few weeks since I met a semi- nice guy but turned out he had issues. I have issues too, sure. But issues I did not want in a husband, so I knew he wasn’t my husband. 

But still, I was disappointed. 

And guess what? I applied for a reality show for dating, I thought, okay let me give it a try. It’s for next summer. I tried applying for it last summer but I was too late.

But God I might meet my husband before next summer right? Anyhow, let’s just try.

The reply was “oh we are looking for 30 and under”.

I thought, “holy crap, I’m too late, I am one year too late”. My mind started spinning, and all of those acting parts are looking for 30 and under. And my chin for some reason is growing. I accidentally opened up an old youtube video of me. 

I’m thinking “gosh I was so confident, what false confidence, I was totally lying”.

But oh I was so skinny and attractive. No lie, these are my thoughts and I know that these are the enemy’s words. But still I hear them, and then I get insecure.

When these situations in life happen you start shutting down, it’s like LEVEL 1 SHUT DOWN, 2, and so forth and before you know it you’re walking around Ross putting stuff in your cart, then throwing them out and not buying anything because it’s not REALLY something material you need but something emotional you’re looking for, and nothing IS RIGHT. And you just walked around for 1 hour looking for that emotional support.

So I finally went home and journaled.

I wrote down-

“God I feel like you don’t care about me”. 

I think when disappointments happen in life, you want “circumstances” to work out the way you want them to work out…..

  1. If only I’d find my life partner
  2. If only I get on this tv show
  3. If only I go to this new place

But those are lies….

Because God is enough for me.

“You know I love you…

You know I care about you.

You know you are the apple of my eye.

Let me romance you. 

I’m here for you. You’re not alone”.

I wrote “I saw a cute guy today, he smiled at me and it turns out he had a GF. When will it be my turn God”.

If I sound desperate maybe it’s because I waited a long ass time for a life partner. I’m even waiting to have sex.

Sometimes we look at life the wrong way. We think that life is about achieving an ultimate goal or getting something, even finding a life partner…but it’s about how we see ourselves. It is knowing how much God loves us as we are, right now (not tomorrow). 

THIS IS HOW I FEEL GOD. I’m disappointed ☹️ . But I’m going to trust that YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING. I’m GOING to trust that you have the BEST IN MIND for me.

I had a dream I was carrying a backpack full of art supplies and these young people came to draw and use the tools I gave them.

Here it is….

“YOU ARE ENOUGH”. 

“YOU ARE ENOUGH”. 

“YOU ARE ENOUGH”. 

“YOU ARE ENOUGH”. 

“YOU ARE ENOUGH”. 

“YOU ARE ENOUGH”. 

“YOU ARE NOT LACKING”.

“I closed the door because I want you to MOVE FORWARD- DON’T LOOK BACK” 

You are not excited for that because my grace is no longer on it. 

If I’m honest I was reading way too many websites of entrepreneurs that seemed WAY ahead of me, I was watching youtubes of prophets who had thousands of followers while I have like 25, but God bless those 25. It’s The Bex Show if you want to google it, I don’t have the strength to find it right now.

Wherever YOU ARE, you are enough. 

Don’t compare where you are with other people, that’ll only lead to depression (seriously).

Breathe in and out.

Cry if you have to.

You may not be in the same season as someone, but here’s what I know…..You are exactly where you need to be. 

“Never doubt God’s mighty power to work in you and accomplish all this. He will achieve infinitely more than your greatest request, your most unbelievable dream, and exceed your wildest imagination! He will outdo them all, for His miraculous power constantly energizes you.” (Eph. 3:20, TPT)

If HE HAS CLOSED A DOOR IT MEANS A BETTER ONE IS GOING TO OPEN! 

Prophetic Word: November 14, 2019-

“MY CHILD It’s NOT OVER YET! The enemy has been fighting hard so you would be discouraged, the enemy wants you to focus on your circumstance but LOOK AT ME, focus your eyes on me. Don’t let your head spin, I am here protecting you, I have plans to flourish you, I have not forgotten you. For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Hey don’t look back anymore. Don’t even doubt that relationship. Go forward into my arms. Yes I know it’s hard to let go but I am enough for you. It’s time to move out. Do you know that I am enough for you? Will you trust me? My love is overpowering, overwhelming and more than enough.” 

