I had a dream there were 5 sewing needles in my heart and I was taking them out one by one and throwing them in the trash. They hurt really bad. There were a few girls doing that too.
In the dream I am dancing with gay men.
This happened yesterday.
A lot of Christians tell me what I should do to be fixed. They tell me I need to go to church but I can’t seem to explain to them God leads me to what I need when I need it. Church is organic, not forced. I have close Christian friends but I also am led to people. But why should I explain that to people. Yesterday I realized their questions made me feel lack and unqualified.
I am whole and enough in God’s eyes because of Jesus sacrifice.
People think they are in the clear if they are attending a building. You are not saved by church attendance.
I had been heavily attacked and persecuted by conservative Christians who didn’t understand the Holy Spirit leading me in my life.
People kept saying you need to find family that loves you as you are.
But I was tired of talking, and I was tired of people, and I was tired of religion (people telling me what to do).
I found family not in a building but in people and I have that.
I wanted to be free.
Yesterday the Lord told me to go to pasadena and I had to pee so I went to Starbucks. I met a couple. The wife wasn’t Christian and the husband was.
We talked for over an hour and I felt free. Partly because she wasn’t Christian.
I was relieved, I wasn’t going to have someone judging me.
I was able to love her and I saw her playing piano. She told me she majored in piano.
The husband had tears in his eyes when I told him my story. We all held hands and prayed. I held their baby.
I felt safe with the baby. The baby wasn’t going to attack me with words.
I was so tired of being attacked by other Christians.
I was glad I didn’t need to explain myself. I felt safe with them. The guy said “yes I totally understand, you are a moving church”. People tell you to go to church when deep down they actually don’t feel loved or like family there. Why do people force it? Instead of allowing God to bring the right people into their lives.
That night I met another guy who grew up catholic.
And then I heard go to the abbey.
My heart’s desire. It’s a gay club and I love it there. I am free to dance and be myself. No religious spirit telling me what to do.
I immediately felt a tap on my shoulder. Yes, I went by myself. Two gay men started to dance with me. They didn’t ask me “what church do you go to” like what Christians usually ask and then I have to explain how God leads me…..because going to church becomes a form of works and qualifications, whereas you’re supposed to know you are enough in Christ Jesus.
It’s actually religion. Not relationship. It’s also not a fruit of the spirit. Someone once said “I have the test the spirit by asking you which church sent you”.
You can go to a great mega church but be a satanist.
Anyways We smiled and talked.
Later I was just dancing and enjoying myself.
I met these very buff men who kept dancing in circles. It was funny to watch.
Near the stage I met a man who I knew there was something. We talked. He told me he grew up catholic. We took pictures of each other.
Everyone told me I was beautiful. They didn’t ask me I wasn’t qualified, they affirmed me.
I didn’t have to explain why I didn’t have one church. Again if God has told me to go to a specific church every Sunday I would, but He hasn’t. Probably because He knows people would try to tell me what to do, or they’d control what Holy Spirit is doing through me.
My friend and I once laughed when we said haha imagine telling another Christian God told us to go to the abbey.
I explained my journey with this gay guy from Texas. I said him playing piano and he said “omg it’s my favorite instrument”.
Two guys came out and said “who are you? You’re so beautiful. You okay? We love you”. I said I loved them too and hugged them.
I always felt protected at a gay club. They loved me and didn’t need explanation. I felt safe there. I loved them without explanation.
I dropped my friend off at mickey’s. I wanted to stay but it was getting late. I hugged him and said “I love you”.
I don’t feel safe in most churches, because they don’t love you for who you are. They’re constantly trying to change you. Some especially don’t understand that Jesus is my covering, not man. They try to control me or try to understand how the Holy Spirit works in my life, but instead they try to control me with religion….when I am already whole in Christ Jesus.
But God’s love is redemptive, it doesn’t ask questions to qualify you, it is embracing.
I found love at the abbey. Now I understand why a lot of Christians actually don’t understand God’s love. God’s love doesn’t qualify people through their actions, He loves people unconditionally.
Give and partner with me to bring lost sheep home-