love or hate me

We need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts.- charles dickens

Not many will follow in my footsteps. I am brave enough to face truth and stare it in the eyes, even if it is ugly. I will not talk smack, I will not resort to the pitiful back- talking of little men, I will be big and apologize unapologetically, no regrets and no hindrances. I am who I am, love me or hate me. I will answer the call of only One.

It took me a lot of courage to share my heart with my mom. Of course, like in many asian families, we don’t talk much about our feelings. But at this point, knowing that I may not see me mom for awhile, potentially…for however long in like 6 months, I needed to start including her in my life. I’ve been feeling so numb, so numb. Unable to be super happy and unable to be happy sad. Even as I talk about sad things, I’m unable to cry. Where did I pick this up? Where did I pick up the idea that I had to be strong? It is so dangerous because then, we force ourselves to be robots, unfeeling beings. But the tears just came again. I’m learning to cry and not feel ashamed. I want to be proud of my tears. So I am human. I am just another human being. Allow me to fail greatly, I am still a kid. I’m barely 22, but I’ve encountered enough to feel that I’ve grown up way too fast.

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