When Serving Others Become Codependency


This morning I felt God speak so specifically about this subject that I could not wait to run to the library.

Unfortunately the computers are all taken and I’ll be writing this from my phone (believe it or not I haven’t had my own laptop since 2014) and I’m writing just fine.

When SERVING others become codependency.

Growing up with a single mother, I often found my identity and worth in how much value I was bringing to the family and to others. How much was I helping others?

The church I attended also taught this. Serve more and you are a better Christian.

But God is not about striving.

God is.

God does not need to find His worth in how much He has helped you, no He already is. He is love.

So many of us are burdened by responsibilities that are not ours- this is a common tactic of the enemy. He loves to send needy people we can “minister” to. But you know who Jesus ministered to? People who believed that they would be healed by Him.

Not people who said “Jesus heal me” and kept doubting and kept poking Jesus on the arm even after Jesus said “you are healed”.

Most of them said “omg thank you Jesus!” And lived out their belief.

So what are those responsibilities that we carry that aren’t ours?

Peoples’ unbelief.

I am a prophet. I tell you what God has told me about you and your brilliant future.

Okay. Believe.

It is not my job to carry the responsibility of you believing.

If I do, I am acting as you or God.

I can’t believe for you. I can’t take the step of faith, leap for you. I can’t quit your job for you or confront your mother for you. I can’t  break up with your boyfriend for you. I can’t ask your husband to wash the dishes and take on more chores for you.

That is why “serving” can become codependency if we are not careful.

I know society says helping others is a good thing.

But how you help others matter.

Giving money to someone who doesn’t see their worth and rich identity in Christ will always be poor.

Saying to someone “oh woo I feel so bad for you” and complaining with them doesn’t solve the problem. What solves the problem is speaking God’s truth about your identity.

Listening to someone complain doesn’t help them- giving insight in the spirit helps them.

Continually listening and giving insight doesn’t help someone, telling them that God can give them insight directly helps them.

When you stop “needing to be needed” you will stop attracting those who “need to be helped”.

Because when you see your identity in Christ you realize everything you need comes from Jesus. And if Christ is in you, all wisdom comes from within. It’s not outside of you, you have it already.