I’m the kind of person that grew up trying to walk before crawling. True story. My mom told me.
I fell again and again.
Later in life I became very type A. I became very ambitious, I wanted to do a lot in a short time and I did accomplish a lot for awhile. I started a fashion club in high school, took many AP classes and even took a college French class in the summer.
I don’t quite remember this but apparently I cried a lot because of it.
One day I found myself coming home with a banged up eye after body surfing in the ocean.
I tried to hide it but my mom noticed right away.
Rest was never really in my vocabulary until I started to see the consequence of uninhibited ambition.
I had shingles at 14, something you’re supposed to get when you’re over 60.
Not only did I not know how to express my emotions, I was often absorbing the emotions of those around me. If my parents were fighting, I could feel the pain in my body.
I was a child.
God started to teach me when to rest, He knew what I needed when I needed it. Though people around me would forget I was recovering from a breakup, God never did. I was good at faking fine, but in actuality, I was low key depressed and could feel a cloud over my head.
He knew that healing was not overnight.
So He would tell me to rest.
Many times I found myself resting when I really didn’t want to.
In Bali one year I got into a moped accident and instead of eat, pray, love, I was eat, pray, lay down.
I was frustrated, I wanted to be free to do whatever I wanted to but God knew better.
Perhaps I just needed to process and heal.
I often think that when God promotes me or launches me that I will suddenly not need to rest.
I imagine myself just constantly doing something but I am reminded that God is rest…
He doesn’t need to strive, He is continually resting.
Today I went on this water slide and was excited by its speed.
The second time I went on it I seriously wanted to throw up.
This got me thinking….
We may want speed and excitement but maybe what we need is calm and rest.
Though we may want to constantly be exploring the world but maybe it’s our soul God wants us to explore and reset.
Maybe it’s God we are able to find true excitement and exploration in.
Though traveling the world is exciting, I am realizing that God is my excitement.
Though I may eat incredible food or go on water slides, if I don’t listen to my inner knowing- I will be stretching myself too thin.
I can live in true freedom sure but it’s important to listen to our inner wisdom.
The second time on the water slide, my reflex was telling me “girl you’re over doing it, my body can’t take it right now. You had a full cheesy meal with milk tea”.
There were times I really wanted to get my scuba diving license but I would get allergies….God knew I couldn’t handle the physical exertion. And even this time I heard Him say “another time”.
It’s not that God wants to deprive you of things, experiences or people- it’s that He knows us so well that He knows exactly what we need when we need it.
Whether it’s traveling, marriage, career, ministry, friendships, etc…God knows and His timing is perfect. He won’t give you more than you can handle.
You may want more friends but He knows that your heart might not be ready to be vulnerable and you might experience another traumatic experience He wants to protect you from.
You may want to travel more but it’s not travel that you need, maybe it’s just discovering who you are.
I believe that we experience trauma from experiences when we go before God instead of after Him.
When we want to skip the “becoming” for the “doing” we go outside of God’s insurance.
Sure God is still with us and He will protect us but there are consequences to not heeding His voice.
Yes we have the freedom to live however we want, but like a Father He will tell you- “don’t cross the street when there are cars coming by. Wait for the green light”.
When we don’t wait for God’s green light we often get hit by “cars” of life He never intended us to get hit by!
God I choose to wait for Your timing. I will rest when You tell me to because sometimes I’m ignorant of what I really need.
And I’ll run when you tell me to go because you’ve helped me save up my energy for what You intended me to use it for.
I will go with the rhythm of your Spirit.