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May this song bring comfort to your heart.

Healing The Father Wound

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Me in Hamburg, Germany

How long since I actually took a nap?

Since I lay down here, and just relaxed, and let go, and just be.

It’s been awhile. I felt strange, I got a headache.

I took a nap. I woke up feeling depressed and hungry. I was thinking about the mediocre Mac and cheese from Sprouts. I didn’t really have an appetite. I decided to call a friend after crying. I started weeping while telling her that I still felt a lot of sadness towards accepting that my dad will never be what I want him to be. My friend said it’s actually the same thing as grieving a death. But it’s worse because that person actually have a choice to reciprocate love.

My realization-

“God what I want is a relationship with my dad, and that’s one thing I want and I can’t have it. I pursue it, but nothing. I’m cut off. He’s unable to have an emotional connection”. He is an alcoholic. Instead of confronting, speaking up he turns to alcohol. He lives on the other side of the world in Taiwan.

My whole life I shut down my heart, I didn’t know how to address it. I would suddenly detach myself from people and want to be alone. I’d want alone time because it was safer to be alone than to be hurt by someone.

I’d have a huge desire for emotional intimacy. I’d meet someone I really like but then if I knew he wasn’t it, I’d disappear, they would also disappear. We’d knew how to cut each other out of our lives, but there was no acknowledgement, I didn’t know how to talk through it.

I attracted men who were emotionally and physically absent….men I could not be in relationships with, men who I met ten thousand miles away that I would need to say goodbye to when I had to get on another flight.

It was too hard to face the pain of a possible connection, then ending that connection.

I felt immense emotions, I loved the initial high. I loved the romance and sure I’d get sad when I had to leave to another city, but at least I was safe from intense pain. I was safe from connecting long term and disconnecting. 

I knew that none of them were my husband.

But that was my process. God had to heal me and it’s taken 31 years of my life. I was that little girl in a corner, playing by herself in kindergarten. I felt unwanted by my father. I felt abandoned and rejected.

This season God has been breaking open my heart and healing every wound…by bringing me to a place of vulnerability where I can open my heart up to people. These people are also going through the same thing. 

These are people who will love me for who I truly am.

And that means I am completely open and vulnerable with you too. Whoever you are. I am speaking to you.

It’s not easy to open your heart but it is the most fulfilling thing you’ll ever experience in your life. 

Nothing else matters, no house, no car, no material possession, no accomplishment…

You can win the Emmy’s and have no one to cry with.

I am so happy I have people to cry with, people who I can be completely honest with. I’m grateful I can tell them “when you did this, it hurt” and I’m grateful that I can admit that I’m scared, angry, lonely, sad to them.

I’m glad I can talk about Jesus and penises all in one conversation. I can be completely honest and not have to censor myself to one topic. It is merging our faith with our humanity that truly makes us human.

I’ve been trying to figure out the future, trying to do instead of be because I didn’t want to face the emotional pain in my heart.

It hurts that my dad has no capacity of being in relationship with me.

It hurts that I have to go back to Taiwan to even talk to him.

But thank you God for healing this pain in my heart. Thank you that I am moving forward, I’m facing the pain and understanding the patterns in my heart that prevents me from wanting to be vulnerable and honest with people.

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One of my best friends in Kindergarten

Now I’d like to be myself and know that people will not reject me. I have those people now. I won’t hide underneath the guise of people pleasing anymore because God has given me courage to speak my truth, even if others are offended by it. 

Sure, I was persecuted and I offended people when I was ministering on the road, but it’s given me the courage and strength to always speak my truth no matter what the reactions are. 

It is harder to speak your truth to people you are close to than strangers, because you face the risk of losing them.

But maybe those who can’t take the truth are not really your friends.

I kept thinking God what should I do…instead of facing my emotions. It’s easier to be busy than to be vulnerable with God (and people).

God that’s the only thing I want. I want to be naked emotionally and unashamed, like Adam and Eve before sin entered the world.

He has been preparing me for marriage and it’s HARD! REALLY HARD, this process is exposing me so much. But I’m ready, I’m so ready.

