Recently the Lord will tell me to go see people and I will Him say “go see ______” but then that person will say “no maybe another time”. But God knows what His children are going through so when I do talk to them it turns out they’re going through a hard time. I pastor lost sheep too. So my heart can feel what someone is going through, and God will show me. 

I told someone “you don’t have to be alone, you don’t have to struggle alone”.

He said “I’ve got to just go through it alone”.

I started to.cry because that’s how I was. I didn’t know how to ask for help or to be comforted. I would show my best face. The truth is I’ve been going through a lot emotionally. I’m starting to feel my heart in ways I’ve never felt before. I cried 3 times yesterday.

I’ve become more tender. I can feel my heart in a deeper way. I had a dream I was praying over people in tongues. I met one girl who said she also spoke in tongues.

Yesterday the Lord led me to two people on the beach and gave me a word about them. I hugged them and felt my heart hurt. They seemed very lonely. 

Then the Lord told me to go to a bar and I spotted a man and asked if he was Christian. He said yes. I shared my story with him and amazingly he was supportive and understanding of my journey. Sometimes I get questioned and persecuted about the whole follow the Holy Spirit. My heart felt full from being understood and encouraged.

“Oh it’s family”.

I can collectively feel the pain of other lost sheep because I was also hurt and wounded, not just by the church, but by people in general. I was scared of people. I wanted to hide and I did for 2 years in the wilderness.

There is something about finding others like me that makes my heart full.

“Why won’t you let me in?”

It’s a dark place, it’s hard to tell you how I feel, but I want to be heard. 

I don’t want to do this alone. 

Reach out for help. You’re not alone.