Stop. All Way. Smell the Roses.

Taking a walk has become my new favorite hobby, it’s so enlightening.

Oh dear, what a week.

 I spent $1 in the last 2 days, pretty impressive.

 One night I really felt like dancing, so I called up a few friends and went out. We found FREE parking in Hollywood, I only spent $1 for tipping the bartender for water. It sounds pretty ridiculous, but this is my life now.

 You start to appreciate the small things though.

 Yesterday I was driving my roommate to the fashion show, we exited the wrong exit and suddenly I turned and saw this sign “Dick Church’s Restaurant”. I froze and started laughing uncontrollably. Lauren started cracking up because she thought it was funny how funny I thought the whole ordeal was. We saw a really cute coffee shop and I pointed it out.

 “If only we had money”- Lauren said.

I nodded.

“Yah I shouldn’t be swiping my credit card”- I said.

We nodded.

And then of course we started laughing.

“Jesus give us free coffee!” I cried out.

 When we got to the venue, the salon girl gave me a shot of expresso in a free coffee. Wow.

And then I got free subways because I was a designer. People think once you’re called “a designer”, you’re probably really loaded. It’s not true.

 I was so blessed yesterday, I even got a free swag bag with a black tank top I really needed. Sometimes I think, why am I still supporting two organizations when I can’t even pay for my own food. I’m not sure, but I’m trusting God to provide for something I can’t see yet.

 I had a dream the other night that I was in China and I had to go home on a train. However, it would cost $140 but I didn’t have the money. I freaked out.

 Another recollection of our life together:

Me driving.

Lauren and I were talking about being completely free from rent, living in a car perhaps.

“It would be so great to be free, to just focus on loving people”- She said.

 “Yah, I thought about buying a Volkswagen bus and road tripping. It’s a great place to sleep” – I said. Plus I can just bring all my musical instruments with me! I can busk and do all sorts of things.

 “Okay, but what about just have physical stability. Where do you poop and kitchen wise?” – I asked.

 “Oh yah, and where do we plug in our laptop?” – She said.

 “Oh yah.”

 “Oh. Nevermind. Haha”- she said.

I suppose it seems a bit pitiful the way we’re living, but I’m starting to appreciate it. It really motivates me to think creatively.

 “What can I sell to make some cash? Or what skills can I offer to make some cash?” I ask…

As long as I don’t have to sell my body, I’m willing to clean toilets and be a maid. I mean, at this point, you can’t really be proud. It’s sad that one time my friend said, “oh I didn’t think you would apply for a café job because you’re too above it”. I don’t ever want to become like that. That’s too pitiful….to become someone who is too proud to do ‘lowly’ things. That’s scary to me.

 You really lose the beauty and simplicities of life. If I sat around and had everything I wanted, I probably wouldn’t think outside the box. I don’t know what’s coming, but it’s been a prolonged journey of working, trying really hard, and well, sometimes finding little results. Yet, I keep persevering, knowing the prize is there…but also smelling the rose every moment, which is more important than attaining the prize. The prize is here.

The prize is having people to support you through it all.


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