Marriage is not just about finding someone you love but being able to be emotionally vulnerable with our life partner. Are you speaking your truth to those around you now? Your friends and family? 

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Prophetic Word- New Garments of Praise

1. PROPHETIC WORD AND PRAYER – TRUST YOUR HEART.
DON’T SETTLE FOR LESS! It may mean you have no one to hold when you feel alone but GO TO GOD. Don’t have a backup plan for your life. Don’t have plan B or a side chick/some dude who is NOT YOUR LIFE PARTNER! BLOCK, DELETE!

JUST BECAUSE IT’S AN OPTION OR AVAILABLE TO USE DOES NOT MEAN YOU NEED TO USE IT!

“Even if you washed the car and gas-ed up the car” it’s still an OLD CAR. Maybe you have been trying to HELP your second best be his/her best but it’s STILL not YOUR best, it’s still the OLD.

Don’t SETTLE FOR LESS, it may mean you have to WAIT for the best!
Don’t SETTLE! It may mean you won’t have a car to drive, but go with your heart’s desires, not what’s AVAILABLE! OMG.

Just because a man/woman is available to you and single, does not MEAN YOU NEED TO SPEND TIME WITH THEM AND BE DRAINED OF YOUR ENERGY!

YOU KNOW YOUR HEART, you don’t need someone to validate you. Another prophet may even speak over you but you need to discern whether that is actually for you.

 

2. Prophetic word- it’s time to trade your garment of mourning for the garment of praise! Don’t pick up old clothes anymore.

To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He might be glorified.

Isaiah 61:3

After I wrote the last post I had several dreams. I had one dream where I held a cute baby and then it turned to a man. However I found out the baby was being operated by a woman.

When I was holding the baby I saw people dancing but I felt comfortable sitting and holding the baby so I did not get up.

In another dream I was going to a thrift shop and I picked up a shirt I donated and asked if I could borrow it and return it.

It’s been a transitional season and I’ve gotten prophetic words from people but sometimes it can differ a little bit from what I’m feeling or hearing. It may bring confusion to my heart but when I really sit down and ask God I sense this.

It’s time to trade your season of mourning to praise.

 

To pick up and get off your feet.

 

To strike the ground and not sit in fear anymore.

 

To work the ground because the harvest is coming.

 

Do not lament anymore, it’s time to be excited for what’s to come.

 

God gave me those dreams after I wrote the previous one. He told me to go back to sleep as there were more dreams.

 

Don’t pick up old mentalities and ideas anymore.

Don’t pick up the past anymore.

 

Move forward.

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Is He My Husband?

Just a random photo of dogs because I love dogs!

You’ve been heart broken, betrayed- I’ll mend your wounds.

I love you as you are, you are enough.

Your heart wants to go back but you know it’s like poison, there’s better.

When you wait for the best you’ll get the best.

You’ve waited a long time, wondering when, when you’ll meet the one, come I am your one.

I am your husband; I am your father; I am your protector. Do you not know I am here for you? Do you know I’ll whisper sweet nothings to you? Do you know you lack no one?

Jesus

Last night I had a dream my brother said I don’t like Korea and I said at least go to the Korean spa!

I was inside a house and I wanted to go out. The house represents my heart, I wanted to open my heart. A few weeks ago I met this man at the Korean spa. We liked each other but then I knew he wasn’t it.

I said that we could not be together.

Then God had me bump into him again. I was so mad. God you are seriously fucking with me (excuse my language).

I saw him with another woman and thought they were together so I hid. I ran. But then minutes later as I was calling my friend to tell her he said hey.

Wtf God???

I kind of made small talk, set boundaries and he ran off. Sort of. When he was walking away God told me to tell him how I felt.

Seriously God!!?

What’s the point. So I let him know I had to talk to him. He later called and I said- “God told me to tell you how I feel”.

And he replied that he had feelings for me too. That maybe we should hang out.

But then my heart felt better. I didn’t need to know what was next or maybe I would never see him again…

I didn’t realize I felt suffocated on the inside, I felt lack. I felt deprived and heart sick.

Even though he isn’t it, I said what I felt and it was liberating.

