Tomorrow I turn 31 (February 11).
I am not home (Los Angeles) but in Perth, Australia. I should be excited to be here, but I’m not. I feel a bit of sadness. This morning I cried. I was thinking about how I didn’t celebrate any birthdays the last few years with friends because I didn’t have the heart to.
But in crying and sharing my disappointment I got to hear a roommate’s story and pray for her. Everyone has a story and a past.
I had a dream I was on a helicopter going through 7 oceans, it was so beautiful. I knew it was heaven and when I woke up my heart was pounding out of my chest.
My heart longs for restoration, beauty. Yet, the last few birthdays were far from beautiful. They were filled with disappointments. And even though I went to Cancun with my mom and there were beautiful moments, they were overshadowed by her nagging about turning 30.
Even after 7 months of ministry, my mom does not understand what I do.
The path of a pioneer is difficult.
This year won’t be the same, I will fulfill my promises- says the Lord.
I will trade your ashes for beauty.
I wish someone understood.
I do says the Lord. I do.
You are not alone, you are not alone.
Sometimes our hearts are so tired we don’t think we can go on, but just as I was writing this another long term backpacker gave me a duck plush toy.
And then just as I was writing this, he got an extra lemonade from the machine and he said who wants it? I said “ME!”
God is funny that way.
Thank you for those who have been ministry partners and have been sending me out in obedience to the Lord. I pray the Lord protect and bless you.
Right now funds are needed to buy a flight to the next city God is directing me to.
Consider sowing into the kingdom and into the hearts of people around the world.
Isaiah 54 New International Version (NIV)
The Future Glory of Zion
54 “Sing, barren woman,
you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband,”
says the Lord.
2 “Enlarge the place of your tent,
stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
strengthen your stakes.
3 For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
your descendants will dispossess nations
and settle in their desolate cities.
4 “Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
5 For your Maker is your husband—
the Lord Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.
6 The Lord will call you back
as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
only to be rejected,” says your God.
7 “For a brief moment I abandoned you,
but with deep compassion I will bring you back.
8 In a surge of anger
I hid my face from you for a moment,
but with everlasting kindness
I will have compassion on you,”
says the Lord your Redeemer.
9 “To me this is like the days of Noah,
when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth.
So now I have sworn not to be angry with you,
never to rebuke you again.
10 Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,”
says the Lord, who has compassion on you.