3 years ago, coming back from Taiwan. The skies are not my limits, the heavens are.
I am so tired, I want to cry. These are the inner cryings of those that look strong. Lord help me. I am so weary even sleep deprives me. I wake up early and just call out. A silent call. God refresh me. Sometimes I doubt where I’m heading. There’s many passions boiling within me, I am planning to move. I don’t know if I’m escaping, but I’m antsy, so antsy. In five years, I might be in grad school or working or vice versa. I might be overseas in Taiwan, I might be translating for a company, I might be writing for magazines, I might be a fashion consultant, I might be musician in an underground network of musicians. I might be living off of freelance money. In 20 years, I can see myself in another country, I am 41, I have a business, I am mother, I am in a band, I speak 3 languages, one that took me 2 years to learn, hopefully. I might have 3 kids, they are trilingual and they have many many opportunities to attend concerts, art shows, and I’ll take them graffiting. Of course, I’ll have a husband too. He is very supportive, understands my work, but is more logical. I don’t think I’m called to be single- Tim Lewis said so.
I am in Japan, I am in Taiwan, I am in Asia, in Europe, I am networking with fellow artists, I am encouraging them and empowering them with the hope in me. But I can see that one part of my life, I can be in Thailand, Vietnam, & India helping to build micro- businesses. I will be a god- mother- like figure for tons of at- risk youth, I will cry and laugh with them. Those are some of my dreams. There will be many times of pain and suffering because love is risky, especially loving those that don’t know they desire to be loved. But it’s all worth it. Doors will open, doors to places and opportunities I never thought existed. I can already sense it- I am not a prophet, but I know and have seen.
I don’t know why I started crying when I wrote about the god- mother- like figure. Maybe that’s why I’ve been so moody lately, too much boiling within. I rarely get the chance to voice them, sometimes I just wish people would ask me simple questions like “How’s work? How’s school? Do you like your classes? What new music have you been listening to?” because I can answer them, I want to, I want to talk….I’m so sick of listening. What about me God?