I am attractive, I am loved, I am beautiful. I felt that again. Because I felt repressed somehow. I wasn’t allowing myself to feel what I felt.

He might not be it and it may not go anywhere but why don’t you be real and honest? 

Prophetic Word for some who have had a desire to have more external stability-

God may be bringing your life into more external stability as He prepares you for marriage because the heart issues are TOO INTENSE of an UPHEAVAL for you to be dealing with moving around.
 
I know that is what He is bringing me into this SEASON.
 
MARRIAGE is around the corner as GOD OPENS YOUR HEART AND BRINGS YOU TO A PLACE OF VULNERABILITY with the people AROUND you.
You will need to BE HONEST AND OPEN WITH THOSE GOD IS having you BUILD with. 

GIVE TO THIS MINISTRY-

Thank you for your contribution. May the Lord bless you abundantly! My vision is to see people be who they truly are, with no shame or guilt, knowing that they are enough in God’s eyes. 

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How To Set Boundaries In Friendships

You have to learn to protect what God has ordained in your life. Not everyone is sent by God and not everyone is supposed to be in your life long term.

I am learning how to set boundaries in my life and writing down what is important to me.

1. I need to honor myself first and foremost. Am I honoring my time, my energy, my being? Am I wasting time on those who simply give me attention, but suck me of my energy? What is the opportunity cost of being friends with this person?

2. Do the friends around me have my best interest in mind? Do they understand my destiny, calling and purpose in life and are they supportive of it? And am I supportive of their dreams? Is the friendship ordained by God?

3. Friends and someone you minister to is different. A friend is on your level. Someone you minister to is someone you help but may not necessarily receive the same level of help.

4. Friendship is a two way street.

One party needs to be open and so does another. It’s an exchange of energy, time, love. If one party has no interest in having an open heart, it’s hard for the other to continue.

5. Vulnerability is most important. It’s important to speak your mind and be honest.

Why do we feed people who don’t feed us back and neglect those who can actually love us.

Many people chase after people who treat them like crap, because they like the attention.

If there is a part of our soul that still desires unhealthy fruit, we will chase after that which is not healthy for us. So God heals the part of us that are broken.

6. Understand and give grace, but remember where you stand.

Some people are for a lifetime but some are for moments. Ask God to show you if that friend is temporary. And some come and go depending on the season, and it’s ok to let go.

7. Recognize codependency– codependency is when there is no boundaries and I often found myself in codependent relationships and God had to show me, it’s okay to pull back and not over give of yourself when that person isn’t reciprocating.

You cannot force someone to give of themselves when it’s not out of desire.

I realize that recently I was becoming codependent with a friend and it was hurting me because I was getting involved unnecessarily in her life and friendships. And it was not my job to help her or fix her friends.

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The Risks of Living In Your Destiny

When you walk in your destiny it means you have to confront your fears, you can’t be at home playing it safe, you’ll face the fear of rejection, judgement, criticism, humiliation, embarrassment. Some people think grace means God will open easy doors with no risks? Think again, you will SLAY every fear FACE ON and you will not be doing it from the safety of the KNOWN, but the RISKS of the UNKNOWN.

AND you will face all kinds of people and all opinions, but you have to STAY STRONG in your belief that you are righteous in Christ Jesus.

Do you think David slayed the giant watching TV at home?
Do you think Joseph became a ruler of Egypt at home? No he got sold into slavery and prison.
Do you think Esther cowered in fear, no she confronted a king as a queen, risking her own life.
Elijah ran for his life from Jezebel, he hid in a cave and got up to confront his problems.

These are real life examples where they actually CONFRONTED real people, and real things. So they could move forward.

The risk of following your dreams.
1. You might feel awkward
2. There might be guilt trips
3. You might feel embarrassed
4. You’re exposed to criticism
5. You might fail forward
6. Others might be jealous

Some examples from my life like last night when I saw Selena Gomez. God does not want a light to be hidden under a table. You shouldn’t feel guilty or ashamed that your light is bright. You shouldn’t dim your light so others can like or love you. God doesn’t want His children to live in fear of rejection or judgment, you’re going to have to confront them!

