In my twenties I was still caught up with trying to please others. I didn’t know it, but I wanted my mom’s approval. I wanted her to be proud of me. I wanted her to be able to boast about me.
But 9 months into my full time job at the age of 23 I knew my life wouldn’t be like any other.
I guess age doesn’t really matter.
It’s more about knowing who you are in Christ Jesus. I’m glad I started to learn this early in life.
I feel more content, more happy than I’ve ever felt in my life. Sure, the devil still comes to discourage me and tell me “look at you, you’re struggling to pay for a hostel and your friends are married and have a house”.
I actually battled these thoughts last week.
As a shepherd to the lost sheep, a prophet being sent by God, I don’t always have much materially. In those times I start envying those that are at home. I imagine them sitting in front of their tv, munching on snacks.
But I know it’s the devil trying to get me to stop reaching souls.
Then there are times like this, sitting on a bus I booked this morning (a donation just came in) and I didn’t know where I was going until I asked a girl where she was going and she replied picton.
“That’s where you need to go”.
Yesterday without knowing where I was going to stay at night the Lord told me to go into the city.
I knocked on someone’s window and asked for a ride. I prayed for him.
Later, I’m standing on the street and I see Wendy’s. I decide to go in and I start to talk to a young man from Minnesota. I prayed for him and told him testimonies after testimonies.
It turned out he grew up Lutheran but never thought of God in a personal way.
He told me he had stayed at yha hostel and I felt I was supposed to go there. There, I met a writer. I got to pray for her. She told me she left the church 3 years ago. I said, someone hurt you didn’t they?
She said she lost two babies in a miscarriage and then her husband left her. She was writing a book on intercultural relationships and another on happiness.
She encouraged me to write my book.
I told her how I had a dream that I had a pencil in my stomach and someone pulled it out. Maybe it was her who was supposed to pull it out.
On March 9 I had a dream I was pregnant with two babies and the babies were due October 11. I felt this was significant for me but maybe many others out there.
Don’t be afraid to step out and do what God has put in your heart to do.
It’s time to birth what God has given you to birth.
The difference between me in my twenties and thirties is that I’m not afraid of what people think about me anymore.
I don’t need to prove myself.
Sure there are times I get insecure or I have fears but I rebuke them. They’re lies from the devil – they’re not part of me.
I am righteous in Christ Jesus. I am enough in Him. I am not lacking.
I endured living with my mother for two years while she accused me about not having a stable job. At that time the Lord told me not to work and to rest. He was training me and preparing me for this work that I now do. It was not easy and I often felt bad about myself but God would say “you are enough, you are not lacking”.
He was preparing me for the numerous accusations that the enemy would try to bring against me on the road- some from himself, some from non Christians, some from religious spirited Christians, you name it.
I needed to hear God clearly and obey His path no matter what others said.
I’m walking true North, with Jesus. His path is true north. No matter what others say, listen to Him. He will never leave nor forsake you.
When you know who you are in Christ Jesus you won’t be moved by what you think you need to be more, you are enough.
You won’t be moved when someone says “why aren’t you married yet, you’re too picky”.
You won’t be moved when others say “you should or shouldn’t do this”.
You won’t be moved when you see others living their true north.
You’ll be stable, only listening to the One who created you, knowing you are a child of God!
With love, Rebekka
Writing on the bus in New Zealand