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I Left Everything To Follow Jesus Part 2

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I don’t want to overwhelm my readers so I don’t tell the truth. But the truth is it’s been very hard. I’ve cried everyday.

Imagine doing good, following Jesus and then being misunderstood. I don’t want to dwell on it, I want to let it go but I can’t seem to. The flashbacks, the people, the words just come at me.

I sold everything to follow Jesus in 2015 and started going where Jesus led me to. I first went to Hawaii for 2 weeks and stayed with a sister there, then I came back and had no place to stay and ended up staying with another sister for 5 months. I started unofficially training people in the prophetic as I stayed with them.

In 2018, after 2 years of resting and preparing spiritually for the journey ahead (which I had no idea would look like this), I left Los Angeles and went to Taiwan. In Taiwan I thought I would stay for a year (to get to know my dad) or so but God said “keep going, now you will gather the lost sheep”. I went to Korea first and found myself waking up at 5 am to pray for backpackers that were checking out. The prophesies came in visions and words. Many were not Christian and were amazed by the words and confirmations.

I met a Muslim girl at a restaurant and I could always sense it, God would tell me “go speak to her”. Sometimes I’d be scared but eventually she crossed over to my table to get napkins. We started talking. As we were hanging out she said she had a stomachache and I asked to pray over it.

“Is it okay for a Muslim to get prayed over by a Christian?” 

I said yes of course. After laying hands on her stomach and praying for her, she noticed the pain went away, it was immediate. This opened the door for me to share my testimony.

One time I needed money to stay at the hostel for the next day and contacted a good friend of mine but she said that she was learning to be financially responsible and couldn’t help. In that moment I felt really abandoned and questioned God’s goodness. I also felt like she was blaming me for “not being financially responsible” when in fact I was simply following God’s instructions and directions. Things like this would happen on the road where I really questioned God’s direction and goodness when I felt misunderstood or rejected. 

I told her that honestly I felt like a martyr sometimes.

I compared myself to her. I said that I felt like a martyr because I was out here with a suitcase not knowing where I was going to stay tomorrow (and not having the finances to stay anywhere yet) while she was married and had just bought a house. I could imagine people back home enjoying their couch and watching netflix while I was in a hostel room with 10 other people. Why did I have to be the one to be out here reaching the lost when others were back home living their comfortable lives? It did not seem fair to me.

Yes, I admit it, I felt like a martyr. But that was also Satan using everything he could to accuse and attack me with the spirit of lack so that I felt I was lacking in some way. 

I woke up this morning thinking of all the negative things that happened and God was like “you need to write it down”. I realize I don’t talk about my experiences enough and I need to…not because I’m reciting “woe is me” stories but because somehow I find my strength in these stories. I’m not just a normal person, I’m a woman who went through hardships to follow Jesus.

Sometimes when I talk to people, I find myself unable and unwilling to talk about my experiences on the road. I feel like it will overwhelm them too much or make them feel bad for me. And I don’t want pity, I want them to know they are enough in Christ Jesus and anything is possible if they’re willing to follow Jesus.

My job is to set people free from fear, from the fear of rejection, lack and judgement, from the fear of the unknown. Because I’ve gone there and back, hell and high waters. 

When I tell them I went to South Africa with $20 in my pocket, their jaws drop. When I tell them I was on the road with my suitcase following God with $5 left and asking strangers for help while prophesying over them, they say “I would never be able to do that”.

I had to confront fear in the face. And sure it was scary. But what people fear I don’t fear much. Why? Because I’ve been through the fire. 

  1. An hour before my flight departure I was going from Bali to Perth, well apparently I didn’t have a visa. I also did not have a working phone so in that moment I had to borrow a French couples’ phone to register for an Australian e-visa. Miraculously the e-visa went through in 10 minutes.
  2. I landed in New Zealand, hoping to safely arrive at my hostel but then they said I booked the wrong dates. It’s 3 am in the morning and I’m walking around the streets with no where to stay. I visit every hotel and they are fully booked due to a festival. I end up praying for drunk teenagers. Finally I visit a hotel where the Nepalese man told me he reads the Bible and a miracle happened….he let me book a room they usually reserve for emergencies. 
  3. One night at a hostel I was hearing my roommates have nightmares. The next day 2 of the bunkmates accepted Jesus into their hearts. This was in Hong Kong. I was really pissed that I didn’t get good sleep but was praying in tongues at night. Who knew that it was because there was spiritual warfare happening because two of the girls would accept Jesus into their hearts. 

More stories to come……..

What you can do for me.

  1. Pray – pray for my heart and pray for my body to be healed of any and all traumas. Pray for the seed of the word of God to be sown deep into fertile hearts.
  2. Give- Give to the continuing work of sharing the gospel with those God calls me to reach. Funds goes towards finances that are needed for transportation, such as uber rides and food, where I usually have divine appointments. God always gives me a divine appointment on an uber ride. It has been very fruitful. Thank you for your partnership-

https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

zelle-rebekkalien@gmail.com

 

How To Overcome The Fear Of People and Lack

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

Here are examples overcoming the fear of people:

  1. You’re getting a massage and the pressure is not enough or it’s too much- you’re afraid to speak up and you don’t. The opposite spirit is to boldly say what you need.

Here are real life examples I’ve gone through-

  • One time I was getting a massage at an airport and the ac was blowing on my head so I was really cold. I asked to move and they said no. I asked several times until they allowed me to move. The whole room was staring at me, I could feel their thoughts. But no, I was not going to back down. The staff was probably talking crap about me, but no I was not comfortable and needed to OVERCOME the spirit of fear in that room.
  • I was in San Francisco and my neighbors were really loud, had the tv blasting so I talked to the receptionist and HE WAS AFRAID to confront the tenants so I went to each door to ask them to be quiet but some of them got really angry and started yelling. The spirit of fear CAME AGAINST ME where I was afraid to KNOCK ON PEOPLE’S DOORS BUT I DID IT because there was no way I could sleep. 
  • I was in New Zealand at a staff dorm room and one guy was really hot, I don’t know why, it was super cold at that time. I kept closing the door and finally he screamed at me and started cussing. I walked out of that room and started crying. God gave me a way out and the next day I left that hostel before my work term was over since I was there to work in trade for accommodation. I told the boss that it was a TOXIC WORK ENVIRONMENT.
  • One time I went to a Thai restaurant and the food was way too sweet. God said “ask to exchange it” so I did. The lady got really mad. Again, it was too sweet the second time so I spoke up. Again she got mad. I was courteous and polite but also firm. I came against that spirit of intimidation by SPEAKING MY MIND in love.

I HAVE THOUSANDS OF STORIES, some WAY MORE INTENSE THAN OTHERS.

What I’ve learned IS THAT I CANNOT BE AFRAID TO SPEAK MY MIND. NOT IN A MEAN WAY BUT IN A WAY THAT SAYS NO, I need to get what I want because WHAT PEOPLE THINK WILL ALWAYS TRY TO COME AGAINST YOU. 

YOU KNOW IT’S FEAR WHEN:

  1. You feel immobilized
  2. You feel suffocated
  3. You feel like you are holding back
  4. You feel like you can’t breathe
  5. You can’t speak

I BREAK OFF THE SPIRIT OF FEAR.

THE ONLY WAY TO BREAK OFF FEAR IS TO DO! DO WHAT GOD TELLS YOU! 

This morning the Lord had me give to someone then ask them to sow whatever amount back, they did. But then I heard God say do it again.

It might seem strange to some people but once I did it, I felt fear and the fear of lack (not being enough and also fear of what people think) BREAK OFF IN THAT INSTANT.

WHAT GOD CALLS YOU TO DO MAY BE STRANGE AND CRAZY BUT WHEN YOU DO IT YOU WILL BE FEARLESS! 

You know what people who MOVE TO THE NEXT LEVEL HAVE – at each level they are called to live in LESS FEAR OF PEOPLE. It’s THE CRAZY ONES that have no fear of men that actually live to their fullest potential.

Today I’m asking you to give to this ministry and be part of a FEARLESS GENERATION THAT WON’T LIVE IN FEAR BUT IN THE BOLDNESS AND FREEDOM OF Jesus Christ!

Thank you for your support and love!

https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

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Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

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